RATES OF ADVEilTTSING. One Spinro, one Inch, one insertion... (1 00 Onn S innr, one inch, one month 8 00 ( Imp Sij iarc, one inch, three month. . . ft f One Siiini n, ono inch, one year 10 (X) Two Kunrrs, one year 16 00 Qnnrter Column, one year SO 00 Hivlf Column, one yesr. . M CO On Column, one year. ...100 00 Lenl notices t established rate. Mirrii;e and death notices prnlm. All bills for yearly advertisements oolleoted inrlpr'y. Teniiorary advertisements mmt r,p p.'iicl-i'i advance. Job uorL, cn.-tii on delivery. M nui.nmirn etkut wrnitiwiiil, T J. E. WENK, OfTloe in Smearbsugh ft Co.'s Buildin ELM BTUEET, - TIONESTA, PA. fl.BO I IE 11 YICATt. No miWrlptinns received for ft shoitr poriod t'mn Ihrro mon!i.. (! .ii- .-., ( (.(.)i(f.d from nil pari of t!it im ii ' . N.iiiiniiowi 1 I'fltHk'U of amiuvnioiii "'.nun i.i(r,(in. VOL. 171. NO. 26. TIONESTA, PA., WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 3, 1883. $1.50 PER ANNUM. THE OIJD READINO CLASS, I cannot toll you, faonovlevo, how oft it comes to me STaat rather young old reading class in Di. f triefc Number Three, That row of olocut.ionl.sts who stood to straight ' in lino, And charged at standard literature with amiable design. ' We did not spare the energy in which our t words wore clad; We gave the moaning of tho text by all tho light we had j ' Hut Btill I fear tho 0:103 who wrote tho lines we rood so froo Would scarce have recognized their work in District Number Thrco. .4. Outside the snow was smooth aud clean tho winter's thick-laid dust; Tho storm It made tho windows speak at ovory sudden cunt; Eilfcht fclotgb-bclla throw us pleasant words When travelers would pass; Tho lnaplo trees alcig tho road stood thlver- ing in their class; fccyond, the white-browed cottrges woronost- Hng cold and dumb. . And fur away tho mighty world seemed beckoning us to coma 3 ho wondrous world, of which wo conned w hat had been and might be, In that old-fashioned reading class of District Kurnber Three. We took a hand at ITistory its altars, spires ( and flames And uniformly mispronounced tha most im portant names; V.'s wandered through Biography, and gft vo , our fancy play, And with some subjocts fell in love "good . only for ono day;" In Ivo:nr.:-.xi and rhilosophy we settled many a pv.int, And uv.i'.s what poems wo assailed to creak at every joint; And many authors tlmt.-L you with mo v.illngroo, V.'cro first time introduced to us in District Number Throe. You recollect Susannah Smith, tho teacher's ore distress, Who nover stopped at any pause a sort of day express I And timid young Sylvester Jones, of incon sistent sight, m . . ... ... . - . t jio stumuieu on uic easy words and read tho hard ones right I Aad Jennie Green, whoso doloful voice was always clothed in black I And Snmud Hicks, whoso tones induced the plastering all to crack f And Andrew Tubbs, wbosa various mouths were quite a show to see t Alas! we cannot find thorn now in District Number Three, And Jasper Jenckes, whose tears would flow at each pathetic word (He's in the prize-fight business now, and hits them hard, I've heard) ; And Bonny Bayno, whoso overy tone he mur mured as in fear fTT A t . . . . . . ima tongue 13 not so wruu now; no is an auc- tioneer); And Lanty Wood, whoso voles was lust en- Und leaped from hoarse to flarcoly shrill with most surprising range ; Also his sister Alary Jano, so full of Jprudlsh n - Alas! they're bolh in highsr schools than Dis . triut Number Throe. 3o back these various voico3 come, though long the yoar j have grown, And sound uncommonly distinct through Memory's telephone; And some are full of nv:Iody, enduring asenso of cheor, And some can emits the rock of time, and summon forth a tear; But one sweet voice comes back to mo, when ever sad I grieve, And sings a song, and that" is yours, O peer less Genevieve! 1 It brightens up the olden times, and throws a smile at mo A silver star amid tho clouds of District Num ber Three, Will CarUlon, in Harper's Magazine. A HAPPY MISTAKE. "No, life is not fair. Its troubles are given to tho many; its pleasures only to the few I" mused Mrs. Mer riain .n she stood in her cottage door looking after the fine carriage of an old schoolmate that lial just dashed by. " She lias so much, ana I so little I And yet, I once had the opportunity of accepting th;it rich, husband of her;i, and t.he would have given her eyes in those days, if Tom Merriam would have cared for her as he cared for me ! . I wonder how it would have been if I had takm Jacob Marabout, instead of telling him that I was engaged to Tom, and seeing real tears in his eje3 as ha listened I I wonder if Tom 5ut what am I thinkiDg of ? Iam quite eure that Tom could never have cared for her never I" Mrs. Merriam's set faco softened a little ns her memory went back to the days wheii Tom" wooed and won her, and when she was bo glad to secure him after her long fear thatllermione Uaey would be his chosen briil"""! But the next moment the br, ,,tBun light flashefJiponthe highly-vjiiahed panels of rmione's pony carriage far up the Vnorge road. She turned away from the open door with a heavy eigh and entered the plainly-furnished Bitting-room w here her two little girls were getting ready for school. " Tut it away I Hide it under your apron, Kosy, or mamma will see it 1" she heard her twelve-year-old Inez say in a frightened whisper as she laid her hand on the latch of the door. - Hosy wus tshullling something out of sight under licr white pinaforo with a very guilty fai'e. Both tho children wero anxious to set off to school before their usual time, and when the mother had allowed th 'in to do so she saw them turn out of their road to go to their falhes, who was at work in the field on the hillside. Tiie two trim little figures stood on the hilltop, in strong relief against the pale-bluo horizon, and Kofly'n apron was unfolded, and "father" was evi dently mido the participator in tho secret which " mother was not to know I It was n little thing, but it added to the discontent with which the neat and capab!o housekeeper went about her usual tasks that morning. " Tom Merriam was unusually silent that noon when he came to dinner, lie partook of tho tempting meal in an absent-minded kind of way and went back to tho hillside the moment he had finished, instead of lingering to talk to h'.B wife as h9 generally did. And yet this was her thirty-fourth birthday ! Tom might have remem bered it sufficiently to say a kind word or two in praise of the extra good dinner which she had given him. But no ; thero he was on the hillside again, and actually leaning over to talk to llermiono Marabout as she drove by on her way back to the beautiful llttlo villa which her husband had taken for her during his absence in Europe on important business. The hillside conference lasted nearly ten minutes ; then the pony-carriage rolled by the small brown farmhouse once more ; but Hermione's faco was persistently turned the other way. "She has forgotten, tool" thought Mrs. Merriam, bitterly. And yet her own birthday comes only one week after mine." aha finished washing and putting away her dinner dishes and swept the kitchen floor. Her house was none tho less spotlessly tidy because her heart was aching. fhe put on a ch?an dress of pink print which she had made ready for this very day. In the pantry were four tiny leaves of fruitcake one for each member of the family which she had made in secret, and tho wheaten bread, the graham rolls, the chipped beef and home-made preserves were ready tor the supper table on the shelves. Xowork wa3 pressing for this after noon, l'or a week past 6 tie had planned to secure four leisure hours at this time, and now they hung heavily and sadly upon Iter hands. She wandered around from room to room for a few moments, biting her lips hard every now and then to keep back the unwelcome tears. At last she snatched up her sunbonnet, and leaving tho house by the backdoor she hurried across the garden and a small neck of pasture land, and reached the cool, green shadow of the pasture wojds. , In the silence and beauty of the maples she flung herself down and burst into tears. Long, long she wept, till the sadness and discontent whi. h had been making her heart sore all through the day were entirely gone. liaising herself on her elbow at last a quick whir of wings close beside her cheek startled her. She searched among the moss, and found under the roof of three tiny maples, scarcely two imheshigh, a lovely little hair-lined nest with four little, warm white eggs in it, the latest brood of the season " I will not disturb you, pretty one," she said to the small, brown mother who sat on a barberry bush close by chirping pitnuliy. She rose and walked on The great trees rustled and waved their green and arolden loaves about over her head in the sunlight and fresh air, A brilliant red bird, with a jet-black head and wings, flashed past ; a golden robin chattered and scolded from a tall ash at her, and a red squirrel barked himself awry, just above tho robin's head, when he saw her coming ; sweet- scented thistle i, honest-raced mul leins, and the cheerful golden-rod werj in bloom on every side; black berries, late raspberries and crimson "Scotch-caps" overran the wouds, and I arberry bushes hung full of yellow ish iruit. A bird, unseen in the depths of the forest, sang every mo ment three flute-like notes, half-sweet, half-sad. Toward the west a deep bell tinkled melodiously, and the straw berry roan-cow came in sight, leading the re.st or the herd to higher pastures. A woodchuck, standing on his hind feet at the door of his home, bolted down the narrow path as she passed by. All was life, movement, happ ness, sunshine, blue bkies and perfumed breo.es, wherever she turned. She stooped to wonder at the curious tun nel that the wood-si ider wove for a hiding place in the midst of her net, the rounded shafts sunk through the dried grass by the meadow-mole, and tho buy ants carrying their eggs about when a stone chanced to be up turned, alike attracted and enchained her attention. Two hours passed beforo she was awa,re of their lUght; and in all that time she had forgotten to be unhappy. " The woods have taught me a lesson that. I needed," she thought, as she turned back toward the lonely cottage homo that had never before seemed half so dear; "and I have had a pleas ant birthday, after all." By the back door feho entered her Lome ajiain, Cilancing into the jiautry as she passed 6he saw with surprise that the materials for the birthday least had vanished. A confused murmur of voices Bounded from the parlor. The dining- room aoor stood wide open. There on a table beautifully decorated with hot house flowers were tho Jost dainties in company with cakes, ices, fruita and creams such as she had never sen before; while on an improvised side board stood the heavier viands cold roast fowl, a ham, in paper frills, and dressed with parsley, and a tongue. speechless with astonishment the farmer's wife crossed the hall and Lpeeped into the parlor, A beautiful rosewood arm-chair. covered with crimson velvet a chaii - such as she ha I always secretly longed for, but never hoped to possess stood near the open fireplace. Over the carved and arched top Hermione Marabout was arranging a wreath ol golden-rod and field-daisies, while Tom Merriam was fastening above the wreath a finely-executed inscription, painted in colors upon tinted paste board. " Oh, do hurry, papa, pleasel" cried Inez, dancing up and down in her Sun day Blippers and best muslin frock " Kosy and I saw her Just now coming out of the woods, and oh, here she isP TherMWjrji two screams of delight from thelrpTof the children in theit Sunday attire; and Tom Merriam also dressed in his best turned from the chair and added his embrace to that of Inez and Rosy. " Welcome, dear mother!" said the glowing letters on the tinted board. "Welcome, dear -wife!" whispered her husband as ho kissed her. " Inez painted the letters and I made the wreath 1" cried Rosy, capering about like a mad thing. "And we were so afraid that you would Bee them both this morning!" 1 "And papa bought the chair and hid . it out in the barn all last night," chimed in Inez. "And dear Mrs. Marabout has brought you oh, such a lovely new black silk dress, and such lots and lot3 of nice things for sup perl And it is just the happiest birth day in all tho world now isn't it, mamma?" "I congratulate you, dear; and 1 am afraid 1 envy you," said llermiono, in a low tone, as she kissed her friend. " I married for money, you know, and have it; but that is all. Never once in all my life, Esther, have I known the loflttf. tt Ha A lAfttKaf f Anl iVlla Inn v.iwow wvug Vi JKJJ vuau JUU At:t3A tUU uaji You are a very happy woman, my dear. May God keep you so 1" With light hearts they all sat down together to share tho birthday feast. But in the twilight of that evening, when they two were alone, the wife confessed to her husband all the evil thoughts that had beset her that day Never again did they trouble her Never has she forgotten tho silent lesson taught her by that momentary i. . - j u.t . . iiLupau ul buo ii w j oiura tuab may VA' ist in the most fortunate of human lives. V. F. Benton. Making Cross-Ejej straight. A medical expert described to a No York Times reporter his method oi making cross-eyes straight as follows: " The operation to be undergone by the patient is simple and practically pain less. For the convergent cases there is no pain whatever, only a little an noyance while the operator is reaching the little muscle which has to be di vided. I have performed the opera tion hundreds of times on other people, sometimes giving anesthetics, and often with no such aid. The patient is stretched on the table. I draw apart with my fingers the lids of his eyes and insert between them a little steel instrument shaped like the letter O. The sides of this expand by a spring and force the lids open, dis- closing the eyeball and the network of muscles holding it in position and directing its movements. When this : r. ...... -.i: u .i r 1:. . 11 e&ptiuaiuij. 1a wjcuiupubiieu x up tun muscle with a small pair of tweezers and divide it with my instrument. AVhen it is cut it feels to the patient as if a small band of rubber was being snapped. There is no pain at 'all. Very often, however, painful opera tions are performed. The muscle has sometimes been divided too much, and the error has to be rectified. This re quires some stitches to be taken and a new cut to be made. The patient must be made unconscious while this is going on." "Can you cure any case of stra bismus ?" " I can benefit any ordinary case, even when it can't be entirely cured. I have often wished that I could operate on Ben Butler. I think I could give him as straight eyes as I have in half an hour's time." The Influence of Forests. The inlluence of forest upon cli mate and fertility is as yet but poorly understood by even the more pro fessional class of farmers. It is a problem that can be solved only by observations extending over consider able perio.ts of time. But the influence is plainly observable and its explana tion simple. Strip the hills of theit protecting forests, and the thin cover ing of soil which overlays their rocky slope will shortly be washed down into the valleys and into the beds of streams and rivers. Periodical freshets will result which will eventually carry away tho best soil from even the val leys. One authority declares that il the destruction ot the hill forests be continued in Ohio, half the area of that Mate will be sterile in fifty years. I iic Courier TlVVi. TTC TTiF HOP TYTCTTCTfT Liilj m FHB PASCTWATIOII OP HOP CULTURE DESCRIBED. How Fortnnra Are Marin and I.ont-An Agrf' cultural Pnniiit With the Chances or the Gaming Table. Whoever makes a summer pilgrim age westward from Albany by tho Al- Dany and Susquehanna railroad, after tho first thirty miles are passed, begins to see a strange and unaccustomed vegetation. Occasionally a luxuriant growth of vine3 is met, which covers the earth entirely from tho fervent mid-day sun, and rises from twelve to twenty feet in the air. lie is in the outskirts of the hop district. It is only after he has gained the summit, about fifty miles west of the r apital . city, and rolls swiftly down the long slope of the Susquehanna valley, that he realizes that the heart of hop-growing America is reached, lie is in Otsego a county which excels all others in acreage and amount and 1 value of hops. ' Here the hop fields become larger and more numerous. Hop-growers are no longer the exception, but the rule. ! You may drive the whole day and hardly pass a farm which has not from two to fifty acres of the vine. This acreage is constantly increasing. The small grower of five years ago shows his broad fields to-day, and even the timid, old-fashioned farmer of that , time has caught the infection, and boasts a modest acreage of his own. , The merchant, the mechanic, and even the day laborer not infreimntly hires a plot of ground from some neighbor ing farmer, and "tries his fortune with the rest. ' Instances are not uncom mon of those who rent a few acres and rely upon the crop produced, spending the whole y?ar in an 1 about tho hop yard. It is a mania; and, as in the oil regions nothing is heard save oil yields and on prospects, 10 here you hear from year end to year end nothing save a dreary iteration of hop prospects, hop sales, hop yields and hop blight. It is a region of unquestione I fertility, and one of the best gracing and dairy ing sections of the State. All the ce reals furnish certain and abundant harvests. The root crops are prolific and the orchards redundant of fruit ago. AIL however, are subordinate to the uncertain hop industry, and tho rich man looks for his luxurits and the poor man for his necessities to the value , m , 1 8 cr0P .alone' Hop growing is always uncertain, Therein lie3 much of its fascination. It is the spirit ot Wall street carried afield. The dairyman or grain grower looks for but slight fluctuation in the value of his produce from year to year. A gain or loss of fifty per cent. would be remarkable. Within a much smaller limit he is safe. But the hop cultivator knows that the price of this vpar bpnra no diseover.ililn relation to year bears no discoverable relation to that of tho next. It may bo 00 cr 400 per cent, higher or lower without exciting great surprise. As great changes as that have occurred within the last few months. When we reflect that hops canunler favorable circumstances be fitted for market for ten cents per pound, and that fifteen cents yields a margin of profit, we get at the full significance of these figures. Eight to ten cents per pound has not infrequently been the price for a year or more, followed. it may bo the next season, by from forty to fifty cents. Y'et the decline is as sudden and unexpected. I have in mind a grower who was some years ago offered sixty-two and a half cents a pound for his crop of 5,000 pounds 1 Refusing to sell at that time i he afterward accented five ctnts per pound, which was much : more than many others it- 1 ceived. Another so.d Ins whole crop for if'JO. Ono man fe I them to his shecp. while another used them for 1 1 1 1 . norsu-ueauiug, But in tho overturn of thinus produced by last year's supposed immense shut age some of those hops which hud by some chance been kept, were s-old for more than they wore worth when new. It would bo interesting to know if they have at last got into iise, or are still kept in store, perhaps to pa-s into a greater worthlessness than before. The fa tors which produce this vast flu tuation of prices are many, l'er liaps thero Li no other plant subject to so many vicissitudes of climate as the hop. The root3 may winter-kill over vast areas. A slow, iold summer may retard the growth. A hot, wet August may bring the mold in tho wakeol the drealed insect enemy, the fly. The louse, an immature fly, may cover the leaves by thousands, causing that pe culiar black and sh ning appearance known as honeydew. Add to these the depredations of the hop grub, which, working under ground, de stroys the roots, and the myriad forms of caterpillars and of insect life which make their home in tho hop planta tions, and you get tome idea of the enem es with which the planter must contend. During the present year there has been added to these a b'.ight, the nature of which is not precisely de termined. Many hills, after attaining a height of from six to ten J:et, sud denly stopped growing, and the head or termin;d point took on a withered appearance. This the plant seemingly overcame in a few weeks, but later it reappeared, atta"king tho ends of the branches in the full grown vine. These withered, dropped their leaves, and in some cu.es became dry uu.l hard. The loss from this cause will not be consid erable this year, but no one knows its cause or how to successfully contend with it, and no little anxiety is felt lest it reappear next season. New York Sun. . The Stimulus of Necessity. Dr. Carpenter writes as follows in the New York Medical Journal : What can be in stronger contrast than the sluggish life of the Orinoco Indian for whom one day's labor (in tho planting of a banana grove) is Baid by llumooidt to be sumciem to proviae food for the whole year, and who di vides his time between sleeping and smoking and the hardy activity of the Swiss mountaineer, who toils throughout the summer and autumn in the cultivation or his small paten of grain or potatoes for the needs of his family, and scales heights that most men would deem inaccessible to collect their scanty herbage as win ter's food for their beasts, using the lorrf hours of his enforced confine- t . m 1 n .a 11 meiic in some Kinu 01 SKiueu nauui work which may enable him to pro cure additional comforts for his home or educational advantages for his chil dren? And so, in the higher grades of society, those who are born with a silver spoon in their mouths too often fall into habits 01 - mere diiet tanteism, while thoso who enter upon their career with good educational preparation for it, but without any other means of subsist ence than what they can tnemseivea earn, are, as a large experience shows, those most likely to succeed. I need not call to your minds cases so familiar, to you as those of some of your own presidents; but would rather draw my illustrations from the fact well known in my reputedly aristocratic country that many of tho men who have risen to highest eminence in the legal profession, and have thereby gained seats in our house of lords, have begun life upon nothing, while those who go to the bar with an income that places them above the need of exertion, are regarded as almost sure not to "get on." The autobiography of the late Lord Campbell and the biographical notices that have made us acquainted with the early year3 of the late Lord Justice Lush are most instructive when re garded in this aspect, showing what steady determination may do without any brilliant ability, when nerved in the first instance by the " stimulus oi necessity." And so it is with the most of a. In proportion a3-our path ol life is smooth we tend to fall into an, automatic routine; but obstacles arise which require some extraordinary ex ertion to surmount them, and then only do we become conscious of our real strength that which lies in vigor ous self-determination. Clearing Stamp Land. A correspondent of tho Country Gentleman writes from Michigan" We have here thousands of acres oi what is called "stump land" land from which the pine timber has taken by lumbermen. Tho term " btump land" is no misnomer, for there are often a hundred pine stumps to the acre. From a field of eight acres in sight of me as I write, oOO stumps have just been pulled. When exposed to the weather pine decays very rapidly, and one would suppose that a few years after the timber was cut the pine stumps could be easily pulled; but such is not the case. Long, stout roots are required to support a pine tree 100 or 150 feet high, and na ture strengthens the roots by saturat ing them with resinous pitch. This saves them from decay, and a pine stump, forty years after the tree has been cut, clings to the ground with al most the same grim determination as when first cut. But In spite of this, stumps from twenty to forty inches in diameter can be pulled with a good machine at a cost of fifteen or twenty tents each. A man who owns a good stump puller here has just finished a job of 1.8U0 pine stumps at flfttea cents each for pulling, and tho same price for burning. Theso stumps were all standing cn thirty , acres of land, and many of them were from thseo to four feet in diameter. T. e Amazons of Kurdistan. The women of Kurdistan, says the London V rily News, are stated to be strongly opposed to tho census, and even disposed to resist the curiosity of the enumerators with their lives. Ac cording to intelligence published in the Indian papers they have for the moment entirely frustrated an attempt to take a census unvingthem in llian, although the c -nsus oilicers were sup ported by the military. The wonun of several villages, "five hundred fair and strong," marched out in a body and attacked, the troops, who, whether actuated by fear or gallantry, turned and lied. It is added that the Turkish authorities will find it no easy task to overcome the resistance of an inquisitorial visitation of their homes by the Kurdish women, who are rather famous for their Amazonian prowess. Those who are familiar witii the de tails of the Turco-Liussian war of 1855 will remember tho Kurdish lady who went to Constantinople at the head of a thousand horsemen of her own rais ing in support of the national cause, and para led and handled the.-e troops with much effoct before the Turkish udliUry authorities. DESPONDENCY. This sonnet wn written by " Siicfyvood lionnor" nly short time before ber death.) A soul which, anguish -smitten, nought releaai From its own thoughts through weary boor of night Turned with new life to greot the morning light, And road in golden lines the longed-for peace. When suddenly, mid all the fair increase Of hope, the new-found Joys that round it There stood, reproachful-eyed, a famished guest, Whose wanset look bade all delight to ceases Wfll it be so hereafter f Shall we gain The heaven we sought through life's long night of care, Only to find some word, once heard in vain, Some duty, in sheer exercise of prayer Left unfulfilled, start up to meet us there, Bidding ns back to old remorse and pain t 7orper's Wtekly HUM0B OF THE DAY. Beauty Is but skin deep, at the drug gists' varying prices per bottle. TUe Judge. Yeast compares his boarding-house mistress to a frontiersman, for the reason that she lives on the boarders. The Newton (Iowa) Journal thinks tho new electric wire fence will be splendid around a melon patch. It will be so shocking to the boys. .. The scientific angler is the man who goes fishing with $25 worth of tackle and comes home with twenty-five cents worth of fish. Norristown Herald. He talked inanely of the arts, And said some things about tho muse, But aii the point that he conld moke Was in his pointed, tooth-pick shoe'. ' ilerohant-Trateier. Jealousy is so rampant now that a nan can't chase his hat down street without being accused of running after the presidency. Waterloo Ob tercet. A young lady, who has probably had reason to doubt the veracity of tho male biped, says batches of lies are only equalel by the lies of baches. Boston Transcript. Why is it that a chicken will wan dor around and never begin to scratch in dead earnest until she gets on the bed containing the most expensive flowers in the garden? Fuck. " Why do you call a stupid person a stick?" asked Rollo one day. And Rollo's father said he didn't know, un less it was because one end was of no more account than the other. Argo naut. A young woman in an Ohio town has married her brother's wife's father. When last seen she was busy with a compass and a dictionary trying to tudy out what relation she was to herself. Peck's Sun. When you get pretty well up on tho White Mountains, it is Baid you can often see a rain storm below you. It must be a decidedly healthy place. A man don't ft el "under the weather" there, you know. Statesman. An Alabama ball club composed of young la lies challenged a male nina and beat them by 20 to 11. It might be stated, however, that the males were all married men, and accustomed to knuckling under to the women folks. Burlington Free Press. A young miss of sixteen asks what Is the proper thing for her to do when Bhe is serenaded by a party of young gentlemen at a late hour. We are glad to be able to answer this ques tion. Steal softly downstairs and untie the dog. Rochester Exvrtss. One fellow might hang around a surf swimming place for weeks and never have a chance to rescue a rich man's daughter from a watery grave. Another would grapple a million heir ess the very first day, and be invited to her house to dinner. It is all luck. Picayune. "The race is not always to tho swift," especially when a young man is met at the gate of pa's house, by his greatly admired leaning on the arm of a rival who had pieceded him by several minutes by coming crosa lots instead of sticking too closely to stone pavements. Yonkers Gazette. A hospital professor was making an amputation in the presence of his students; meantime the patient groaned and sobbed. Irritated at hearing so much groanin g, the prof essor said to the patient: "Do me the favor to be quiet, for we can't hear ourselves talk. There are one hundred persons here at least, and you are the only one who is making any fuss." The Monitor, Mexico. " Is the man mad ?" "No, the man Is not mad?" "Then, what makes him yell so?" "lie is talking to a man a mile away." " Through that little instrument?" "Yes, through tiat instrument of torture called a telephone," ' Will he make the man a mile away hear?" "Certainly he will." "But he could doit ju.-t as easily by yelling out of a window. ' 44 Why, "does not the telephone work i" "No, it dot's not work. Th man using the telephone works. Jot that down in your mvm." Htu tford l'o.-.t. it is autnnnriTiYi'ry rremtcn tnat; Tir am t.rOiiOi) nersons in New j Y'ork and Brooklyn who receive char itable ussi:-tance, and that a fewAN' j these are entirely depi ndent upon c' ' it v for thu iit'eessar e.s of Lfn, larger part of this quarter ol a ' it tknu pauper aru children,
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers