Thursday, January 27, 1994 8:::„e'..!!:,.: 13 ' . g - ' . .,..:: ~,..: 0 .,..„: . :.: _ ......,..,.0 h r by J ado What does yit mean to be a Christian? This qtiestion haw plagued men and women few centuries. Some will say that If you go to church on Sunday that they are Christians. Attending worship on the Sabbath is an important part of being Christian, but attending church as Sunday does not mac one a Christian. The central tenet to being a no hestialitY, no incest. etc. Do Christian is retuning your not steal. In the eyes of God personal desires for Christ's taking a pencil is the same as glory. As a Chi the Unit stealing a elm Do not lie. Do are had and the last me first. not desire what is not yours. This means that a Christian Obey these commandments as must be selfless and place the well as all others. Show your needs of others before your own. love for commandments as well For most people pleasures of the as all others. This snows your flesh and of being intoxicated are love for God, and if you deny all there is and anyone who this you will never see speaks against this is a fool. salvation, There is a fulfilling pleasure As human beings we are which can even out last death lxxmd by our sins, but through and that is to lay down Your life faith in Jesus' crucifixim and for Christ. resurrection we can over come I have no need for alcohol, our sins. It is faith alone which drugs, or sex to fill my life ran bridge the pp between what beating a Christiana cannot serve is seen and whit is unseen. two masters. The pleasant I get No human rationality, or from serving antita beffond atheistic bind* to *mop be tha pleasure ofvliot*drunk by Dave Barry Syndicated Cedninnist It is the time of the year when we put the holiday season behind us; a time when we suck in our stomachs, leave the cozy confines of our homes, go back out into the working world, purchase some beer, return to our homes, lie down in front of our TVs and let our stomachs protrude back out. It's time for the pro football playoffs. I love to watch football on TV, and I will tell you exactly why: I have no idea. Perhaps the appeal of this violent game stems from some basic biological urge that guys have, dating back millions of years to when primitive spear-carrying men would go into the forest.to hunt game for their families, and their very survival depended on their ability to operate a remote control. Whatever the attraction is, a lot of women seem to be immune to it. I have seen women walk right past a TV set with a football game on -- and this always amazes me -- not stop to watch, even if the TV is showing replays of what we call a "good hit," which is a tackle that causes at least one major internal organ to actually fly out_ of a player's body. The average Moly people think that 'God loves me and he does notpuie what t do/ Yes, God loia *Ai uncondtkuudly but he datum* that you love him with all your heart, all your strength, and all of your soul. How do you love God? If you love God you will obey his commandments --not suggestions. You shall have no other god, no sex outside of marriage, no homosexual sex, Football guy cannot ignore something of this importance. He is going to stop and watch, even if he is supposed to be doing something else, such as reporting that his house is on fire. The average guy might not be able to name the secretary of state, but he can tell you who made the hit that turned Joe Theisman into a human Gumby - an injury so horrible to watch that the TV people basically canceled the rest of the season so they could show close-up replays of it in slow motion. (Just for the record: The player that made 'this hit is Lawrence Taylor. The secretary of state is a dweeb.) Every Thanksgiving, my family attends a gathering at the home of our friends Gene Weingarten and Arlene Reidy. The women all gather in one room and talk about careers, relationships, world events, etc., while the guys, most of whom see each other only once a year, all gather in front of the TV and stare, cowlike, at the football game. We even watch the pickup-truck commercials, despite the fact that most of us are journalists who rarely haul any payload larger than, say, a bagel. We do not talk, except to analyze the fine points of the game. FIRST GUY: Whoa! Look PJ'N~I;O`NS' which -nobs them no Kent dam Welsh, can eallnPnbend the mystery of rGod almighty. nig *defy is he even the comPrelleaskin, PSI* " we faithhtittgli close to The Bible i dieeternal word of God. - Mimi& it was -Ph* Some say the Bible is mere folktales and wishful amnia& and still others say that it is outdated. The Bible is the word of Gxl. The Bilkineenites die deed and miens_ .4 at .dee led at that! What IS that? SECOND GUY: that's his spleen. THIRD GUY: No, a spleen that travels that far is going to rupture. That has to be a kidney. I don't want you to think that all we guys do at this gathering. is watch football. We also PLAY football, in the beck yard. It's a demanding game. For one consumed his weight in onion dip. For another thing, the Weingarten-Reidy yard is not a regulation football field: It is a small hillside covered with thousands of regulation dog doors, provided courtesy of two, large, high-output, retriever-style dogs, Harry Truman and Clementine, who add to the therefore as God is eternal so is the Bible and its words. The wadi of`those who hate Christ and ha disciples are lies and come and go We the wind. The Bible has always been and always, will be. Again I ask what does it mean to be a Christian? Salvation in Christ does not come from material outward signs of devotion, but from the deeds of love and selflessness. The Lord said forgive them as I have forgiven you. Jesus forgave those who tortured and killed him. Just as Jesus forgave so must Christians forgive their brothers and sisters when they hurt them. A Christian must not conform to the ways of the world and must constantly struggle with the world. Being a Christian also means to welcome acorn of those who deny Christ with open arm It is better to be an oppressed outcast living for Christ than to die for nothing. To be a Christian requires strength. patience. love, self cantrol, and the willingness to give up every aspect of your being to Christ. Many will be itOlomed ssid discouraged, but iitiliovibmitaft *owe will fever complexity of the game by racing around in frantic circles at high speeds, like subatomic particles in the Superconducting Super Collider, but not as intelligent. We play Standard Back-Yard Touch Football Rules, which require that, on each down, the offensive players must spend a minimum of five minutes in the huddle, devising a pass play more complex than the Clinton health plan, calling for curls, hooks, slants, feints, cutbacks, laterals, running all the way around the house, diving into the hammock, giving the ball to a small child and instructing the child to cry if an opposing player comes near, etc. Once we designed a play that involved spitting on the defensive backs. When the ball is snapped, everybody forgets about the play and .concentrates on (a) not falling down, and (b) avoiding the pass rush, which is a threat to players on both sides in as much as it is provided by Harry Truman, a relentless competitor who will definitely bite off your leg. I think The main difference between our games and pro-football is that sometimes we score a touchdown. This virtually never' happens in the NFL. The referees won't allow it. They're jealous of the players, because Page 11 achieve salvation. Do not try 10 analyze the word of God with your small human minds because it is like a blind man trying to read printed words on paper. No onels too wretched or too high for the love of Jesus Christ. As human beings we are weak and easily give into our sins, but through faith in Jesus Christ our sins are taken up on the cross and we receive the assurance of eternal life. Not even the most pious of Christians deserve grace on their own merits, but God's love grants them salvation. It is impossible for God to damn a person willingly, but through our own free will we choose whether we want salvation or damnation. Do not crave material objects for they will bring you down, but the spirit of righteousness will raise you to life. What meant everything to you in death shall have no nearing for you in life. The price for living in the light is great. You shall suffer greatly for your faith, but from your faith not even physical death nor the Devil shall prevail. May peace be with you and may you live in grace. the players get to wear sleek athletic uniforms, whereas the referees have to wear dotty little hats and pants that make them appear to have enormous butts. They look like they're smuggling mattresses back there. So if a player scores a touchdown, the referees immediately call it back and make a complex announcement over the loudspeakers ("OK, WE HAVE A HOLDING ON NUMBER 84, WHICH IS OFFSET BY AN ILLEGAL PARAMETER ON NUMBER 73, WHICH IS FURTHER COMPOUNDED BY A FAILURE TO DECLARE NON-ACCRUABLE DIVIDED INCOME ON THE PART OF NUMBER 143, ALTHOUGH THIS IS SOMEWHAT MITIGATED BY ..."). My suggestions for making the NFL more exciting are: I. Allow the refs to wear cool uniforms and participate in end zone dances, or 2. Allow the players to tackle the referees. ("OK, WE HAVE WHAM.") Speaking on behalf of a lot of guys, I urge the owners to consider these sensible changes. Also, while they're up, they should get me a beer.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers