Montour American FRANK C. ANGLE, Proprietor. Danville, Pa., Dec. 3, 1908. Educated. Mrs. £. was iti a Itichmond hospital, and she was lonely, so welcomed ths advent of a very black and very lan guid maid who came in <>ne morning to wipe up the floor. Some one new to talk to, so no time was lost. "1 have not seen you working around here before. Aren't you a new girl?" Edmonia willingly let the cloth slip back iuto the bucket and sat flat upon the floor before answering. "Yas'm, Is new. I's jest wnshiu' up de floor. Hut I don't work. I's edji kated." "And where were you educated?" was the next question. "In a seminary." Then, with a burst of confidence: "There was me an' an other girl workiu' in a house. She was cook, an' 1 was chambermaid, an' we had great times about who would git de prize, but I beat." Then, after a pause. "She was easy to beat, 'cause she got smothered to death with gas de niglit before de 'zaminations come off.''—Cleveland Leader. A Pair of Poets. Hearing a noise in the street before his house one morning, Itobert Brown- Ing, the poet, went to his window and saw si great crowd gazing at some Chinamen in gorgeous costumes who were just leaving their carriages to mount his steps. I'reseul.ly they were announced as the Chinese minister at the court of St. James and his suit. A solemn presentation having taken place, Browning said to the interpreter, "May I ask to what 1 am indebted for the honor of his excellency's visit?" The interpreter replied, "His excellen cy is a poet in his own country." Thereupon the two poets shook hands heartily. Browning then said, "May I ask to what branch of poetry his ex cellency devotes himself?" To which the interpreter answered, "His excel lency devotes himself to poetical enig mas." At this Browning, recognizing fully the comic element in the situa tion, extended his hand most cordially, saying: "His excellency is thrice wel come. He Is a brother Indeed!" When the Sun Grows Cold. I>r. Fridjof N'ansen predicts the fate of the earth in the far distant future, j when the sun grows cold. The slm- j pie, low organisms, he says, will prob ably live longest, until even they dis appear. Finally, he says, all water on j the earth's surface will freeze and the j oceans will be transformed into lee to the bottom. Some time later the car- | bonic acid of the atmosphere will be- j gin to fall on the surface of the earth : in the form of snow. Some time after that the temperature on the surface , Will have reached about o.'iu degrees j below zero F. New oceans will then i be formed by the atmosphere being I turned into liquid, and the atmosphere i of that future earth will be only by- I drogen and helium. The sun will go i through the same process. It will con tinue in its way as a dark star through i space, accompanied by the planets. Priority. The wagons of"the greatest show i on earth" passed up the avenue at daybreak. Their incessant rumble < soon awakened ten-year-old Billie and 1 his five-year-old trrother Robert. Their mother feigned 6leep as the two white I robed figures crept past her bed into the hall on the way to Investigate. Robert struggled manfully with the unaccus- ' tomed task of putting on bis clothes. "Wait for mo, Billie," his mother heard him beg. "You'll get ahead of me." "Get mother to help you," counseled Billie, who was having troubles of his Own. Mother started to the rescue and then paused as she heard the voice of her younger, guarded, but anxious and insistent: "You ask her, Billie. You've known her longer than I have."—Everybody's. Her Luck. By a strange coincidence a much married woman lost three husbands in succession through fatal accidents In the mine. Naturally her case excited ; much interest, and she had many sym pathetic callers, to all of whom she made the same reply. "Ah, yes, it's very hard," she said, "but In the midst of my sorrow I've 1 always had somethin' to be thankful for. None o' my husbands lived long after I'd insured 'em, as some poor ' souls husbands do!" London (Iraphic. ! Exclusive to the Last. An instance of exclusiveness main- j talneil tinder difficulties is reported j from the Indies' cabin of an Atlantic I liner. All were sick evopt one lady 1 and a cat, whi.-li wandered uneasily about. The lady ventured to stroke the cat. i -n "Poor pussy." The '■at was inclined to respond and e'rvat ed Us tail la token of good will, when i from a neighboring berth came In choking tones the words. "E:;ense me. that is a private cat!"— Argonaut. j That Family Skeleton. Mrs. Whistler Tell me, Mary, why It h that yon always cry so when papa i rends you to bed in the dark when you j fire naughty? There's no such things us ghosts, and the dark doesn't hurt yon, does it? Little Mary No, mamma, j but I'm afraid of that skeleton Mrs Jones says we got In our closet. P.al- , tlmore American. Deceitful. "I admire patience an' self control." I said T'ncle Ebon, "but when I see a ; man dat kin keep on srnilin' after lie i •lone bruise his thumb with a hammer I can't lieln boin' s'oicious of lils en pacify fob deceit." Washington Star- Why We're Ahead. A curious explanation of the reason i Why "Canada has but about 7.000.000 j people against America's 80,000,000" Is j given In a review of the world's pro- , Auction of coal nnd Iron. Canada pro duces but 0.000,000 tons of coal against 370,000,000 tons produced by the Unit ed States, and that Is why, as long as the coal age lasts, "Canada is not like ly to grow to anything like the dimen sions of her southern neighbor." This Is an English view, nnd it is not open ik« fin rij'i of bijuL— Perils of Our Dwelling Houses. The scholars In one of the Fuchovi Chinese schools were recently desired to write an essay in English on ths subject of "Which Are the Healthier, Chinese or Foreign Dwelling Houses?" One young man "spook" about ths matter with his "friends," and they saiil that the "Chinese building is much better than foreigners." This, he adds, was the "senses of their de bate:" "The foreign building is too helgb and coverless and always built on the top of the hill. In the summer time tt receives the most heat from the sun. The people who living In it is the sami as putting in the stove, but in winter It is fully filled by the sharp air which cut the faces of whom living In it. So that the foreigner is compeled to put themselves on fire. The flr* would do our bodies harm. As we were prepared our dinner; we put the beef on the tire by and by the beef dry In that case the of course man would dry too."—London Telegraph. Walt Whitman's Pride. Whitman's grandmother was a Quaker, and the bard had been all his life used, Quaker fashion, to sitting In the house with his sombrero on if It suited him to do so. One day, with a friend, he entered the gloomy and half empty precincts of Trinity church. New York, and took a back seat in tho obscurity and for a moment forgot tc remove his hat or was probably Just about to do so when an officious verger stepped up and requested him to take it off. Walt, a man t>f immense pride, not seeing fit to do so Instantaneously or being very slow In Ills mental proc esses, was taking the matter into con sideration for a second when the verger knocked the offending hat off Ills head. Walt picked up the huge felt and, doubling it together, smote the fellow vigorously twice or thrice with it on the head and slowly left the church, the red faced sexton fol 1 lowing and threatening him with the law. Mozart's Skull. "If we were all constituted like Ham let and could handle a skull as philo sophically as he," writes a sentimen talist in a Hamburg paper, "we could visit the Mozart museum at Salzburg, enjoy the sights It offers and leave there without finding any fault, t'n fortunately, however, we are not *o cold, and therefore tho protest which 1 make. Among the Mozart souvenirs which are pointed out to the visitor, lu the same line with the old piano, let ters, manuscript music, portraits, etc., is the skull of the great master. It matters little whether the skull 1« really that of the composer or one used for show purposes. The fact remains that In the Mozart town, in Salzburg, there seems to be no one who can make the city fathers believe that the exhibition demonstrates a lack of rev erence which shocks many people." « Afloat on Hot Air. Members of the house of representa tives are fond of poking fun at the florid style of speech affected by a cer tain congressman, who Invariably con tributes much "hot air" to any debate In which he may participate. On one occasion the politician in question ventured to air his views touching a financial act under consid eration, when he drew the following ribald observation from an opponent: "Our able and adventurous friend has undertaken to present his viewa upon this question. In this he re minds me of a beautiful swan breast ing the sea with arched neck and wings outspread to catch the glint of the sea, moving along in serene and stately splendor, but blissfully uncon scious of the unfathomable depths be low." He Explained. At a school one day a teacher, hav ing asked most of bis pupils the dif ference between an island and a peuin sula without receiving a satisfactory answer, came to the last boy. "1 can explain it, sir," said the bright youth. "First get two glasses. Fill one with water and the other with milk. Then catch a fly and place it In the glass of water. That fly is an island, because it Is entirely surround ed by water. Hut now place the fly in the glass of milk, and it will be a peninsula, because it is nearly sur rounded by water." The boy went to the top of the class. Fulton's Power of Thought. Robert Fulton possessed to a remark able degree the power of concentrated thought, lie studied French, Italian and (Jerinan and acquired a proficien cy in the three languages. Higher mathematics, physics, chemistry and perspective also demanded his atten tion as he progressed in scientific re search.—Cenlury. Not Led. "So she was led to the altar [ft last?" remarked the girl in blue. "Led!" repeated tho bride's dearest friend. "Led! 1 fancy you didn't see her. She didn't have io be led. Whet, she started down the aisle you couldn't have driven her off with a regiment of cavalry!"— London Telegraph. Small Change. "It's three years since I was in this city," said the stranger as he fin ished his dinner. "City looks tho same." "I don't find much change," remark ed the waiter as he took up the dime that was left from the dollar bill.— Fuck. The Midnight Sun. The midnight sun is visible wholly above the horizon at tho North Cape from May 13 to July 30, at Hammer fest from May 15 to July 27 and at Tromso from May 20 to July 22. It Happened Before. A self made, self satisfied and self assertive itinerant preacher was ex patiating to a college graduate on his own eloquence. "Colleges," he declared, "ain't neces sary when a preacher's got a genuine call to the ministry. I'm thankful to say tlit Lord opened my mouth with out education." "That's Interesting," returned his hearer. "Come to think of it, some thing like that happened several thou sand years ago in connection with Ba laam, wasn't it?"— Circle Magazine. The Hog. No other animal has been more modi fled by civilization and none reverts more quickly to ths original wild type than the hog. Three generations of running wild suffice to turn tli smooth, round, short snouted rar.or back or hazel splitter thin, lank, legry. lop eared, ttnarp snouted, an Ishmael in bristles, running like a deer, if run ning be possible, fighting as only r wild hog can fight when battle is im perative. The tusks, which hare been half obliterated In the process of civi lization, get back size and strength At a year old they are formidable, al two murderous, at three or five more deadly than a sword. They afford i certain Index of age up to six years, but are commonly broken In fights long before that time. Wild boars are rery 111 tempered and when worsted In fighting often revenge themselves by ripping the bark from trees as high as they can reach. Her Exercise. Many readers think insufficient exer rise is responsible for worrying moods "Dnre I whisper It." writes one cor respondent. "Though 1 am n married woman, with two bonnle bairns, when my worries and temper prove too much for me I shut myself up In my room and dance a wild Scotch reel. I al ways did it when I got In a temper as a child as a sort of vent to my feel ings, and I do It still and probably shall continue to do so as long as I'm sufficiently energetic." Certainly a Scotch reel ought to pro vide enough exercise to exorcise any demon of worry if lack of exercise 1* the cause of it.—Home Chat. A Bad Quarrel. "Why don't you try to get him to straighten up?" "He's his own worst enemy." "Well?" "It's pretty hard to patch up that kind of a quarrel."- -. JUDGE'S OFFER TO A BOY. To Get SIOO if He Gives Up Revolvers and Yellow Backs Until Twenty-one. "Stop carrying a revolver and quit reading yellow backs until you are twenty-one. Then come around to my ollice and 1 will give you a check for SIOO to help you along." Judge John T. Sims of Kansas City, ICan., was moved to generosity the other morning when James lllggins of 2SOO North TVemout street, Kansas City, a youth of sixteen, entered the police courtroom in that city and, step ping up to the desk, laid down a 02 caliber revolver and a pile of paper back novels. "There they are, judge, all of them," he said. He started to run away, but a new thought struck him. "I like to read stories of hunting and of ad venture, and, as for the revolver, I only used it to practice shooting when I went down to the river bank." Judge Sims looked at the paper backs. Two of them were of the Tip Top Weekly series and were entitled "Hick Merriwell In the Wilds" and "Dick Merriwell's Red Comrade," both stories of hunting In the mountains. The other was of the Nick Carter Weekly series, entitled "Nick Carter's Japanese Rival." It was a detective story of Japan. "These may not be so bad," Judge Sims commented. "But as a general proposition such reading is bad for a boy. and too often it leads to evil. There is something good in you, some thing hopefr', something manly. See that you quit reading such things, stop carrying a gun, make a man of your self and the SIOO Is yours." Had Been Anticipated. A London composer was one summer engaged on the score of an opera, and as the weather was very hot he worked with the windows of ills study open. This fact was taken advantage of by his neighbor, a lady, an accom plished nui. i lan, with a very quick nnd retentive ear, to play upon him a harmless practical joke. One morning lie completed and tried over a new march, and the lady on the same afternoon seated herself at her grnnd piano, opened her windows and rolled forth the air fortissimo. The composer rushed distractedly into his garden to his wife and, tearing his hair in anguish, cried out: "My dear, I give it up! I thought 1 had composed an orlginnl tune, but it must be n delusion, for my grand march—my chef d'oeuvre, as 1 thought It—is only a reminiscence and is al ready the property of some music pub lisher!" It Was All Within. A practical joker carried an oniou In his pocket to the depot when bid ding farewell to a young lady and took a bite now and then to induce tears. Before the train departed he had eaten the entire oniou. The young lady, perceiving the situation, re marked, "Ah, you have swallowed your grief!"— Harper's Weekly. Men cf Yesterday and Today. In our great-grandfather's young days a man was usually not only con sidered, but really was, elderly at for ty, old at fifty and a gouty, flannel swathed wreck at sixty. London Throne and Country. A var'.-e I 3 the vice of declining years •-Bancroft. The wives of Siamese noblemen cut their hair so that it sticks straight up from their heads. The average length of it is about one and one-half inches. Kennedy's Laxative Cough Syrup Ra)t«vM Colds by vorklnf Iksa mt al ths lystsra through • fp4sm md botlthy action si ths bovsls. Raiiavaa oougtw bjr oUanatag flfe muoous msmbrartas ml Mm OmwM, «Im o and bronchtari tubs a "Ai plassil M ks Ms as Soger" Children Liki It fm IMUMI-VEM OMTN % BaRTi KM* m bMr PhHH J M For Sale'.by Pa a lea A 'Jo Misplaoad Sympathy. ▲ sympathetic Frenchman unluckily bought an almanac that gare the dates «112 tha world's chief rreuta. From that day on he lived a life of mourning. Than oa April SO he had crape on his bat. "Have you loat a relative?" a friend anted "Not exactly," wild he. "But today Is a sad anniversary for the French people. On April 30, 1524, the Chevalier Bayard died." On May 2 he had crape on again. "Still mourn ing Bayard?" said the friend. "No," aaki he, "but don't you remember that on May 2 a great and charming poet, Alfred de Musset, brealhed his last?" On the 6th of the same month, "Whom are you mourning for now?" "For an bonest man, General Caviagnac." Op the HOth, crying terribly, he said: "Ah, Joan of Arc! On this date, in 1431, a handful of Englishmen and a miser able bishop put the gallant maid to death." On July 13 he took a bath in memory of the assassination of Marat. On the ltith Beranger's death gave him n fatal shock. On the 18th, having read of Napoleon's departure to St Helena, he felt better, but on the 23d the bombardment of Dieppe by the English, in 1694. confined him again to his bed. He was taken with a fever and died on the 22d, muttering, "In a month the massacre of St. Bartholo- | mew!"— New York Sun. Eloquence of the Welsh. Here is a little story of an English man in Wales: "On the comparative qualities of the English and Welsh tongues let me tell of the Welshman who saluted me in the Welsh. I was compelled to confess ignorance. 'Ah.' he said, turning fluently enough to English, 'you should learn the Welsh! My wife was English, and she can speak conversations now quite well.' "I acknowledged my shortcomings ami admitted that 1 had always under stood the Welsh to be a remarkably eloquent tongue. 'Yes, yes, It iss si>,' said the native. 'ln Welsh a man can express exactly what he means. As for the English, I call it not a language at all only a dialect " 'You haf noted that an Englishman or a foreigner in speaking his language waves his hands and arms about to help out the meaning of the words, but a 'Welshman who can speak Welsh well he hass no need to move his hands. In the Welsh he can say all that he means.* "—Chicago News. Fife Wheat. Years ago. about a century, David Fife , a Scotchman of Otonabee, Ont., sent to a friend In Glasgow fur a small ling of seed wheat to try in a cleared patch of the backwoods. The friend obtained some seed from a vessel .hist In from Danzig. Unfortu nately It was a fall wheat and reached David Fife In the spring. Neverthe less David Fife sowed it In spring. One can guess how feverishly the backwoods farmer watched for the growth of hi experiment. Only three wheat heads urvived till the fall, but those three wheat heads were entirely free of the rust that had ruined his neighbor's crops, and those three heads really represented a new variety of wheat, a fall wh?at turned Into a spring wheat. David Fife treasured the three heads and planted them in ; spring. Such was the beginning of Fife wheat In America.—Agnes C. Laut In Outing Magazine. Vanity of the Peacock, Our favorite and much petted pea- : cock, says a correspondent of the Lon don Spectator, can he kept happy any length of time looking at his reflection in the window pane or in a looking glass. He comes In daily to tea. mak lng no mistake about the hour, and spends much time en route in gazing at himself as he appears in the glass of the French windows by which he en ters the room. If 1 am sewing and do not speak to him when he.cotnes into the room, he will gently put his head quite close, almost touching my ring or needle, for he likes bright things, till I have to give up working and talk to him as with a small child whom one Is afraid of pricking. Lost Charm of the Wayside Inn. The Inns of England, celebrated by Harrison and famous far and wide at the beginning of the last century, have degenerated into sad place# which we visit only of necessity. Little did Stephenson think when he proposed the line from Manchester to Liverpool that he would ruin the wayside inns of England and kill the art of cookery. Blackwood's Magazine. A Reassuring Truth. A lady on one of the ocean liners who seemed very much afraid of .ice bergs asked the captain what would happen in case of a collision. The captain replied, "The iceberg would move right along, madam, just as if nothing had happened." And the | old lady seemed greatly relieved. Sue cess. Unsettled. Skinner Good morning, ma'am. DM I you ever see anything so unsettled as ' the weather has been lately? Mrs. Ha si) ley Well, there's your board bill, Mr. Skinner. Philadelphia Inquirer. In a Bad Way. "Here is a doctor who says you •. mustn't eat when you're worried." "But suppose you're always worried for fear you ain't goiu' to get anything j to eat?"- Cleveland Plain Dealer. Couldn't Scream. "I was afraid you'd scream when I kissed you." "I didn't dare. Mamma was in the! next room and would have heard me." —-Houston I'ost. The power of necessity is Irresistible j —Aeschylus. "Seeing" Plant?. Professor Darwin is right. Plants can see—some plants. Take corn and rye, for instance. With proper treat ment these plants sometimes see dou ble, and frequently they see things that aren't there.—New York Tele- j graph. End of Mankind. "Now, boys," queried the teacher of the juvenile class, "can any of you tell me the final end of all mankind?" "YeSj ma'am, I can," promptly an swered the boy at the foot—"the let ler 'd.' "—Exchange. Salt Lake*. The Great Salt lake Is gradually dry i lug up, and the inhabitants of Salt 1-iake City seem quite surprised. They ought not to be. All salt lakes owe i their salinity to the fact of their hav ing no out'.et, and a lake without an outlet is a dying lake. Nor is death usually Jong delayed, speaking geologically. Lakes Koko Nor and Lob Nor were undoubtedly extensive inland seas not so very many decades ago, yet Sven Hedin found them reduced to mere acrid puddles set In the midst of well nigh limitless salt deserts that once were their beds. The terrible Taklamakan desert, too, in which lledlu nearly died of thirst, was once the bed of just such a lake. So also were the salt deserts of Persia. Northern Tibet is studded with salt lakes In process of desiccation. The Aral and the Caspian seas were at oue time far mere extensive than is now the case, proving that they, too, are un dergoing the inevitable process of des iccation to which all such bodies of water are sooner or later Invariably subjected.—St. Paul Pioneer Press. Negro Eloquence. Some years ago one of Texas' widely j known statesmen who Is now dead was passing along a street In Dallas when an old colored man who had once belonged to him approached, took off his hat and passed a hand over his white wool as he asked: "Marster, gin de old man 50 cents." "Dan, you are a robber." "How?" asked the astonished darky, opening his eyes, around which rough shod age had walked. "Didn't you see me put my hand in my pocket?" "Yes. sah." "Well, you old rascal, you rob ine of ) the pleasure of giving you money with out being asked." | The old man received a dollar. How- I ing almost to the ground, while tears came out and coursed through the aged prints around his eyes, he replied: "Marster, wid—wid such a heart as you bab and wid Abraham and Isaac and de Lord on your side I don't see what can keep you out of heaven." Sitting Bull. To look at Sitting Bull oue would say that he was always quiet and self con tained. In fact, he did usually keep himself under control, but he was cruel and almost heartless. He had prac ticed cruelty to animals aud men from his childhood and as long as he lived: he was full of passion and often very ! angry. He was always Imperious and ] Insolent toward our generals, the In dian agent and other friends of the great father at Washington, whom he ; claimed to hate. He had great talent and ability to plan campaigns and bat tles and wonderful influence In bring ing Indians together. Notwithstand ing all this, he was afraid of death, and, though he planned the greatest victory which the Indians ever gained over while men. Sitting Bull himself ] was a coward and disgraced himself even before his own people by running away in the very face of success.— General Howard in St. Nicholas. Folklore Stories. The Journal of American Folklore ; has some interesting folk tales of the ! Nez Perces Indians: ! "Once the sun fell down from the sky just about sutuiise. Mole caught. It and held It up until people got there ! and helped him to shove it back. The i . sun hud meant to roll along on the ground instead of in the sky. It was from holding up the sun that Mole's hands are bent so far back. I "Coyote and Cloud ran a race. Cloud bet storm and Coyote clear weather. They started far away to the south, and for awhile Coyote was in the lead. Then Cloud made fruits of all kinds ! to grow in front of Coyote, and he, looking back and seeing Cloud far be hind, stopped to eat. In this way Cloud caught up and won. This is why we have storms In winter time." i . Long Suffering Bill. A correspondent sends the following; to a remote rural organ of the people: "Our esteemed fellow citizen. Mr. I 1 William M. Puckleton, has had several | 1 new 'No Trespassing" signs erected I on his place. We have had the pleas- : nre of perusing the one facing the ! Hedgeville pike. It reads: "Notls.--Trespasers will bo persekutc 1 j to the full exten of 2 mean munjfrel dot?? wich ain't never ben overly Foshibll with I ' strangers an 1 dubbel barl shotgun wlc h j ain't loaded with no sofy pillers dam If 1 ain't jjetin tired of this hel raisin on my j property. Yurs respecful. "RILL* PUCKLETON." I | ! —Current Literature. Taxpaying Dy Churches. The Rev. A. A. Nellis, pastor of the j Second Baptist church, Auburn, N. Y„ In a recent sermon on the obligation | | of the church to the community, said | that one obligation that should not be , shirked was to pay taxes. There is no | j good reason for church exemption, he i believes, and the church should not be | a tax dodger. The Modern Carrier. There is something at home that keeps crying, With the funniest kind of a squeak. I In a bundle by mamma it's lying, And they Just let me in for a peek. ' When 1 ask them to tell how they caught 't The nurse walks in© out by the tar. And she says that an aeroplane brou/ht it. But I know that a stork left mo here. X have looked all around for some traces, ' But I can't find the least bit of proof. So I s'pose it was due other places j And just dropped him down on our roof. , And. though nurse and most all of the others ' Declare that it's true. It looks queer ! For an airship to peddle new brothers When I know that a stork brought me here. Well, I guess that I'll have to believe It. Because they all say it is so, | But 'twas mean in tlie fellow to leave It j And never let any one know, i My, it seems like the funniest thing! It j Ferplexes, for how can it be I That the aeroplane fellow should bring It When the stork Is the one that brought me? —Charles R. Barnes In New York Sun. In the Customary Place. A well known English bishop some j time since lost his third wife. A eier j gyman who had known the first wife returned from Africa and wanted to see the grave. He called at the cathe dral and saw the verger. "Can you tell me where the bishop's wife Is burled?" "Well, sir." replied the verger, "I ton't know for certain, but he mostly buries 'em pt Brompton." Ho Couldn't SH the Joke. "The mother-ln-la# joke Isn't half as funny to me as It was when I was a bachelor," said a yonng New Yorker to his old chum. "I've got a pretty good mother-in-law myself, and she's visiting us now. That's all right too. But here's my grouch: "Whenever we go out In a hunch, as we generally do, ma grabs the baby every time we sit down—subway, ele vated, bridge, surface or ferryboat. Just grabs the kid, you know, as If It was her private property: exhibits It In a way to everybody near by, tells the woman next to her all about how to raise children and what she's doing for this particular one: attracts gen eral attention, you see. with my baby ns a star performer and my wife and I sitting there without a chance to say a word and looking as 'lf we wanted to apologize for being on earth." "Don't think that's funny, eh?" said his friend. "How your sense of humor has shrunk!"— New York Globe. Running For the Car. If you feel like emulating Sherlock Holmes try your luck occasionally when you see some one run for a street car. It's a good, easy way to deter mine the previous training and the present occupation of the subject. You will see one fellow dash easily toward the car with a long, swinging stride that usually means athletics, but no special training In the sprint. The old time college runner can be picked out by the way he throws his knees in front, like a high bred trotter. Rome wnddle, and you must relegate them to the general category of "busy business men" whose duty to the desk has robbed them of wind and waist. Others are getting more than their share of avoirdupois, but in spite of that manage to show you that they arc not out of It by any means. To that type It Is a veritable triumph to over haul a moving car and to swing 011 without the assistance of the conduct or.—Louisville Courier-Journal. Ths Joys of Life In Africa. j You must never walk barefoot on I the floor, no matter how clean it is, or | an odious v.-ortn called a jigger will enter your foot to raise a numerous family and a painful swelling. On the other hand, lie sure when you put on boots or shoes that, however hurried, you turn them upside down and look inside lest a scorpion, a small snake or a perfectly frightful kind of centl ped may be lying In ambush. Never throw your clothes carelessly upon the ground, but put them away at once in a tin box and shut It tight or a per fect colony of fierce biting creatures will beset them. And, aliove all, qui nine!—AVlnsion Churchill, M. I'., In I.ondon Strand. Self Disgraced. In Boston, as every one knows, the symphony concerts are viewed in the light of sacred ceremonials. In this j connection the story Is told of two lit | tie girls of a certain family who re -1 turned from the music hall "in a state j of mind." One of them carried an ex | presslon of deep scorn, the other an air of great dejection. "What Is the matter, girls?" asked j some member of the household. "Was the concert fine?" "The concert was all right," respond ed Eleanor. "The trouble was w>*h 1 . Mary. She disgraced hefrself." i j "Disgraced herself?" i "Yes: she sneezed in fhe middle of the symphony."—Philadelphia Ledger. Almost Perfect Mammoth. According to the St. Petersburg dis patches. the expedition sent by the I Imperial Zoological society to recover j the remains of the mammoth recently j uncovered In northern Siberia has re ! turned with its pnze, which proves to j be the finest and most complete speci j men ever obtained. Even the trunk of the animal was secured, having i been preserved undamaged by the in j tense cold. The whole skeleton is in , tact, the head and jaws are perfect j except for two teeth, and the body is ; covered with a well preserved hide I and shaggy hair. The specimen Is the i first ever excavated with the trunk In I good condition. Austria's Venture With Radium. | Austria's government Intends to con i struct a real radium spring and build hotels, which it will control, at St Joaehimetal. near Carlsbad. The water I In the uranium mines there contains a large quantity of radium. Myrt at the Game. Myrtllla. when you RO with me To see the Giants swipe the Cubs. As they have swiped some two or three Less hitful and puissant clubs. Ask me no more. "Why don't they hit It?" Cense, discontinue, stop tt. quit It! At crucial moments yesterday When we were ,lust about to tie I The yawning score you queried. "Say. Why doesn't I'onlln knock a fly? J Great grief, Myrtllla. did 1 know It i I would't be a dally |oet! I "Why doesn't ller/n - run to third? . i Nobody's lookln;; at him now Why Isn't such a piny absurd? What did he do then.' What? Whs? How?" I Myrtle, l love you dearly—only Tod#y I'm golr. ; by m: lone!.- —New York Mall CHANCES IN GAMBLING. I The Rule of the Unexpected at ths Tables In Monte Carlo. | There are systems, some will say. ! that will defeat the bank at Monte • Carlo. I have not found one. Two factors settle all systems. One is the bank's limit, which prevents the dou j bling system so often advocated; f'.i ■ - second, the extraordinary IdiosyucrasH' jof chance, lied or black will ofte . run in long series. I saw fifteen re ; [ come up in succession on one occasion. ! seventeen uneven numbers in an nn j broken series on another. One even lng on a losing day I was playing on j fhe first six numbers and persistently for some hours the last twelve num bers Invariably turned up. Once I saw 21 come tip four times in succession when mathematically it should have taken 144 coups to make it show tlia number of times, and still more Strang that on this occasion each time it came up a gentleman had staked the limit on the number—namely, IS> francs—winning In ten minutes some thing over 24.000 francs. One readily sees by these instances the unexpected very often happens—ln fact, more of ten that not.—Arthnr Hewitt In Bo hemian Magazine. SMOOT ON FORESTS. Utah Senator Favors American Adop tion of European Foreetry System. United States Senator Iteed Smoot, rhalrman of the commission appointed by I'resident Roosevelt to look Into means for the conservation of the na tional forests, recently arrived In Lon don after a tour of inspection of the European forests. lie Is convinced by what he has seen that the general principles of conti nental scientific forestry may be suc cessfully applied to the United States, although the character of the west de mands some modification in them. Senator Smoot considers the forest of Sllwald, owned and managed by the city of Zurich, the most carefully de veloped In the world. Such forests cost more per acre to take care of. but yield a greater net gain because there are arrangements for the utilization of all possible products. Under the di rection of the municipal government sawmills, planing mills and excelsior and tool handle factories are run. At Munich the senator examined the experimental forest of the university, directed by Professor Mayer. Mr. Smoot considers that what he observ ed being done In the Black forest would be of the greatest benefit In the United States. Years ago the Black forest was being destroyed. It bis now been greatly built up by the rig orous care of the German authorities. Every tree is numbered, and stock is taken each year. In Mr. Smoot's opinion tlie same thins is imperatively necessary to save the 104,000,000 acres of forest reserve In the United States at the present time. ne says the commission he heads will probably advise an lncrc i- ; in the United States forestry depart ment, to that end. Etruscan Vases. The famous Etruscan vases were wrongly named, for. though made in Etruria, they were the productions of Greek genius. They are elegant in form and enriched with bands of beau tiful foliage and other ornaments, fig ures and similar subjects of a highly artistic character. One class has black figures and ornaments on a red ground —the natural color of the clay; another has the figures of the natural color and the ground painted black. The former class belong to a date about GOO I!. the latter date about a century later and extend over a period of some 300 or 350 years.—New York American. • Where the Cost Comes In. "Do you find the cost of living any higher in New York than it was In the little old town?" "No. Living doesn't cost so much more, but a fellow has to pay a big price to keep from getting lonesome." —Chicago Record-Herald. Labor Lost. "A man kin alius fix up arguments to quiet his conscience," said Uncle Eben, "but 'taln't no use. No matter how much you turns de clock back sundown gwinter come jes' de same." —Washington Star. The Ruler. Facetious Friend (teaslngly) Well, isilcti rules, you or your wife? Mr. Youngwed (with hauteur)— You forget we can afford to keep a cook.—Balti more American. His Hearing to Come. Old Lady (rending newspaper)—l de slare! The poor fellow arrested yes terday Is deaf. Listener—How do you know? Old Lady—Why, it says hero that he is expected to have his hearln' next week. A Reliable Remedy FOR 1 CATARRH Ely's Cream Balm %■ / is quickly absorbed. m Gives Relief at Onco. i"" rfisl It cleanses, soothe?, heals and protects the diseased mem brane resulting from Catarrh and driven away aCold in the Head quickly. Restores the Senses of Taste aud Smell. Full size 50 cts. at Druggists or by mail. Liquid Cream Balm for use in atomizers 75 cts. Ely Brothers, sti Warren Street, New York. 60 YEARS' experience ™ I.■ I j I DESIGNS COPYRIGHTS 4C. Anvone Bonding a pkctch niul description may quickly ;uiocrtain our opinion free whether an Invention is probably patent able. Conmiuniea tiotiH strictly confidential. HANDBOOK on Patents Bent free. oldest agency fnraeourmg patents. Patents taken through Munti A Co. receive tpecutl notice, without charge, in the Scientific American. A handsomely Illustrated weekly. Largest cir culation of anv scientific journal. Terms, f.'i » year : four months, fl. Hold by all newsdealers. MUNN & Co. 36,8 ' osdwa > New York Draurh Office. t25 F Washington. D. C. K-I P-A-N-S labulo Doctors find A «ood prescription For Mankind. The 5-ceut pxeket is enontih for U-<UH ocoassions. The family (bottle (<!0 cents Contains a supply for a year All drug gists I WINDSOR HOTEL j I W. T. IUU HAKEH, Manapor. I H Mid\%a> between Broad St. Station H Band Reading Terminal on Filbert Sty liuropian, SI.OO per day and up || American. $2.50 per day and up I The only moderate priced hotel of I H reputation and consequence in PHILADELPHIA
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers