Thursday, November 10,1994 Defi by John Rostomando CoßtgimStiff What is conservatism? Who ms these people, this evil diabolical menace to our hedonistic, self-fearing culture? What feisty stand fix? Conservatism is the belief that daae am certain time honored beliefs and practices that are necessaty for the maintenance of an orderly society. Conservatives tend to be skeptical of the ability of human society to improve itself culturally by giving each member of the society the ability to decide her/his own morality. Conmrwdtoa fa the rational and logical preservation of atl Idiii mat can he observed to ham a positive or negative value to this belief is the notion that there exists an anderiyiag divinely instituted natural law that all tilings are bound to including humanity. Therefore, arguments feat are rooted in irrational subjectivity are considered invalid by conservatives because they are in essence a distortion of truth or reality. Modem <sifoefvatiffo*cart he dimply traced to the reactionof Dave's a poet, by Dave Barry Sjmtkatott Cotmmut Recently I got a very nice computer generated letter from an outfit call The National Library of Poetry. "Dear Dave,” the letter begins. "Over the past year or so we have been reviewing the thousands of poems submitted to us, as well as examining the poetic accomplishments of people whose poetry has been featured in various anthologies released by other poetry publishers. After an exhaustive examination of this poetic artistry. The National Library of Poetry has decided to publish a collection rtf new poems written the THE BEST POETS we have encountered. "I am pleased to tell you, Dave, that you have been selected to appear in this special edition: Best Poems of 1995 ... The poem which you will submit for this edition has been accepted for publication sight unseen on the basis of your previous poetic accomplishments." You talk about feeling honored. It's not every day that a person who does not, technically, write poetry is selected as one of die lop poets for a year that has not, technically, occurred yet ng conservatism Edmound Burke to fee radicalism of the French Revolution. Burke was one of the first people to propose die idea tint government shopM he restrained to its “sphere of influence,” ix. defense, infrastructure, internal security. Urn government must he wnwtniiiiff) front acting fa every sequent erf society in order to prevent the establishment erf political, economic and social tyranny. Conservatives believe tint individuals am better suited to deal with their own situations than the government. The Marxist-Socialist nation tint everyone mast be equal and the government must intervene to prevent inequality between rich and poor is rejected outright tty conservatives. Redistribution of wealth only miserable. Conservatism is about individuals setting out and taking charge of their own lives and not depending upon the government to provide their dignity. Individuals must con trol their own destinies because if they do not the result is die loss of freedom. Economic freedom is the central and most important Oh, I know what some of you are thinking. You’re thinking, "Dave, you wienerhead, they don't really think you're a leading poet. They got your name from some mailing list, and they'll publish any drivel you send in, because what they REALLY want to do is throw a book together and then sell it to a bunch of pathetic loser wannabe 'poets' for some absurdly inflated price like $50." Well that just shows how much YOU know. Because it turns out that Best Poems of 1995 is now available at a special pre-published discount price of just $49.95. But listen to what you get: You get "a superb collection of over 3,000 poems on every topic," as well as "an heirloom quality publication" with "imported French maritieized covers." I called the number listed on The National Library of Poetry letterhead; a pleasant-sounding woman answered, and I asked her which specific poetic accomplishments of mine the judges had reviewed before selecting me as one of the Best Poets. "Um," she said, "we don't have that available right now. All that information is closed in a backup file system." I frankly have had very poetic freedom because without economic freedom we are powerless to control our own destinies. Capitalism is the means for individuals to raise foeir standard of living. Liberals think tint it you redistribute money to the poor they will be able to improve their lifestyle. When was the last time someone mi public assistance improved thdur way of life? Capitalism offers individuals the opportunity to raise their standard of living. Socialism exploits everyone and exalts mediocrity and everyone is miserable. To the conservative, principles are more iiqgipffeiit than how people fed; or even how they accomplishments. 1 once thought about writing poems for a line of thoughtful greeting cards but I finished only one, which went: "Thinking of you "At this special time "And hoping your organ "Removal went fine." Of course I have to produce an entirely new poem for Best Poems of 1995. I asked die woman at The National Library of Poetry if there were any special literary criteria involved; die said the only one was that the poem had to be, quote, "20 themselves feel. Principles such as loyalty, honesty, integrity, reverence and personal honor are more important than what is popular to the media or what is the latest fed. Most conservatives are people of integrity because they will not compromise their principles over a popular whim. To be a conservative is to be a realist because unless a situation is dealt with in a workable pragmatic way there cannot be a solution. Many liberals like our beloved President Clinton have this fuzzy-wuzzy idealistic nation of what ought to be; not what is. To lode at a situation through your irrational emotions is like “You can’t tell me what I can or cannot do” looking at the world through a tense; it distorts your view of the world. The only way to view foe world socially and politically is through what is dictated by what is logical and lines or less." I was happy to hear that. If there's one thing I hate, it's a long poem. And if there's another thing I hate, it's a poem wherein the poet refuses to tell you what the hell he's talking about For example, when I was an English major in college, we spent weeks trying to get a handle on an extremely dense poem called "The Waste Land" by T.S. Eliot, only to conclude, after endless droning hours of classroom discussion, that the poem was expressing angst about the modem era. I felt like cdling Eliot up and saying, "Listen, T.S., the next time you want to express angst, just EXPRESS it OK? Just say "Yo! I'm feeling some angst over here!’" I believe that if some of your former big-name poets such as Homer and Milton (neither of whom, to my knowledge, was invited to be in Best Poems of 1995) had observed The National Library of Poetry's 20- line limit their careers would be in a lot better shape today. Anyway, I wrote a poem for Best Poems of 1995. I call it simply, "Love." Here it is: "O love is a feeling that makes a person strive "To crank out one of the Best Poems of 1995; rational because only then can you see what redly is out there and not what you think is out there. For a liberal to say, “You can’t tell me what I can or cannot do,” is nothing but a lot of self-centered BS fa the eyes of a conservative mind set We are all part of one another and whatever we do either directly or indirectly affects everyone around us. No person has the right to do something just because they want to do something because what we do will affect others. If we lower our standards all of os will suffer. We are only as strong as out weakest link. Conservatism is about excellence and high ethical mid moral standards unlike liberalism which tends to lower standards mid accept mediocrity. This is unacceptable. By no means can we expect a more civil society without high moral, ethical and sexual standard. Ethics are foe care of any society and without them there can only be one result: foe collapse of a society. This is why I can never be a feel-good liberal. There is no prize for second best You must be the best. too! "Love is what made Lassie the farm dog run back to the farmhouse to alert little Timmy's farm family whenever little Timmy fell into a dangerous form pit; "Love is a feeling that will not go away, like a fungus in your armpit; "So the bottom line is that there will always be lovers "Wishing to express their love in an heirloom quality book with imported French marUeized covers; "Which, at $49.95 a pop multiplied by 3,000 poets "Works out to gross literary revenues of roughly $150,000, so it's "A good bet that whoever thought up the idea of publishing this book "Doesn't care whether this last line rhymes." I sent this poem in to the folks at The National Library of Poetry. If you think that you, too, have what it takes to be one of the Best Poets of 1995, you might want to send them a poem of your own; their address in Box 704, Owings Mills, Md. 21117. Tell them Dave sent you. And T.S., if you send something in, for God's sake keep it simple. Page 5
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