Laical... Jimmy Z's to be closed down Beginning Friday, Jimmy Z's, better known as "the pub" will be closed down by federal lictour cops and bar agents. The bar has been serving beer to dogs and cats. This has become a problem in downtown Wesleyuille. The road is littered with carcasses and empty cans. The animals, who can not see after drinking alcohol, are being hit and killed. "It is an increasing problem that someone has to do something about," said Wesleyuille's Cheif of Police, "The pub has got to go." Several Behrend students are enraged by the closing of their fauorite "quarters" hang out, "We just want to drink our cheap beer!" State... Tom Ridge sells Erie In an attempt to raise funds for his upcoming presidential campaign, Tom Ridge has posted the city of Erie for sale. "I can't help it, I have nowhere else to turn for money," Ridge said in a private interview Tuesday, "I really want to be the president." National... Wisconsin cheese factory burns The smell of burning limberger cheese filled the air in the small city of Mouse, Winconsin as the largest cheese factory in America burned to the ground. Many Wiscinsonites had to flee their homes to get away from the flock of mice that fled the factory. The Pied Piper was called in by the National Guard Tuesday in an attempt to help contain the mice to one area. The residents of Mouse are still waiting to moue back in to their homes. The mice are adamant that the Pied Piper's music will not lure them in. Secret mice hunters have been called in to assist the National Guard. Dressed in white, gray, and brown fuzzy mouse costumes, the mice hunters have been instructed to do the secret mating dance to attract the mice. As of Tuesday evening, the mice hunters had mated with over 4,880 mice. Squeeek! few showers in the afternoon. High 69° TONIGHT: Overcast, Rainy. Low 48° FRIDAY: Windy, Cooler, Clouds & showers earl . Hi I h 48° SATURDAY: Windy, Cooler, Cloudy, Flurries. Some Lake Effect Snow. High 40° I `i 'arias y o Additional flurries & snow. High 36° L4-*4Yo teach By Ima Nutt Collision Staff In a surprise announcement, Penn State President Graham Spanier announced Tuesday that from now on faculty should actually teach. The news rocked the foundation of the academic community and experts believe it could have national or international repercussions. Students are upset at the news, "Now we actually have to learn; this is not supposed to be the purpose of a college education!", claimed Mary Bailey. She plans to transfer to Pepperdine University and major in Basket-making. Spanier announced the controversial action by the University was primarily aimed at cutting costs. Spanier said, "Too many faculty members are using university equipment and supplies to publish their books and journal articles. If we charge faculty for the use of student facilities we will only have to increase tuition 38% during the 1997-8 academic year. If the University allows faculty unlimited use of school supplies, tuition will be raised 38%." Big Boppers on campus An out of this world experience?: Dean Lilley addresses `The Big Boppers" with their club hello and secret signal. • Fik 'Pk" Lilley, the club's advisor, said that he was, "Very excited about the new club, and I know that it will take me to a higher place." by Jack Mehoff Collision Staff A donation from the estate of the late Mr. Applewhite, has made it possible for Behrend to start a chapter of "The Big Boppers." The club, which will meet every Wednesday at the Astronomy conservatory to admire the Hale- Bopp Comet, will be advised by Dean Lilley. THIS IS THE COLLISION. IT IS A JOKE. IF YOU TAKE IT SERIOUSLY. THAT IS YOUR PROBLEM. Send any and all hate mail to the Dean of Student Affairs office. ATM: Chris Reber SPANK YOUII A committee has been formed to study and make recommendations to Spanier regarding the payment fees which will be collected from faculty members. It is not known at this time whether or not part-time faculty and those on tenure track will pay the same fee as tenured faculty or if the fee will be based on a sliding scale which changes as a result of a change in status for the faculty member. The current scale includes Top Dogs, Indentured Servants, and Slaves. A spokesperson for Professional Organization of Organizers of Professors Occasional Offerings (PooPoo) stated that his organization will fight any change which tampers with the traditional scale. C. I. Pei, a member of Let's Return the Teach to Teacher, claims that since part-time faculty have no rights, they thould be charged at a lower rate. The outcome of this battle should have far reaching effects for the University, reflecting its ability to collect money to subsidize the University's sports program. Immediatley after the announcement, a group of faculty members led by Carlot Valet, When asked about his comments are just a few of the scheduled In order to raise funds for the on the new organization, Lilley stops. A reliable source, also trip, the Astronomy Club will be uttered only two words, "Nanu stated that a visit from Alf is selling T-shirts. You can choose Nanu." suspected, ... The main reason for the club "This trip should be a real from either "Hale Bopp or Bust," being "Absolute Bopp." The T-shirts being formed is to prepare for this uplifting experience," said Ilene will cost $8.75, in quarters only month's big trip, also known as Dover, the club's new president. please. "The Journey." "The Big Passports are not needed, but If you are interested in Boppers" will be traveling to a Penn State ID's are required. If becoming a "Big Bopper" please land far, far away. Visits to the you are worried about not having call Elanor Vulcan at Milkey Way, The Rings of Saturn, money, don't worry, meal points 1-800-G c _B cpp. and a slide down the Big Dipper can be used. TAKE NOTICE!!! EXCELLENT OPPORTUNITY FOR LANDING AN INTERNSHIP OR SUMMER JOB!! ARE YOU STILL LOOKING FOR AN INTERNSHIP OR SUMMER JOB? DON'T MISS THE PA CAREER DAY AT THE BRYCE JORDAN CENTER INTERNSHIPS ARE AVAILABLE FOR MGMT, MKTG, BUSADMIN, HEALTH COMM, ACCT, MIS, ENGINEERING. COMPSCI, ENVIRON. STUDIES. NURSING, COMMUNICATIONS/JOURNALISM, EDUCATION, POLISCHI, PR, ECON, CRIMINAL JUSTICE. PSYCHOLOGY. LIBERAL ARTS. ME. ETC. GET THE PICTURE? THERE IS SOMETHING FOR ALMOST EVERY MAJOR. A LISTING OF COMPANIES THAT WILL BE ATTENDING. AS WELL AS THE MAJORS THEY ARE LOOKING FOR. IS AVAILABLE IN THE CDC OFFICE. STOP IN AND TAKE A LOOK. THIS IS AN EXCELLENT OPPORTUNITY. ESPECIALLY FOR PEOPLE LOOKING OUTSIDE OF ERIE. s. . teach! it*** protested the change in policy. Mr. Valet said that Spanier had already violated the policy by using University facilities to make his announcement, and laid charges of elitism on the right wing conservative members of the staff.. Other faculty members carried signs which protested the policy reading "I love my Computer". Provost John Lilley, in an announcement released from the bathroom of the Glenhill Farmhouse where he was suprvising the wallpapering of the Executive Washroom with Student's twenty dollar bills, stated he had prior knowledge of the announcement. "Dr. Reber, Mr. Rizzo, this week's current SGA President, and Weasel Steve have already formed a committee with the two student commuters who show up to class only once this semester and they have implemented a program which we think is fair for all concerned." Plans are in the works to charge $ 1.00 . for a paperclip, and up to $ 5.00 a page for photocopies. Dr. Roberta Salper fears for the health of the faculty in her department. "The Humanities and ON THURSDAY, APRIL 1 o FROM ioA.M. TO 4 P.M. Social Science Department is very fond of our photocopier. Plans are currently being formed in the Psychology Department to study this phenomena. Faculty members have been known to cry when their access to the 'department photocopier is denied." Little G. Little has received a grant from Manic-Depressives of America Foundation to study the effects of photocopier addiction and the methods used for successful recovery. "This phenomena seems to be most prevelent in the History Department," stated Salper. Faculty members wil probably have a short though difficult period of adjustment as they get accustomed to the idea of teaching rather than publishing. One faculty member who spoke to this reporter said that he would see his wife for the first time since 1981. "I know her handwriting, but I've forgotten what she looks like; I hope those kids living at my house really belong to me and that I'm not living at the wrong house. It will be nice to actually have a home life now."
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers