'm Forest Republican la pmbllsned every Wedaoslay, by J. E. WENK. Offlot In 8meirbanfch & Ca'i Eoildlnj KLM STBSET, TIONESTA, FA. Twmib - 01.OO Pe Ver. Ho sabaoriptloas reoelved (or ft shorter period than tbra months. Correspondent solicits J from all parti of Iba country. No not lot will bo taken of anonymous oommunloalloas. RATES Or ADVERTISING! Republican, ORE One Square, on Insh, on insertion., t 100 On. square one inch, on. month. .. UO One Square, on. inch, three month.. . 5 00 On. Square, on. inch, on. year..,.. 10 OJ 1 wo Square, one year..., .......... 15ut Quarter Column, on. Ttar. $ half Column, on. year. ....... M 00 Oo. Column, one year.. , ......... 100 U0 Local advertisements ten oeoU par line each insertion. Marriages and death notice, gratis. All bills tor yearly advertisement, collected quarterly Temporary advertisement must be paid in adranoa. VOL. XXXI. NO. 8. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, JUNE 8, 1898. S1.00 PER ANNUM, HE ob work cash on deliver. The French press is fuming glorl ously against the United Stated, ami is furious against Englaud, which bau blocked, once for all, the chances of a European coalition against the United 8tBte8- The Swiss canton of Nouenburg has sanctioned a plan for a universal life insurance in which all the natives over eighteen years old may partici pate. In case of death, a sum vary ing from lOOOHo 5000 fraucs is to bo paid to the heirs. Tho Hong Kong Tress tells of a professional beggar who has built quite a fine three-story tea-house just outside the South Gate. As tho only three-story building iu the city, it is an object of great jrilo to the natives, whose charity he! no J so largely iu its erection. A Berlin paper has ascertained that intoxication by means of ether has bj como almost epidemic in Lithuania, owing to tho fact that ether is cheaper than hraudy and less of it is needed to get drunk on. Mauy families have been ruined by the habit, which has also found victims even among school children. Fifty years ago there were few per sons employed or gaining a livelihood by the utilization of electric energy. Now in Europe and America there aro more thau a million very likely two millions in the world. In 1H27 Ooorge Stephenson started his first railway train possibly with a dozen employes. Now in the . United States there are nearly 800,000 railroad workers. Amherst, Mass., with a population of 4800 has a public library of 70,000 volumes, wliich is open to all comers for thirteen hours every day. In ad dition, the citizens have also access to the college library, of li,()00 vol umes, aud to two other free libraries, containing 7000, aud 2300 volumes re spectively! Only ten towns iu tho State of Massachusetts aro now with out free public libraries. Little John Victor Thompson was born uuder a whole constellation of lucky stars. His first piece of good fortune was in being boru in Chicago. He could not have made a wiser choice of a birthplace. His second morsel, or, rather, large mouthful, of good fortune came when he was adop ted by the Thursday Club. Thirty nine young ladies, each, of whom has pin money to spare, were looking about for some charitablo work to do. They saw young Thompson and adopted htm. They wilt send him to school, perhaps to college, and start him on au honorable career, Thirty nine mothers! -That is a privilege which very few boys enjoy, and John Victor knows it.' According to the Boston Traveler recent events point to the falling be kind of the Latin races in the march of civilization. Old abuses with them seem to linger, abuses which have been stamped out long since by their sturdier Saxon brethren. France in the Zola trial has shown tbe world defects in her judioial and administra tion systems that the English trial by jury would not have permitted oven two centuries ago. Spain, in attempt ing to crush Cuba, shows the same crude methods which disgraced Alva in the Netherlands. . In the desire for better observance of international law and freedom of trade, too, our Latiu brothers seem to be sadly lacking. If recent events count for anything, they seem to point to the future supremacy of the Anglo-Saxon. There is a common notion that Amer ica is the only country in which there has been a rapid growth of cities. The Americans are so accustomed to consider that their country is iu all respects vastly superior to all others that they give very little attention to what is done elsewhere. But the fie" sire of human boiugs to crowd together in cities is one of the striking pecular' ities of the present age, and, as a re. suit, there has been au enormous growth of cities iu every country. Take, for instance, the city of Berlin. In 1858 it had about 440,000 popula tion. In 1808 its population is 1.500, 000. In 1801 the population of Liver pool, including Birkenhead, on the opposite side of the river Mersey, was about 550,000. Iu 188!) it was 040, 000 aud to-day is over oue million souls. The city of Loudon is another interesting example. lu 18C1 the population embraced in the registrar general's district was 2,000,000 aud a little over. Iu the same district, in 189G, the census showed 4,111,000. It would be difficult, even iu the United States, to find more rapid growth of the population of cities than that stated above; but it is more tho r ile thau the exception FREEDOM. They are slaves who feat to speak For tbe fallen and the weak. They are slaves wbo will not choc to Hatred, scoffing and abuse lintber tban In silence shrink From the truth tbey need must think; They are slaves who dure not bo In the right with two or three. 13 .1 K t JJ 'I U t J A LAWYER'S SECRET. riy Q. MANV1LLE FENN. URIOUS cases in my profession? Oh, yes, plenty. I often smile to my self when I find the novelist taking up old family in cidents and work ing them up into stories; and then I think of what plots I could have furnished if they had not been fam ily secrets of a private and thor oughly confidential character. I remember one case that, changing the names.it will be no particular breach of confidence to mention, and I tell it tbe mora frankly because it is a little against myself, and I must own that I did not act quite upon what is called tho square. In fact, I played a part a negative kind of part for I did nothing else but hold my tongue. If I had spoken, it would have ,beon fifty thousand pounds or so out of a truly honest man's pocket aud into a rogue's; so, somehow, I lei my feelings got the better of my professional conscience, aud I said not a word. I was old John Hendricks's solicitor, aud looked after his property, for I had known him when ho was a strug gling man and I was a young lawyer with none too much practice. Then I lost sight of him for twenty years, at the end of which time I was still plodding along respectably, just hold ing my own and nothing more, when, going into oue of the city taverns for my regular daily chop, which I ato at the same table for so many years that I had beoome one of the institutions of the place, I found myself opposite to a yellow-looking, thiu, gray-haired man, who kept on looking up from his plate to stare at me very rudely I thought. I did not resent his stare at first, but at last it became so unpleasant that I determined to look him down, and I gazed firmly into his eyes. "Why, it is!" he exclaimed. "Dick, old boy, don't you know me?" "That's Jaok Hendricks's voice," I exclaimed, nearly upsetting my plate; and the next moment we were Bitting thero, baud clasped in baud, and with tho tears in our eyes, lookiug very foolish and weak, I dare say, to the other occupants of the room; but that did not trouble us, for wo had too muoh to say to each other. John Hendricks told me that he had been in the north -of India, close to Nepaul, for over twenty years. Ho had gone out as a factor to an iudigo grower, and Lad become a grower himself. "And now," he said, "I have come to look after my dead sister's sous and to die." "Well, old fellow," I said, "the first part's right enough, but as to the dy ing, I think it's as well to leave that alone. It will be all settled for you. The only thing with respect to that, speaking as a professional man, is to make your will, if you have anythiug to leave, and then make the most of your span." "Have you made yours, Dick?" ho said sharply. "I? No," I said laughing. "I've nothing to leave, Jack;" and then we went into mutual confidences; and after I had told him of my own hard working life, he gave me to under stand that he had made a very large fortune in indigo, and spont very little on himself. "Mine's been too hard-working a life, Dick," he said, "for mo to be much of a spender; but it will be a fine thing for Jenny's two boys if if I like them," he added sharply. Aud then, with a quiet, subdued look, "Poor Jenny! I should have liked to see her agaiu." John Hendricks was fifteen years my senior, but we became once more the closest of friends, for he seemed to resume his old protective way over me, but trusting me most fully in every point. It was all done in a quiet, unosten tatious way, but from the day of John Hendricks's return the world began to smile on me. I had a great deal of professional business to do for him, and as he had most extensive connec tions' among old indigo planters, I found them coming to me, right and left, by his recommendation; so that very soon, in place of finding it hard work to keep one clerk, 1 had very hard work for fjur, and a big balance at my bank. But I am getting on too fast. Before long I met the two nephews at their uncle's quiet little house at Chelsea, and as we sat at dinner I could not help thinking how kindly fortune was behaving to the young men to place them iu the way of such expectations; and before I left it was plain enough to me which was the un cle's favorite. This was Philip, a frank-faced young fellow of two or three-and-twenty, very gentlemanly id his ways, aud decidedly good-looking, while he if Is true freedon but to break Fetters for our own dear sake. And, with leathern hearts, forget That we owe mankind a debt? Nol true freedom is to share All the chains our brothers wear, And witb heart aud hand to be Earnest to make others free. James Russell Lowell. 1 was full of anecdote, aud, without seeming to be toadying, full of atten tion to the old man, to the old man, to whose dogmatic speeches he list ened with the greatest deference. For old John had grown terribly dogmatic. He had had the management of hundreds of poor ryots for so many years that he felt quite a king iu his way, and would bully aud snub every one when his liver was a little worse than usual everyone, that is, except me, for whenever he was out of tem per he never would speak to me, but nod and shake his head, and smoke his chillum till ho felt more at ease. Samuel was the very opposite of his brother, being a short, thick-set, plain fellow, with only one good fea ture or ought that to be two? in his face, and that his eyes, which were, for a man, beautiful, and, best of all, in their steady, honest look, which never seemed to blanch or have anything to fear. Time went on, and at John Hen dricks's wish I took Philip as articled clerk. "Let him be a lawyer," said my old friend; "not a barrister, but a lawyer, a family solicitor, who knows the value of property and how to manage it, for iu confidence, Dick, do you hear?" I nodded. "You may charge for it, if you like; I mean to make that boy my heir, but don't tell him." "I don't tell what my clients say to me," I said. "No, yon dry, old wooden box," he said, chuckling; "I never met with such a snuffy, reticent old humbug as you've growu." "Well, if I had not, you wouldn't have made mo your solicitor," I said, grimly. "Perhaps not, Dick; perhaps not, old fellow; but we should have been friends all the same; but don't give Phil the slightest hint of what I mean to do for him. Let him work, and get to be a clever, shrewd man of business. I hate au empty dandy. Let him learn the worth of money be fore he gets it. Qod bless him! he's exactly like poor Jenny." "And how about Sam?" I said in my gruff, repellent way. "Let him stop where he is, and sell tea aud tea-dust, and make his money out of the chests," he said, in a hard, harsh manner that I did not like. "But you'll leave him as much as you leave his brother?" I said. "That I won't, Dick. He's my sis ter's boy, but 1 don't like him. He's his father over again the father who behaved badly to poor Jenny,and broke her heart. He was a gambler, and thought only of himself. Poor girl! she made a sad mistake, but let that rest." "Well, I dou't know," I said. "I think you are misjudging Sam. I be lieve him to be a very frank, honest fellow." "Bosh! Don't tell me, sir. I can read character. I haven't lived to sixty-eight for nothing, sir. The fel low never shows me a bit of deference. He's rough and independent, and bul lies his brother just as that sconndrel, his father, did my poor sister Jenny. I don't like him." Now I, too, had studied character a little, and I knew . enough of John Hendricks to see that I should be doing no good by fighting on Samuel's behalf, but I made it my business a few days later to ask him to call upon me; and during the interview the opinion I hadalready formed was strengthened. "No, Mr. Brown," he said warmly, "I can't do it. I don't say but what if my uncle left me some money I should be glad of it, for for I am thinking of getting married, sir; but my uncle does not like me. He has taken a prejudice against me because he says I am exactly like my dead father, aud I can't help that, of course." "But you might try to humor him a little, aud let him see that you don't deserve his I am sure wrong opin ion." "Thank you for that, Mr. Brown," he exclaimed, and his eyes looked soft and subdued; "but I could not do it, sir. I never would toady to any one for the sake of the money fiat might come, and if I were to go there trying to please my uncle, he would only de spise me for it. My poor mother taught me, Mr. Brown, and I have neverxforgotten her teachings." I found before long that John Hen dricks was thoroughly in earnest, for he sent for me one day to take instruc tions to make his will; but I could not help laying down my pen when I found that he intended to leave the whole of his property, save some trifling legacies to servants and others, to his younger nephew, Philip Hems ley. "Now," I said, "is this fair?" "Sir," he said, "you are now my professional man." "Adviser," I said, correcting him; "and I advise you to do your duty by your nephews by leaving them equal shares." "I'll do nothing of the kind," he said. "I'll leave it all to Philip." I argued and fought, and the result was that he let me put down two thou sand pounds for Sam; but the great property of a hundred and odd thou sand pounds, well invested, was left to Phil. "Now, Dick," said the old fellow cbnckling, "those boys will be sure to ask you if you have any will of mine, and I want to humbug them; so we'll de posit this at the banker's, and then if they ask you if you have my will, you can say 'No.'" Everything was done as he wished, and the ill placed at the banker's; and though, during the next five years I tried hard to get the old man tomako a fresh one, he grew more obBtiuate than ever, shutting his eyes blindly to the character of his nephews; and all I could do was to let matters take their course. It was a bad course for Philip Hems Icy, who was, in a qniet.secretivo way, a regular scamp his father over again. He wob very clever and shrewd as a lawyer, aud got on well when he stuck to it, and this pleased the old man, to whom he was devotedly atten tive; while poor Sam seemed to be come more and more estranged, though a better and truer-hearted fellow never married a pure, sweet little woman like an angel, who poured out tea for a grim old fellow. I was often at his snug little home, and, after trying in vain to make things better for him with his rich uncle, I came to the conclusion that they would be no happier for the money, so I let matters slide. "Two thousand will be a nice nest egg for them," I thought, "so per haps all is for the best." As I have said, Phil became a shrewdish fellow in the law, and passed his examination pretty well, so that he knew what he was about in legal matters; and one day he proved the truth of his uncle's prophecy by saying to me suddenly. "My uncle is far from well, Mr. Brown. Have you got his will?" "No," I said, so shortly that he turned upon his heel and went away. About a month later I was with my old friend, and felt shocked at the change, for it was evident that he was not much longer for this world. He had sent for me, and I was in hopes that he meant to alter his will, and I was right. "What a while you have been com ing," he said querulously. "I wanted you so badly, Dick." "I came on directly, old fellow," I Eaid, kindly. "Here, let me put you a little more easy." "Thank ye, Dick," ho said, "but it's all over. That boy has killed me. Did he ask you if you had my will?" "Yes, about a month since, and I said 'No.'" "I knew it, Dick; I knew it," he said, pitifully; "aud ever since he has been worrying me to let him make my will. Dick, old friend, I've made a big mistake. There, there, don't jump upon me. I I confess it all. I thought he was his mother's boy, he was so like her; but but he has his father's spirit and his ways to the very bone." "I am glad you have awakened to the truth," I said. "You should have advised me bet ter," he retorted querulously, "Should I, Jack?" "No, no; you did, Dick. I've only just found out what an old fool I am, my dear boy. Wo have quarrelled terribly, that boy and I, for I have found him out, iu spite of his smooth tongue. He's a" scamp, L villain a gambler, and in debt terribly. He has half killed me, Dick, and and " I tore at the bell, as the poor old fellow seemed about to have a fit, for the terrible emotion he had suffered at what must have been the rooting up of his most cherished belief in his sister's child had proved, in his weak state, to be more than he could bear. The doctor was sent for, and at the end of an hour John Hendricks was so far recovered that he whispored my name, and I, sitting down beside him, heard him in a whisper say, "Draw up my will quickly. A just one." "I don't think he will ever recover sufficiently to sign," said the doctor, "He has driven it too late, Mr. Brown." The doctor was right, for my poor old friend never recovered his senses, bnt quietly breathed his last a few hours later. The funeral followed iu due form, and I was there, both as old friend and solicitor, to meet the very small party who went to the grave. Sam was there, of course, making no indecorous show of sorrow, while his brother sobbed aloud over the grave; bnt he had a good deal recov ered when we assembled afterward in the dining-room of my oLl frienl's house, his few friends wondering whether he had remembered them in his will, about which subject I heard a whisper going round that none had been left. I suppose that it was from a feeling of importance, perhaps more from an unwillingness to wound poor Sam Uemsley and his young wife by letting them hear the unjust will, that I did not hurry myself to produce it, though I don't think they anticipated much. But all at once, to my utter astonish ment, Philip rose, coughed to clear his husky voice, and said quietly: "I presume you all know how much I have of late been in my uncle's con fidence, so that you will not be sur prised that, as I was by his wish a solicitor, he should have entrusted to me the making of his will." I am a man of the world, but for the moment I was knocked off my balance. Then I was about to exclaim, as I saw him bring forth the document: "Why, you scoundrel, you have forged a will !" Fortunately for Sam, I recovered myself, and sat with my old friend's genuine will buttoned up beneath my coat, while, with the calmest audacity, the rascal read out the document that, as a lawyer, he had cleverly forged. I saw it all now. He had asked me if I had his uncle's will, and Iliad said no. He must have searched the old man's papers and found none, and, feel ing safe, Philip had forged a will in his own favor, and artfully, too, mak ing one about which there could be no dispute; for he provided legacies to friends, and the residue, which proved to be overahuudredthousaud pounds, iu equal moieties to his nephews, Samuel and Philip Hemsley. I sat and laughed to myself as I heard him read this piece of forgery, which was all in due form, clever from the man's cunning in conteuting him self with half, knowing that if the will were otherwise it might have been dis puted, when now it would be taken as perfection; and there, all the time, I sat with the genuine will in my pocket, from which he was cutting himself off by this act, while I rejoiced to think how the villain was being forced as it were by fate to do justice to his brother Sam. What would you have done given the scouudrel into custody as a forger, made a terrible upset, and caused no end of trouble about tb property? Perhaps you would. I did not, for I went home, after satisfying myself that the false will was in due form, and destroyed the real one. Yes, I know what you will say that it was a felonious act, aud that I ought to have been struck off the rolls. Perhaps I ought to have been, but I pondered on the fact that, instead of the whole hundred thousand pounds going to a villain who would stoop to forge, half of it went to a truly deserv ing man; so I left the punishment to higher powers thau those of man, aud kept my seeret, which is a secret still, for I have only giveu fictitious names, SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL. A bar of soft metal is used on Dres den electrio lines instead of the trolley wheel, and is claimed to wear tho wire less and to be more convenient. A remarkable object that "rather resembles some obscuriug medium than a nebula," is the unique discov ery in the constellation of Perseus lately made by Rev. T. E. Espiu. It has been discovered that the de posits of gilsonite a species of asphalt found in Utah will yield a snbstanco which can be used to paint ships' bot toms, and which will protect them from corrosion, seaweed, aud bar nacles iu a remarkable degree. The Medical Department of the French War Office has just published some medical statistics of the army during the year 1895. Tho total num ber of admissions to infirmary and hospital is given as 313,579, answer ing to a general sickness-rate of G31 per 1000 efficients. German figures credit various woods with the following heating capacities! Linden, 1; fir, 0.99; elm aud pine, 0.98; willow, chestnut aud larch, 0.97; maple and spruce, 0.90; black poplar, 0.95; alder aid white birch, 0.94; oak, 0.92; locust and white beech, 0.91; and red beech, 0.90. Modern scien tific research gives us another sur prise in tbe showing that tho soft woods have greater heating power thau the hard. The mud from coal washing is util ized by a Friedrlchsthal engineer. Ho finds the mud to consist of two por tionsone being chiefly clay and Jthe other particles of coal and he sepa rates them by drying aud sifting, tho day passing through as flue dust, while the flue coal is retained by the sieve. Tho coal contaius little ash and is adapted for various purposes, while the separated dust has proven not wholly useless. The new form of incandescent elec tric lamp recently devised by Pro fessor Nernst, in which magnesium oxide is used instead of a carbon fila ment, requires that the conductor should first be heated by either a Bun sen flame or the spark from au induc tion coil. Professor Nernst proposes to embed a certain filament iu the rod of magnesium oxide which will afford a path for the current when tho rod is' cold aud communicate bent to the sur rounding material so as to raise it to the conducting temperature at which light is emitted. First Map to Hour "Alaska." The map of James Cook, 1778, was the first to bear the name "Alaska," which was a corruption of the India Al-ak-shack, or "Eudless Land." The United States began lo treat with Russia for the acquisition of Alaska under Presidents Polk (1815 to 1849) and Buchauan (1857 to 1801), and the matter was opened again iu lHOli by Seward, who was then Secretary of State, and closed the transaction on March 31, 1807, Russia coding all claim to Alaska for the consideration of $7,200,000. A Pupil's Impudent Impromptu. In a public school of Olympiu, Wash., where pupils are asked occa sionally for impromptu poetical reci tations, one reluctant boy recently ordered to show his ability at rbym ing for the benefit of the School Board's visitors astounded all pres ent, and secured punishment for him self later by declaiming: Clod, Ol God, supreme on high. Look down on this committee. Who chose such fools to tench our schools In this our capital city. Speaker Heed's I.llllr Juke. Speaker Reed recently wished to see a political friend on some very im portant business and telegraphed him to como at once to Washington. The friend took the first train, but a wash out on the road soon stopped him. Going to a telegraph ollice he sent this messuge: "Washout on the line; can't come," to wliich in due lime he re ceived the following reply from the Maine statesmau: "iJuy a new shirt and come anyway." TUEMEI1RY SIDE OF LIFE. STORIES TOLD BY THE FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Preferably the Whole Thing Insulted Dignity Why She Disliked Ilhn Waterproof HopelessWhen Woman Hates Patriotic Experimental. Klc. I'll wed some meek, submissive man, For reasons good, though few I'd rather be the whole of one Than tho better half of two. -Life. Patriotic. "Is Oobnng a patriotic mau?" "I should say so. He has boon urging his wife to enlist for three weeks." New York World. Instilled Dtenity. "Hey, there! Are you tho office boy?" "Office nuttin'! I'm do janitor's privoto see'etary!" Chicago Tribune. Waterproof. Waiter (who has spilled the con tents of a water bottle over a guest) "Shall I get you a napkin?" Quest "I thiuk yon would better get me a mackintosh." Truth. Hopeless. She "Do you think tho North Pole will ever be discovered?" He "Not as long as people are willing to pay to hear men tell how they didn't find it." Chicago News. When Wnmnn Hates. Lucretia "I should hate t.) bo two-faced." Lulu "I shonld think you would, especially if your other face was any thing like the ono I see." Yonkcra Statesman. Wly She Ilisllketl Him. He "How do you like Fopping ton, Miss Barrow?" Miss Barrow "Not at all. Ho cau't pronounce his r's, and I do de teBt being addressed as Miss Bow wow." Tit-Bits. Experimental. "Did the prisoner offer any excuso for his bigamy?" "Yes; he said he was tempted to keep on marrying until he got a wife that could make a good cup of coffeo." Chicago Record. Chanced by Time. "As a child ho was afraid of the dark." "Yes?" "Well, now ho is grown, has gone into politics and is afraid of the light." - -New York World. The Latest From Klondike. Friend "And so you were Blowly freezing to death. Well, what saved you?" Narrator "Oh, at tho thought of it my blood be?an to boil, and I thawed oat." New York Journal. Her Victory. Mabel "I gained n great victory over myself to-day." Madge "How did you do it, dear?" Mabel "I wa passing plate-glass windows all day aud I never looked at my reflection in any of them." One Scofler Silenced. Sarcastic Inquirer "What good will it do you to take your bicycle with you to Cuba?" Prospective Soldier "If I become homesick, sir, I can puncture one of ray tires and breathe my nutivo air again." Chicago Tribune. Not Sure of Her Oround. "How often we aro reminded of Achilles sulking in his tout!" ox claimed tho peduutio youth. "Yes," replied Mrs. Cumrox a little doubtfully; "I am told that circus people are sometimes rather ill-tempered." Washington Star. Full Well He Knew the Hanger. "Oh, Edwin, Edwin!" sobbed Athanasia. Often at evening she would sit by herself, thus, and weep over her faith ful lover's letters. For he had uot committed himself in any of them. Detroit Free Press. Too Costly. A countryman walked into a West ern newspaper oflleo to advertise the death of a relative. "What is your charge?" ho asked of the clerk. "We charge $2 au inch." "Oh," said tho countrymau, "Icau not afford that. My relative was six feet three inches." Household Words. Planning For a Piece of I'le. Hostess (at party) "And docs your mother allow you to have two pieces of pie when you are at home, Willie?" Willie (who has asked for a second piece) "No, ma'am." "Woll, do you thiuk sho would like you to have two pieces here?" Willie (confidently) "Oh, she wouldn't care. This isn't her pie." Tit-Bits. No Need of Peeking In. "The eyes," he said, in a fine burst of poetio eloqui .ce, "are the windows of the soul." "So I havo heard," sho replied, but " "But what?" ho urged, as sho hesitated. "You needn't try to sit so close to me just because I happen to be a little near-sighted." Chicago News. All Admit It. "The idea of holding that woman is not amply fitted to enter public life!" she exclaimed. "What is there of more ilno to ono in public life than the art of extemporaneous speaking, and when it comes to speaking extem poraueously " "My dear," he interrupted, "your point is well taken. When it comes to speaking extemporaneously man is really only a bsse imitation." Chi cago Post. WHEN THE DAY COMES. When tho day conies With thunder of the drums, And blowing of tbo bugles, we shall bo No craven band un crimsoned sen or land, To heroes tracing our high ancestry, And, under God, On glorious sea and sod, Cleaving a path of freedom for the free! it. When the day comes Eltherrcjolelng drums, And victor-lings above the ranks to wave, Or, where the dust gleams red With blood for Freedom shed. The glory of the dying of tbe brave! I.ifo for the land to give For Freedom still to live. Or her loved smile to light us to the gravel HUMOR OF THE DAY. Tapa?" "Well?" "How tall is tho man who is above criticism?" Judge. "Do yon think that stimulants would hurt me, doctor?" "Not if you leave them alone." Detroit Free Press. Jack "I want to marry my op posite." Maud "I don't know of any girl bright enough to suit you." Judge. "Baffled!" muttered the great de tective. He threw his wife's dress to the floor aud strode gloomily from tho room." Judge. Foromau of Torrent Engine Com pany (gn.iug at the smoking ruius, but speaking cheerfully) "Well, boys, we saved tho engine!" Puck. She "Love is like sea sickness." He "Why?" She "Because you cuu havo it awfully and yet cau't de scribe it." Detroit Free Press. Jasper "They say that Hustler made a fortune iu tho Klondike." Jumpuppe "Yes; he carried fools up there and carried wine men back." Puck. Mrs. B "Tho lady Dabbs is going to marry is highly intellectual. Sho speaks throe languages." Mr. B. (condolingly) "Poor Dabbs." Bos tou Traveler. "Pa's got a nawfnl temper," said Jamie. "I tried t' sand-paper my pencil ou his chin while he was takiu' a nap, an' he woke up au' got real mad about it." Judge. A Quaker ouco, hearing a person tell how much he felt for a friend who needed assistance, drily observed: "Frioud, hast thou felt iu thy pocket for him?" -Tit-Bits. "Ain't I little bow-legged?" asked tho dubious young mau. "Bow legged?" said his tailor. "Tho idea! Your lower limbs, sir, are absolutely without a parallel." Iudiauapolis Journal. "Well," said the adjuster as he set down his valise, "I investigated that Wigglesworth death claim." "How about it?" asked the president of the company. "Straight as a die." Iu diauapolis Journal. Dumlow "Tell Closettst I want to speak with him, will you?" Bogstow "I don't wautto disturb him now." Dumlow "Why not?" Bogstow "He's counting money, and I shouldn't care to interrupt him at his devotions." Roxbury Oucttc. "My sou wants mo to buy him a trolley Hue, aud I think he would make a lawyer. In the one case he would cnt people up, and in the other merely pull their legs. What would yon sug gest?" "I'd make a doctor out of him. Then he can do both." ruck. High-Priced Doctor "You are now convalescent and all you need is exer cise. You shonld walk ton, twenty, thirty mile n day, sir; but your walk-, ing should have an object." Patient "All right doctor. I'll travel around trying to borrow enough to pay your bill." Standard. He (wouderiug if that Williams has ever beeu accepted) "Aro both your rings heirlooms?" Sho (concealing the hand) "Oh, dear, yes! Ono has been iu the family since the timo ol Alfred, but tho other is uencr and (blushiug) only dates from the con quest." Harlem Life. Mistress "Why, Bridget, you sure ly don't consider these windows washed?" Bridget "Sure, I washed 'em nicely on the inside, muiu, so ye can look out; but I intentionally lift thim a little dirty on the outside so thim aigdorant Jones children uixt door oouldu't lojk iu." Truth. Dinguss "Old man, you've accom modated me a great many times, and I wouldn't strike you now if it wasn't a matter of absolute need. I'm suf fering ftr tho lack of $10." Hhndbolt (reluctantly handing it over) "What's the trouble, Dinguss?" Dinguss "My wife has got her heart set ou '98 wheel, and I need the 810 to make tho first payment on it." Chicago Tribune. He (desperately) "Toll me, the truth. Is it not my poverty that stands ' between us?" She (sally) -"Y-e-s." Ho (with a ray of hope) "I admit that I am poor, aud so, nufortuuatoly, is my father; but I have an aged undo who is very rich, ami a ba.'helor. He is an invalid aud cannot long survive." She "How kind and thoughtful you are! Will you introduce me to hiiu?" - -New York Weekly. Kt'pnrlee hy'.liihn Velry. John Wesley, Hie father of Method ism, was brought before tho mayor at a certain town, charged with having wrought disturbance by street preach ing. "You ought to have known, ' said the mayor, "that this sort of thing is not permitted by the mob." "Pardon," sui I Wesley, "but I wasu'l even aware that this town of yours was governed by a mob." A 1111111111 Sun's Advertisement. A dutiful German son advertises iu tho Leipzig Tageblatt: "Marriage 1 seek for iny father, a strictly respecta ble mau with a quiet business, an elderly, solitary widow or maiden with some property in cash. Address with a statement of conditions. ' "
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers