I The Behrend Beacon
How to speak Pittsburghese
The language department at Penn State Behiend olleis courses in
the Spanish, German, and French. The one language that it lack'* is
the most spoken one on campus.
If you are a Behrend student, odds are you came liom. live vv nh. 01
are friends with someone from the great city ot Pittsburgh. The Steel
City has many distinct features, such as sandwiches topped with
coleslaw and French fries, or the meeting of three rivers around the
city.
Now, being from Pittsburgh could mean that >ou actually live at
least an hour and half away in any direction. The one thing that real
ly sets the city apart from anywhere else is its own dialect.
Since our language department does not oiler any onuses on the
subject, this is, in no particular' order, an introduction to know mg and
understanding Pittsburghese.
The word “worsh” comes to mind. While at first it may sound like
a type of soup from the old country, it is actually the Pitisbuigh wool
for “wash.” Before you eat you must worsh your hands hehue going
out, or even worsh a load of laundry.
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Top five of the week...
With Halloween weekend just days away, it is time to make a final decision on a cos-
foe \
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tume. This is why I have come up with
5. That ghost costume that you’ve been wearing since the
sixth grade. It was scary then, but
miy comes down to your thigh.
. A Wino. We know that you have a binge
irinking problem already; you don’t need to
roll around in the trash from
Dobbins as well.
mjr
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3. A giant microwavable burrito. It's scary,
but not in the same way that you should be
ig for.
1. The Grim Steeper. A man in a black cloak making tea
—.won’t send chills down anyone’s spine.
1. Female Costumes that are “Naughty”. I enjoy seeing
these as much as the next guy, but there really needs to be
a limit. I mean, do we really need to see someone dressed
as a“Sexy Lunch Lady?”
By Ben Raymond
humor editor
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By Brad Kovalcik
stall writer
The Top 5 Worst Costume Ideas
Ne\i up is the woid "saminich." This is easily the food known as
i sandwich Apparently the thought of having stmd in ones food was
mappealmg. So the N and I) were replaced by two M’s. Who would-
n't v. mi in eat something that has "minin'' in it? See also “sammige.’
I he phrase redd up" is a fun one to impress people with. It means
t > ei .-an o; straighten things up. How it became "redd up," the world
ua\ nc\ cr know
(lie ol the most common is the question, “djeatyet?” One word.
Inn a lull question. Il someone slings this at you. they just want to
I now if mi have eaten yet. It also implies that they would like you
to come eat with them. .Acceptable responses to this are, “nodju” -
no. did you. or even "nadjyel." - not yet. If you do accept an invita
tion io eat vou could even suggest going "dantan" or downtown.
Bemrmlvt to pronounce these words exactly the way they look. The
iesN D's v oii use and the mote you mix words together, the easier it
w ill he to communicate.
II s■ Hi are in a hurry you could use words such as “comere" (not
Spanish:, "gahed" or "gedhat."
One v oid that is not regionally specific to Pittsburgh, but is widely
used iiieie is "crick." Translated, it means creek. It is a small body of
runimu' water. It is a crucial part to many ecosystems. “Crick” is not
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all pictures by Ben Kaymom
Top of the muffin to you
By Emily Zimmerman
contributing writer
'['here is a raging epidemic on the campus at
Penn State Behrend. Muffins are appearing
everywhere, and I am not talking about the
delightful morning treat. No, I am talking about
the unattractive bulge around the waist, caused by
obsessively tight pants, But that is not the only
fashion mistake many students are making. There
are many others which will be addressed here,
Men and women are finding themselves vic
tims of this un-tasteful way of dressing; however,
women are the most common offenders. The the
ories I have developed include:
- the freshmen 15 (or 50) was too much to han
dle for the small budget of the college student
- complete ignorance of the entire situation
- the lack of a mirror
- fear of a larger size
-the girls simply find ALL curves attractive
No matter which theory fits the individual
offenders, the problem is there are perfectly
attractive females flaunting what they should hide
beneath clothing.
The muffin offenders, for example, are wearing
not only obsessively tight pants; they often wear
shirts that are too small as well. This provides a
view of both the muffin and stretch marks. I am
only asking why these girls subject themselves,
for any reason at all, to accentuating the least
attractive part of their body.
Another muffin mistake made by many fash
ion- pushing-muffin-bearers is the belt over the
shirt. This look is fashionable and cute for those
who have the ability to dress the part. However,
for those who are muffining, and then putting a
belt on over the shirt, it looks like a flood gate
>. **«*_ “V*
The world around you
By Ben Raymond
humor editor
Yoko Ono has filed a lawsuit over the royalty
dues from her late husband John Lennon’s
music. Even years after his death, she’s still
doing her best to annoy everyone.
Apparently Madonna and husband Guy Richie
have been taking adoption advice from Brad Pitt
and Angelina Jolie. Brangelina’s next couple to
give advice t 0... the Osbournes.
Greek Week was this week on campus. Who
knew?
Wednesday night, a new episode of South Park
aired. The story was about a teacher having
physical relations with her student. Niiice!
The United States population reached
300,000,000. And the lines at Disney World got
longer.
Everyone’s favorite celebri-tramp Paris Hilton
is said to have tried to remove herself from the
most recent National Lampoon movie, citing that
she was embarrassed of it. This just in, Hilton
may actually have morals.
In a press conference, boxer Mike Tyson
announced that he would like to fight women in
the future. Finally, spousal abuse will have it’s
a real word. It has been used to describe sore necks. ( i.e. I have a
crick in my neck.)
Rubber bands are known as “gum bands." If it were made of gum
then it would be for chewing. It’s made of rubber and it is a band.
There's no need to reinvent the wheel on this one.
The food, “dippy eggs" may came up. Just leave this one alone.
With all of the rainy weather lately you may hear people saying that
it is “slippy" outside. You may want to try saying slippery. The col
lege to the south of us is not called Slippy Rock.
Don’t forget to drink your “melk." You know the stuff that comes
out of cows’ udders and what cheese is made of.
There are countless other words that the fine people of Pittsburgh
have come up with to describe everyday objects and activities.
Not everyone from the area uses the language, but a good portion
have a few of the words tucked away in their vocabulary. To have
new words like that widely accepted is a great achievement, unlike the
residents of Philadelphia, who often refer to their city as “fluffy” and
when asked about prices respond with phrases like “fie dolla.”
So to all "yinz" who may have been “ignernt” “befur,” “gah aht”
into the world and spread the word about "Pixburg.” Oh yea, Go
Stillers!
holding back tl
pouring fat.
One
the most distui
ing fashion mi
takes that can
made, in n
opinion, is ta,
ing a perfect
good fashion at
putting it on ti
wrong body. It
like a girl wi
hips wearing
skinny jeans, or
one with large breasts wearing an obscenely low
dropping top. It just should not be done.
The next mistake made by many is wearing
ultra low rise pants causing the "coin-slot effect.”
Pants need to cover your booty crack. There are
many other different rises to fit your body type.
Nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to see a lit
tle crack above the jean line every time you sit
down in Bruno’s - it just is not appetizing. A lit
tle hint for you: longer shirts are in style at the
moment, invest in a couple, layer them, and cover
the crack, please.
The last issue I am going to attempt to address
is by quoting my dear friend Nicole Rafle,
"Spandex is a privilege, not a right.” Simply
meaning not everyone is desirable in spandex.
One way to judge this is, if you see your cellulite
dimples, take a moment and allow yourself to
accept that spandex is just not right for you.
Muffins belong in the bakery, coin-slots at the
casinos, and mirrors are needed back in the bed
rooms of the Behrend College students.
Country singer Sara Evans dropped out of the
reality television show, Dancing with the Stars
due to marital problems. On the plus side, she
now has material for her next three albums.
During the Miami football game this past
weekend, a fight erupted among the players, in
which 13 players were suspended. Miami ana
lyst Lamar Thomas was fired for making inap
propriate comments while the scuffle was hap
pening. Thomas is using the Mel Gibson defense
and claims that it was not his fault due to alco
holism.
Katie Holmes... just as crazy as Tom
With the first snowfall of the year last week
end, area businesses have already started prepar
ing for winter. Juliette’s announced they’ve
added heated poles.
And finally, rapper Jay-Z is featured in new
television advertisements for Budweiser. When
asked about the situation, Jay responded by say
ing that he’s got 99 bottles, but Cristal ain’t one
"Think
you've got o better punchlir
Wont to fix a previous piece or o
V*r*m? Then emofl m* at
Friday, October 20, 2006
Hmily Zimmerman/
THE BEHRENI) BEACON
/11 0 ,N ie r
017 t AP,e
Mike Sharke'