Amy Wilczynski , editorial page editor • • The Behrend Beacon necl,l\ by tlic quolowis oof l'o / rit . Ili, ( ,'t News Editors Justin Curry Angela Szesciorka Sports Editors Kevin Fiorenzo Amy Rizzo!! Editorial Page Editor Amy Wilczynski Features Editor Dana Vaccaro THE Cathy L. Roan, Ph.D. Beacon Copy Editors Staff Photographers "Professionalism with a Carolyn M. Tellers Jeff Hankey personality" Kristin Bowers Heather Myers Greek Life Editor Courtney Straub ■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■ Penn State Erie, the Behrend College; First Floor, The J. Elmer Reed Union Building, Station Road, Erie, PA 16563. Contact The Beacon at: Telephone: (814) 898-6488 Fax: (814) 898-6019 ISSN 1071-9288. " • . ... , .., , - .. , .. ~ .r k, 1 r .1 A 4 • ~ • - f „fr/ ~,,"I,A° 4'9 Y i ' Z.•. 4 1 ., .. ~ agAi ' 1. , ' % '!li2t .:---`1" -- Sq . i t ' ' 'l] ~.',:..'1 \u'l WI 0 -41 a \ I • . ‘ ~ \ V , O .A . . Lliti t.)(7 *l , " Z:4 ‘Z... 7 . - . . i p 4 i * l .% V,,; ,; it : . :: , '?.. \' '4'„',,N • ".,,•, 14r4,1 , 1 / .i< , &Elm ..,,,.... _.......1 ,;‘,....,.. ~ ..:„.: ~.„,, ,,i 4o,kt' ..445 ...• ...- - . The dos and don'ts of the potty Let's talk about something that seems to be a very taboo subject, bath room etiquette. This is something I feel most students should be able to speak freely about. Yes, there are many "bathroom humor" jokes out there and once and a while someone might even talk about their experience in the bath room. Whether it is about a toilet clog ging incident or even overhearing a conversation, bathroom experiences are a touch-and-go situation in life. Lately, it seems I have beenhaving more bathroom stories than I know what to do with, yet I have been enter taining my friends left and right. So let me share my stories with you and explain the dos and the don'ts of bath room etiquette. Erika Jarvis First, let us talk toilet paper. Granted, the toilet paper at Behrend isn't the greatest, and sometimes it's even lacking in certain areas- such was my case one day. I ran in to use the bathroom (I won't say where) and carelessly forgot to check if the toilet paper was stocked. Much to my surprise it was not, and I looked a little too late. Thankfully enough for me there was someone else in the bathroom as well. I called out to her and explained my situation: I was in desperate need of T.P. And could she help me out? At first, she didn't answer right away. But when she did I got a very hesitant: Uh... 1 guess? WHAT? You GUESS you could give me some toilet paper when you're done? Is it going to hurt you to pull out some more sheets of paper for me? Okay, who really says stuff like this? Really folks, if someone needs T.P. you should hand them a nice big wad; no one should be left on the pot toilet paperless SEND Letters must be signed and include a telephone number, major, semester standing and full name. Letters more than 350 words may LETTERS be edited. Letters that are libelous or are personal attacks will not be published. Send to: The Behrend Beacon, Reed Union Building Club Mailbox, 5091 Station Rd, Erie, PA 16563. E-mail: behrcoll2@aol.com Editor In Chief Lauren M. Packer Managing Editor Daniel J. Stasiewski Assistant Managing Editor Scott Soltis Calendar Page Editor Rob Frank ' Ft , Supplemental Editor Lauren M. Packer cr A , So finally when the girl handed me my toilet paper I got a wad the size of a 3x5-index card. This had my friends laughing for weeks. Bathroom etiquette lesson No. 1: When called out to give a fellow bath room user toilet paper, supply the per son with lots of T.P. Be polite and cour teous; you never know when you'll be the one calling out for some toilet pa per. My second story had my friends in a fit of laughter for a good half an hour. I was in another undisclosed restroom on this fine campus when I walked into the bathroom to find someone else al- ready in there. I walked by the first stall because the door was closed and I assumed someone was in there and I was going to go straight to the handicapped stall. If you can, try and refrain from using the stall right ntxt to someone when another is open. I walked back to the handicapped stall to find the door wide open and was very Shocked ... some one was in there! Some girl was using the bathroom with the door wide open and she seemed to be ok with that. I was half tempted to shut the door for her but did not want to embarrass her, though I was confused as to why she did not shut/lock the door herself. Maybe she was in a rush, maybe the door started to open when she was mid-bathroom experience, I don't know. Bathroom etiquette lesson No. 2: Make sure your door is securely locked when going to the bathroom. When I tell you my friends laughed for half an hour I'm not kidding. This is an easy tip to remember and it's com mon decency. No one wants to see you squatting over the toilet. This is just as simple as the idea of washing one's hand. Let's work on that one, too. I'd make that a bathroom eti quette tip, but I would hope most people know this one by now. All right, I hope that this has helped you in your bathroom adventures. Just remember to use common sense when going to the bathroom and maybe if you're lucky you will escape bathroom embarrassment. If anything, I hope you have at least got a chuckle out of my bathroom stories. Erika Jarvis's column appears every three weeks. EDITORI Advertising Manager Ryan Russell ASE Editor Daniel J. Stasiewski Enka Jarvis Advisor i 7 t": Friday, February 20, 2004 San Francisco mayor out of his league By Adam Massaro staff writer • , Valentine's Day is over, yet love is still in the air at San Francisco's city hall. Thousands of gay couples have been wed over the last week. This influx in gay marriage (previ ously zero in San Francisco) is in re sponse to Mayor Gavin Newsome's bold decision to legalize gay marriage in San Francisco. The problem here is Newsome has about as much legal ability to make this decision as Ray Charles does at driv ing a motor vehicle. He has no legal backing and is =rely hoping on a long shot that the liberal California judicial system will rule in his favor. Currently, Newsome is in direct vio lation of Proposition 22, which was passed in 2000 by the people of Cali fornia and states, "Only marriage be tween a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California." He is also in violation of California's Penal Code section 115, which forbids anyone from making a false statement. s' ~~:i j``?~ s~',:"` Sy ~'' 6 6, Why the Yankees won't win the World Series Let me start out with a simple fact, taken from the 2003 World Fact Book of the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency. With a payroll of approxi mately $2OO million dollars, the New York Yankees, a baseball team, will be paying out more in salaries to their players than the total gross domestic product of 16 countries around the world. Let me repeat that for those of you who missed it the first time, and I'll make it even simpler for you math en thusiasts out there who like equations so much. 2004 New York Yankees team payroll = The G.D.P. of 16 coun tries. Yes, whole countries, each with well over the maximum 40 people that the Yankees can have on their roster. Countries inhabited by presidents, mayors, policemen, firemen and doc tors. Countries containing roads that lead to capital cities, with cars and bikes on those roads, newspapers to read, television stations and more. These are fully functioning societ ies. The Yankees play a children's game. I just felt like giving everyone another reason to hate the Yankees. Hopefully it worked. Now let me explain how trading for Alex Rodriguez, which gives the Yan kees almost a $lOO million dollar in field, doesn't assure them of another World Series title. Reason one: The Red Sox no longer have Grady Little as manager. If not for his blunder of leaving Pedro in for way too long in the ALCS, this col umn might not even exist. We could be talking about A-Rod's trade to Bos ton. But Grady being what he was (a horrible skipper), he pulled a hack job out of his managerial pocket that fans have compared to the third Matrix movie. They don't want to admit it happened, but it did, so they want to forget about it as soon as possible. Reason two: The Yankees have Enrique Wilson starting at second base. In 2001, the Yankees traded him to the Pirates. Yeah, the Pirates. In the 46 games he played for the Bucs, he hit a r••. .• „ .. . •- • , -.-. 4 :,.• • • i dfiggreeiP disagree? disagreeP disagree? disagree? 1:..„.:.,..6„: ..,-.., write your opinion to The Beacon e-mail The Beacon at behrcoll2@aol.com Viand make sure you include your name, major, and semester standing r_. 1 I_ 1 1 1 I rommul Ironically, for a man who is sworn to uphold the law, he is doing a pretty good job of breaking it. He is send ing a message that if people cannot achieve their desired goals through the democratic process then it is accept able by any other means no matter how barbaric. Sounds archaic, but then again how do you think anarchies develop? His outlandish actions are a step back for the democratic process and should be punished. He should be forced to atone for his actions and suf- fer the repercussions. By not punishing him, the govern ment is sending a message that it is ok to break the law if you do not agree with it and that in reality the law is more like guidelines than an actual code of conduct. Newsome's decision has been very popular with advocates of gay mar riage, but if he thinks this cavalier ap proach will forward the gay rights movement he is dead wrong. In fact his actions are merely a flash burn that Ryan Russell robust .186. In 2002, he was back with the Yankees (permanently this time, it would seem) and 'hit a,rock solid .181 in 60 gimki. Illeyear, in 63 games, his average rose dramati cally to a whopping .230. This is the player starting the 2004 season at sec ond for the Bronx Bombers, and the Pirates didn't even want him. Well, duh. Reason three: The Yankees pitch ing staff is less than stellar when com pared to the Red Sox. Javier Vasquez has been pitching brilliantly for the last five or so years ... in Montreal, where the average attendance to an Expos game was often eclipsed by the number of fans in the bathroom at a Yankees game. Good luck dealing with people who actually give a damn about how you pitch, Javier. Jon Lieber pitched well for one season in Chicago, going 20-6... in 2001. Since then, he's gone on the disabled list and hasn't thrown a pitch in about a year and half. Kevin Brown is 39 and will probably be on the disabled list a lot. Let's just say his body breaks down about as often as the temperature in Erie is less than 30 degrees in Janu ary. Reason four: The Red Sox, on the other hand, have Pedro Martinez, whose pitch counts will be carefully monitored from now on I'm sure, and Curt Schilling, a warrior who agreed to a trade to the Red Sox after talking to fans in an online chat r00m...0n Thanksgiving Day. That's commit ment. There is also Derrick Lowe. The Behrend Beacon won't have any long-term effects. Once the excitement subsides, Newsome will not be regarded as ma jor force in the gay rights movement, but an inconsequential blip on the ra dar. In our democratic society, his re calcitrant behavior is fruitless and meritless. When this whole fiasco is over, the only people who will truly be hurt by his antics are the "newlyweds," whose marriages will be deemed invalid. As this historic event unravels, Newsome and his ill-conceived plan will rank right next to Nathanial Ba con and his infamous failed rebellion in 1676. Newsome's efforts have done noth ing for gay rights, as he failed to go about it in a proper manner. His dubi ous distinction will group him among the many iconoclasts who came before him and failed. In the end. just as it has in the past the law will win. Adam Massaro column appears every three weeks who went 17-7 last year, and is in the last year of his contract. Pedro and Nomar Garciaparra are also in the last year of their contracts. Can you say "incentive"? Reason five: Thanks to Steinbrcnncr, America has its new super-villain to root against, too. Seriously, doesn't trading for A-Rod seemingly just to spite the Red Sox rank him right up there with the greats of our time and the past that we just love to hate? The 1980 Russian hockey team, whoever faced Hulk Hogan at Wrestlemania, Cobra Commander, Ivan Drago, Shred do.r, Team R9cket, Michael Jackson, Ctay Aiken-ad tiMzc Iteinbrenngr. 'tTstc~ws t ter ado of those I just listed have in common? They all lost whatever battles they were in. And when they did, we loved it. Last time I checked, the last three World Series' have been won by the Angels, Diamondbacks and Marlins. Just reminding America, George, just reminding America. And finally, the reason six the A-Rod trade doesn't guarantee the Yankees a ring this year comes from one of my favorite writers, Bill Simmons of espn.com. I credit this reason to him fully, because when I read this reason, it not only summed up my thoughts on the trade perfectly, but proves Adam Carolla's comedic genius as well. Nei ther of them will probably ever read this, but if they do, thanks for the laugh, guys. Simmons' reason: "You can't buy your way to a championship. Many have tried. Few have succeeded. Last time I checked, you still have to play the whole season. In the words of Carolla, 'You can't just go out and buy a championship ring ... well, unless Dwight Gooden runs out of coke. — Bad, I know, but not as bad as the Yankees ever winning another World Series. Welcome back, baseball; it's good to have you back again. Go Pi rates. Ryan Russell's column appears every three weeks. Page 5
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers