Friday, Febuary 1, 2008 Don’t Forget to Validate Your Parking You're very fuckin’ welcome. So what are you working on augh Out Loud Cats #3l Adam “Ape Lad” Koford ' INviSi everyth . * On the Origin of Humour: Part 2 By Jeremy Korwek Humor Editor jdkso()y<@psu.edu With the fall of the Roman Empire and humor no longer being forbidden, the "knock-knock" password and fish indicator no longer were used for secretive means, at least by the humorists. The Middle Ages, also called the Dark ages, was a time when people really needed to lighten up. So what if your brother was just beheaded in the town square, laugh a little, you might be next. The Middle Ages and the royal courts that went along with it, allowed for a new type of humor to arise. The court jester was well versed in the fields of politics, romance, music, and many more. All that went out the window as soon as the King needed a good laugh, because as court jester he had to make a complete and utter buffoon out of him self. This self-humiliation allowed him to not only stay alive but gave the world a new type of humor. I can't that. I'm not writing it to sell. BBC NEWS BULITEN ship earring itry into the yesterday. at the port times a month, the reason lead based were con toys. T‘ r Humour is like having sex. You've got to tc The development of gunpowder marked the end of the "Middle Ages" and the rise of the "Upper Ages” were not much seemed to happen. Comedy wise that is. everyone was to stuck up to laugh. So not much really happened until the American colonies decided to revolt. That's when they broke out the good stuff. During the revolutionary period, Americans, then just "colonist pig dogs", used the longest last ing form of comedy/humor we know of. political satire. The drawings used by the leaders of the revolution allowed them to bring in hundreds more supporters, many if not all who were illiterate. Of course you all know what happened next, the superior force of Great Britain’s armies crushed the Americans and America was once again made a British colony. Wait, that’s not how it happened? Oh, the Americans won? So much for no Child Left Behind. Washington insiders report rumors that President Bush’s last act in power will be to put up several states for sale. Allowing China to make the first offer, his reasoning is suspected to balance the budget prior to him leaving. One insider stated that even die president is being hard hit b the US recession. “He’s had to sell off a lot of my, I mem his oil stock in order to keep his ranch.” ouch the right place at the right time Mike Le Ensuring Victory on V-Day Bv Brvce Sayers Romantic Strategist I don't put a lot of stock into holidays that aren't Hallow een. Christmas or mv birthday, especially not all these phony ones they throw us at the begin ning of the year. New Years? Whoopdeedoo. I didn't get invited to any parties. MLK Day? I had a dream, too. I got attacked by a bunch of green spiders. 1 didn't like that dream. Valentine's Day is coming up. and normally that's my day to either get fantastically bitter or resolve to ask someone out only to walk up to them, yelp and run the other way. This year is going to be dif ferent. though. This year I am setting up little goals to achieve with V-day as the deadline. 1 don’t know how many of them will come to fruition, but if 1 can convince myself that at least one of them didn't matter I think I'll have accom plishedsomething. •Start exercising - I made a plan to lose fat about a month ago and saw some success after I cut the second bottle of \odka out of my daily routine, but now I’ve hit a plateau. It's obvious that in order for me to see real results I'll need to start working off my extra calories. So far I have been able to pack up my gym clothes and walk to the Junker Center, only to walk away w hen I realize it's win ter and I forgot to bring a pair of dry shoes. Then I go home to retrieve the shoes, notice the bed is unmade and decide it's more efficient to take a nap then go to all the trouble of remaking it. •Learn the piano -- Someone once said "A man w'ho plays a guitar and you will have sex. A man who plays the piano will get furiously laid." Since that would make a good story for the Valentine's day article I figured I should gel started. So far I can play chopsticks, but I have no idea how to play an ending. I just keep looping. I imagine the say- ing could be revised to "Play the power chords of Iron Man and you will have ridicule, play an infi nite loop of chopsticks and you will get furiously stomped •Become a tarot reader-- People may not believe in fortune-tellers anymore, or if they do they're unreasonably paranoid, but all the same they can't resist getting attention from anonymous strangers. From what I've seen of the people outside Bruno's D IP - Jonathan Kershenbaunf The Behrend Beacon I 5 you don't have to be a spoiled adolescent to enjoy playing cards pretending to be magical. I figured tarot readings would make a good parly liick or conversation starter, so after Xmas I spent my Barnes and Noble gift card on a deck anil a book. So far I've only been confident in doing personal readings, and even them I'm not certain ol what I'm reading. I keep getting cards that indicate social failures and squandering of time and money . I'm not really sure what it's try ing to tell me. •Write a love song - At first I thought this w as too cliche and only had the potential to make me more pathetic, but it's going to be Valentine's day so I might as well get a little sentimental. Writing is my passion as well as a budding interest m music, so I think - no. I feel I have to get my deepest emo tions out of my chest and into a song... then again that could be my cold, hold 0n... So far 1 have a short poem that I think would work just as well if set to music. I'm no composer, so if anyone has a tune looking for some lyrics could you kindly pro gram it into a keyboard and send it my way ? Anyway, here's the words: I cannot begin to describe the emotions I have when I think of vou. Girl you are hot like Pizza Hut. 1 want to order vou with a side of fudne 'cuts Even though those come from Dominos You're the girl that 1 like Happy Valentine's Day! You're the girl that I like Happy Valentine's Day 1 When I am with vou I want to sine this on a mountaintop Then I want to throw you over my shoulder And run into a hiding place Girl you bring out the caveman in me. You're the girl that I like Happy Valentine's Day! You're the girl that 1 like Happy Valentine's Day 1 Rock over London, rock on Chicago. Chocolate hearts, not chalkies Anniversary of the Mooninites One year ago yesterday in 2007. The peo ple of Boston, Mass, fought bravely against a rogue terrorist cell of advertisers armed with lite-brites. These brave souls put their lives on the line to disarm these battery powered menaces that lit up Boston without regard to anyone trying to sleep. When finally caught, the terrorists claimed that the devices were just "electronic adver tisements” for an upcoming movie-film for theatres. They were still arrested and charged a large fine. got Humor? • <? ql JERRY FOUL
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers