Thursday, April 14,1994 by John Rossomondo CotogimSktf Liberals have to be the world’s most tolerant and open-minded people. lam dismayed by how tolerant and open-minded they are. Only liberal thought is good enough to be politically correct Their ideas are so open minded that you must agree with them, and if you do not it just shows your closed-mindedness. You have to take mention of how tolerant they are; it is unequalled by anyone else in the world. Only liberals are wise enough to be so open-minded and tolerant An excellent example of liberal open-mindedness and tolerance is evidenced by an April 1992 incident which occurred on main campus. Mike DeTomas, publisher of the conservative campus newspaper, The Lionhearted, published a satirical article critical of the Radical Feminist agenda. As a result, open-minded and tolerant members of the Radical Feminist organization, Womyn's Issues, stole all 14,000 copies of The How beer invented the lightbulb by Dave Berry Sytviicaltd Coiwmust Today we have a heartwarming human-interest story about some guys fat Texas who are fulfilling a dream -- a dream that all of us have dreamt, but, for one reason or another, have had to abandon. That’s right: These guys are building a device that will be capable of hurling a Buick 200 yards. Needless to say, the origin of , this idea involved beer. A lot of great ideas originated this way. Take the electric light. One night in 1879 at a bar in a little town called Menlo Park, NJ, some men were drinking beer, when suddenly one of them announced that he was going to invent the electric light The others laughed, but that man got up, put on his coat and hat, and accidentally walked into the fireplace, thereby setting his coat on fire. This gave Thomas Edison, who was at the other table drinking coffee, the idea of using carbonized cotton as the filament in his light bulb. So we see that beer, if used correctly, can be a tremendous force for good, which brings us back to the Buick-hurling device, which I found out about thanks to a Fort Worth Star-Telegram article written by Paul Bourgeois and sent in by alert reader Robert Grimm. The beer consumers in this case woe Richard Clifford, an engineer and artist, and John Closed-minded liberals ? Lionhearted and burned them. Immediately following this, DeTbomas began receiving death threats because of his opposition to the Radical Feminist position. It is definitely because of those feminists' open mindedness and tolerance that all of the copies of The Lionhearted were stolen and burned, and its publisher was threatened with death. The women were caught and arrested. A more local example of Liberal open-mindedness and tolerance occurred not too long ago here at Behrend. I posted signs for a meeting of my organization, The Behrend College Conservative Alliance, all over campus. As soon as I posted them, they were torn down by various unknown tolerant and open-minded liberals who most likely felt that they were saving Behrend from evil closed-minded bigoted Conservatives. They obviously know what is best for Behrend because Conservatives are hate mangers and must be stopped. I guess that in order to be open minded and tolerant like liberals, you need to tear down signs of Quincy, a dentist One day they were snorking brewslds, and, as guys often do when they’re getting in touch with their feelings, they got to talking about medieval war weapons. As you recall from dozing off face-down on your history textbook, medieval cities were surrounded by high stone walls with massive iron gates that would not open unless you punched in the secret digital Roman-numeral passcode. Thus the only way an invading army could get inside was to knock holes in the wall by hurling large objects at it Originally catapults were used for this, but they were eventually replaced by a more powerful device - the atomic bomb of the medieval era - called a “trebuchet.” It’s basically a long arm with a big weight attached to one end; the weight is raised, then dropped, which whips up the other end of the arm, causing it to fling the projectile. According to an article in the January issue of Mechanical Engineering Magazine (alertly sent in by reader Bob Goetze), some trebuchets could throw 300- pound boulders as far as 300 yards. They were also used to throw DEAD HORSES. I am not making this up. The idea was to sinead disease. This would be a real morale-breaker HUSBAND: Hi honey! I'm home from my medieval job in the field of crossbow sales! What’s for dinner? (sfifflM the opposition because they are threats to democracy. The Behread College Conservative Alliance definitely is a threat to democracy because we want to provide an alternative to liberal thought A wonderful example of Liberal tolerance and open mindedness ' IPPT' Michael Fumento’s bock. "The Myth of Heterosexual AIDS.” His book documents the myths and falsehoods surrounding AIDS which have been created by AIDS activists, the government and radical WIFE: Your favorite! A nice big muttoo... (A DEAD HORSE COMES CRASHING THROUGH THE CEILING. SPEWING MAGGOTS EVERYWHERE.) HUSBAND: Actually I’m not hungry. WIFE: I cannot WAIT for the Renaissance. Yes, the trebuchet was an awesome weapon, and the more Kicnard Clifford and John Quincy thought about it, while drinking beer, the mote they realized that they had to build one. And so they did. They used it to hurl a brick. It was not a major success. “We never knew which way the brick was gonna go,” Quincy told me, in a phone interview. At this point, most guys would have quit. But Clifford and Quincy are not “moat guys’*; homosexuals. As a result, ACT-UP lead a terrorist campaign to smear his book and keep it off bookstore shelves. He (Fumento) received obscene bomoerotic phone calls in the middle of the night Open minded and tolerant liberals threatened bookstores that sold his book with violence unless they stopped selling it. Open-minded and extremely tolerant liberal professors across the country have made it almost a rule that you either agree with their opinions or you don’t pass their course. Such is what happened to a friend of mine. She wrote a paper on abortion which the professor disagreed with and as a result die failed the paper. The paper, on account of its merits, probably would have received a "B" or better. However, since she was not an open-minded liberal, she failed. Only a liberal would be arrogant enough to believe that the only way to think his/her way and their way is right. All other viewpoints are dangerous. What is dangerous is when a group holds a monopoly cm thought and power, and all other they are an artist-engineer and a dentist. And so they did some serious trebuchet research. They read books on military history. Then they went to England to consult with die world’s leading trebuchet expert, a historian named Hew Kennedy. Kennedy is generally considered to be “eccentric” in the same sense that the sun is generally considered to be “warm.” He has built a large working trebuchet at his home in Shropshire, and he regularly invites his neighbors over to watch him hurl stuff across the fields. According to Mechanical Engineering, he has hurled small cars, dead pigs and grand pianos. He buried a {nano for Clifford and Quincy. “It went almost 200 yards," Quincy told me, with awe in his voice. Clifford and Quincy returned home inspired. They printed up some official stationery (It says PROJECTILE THROWING ENGINES, Texas Division: “Hurling Into the 21st Century”). They hooked up with a welder, Don Capers, and together they developed and built an improved trebuchet, for test purposes. They’ve been using it to hurl bowling balls. “We’re throwing bowling balls now somewhere between 400 and 500 feet,” Quincy said. But that is small potatoes. What they (dan to do is build get ready- THE BIGGEST TREBUCHET IN THE groups live in fear of repression. Confuscious once said, “When words lose their meaning, men lose their freedom." We must do everything we can-to guarantee free and open discussion without fear of repression.^Liberalism is not necessarily open-minded and Conservatism is not always close-minded. It is those who fear losing power to die truth who will silent dissent. Political correctness is something straight out of the Marxist playbook. Isolate die opposition, then destroy it PC equals thought control. Think for yourself, or do you still know how? PC must be abolished or else all liberties will be taken away one by one. Leftist fascism will prevail and all of our basic rights will wither away and we will be little better than slaves to the liberal elitists. Stand up and fight for the Abolition of pbliticai correctness. Your freedom may just bet oa it. Political correctness is die first step toward establishing tymny. HISTORY OF THE WORLD. The one that will hurl the Buick. Here is how serious they are: When I spoke with Quincy, he had just purchased 80 acres of land adjacent to his property JUST SO THE BUICK WILL HAVE SOME PLACE TO LAND. “Wherever it lands,” said Quincy, “it’s going to stay there.” Quincy said they’ll use The Big One to raise money for charity by holding several major huriings per year. And we’re not talking just Buicks. Quincy sent me a ballistics chart lisdng detailed technical data on the hurling characteristics of - among other items- a toilet, a case of Spam, a recliner, an Airstream trailer, a cow, and a mime (“silent, night hurling,” notes the chart). I don’t know about you, but, as a journalist and as an American, I am REALLY excited about this. I’m going to keep you readers informed. I’m going to sdck to this story the way Connie Chung stuck to Tonya Harding. And, yes, I intend to be there when the Buick goes up. When it does, I know that I’m going to have a very special feeling inside me. It will go away when I burp. PaQt 0
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers