Pass the gas, part deux Behrend has managed to survive almost a full semester without an official dean, but this cannot last much longer. In order to prevent an almost guaranteed catastrophe, I hereby proclaim myself Dean. I realize this is a big step for a seventh semester COMBA major, but I think I'll he able to handle it. With my new title conies life in the public eye, so I felt it necessary to discuss something of my past that may come hack • to haunt me. G. Love and Bojangles Ryan Anthony • . Three weeks ago, 1 expressed my opinions on bodily functions in this editorial column. I understand that not everyone agrees with my opinions. hut isn't that the point of an editorial'? In my defense. I would like to quote one of our nation's greatest leaders. "I did not base sexual relations with that woman. - Oops, wrong quote. I meant to say, "I did not inhale Yes, that's right. All of my bodily gas is 100 percent natural. Some people, like those heard and seen on Howard Stern's show inhale air into their bodies in order to produce gas. I just want to clarify that mine is all natural. Now that I have cleared my name, I can begin my opinion for the day. Both my roommate and Illy girlfriend's brother recently got engaged and another friend's sister just got married. This has spurred me to think about the utter inanity of wedding practices. Like most of life, people take engagements and weddings way too seriously. As a guy, it is supposed to be my responsibility to buy an engagement ring. But what does this do for me aside put me out about 50 bucks'? Nothing. I feel like I can do better than a ring. Flow about an engagement car'? Not a new car; that would be extravagant. A nice used ear would make a fine engagement offering and it is something that we could hod) usL. Since we are ready to spend the rest ot our lives together, I'll get her a Toyota. lovotas are known to run forever, so in a was it will symbolize my love for her. Wow, that's deep. For example. a wedding invitation might read the following: ''Mr. and Mrs. Jones would like to personally take this opportunity to present their II)‘ely virgin daughter to he wedded hlah blah blab..." I don't understand wedding ins nations at all. They sound like an oath the President would say before being sworn into office. Again, way too formal. Poor saps who get invited to weddings have to sit there and read I() lines before they figure out who's even getting hitched. Then they have to look at that little blank piece of see-through paper that comes with the invitation and wonder. "What the heck's that for'?" For my wedding I'm going to Giant Eagle and buying a hunch of birthday party invitations that say, "You're invited to a party!" Then I'll just cross out the word "party" and write in "wedding." Birthday cards already have lines on them for date, time, place, and RSVP. What more do you need? On my invitations, I'm thinking of throwing in the line, "Join us for the wedding of Ryan J. Anthony to his first wife...." just for laughs. Something tells me my future wife won't go for that, though. Now, when the real wedding day comes, I won't cut any corners with the ceremony. I'm all for the big or church, preferably somewhere in Europe. Hopefully all the guests will be able to make it there. I do not imagine my future wife will agree to a reception at Chuck E. Cheese, so I'd be willing to compromise at Discovery Zone or Dave and Buster's. Open bar is a given and I reckon decorated party balls will make nice centerpieces on the tables. I don't think there will be a DJ at my wedding, either. Depending on tour schedules, I would either get G Love and Special Sauce or George Clinton and P Funk to be the band. At the end of the night it will be time for my wife and Ito climb up into our Hummer and drive off into the sunset. You can bet that every guest will have a smile on their face when they head home with their party favors and loot bags. Okay, just so everyone knows, I'm not serious about all this. I want to have a pretty "normal wedding" (not any time soon, I'm just a kid for Pete's sake). I just don't understand why it all has to be so formal. My ideas would be pretty fun though, huh? Anthony's column appears every three weeks. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow That's right, kids, it's almost snow time. And I can't wait. Snow is the one thing that can make this city beautiful - it covers up all the ugliness and evens helps to mask the stench that usually permeates the air. Snow signals the start of the holiday season. The earliel, the Alter. t' ;lip(' and moan as much as you most people are in a better, more lighthearted mood when the first buttes flutter to the ground. The earlier the snow, the darter people get in the holiday mentality. True. winters do last an inordinitely lOng time here, but it's not necessarily the snow that makes the winters suck. The cold, driving March and April rains suck way more than snow The tempera tures never reach above freezing for months— that sucks more than snow. l he dirty. poorly placed moguls of snow around campus get to he pretty ugly come March. That's 55 we need intim snow to cover it up! Don't blame the snow for making winters miserable it's the one tlnti that makes them bearable. Some like to complain about driving in snow. You know ' You livc in northwestern Pennsyl vania. If you can't drive in snow yet, cut up the driver's license now And the bus. It's the people who can't drive that are the problem, not the snow. I )ri \ inl iii `lllll\ OWIIIIIIII , , is an adven ture. It separates the men from the boys, so to speak. So let's bring on the snow! Though the weather outside is fightful.. Burn bra, burn Attitude problem Paige Miles Long long ago in a land not so far away, women cooked. Not only did they slave over hot stoves for hours on end preparing the perfect meat-and potatoes meal, they took care of the six children crying at their feet all day long while trying to iron, wash, and scrub. What was a woman to do? Revolt, of course. A few years later, those women's little girls went out and got jobs. They drove cars. And then, they stood in the streets and burned their bras. Years earlier they had achieved the right to vote, and now they wanted it all. These women wanted equality. So, I sit here thirty-some years later, with a job, obtaining an education, with no future plans for breeding, and relying on the good folks at Taco Bell to do my cooking for me. It's time to do something with Erie Hall Whoever said, "it's the inside that counts," is a genius. And even though that genius has prob ably never set foot in Behrend's Erie Hall, his/ her wisdom can certainly be applied in this case. Erie Hall might look like a simple barn from the outside. But the opportunities for the inside are endless. Imagine a wide-open space the size of a gym nasium just asking to be gutted, remodeled and put back to use. That's the state of Erie Hall right now. The new Junker Center (or ARC as I prefer to call it, because some peoples' names aren't meant to be used for buildings) has taken over as Behrend's athletic and recreation facil ity, leaving Erie Hall empty and lonely. Meanwhile, teachers are in trailers without bathrooms, prominent people are speaking in rooms with terrible acoustics, and student or ganizations are sharing space in small offices. I'm not proposing that Behrend can solve all these problems with the simple remodeling of one building, but certainly opportunities present themselves to make a lot of people much hap pier. Start with teachers in trailers. I know the much anticipated REDC building is supposed to alle viate the problem of our professors grading our papers in a trailer park-like setting (not that there's anything wrong with trailer parks), but when exactly is the REDC going to be usable? The Junker Center (ARC) took about one year Friday, November 16, 2001 The Hot Debate of The Week "What do you think about snow?" No, we're not talking abo I If P\ I! rl A. /Ivo caool\ from the .staff will debate a topic that i.s hot. Sludenl 1 , 1 , Idly mid stall arc encouraged to email suggestions fir the hot topic 131.1 t all? I (nil ni the ~Ifeel luirimil! my ever- ,n-expcit,l‘e hia , ,? Nit Am I pluk,titt,!! lui lII\ 11,ttIll to \ ()lc' ) No, I have that III(1 (1)) \Cit . ! \C It. What (10 I h;iv'c to ti ht lilt a II 2.0 \ Car-(111.1 it:111;11C N(tthitig. I m.•e it. I ct Inc ()tiff In\ clNclminei now 13y no means do I helievc that women should reciess to the old ways of being the only ones in the house taking GAR' of Ihe children spite the men work.lO -hour 11( )11r Vs - Cek to earn enough to feed six screaming brats. I hope we never relapse into a situation whew women are not allowed to advance again. Now, women are allowed io he CEOs, lawyers, and doctors. They do not have to take care of the children lull time, or even push aside a career to give birth. Then why does the feminist movement still exist? 'Prue, as I have teamed in my Business Administration class. the glass ceiling does still exist. Women limy receive less than a man for someiohs itt sonic Neanderthal companies. We have yet to see a female president. hut I wouldn't he surprised to see Hillary Clinton on the ballot to 200-1. Problems do exist, such -01 W it ." • ,L et me tell va a woo. • ir y little somethm Jason Snyder ____ it was supposed to. The REDC building was funded less than a year ago, so we can anticipate the construction to he com pleted in another five or six years if we're lucky. So where do we put our respected professors until then? I think it would be a shame to leave them in toiletless trailers while Erie Hall just sits there, barren. Behrend has had some prominent people speak on this campus throughout the years. I can remember when James Carville debated An gela "Bay" Buchanan to an audience straining to make out the words due to the poor acoustics in the Reed Commons (now McGarvey). And while these speakers' echoes radiate through Reed, Erie Hall sits. Currently, the most troubling issue regarding space at Behrend is the lack of room for the constantly growing list of student organizations that are confined to doing their everyday husi- that guy who sang 'lnformer' This may be the easiest thing I have ever had to write for the Beacon! Do we need snow right now? The answer to that: NO! Does anyone else besides me remember the five feet of snow that fell right as everyone was leaving for Thanksgiving break last year? Oh yeah, that storm! The one where it took me five and a half hours to get home instead of two and a half! We do not need another repeat of that that year! Spare us Mother Nature! Also, does anyone else remember that Erie is the city that gets massive amounts of snowfall well into April? And that starting in about a month it is goin , g, to he snowing here non-stop until the month of April? Come on, the need to see a couple Of flakes or two does not outweigh the fact that there are going to be about 5 billion flakes on the ground when we come back for the spring semester! Please don't whine about the fact that you need it to snow to make it "feel like winter or Christmas," or Thanksgiving for that matter, (I've heard them all.) I'll give you the Christmas one, but NOT the winter or Thanksgiving one. When the temperature drops below 30 degrees (as it already has this year,) that is when you are in the fine season called winter. Seriously, the people at Peek 'n Peak don't care if they are making fake snow for you to ski on, they are just happy that the roads are clear enough for you to get there! Please, do not call this white menace upon Erie too early, because I can guarantee that in the end, you, too, will be whining (in late January at the latest) that .you want it to be summer so you can see the ground again. Viva la summer! -1,. Haves ,V1:11 Ide(lV to behrrell12@(101.00,11 ^nr - r~~P tit as rape. unplanned pregnancy. and abuse. and theretOre I do respect modern-day feminists for trying to solve those. However, I don't agree with the advancement of women over men. Essentially, it is all about equality. All we ask for, as humans, is to he treated as the same as our next-door neighbor, regardless of color, race, religion, gender, etc. Bra-burners wanted nothing more then to he equal to their male counter-parts. It seems to me that we, as females, have reached that equality fairly well. And if so, then why do some "feminists" still push? find no point in attempting to make females the dominant race. I don't care if men still are the dominant race. As long as I can still make great money as an executive for a high-power company, I will be happy. At Behrend, as with every college, men and women are in competition with each other, just as women are against women and men are against men. Every single one of us is working our butts oft so in a few years we can have a great job. How many women at Penn State, or any college, claim they don't want to have a job, but would rather be a baby-maker? Not many. If we are at this level ness in their dorm rooms We have diversity-focused organizations coming out the wazoo. We have event-planning groups forming and current organizations grow ing. Organizations try to recruit members, yet when they do, there's no room for them. The Student Activity Fee allocates organizations money for more equipment, but there's no where for it to go. Meanwhile, even with this growth of student involvement on campus, office space remains the same. The Multi-Cultural Suite houses al most a dozen diversity-focused groups in four offices. Commuter Council is asked to repre sent over half the students on campus in a room the size of my closet. The Beacon is respon sible for putting out a weekly newspaper in two small rooms, weaving between file cabinets and staff members, computers and bookcases. while trying to write articles to the repetitive beat of bouncing ping-pong balls radiating from the Backroom. kvt2r 2 r to build than Sooner or later, some people are going to start kicking walls over just to make more room for themselves. Erie Hall presents a perfect opportunity to solve the office space issue. The newly reno vated downstairs is a perfect example. Offices that once occupied entire houses on campus, now have offices in a more accessible place. But fixing the downstairs solves only half of A is for Apathy Send letters, both positive, and negative, to the editor! 1 ( - behrcolinaolacom The Behrend Beacon of intelligence and understanding that women can make it to the top, then why do people try to make women better than men? Hey, guess what women of America—we are no longer a minority or "special interest group." We do not need coalitions to help us progress. And why can't we have "Take Your Son to Work Day?" Girls, we have far exceeded what the bra burners ever imagined possible. Stop whining that we are discriminated against. We have just as much right to submit a resume as the next man does, but have we worked hard enough to make the resume worth something? So women, be proud of your bras and short skirts, but be more proud that you obtained what you have or will have because you deserve it, not because you protested and cried for it. Women bash men just as much, if not more, as men bash women. My solution? Hold your head up high, stop your crying, and get over it. It's the new millennium, for heaven's sake. Miles' column appears every three weeks. the problem. I agree that it's nice to have an extra gym on campus, which is what Erie Hall houses in its upstairs right now. But sometimes, we have to weigh our priorities. The Junker Center provides ample opportunities for students to use the gyms. I would assume that intramurals were taken into account when building the multi-million dollar facility. Therefore, Erie Hall should no longer need to serve recreational requirements. Office space issues are currently being evalu ated by Behrend's Student Government Asso ciation with guidance by administrators. With the space provided right now, only short-term solutions can be reached. But Erie Hall provides an opportunity to look long term. Student organizations aren't going to stop being formed. There are two more orga nizations waiting to have their constitutions ap proved by SGA right now. And as long as stu dent involvement on campus continues to in crease, so should the space in which they have to work. The solution is right under our noses. It's the inner beauty of Erie Hall that can make all the difference. And it didn't take a genius to figure that one out Snyder's column ap -Katie Galley
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers