I The Behrend Beacon SGA election 2006: Ghosts of Democracy Students who thoulit the !mini)r par A shocked this week to realiic that last "Democrao canceled. - was. in lu 1. true. NI it as a joke, and a coincidence that last yt Presidential race was uncontested. Those were riven a soher treebase hit of reality this year's president was too appointed to ii position. this time by \ irtue o r betu ll the onl one to apply lot a joh that should he cos since it conies with a hen \ tuition reduction Sinceh t..ere was only one ticket to hegin 1.% the first year in the past three that the most 1' date did not drop out of the race just before year's case part -way through voting. All of t i ll the theory I forwarded last Year that time is e When reached for comment, the SGA c o n, pended last year in order to get quorum. said he has not been contact ed about returning. and is happy in his new joh. naming placemats at Ask Jimmy (Yimmy): • ee eeee e • • • • • things • .. • • •••• • • • The Life of a Comic, as told by Herbert Filby 4 i "Art is never finished, only abandoned." s # -Leonardo da Vinci http://HerbertFilby.com Jerry Pohl humor edit() Jimmy says: • ••Remember .. kids, • • don't • sweat 1 the • . petty : things • and • • don't • pet . .* the HUMOR Co\ SGA appointments since 2005 l'cikin Coining out of dual retirements to run will he dancing mascot Deacon the Beacon, and the legendary Ghost of Bruno, still in the Mis-relationship advice and myths unraveled What's up Behrend? I'm Jimmy. Yes it is a soft J, deal with it. The way 1 see it. there are all kinds of ladies out there having trouble with the men in their lives. Seeing as how I've been one since I was born. it is only fitting that some of the wisdom I've acquired be passed on to vou. This week's letters have come from some of Behrend's finest ladies. Their names have been concealed so as not to embarrass them or the sorry excuses for significant others they are dating Q: Why is it that guys feel the need to text message instead of call? Is it because you are used to communicating with a girl via your hands? A: This is an easy one. I personally hate text messages, but some guys are just more comfortable getting their feelings across that way. It equates to less grunting from us and eliminates awkward pauses. Think of it this way, we are taking time and putting thought into what we say to you instead of blurting out a "that's what she said" joke. Q: What should I do if my boyfriend insists that dousing himself in Axe is equivalent to a shower? A: Axe is not equivalent to a shower. Febreeze is. In fact, it counts Mike Sharkey April 5, 2007 the students o as drafted a hif c. The next pre or session 01 illy leaders BllBll=lll a new club d with the int urping SGA 0 verril Government. nt, \vill be hold the month runninv. Rvo Tiovernment. IF. at Behrend. e me out of thi Attn: all returning Fall 2007 students Take me out of this job or just take me out. I'm not saying I'm funny or a cheap date, but either way how can you lose? If you would like to take control of this page or well, you know. Just send me an email. . bar23s@psu.edu Weekly Wise Wor Hey my babies. Let's get a few things down toi this week's Beacon and then everyone can go off on their Easter weekend, or non-Easter regularjoe-schnioe weekend for all the non-Christians in the house. Let's discuss those couples that make out in the crowd at rock concerts. Excuse me. I paid to see the artist on stage, not your tonsil-licking fest. Besides, if I wanted to watch foreplay all night I would have stayed home and watched porn. Ohio State got owned once again this past week by Florida. Maybe one day Ohio State's teams will stop choking in the big games. And maybe one day both states will stop effing up presidential elections By Jimmy all around stud body of a manatee. Deacon garnered much initial support due to his 's with his slogan, "Deacon love you!" ly his life partner Fudgems, the Domino's id his mistress Carol Adamson of Leeds, continue that protection. Sure would be a shame if that lion statue was possessed by a ghost and came to life. Someone could get hurt...l'm just sayin." By Liz Cybulski staff writer towards doing laundry, taking a shower, and a low grade weed killer. Axe is just the icing on the cake for you ladies. If you find the smell repulsive, get us something better. We like presents, too. Pick some thing you like, and regardless of how it smells, if we think it turns you on, we'll use it. Q: What should I do if my boyfriend constantly uses the words `dude." "solid," and "deeecent'?" A: As it turns out, we are in Erie, PA not California. Your boyfriend may have caught what experts call "surferitisosis." If this is the case, you need to take action immediately. Search his room. If you find something called "sex wax," don't get excited it's probably for his long board, and by long board I mean a type of surfboard. Remove any copies of the movie Point Break, any of Bill and Ted's Adventures, or Ninja Turtles. If you do this you should be alright. Q: Is it just a Behrend thing where all the guys on campus feel that they are capable of fixing anything? Or is that just a menacing prob lem pervasive in all of society? A: It is man's nature to create and preserve our property. Being forced into a dorm room limits the male's ability to exercise this urge. Now in most cases ladies, you are more than capable of doing the repair yourself, but it makes us feel important and useful. Bruno has released the following campaign ''You all know the public Ghost of Bruno; lisembodied barking that haunts the Wilson icnic Grove where I am buried, the glowing ecter that presides over the condiment card y namesake café, the shifting eyes of my in Glenhill farmhouse that they won't let But I want to show you the real Bruno; the a manatee body that can lead this campus ran over these hills with Mary Behrend 'ven existed, and I've been here, ever since, protecting you from mountain lions. Vote for the rest of us. All I know is come this football season. I will definitely be giving OSU fans the gator chomp just for giggles. The new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie doesn't impress me at all. Computer tnimation has nothing on life-size nuppets break dancing to Vanilla Ice !hanting "Go Ninja, Go Ninja, Go! - nd of story. Most of all, this weather. I don't Think any men on this campus have met a worse tease than Mother Nature herself. I'd slide a cliché on in here, but talk about being hot one minute cold the next. Just when all the guys thought they were going to ~ et skirts and skimpy shirts, us ladies :e hack into Eskimo-like wear. Wait, I'll rephrase that, all us ladies who have at least some acknowledgement of the word class, are back into Eskimo wear. However, this does not include nights we go out to the bars and parties...duh. What's the difference? many of you undoubtly spent countless hours try o determine the differences in last week's Foxy o Hunt, you probably did not notice that it was, in the first week in April. ith the first week of April comes the holiday of April 's Day. So to all of you Photo Hunt experts... :ha! :fore you start writing complaint letters about being •ked by the humot page, consider this little nugget of =anon. it was the same picture side-by-side, and that is there were no differences, but did you really lose? :tstly just take a look to your left. Was it really time bted or just time very well spent? You got to experi ' double vision with no negative side effects. rou would like to model for an actual Foxy Photo email me at bar23s@psu.edu Friday, April 6, 2007
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