u u Some Loaf Words'. N!iuvluv r 1 A correspondent of the St a Republican asked for the longest w in the English language. The have been a large nuaiber of answers some of them quite amusing. Hers is a lL-t oi' the words, with the num ber of letters in each : tetters. Piiil.ij.r.nitivencjK . 20 Incoiuprehensibleuess. .,, 'XI ...na-ta ... 0f publication tie .-ri omer alneaday morning at 3 00 - ..- . ndvanes .j t F . i. eBrire& ochenrU. j to ..ii ttkwitliriakr nntfl all c sp. Postmanert neglecting erald set V .ms tat"1 to not taka wit ,beM resplbls ft li. nb cvlM from on afWffie to aa- ...W U IU" " '"-ai Address jhe Somerset rieraja, 8onjerse-t, P. J. B. O'OON.NO. ,TlOhJ NEVS-AT-LAW, S....M- USIT. P. I-.IKSKI'KKK, A1 ..,aieret Pa. . If-"'' ir t " wn omjc. merle t Pa. "fp SCOTT, m J. r.:. iXV.hNEY-ATLAW, Somerset, Pa. I : AlluhNETATLAW, Somerset, Fa ' "'I'm'KNE' AT-LAW "l Siiuierset, Penn'a ;lTLL, AlTut.NEY-AT-LAW, Somerset, Pa. ,-i'.iirs in Mau.u:oth Hun-a. I'iAKK J U ToKNEV -AT-LAW, il Somerset, Pa )eretImJllUlW", ,.H. W. H. KCPrkX. , II & IUITLL, ' 1 AlioHNLYS-AT-LAW. .n'.roned to tlielr car. will b ,,un,-iuali attendee: to. AU IKS aire.. opposite the . s U C. COl-BuRS "'"r TV ,v COLBORN, "' tiu.i.tis-Ai-uw. ,, u, our care will be prompt. . ...r'b.u-0 to Cliw:ii" tuadt in -;i'lM II. KOONTZ, " '4nuKNtV-ATWW :ouienet. Pa., iiriit attention to outness entrest f ' 1 i .n,,inln Counties. c:ai liu How. " , V!v VI ."Yr'HS. I ) iiiuhs t v-a r-uw 1 fjuiemu Penn ,-lM!nr entrusted to his care will be .'J "'.uMMr. Siwxt door to Sny- , . i ;U'ft. ..VK. L ITCH. l ' AlTohNh AT-LAW, i SoiaerMt, Pa. -a .aimrth Jfi-H. ! .tr. Entrance . . .'M .viieruuii ni'ie, eu ,imii.a. u.l all lfKl builnei. -., u t'l 'r"iuptiio and DOeiUJ. J ' ' ATI i 'UN tY -AT LAW, stmerjet, i-a. r r.vrr.ii to all hoslce n1rned to hi. care u c-t li:j- t'mce on Jiain roa. .irocv. li MiY F. S( 1IKLL. ATTIlKNtY AT LAW. t io4 rn!-it Aiient, Someraet, iKaiLBjvto lliack. Pa. q.ENTlNF. HAY, ATT KN FY-AT LAW r In Kel tstnte Si.ir" t, P ii -tiiij:ic.jii eutruned to hii car. anil it'ieiy . will with j :'.n ii. nn.. I ATTuKNtT-ATLAW Somtraet, Pa : pirptlr jttenrt to all trulnene entrwted m.,-t a.iviirt-ed c&oolleetlona. tie. Ul- .JfiKBtll BstUtLC S"ioTfet PaM h tirrnMnfiirMF fntrnrtfd to my car at- D J. M. I.OITUEH. (F .rmiily ot Stnyet wn.) ;HV.J'1jI.V iSD St KCFO.V, v l':nl trmnentlj In S nieriwt for the 1 i f'irr hi I re 1 door Wet ol E.W. BLOUGII, i.n-'jtXTtiir PHYSlAS ASD SURGEOX "il-rhM r'Tlrnto the wv S'mrtet ?r 'ai i!y nnriH. ttH'Slft on -:. j rJ3 Mtt D :. H. ?. KIM M EI, tr- Y f r 'wliiwa1 wrrlr to ti cttl- kerat t- Dtiti'at hi olflce, on Main tv1 jjut liittOK'nii. iKl'RAKER tnilrs his 1 'f'" -!lTli; W ; wrvf-M to the rtlrn Soaa i-vi TKiritT. drfir In residence Main WM. R.MTH tpriflprs his !! !"! nil Mrvirei to t cltltear of Soav '--(in.l...r,K of Winn k BerkebUe't :-.:-jTfl-Te. w I. -t Tit S M.-vii.I.,.M. ' iO'ci!.;f ta DIi(r) -t aiifrt. Pi, '-n-wi.i Mer,tH to the Pre-erva'lon r :v 'iil Tei"h Artit-eial ar-alasmM. .II ."l,J r'rn'l M'ieirv. ic Latsa.ee en. dr weat t " i f Jew, Irj ure. oetss m. i; JOHN . m IiFNTIST. 1 s Kir- li C,k k Beritf.Block.Somer- jRwii.i.iAM nu.nxs. J' "tSTlSTSOMEKSLXPA. ' "itHBiB,,tii atKv. Bovd s Jmg eaa t ll tie he foniid prepar - ll k:B.lf i wt., ch as blllnit. reu--t trineiisg ae Arlhrl.l teethol all kind. 'TiA-ai tWl 'r,l Inserted. Operation X. MILLER 1ms vernm- ... --e'T,, tu ni-nm i(,r trt. riractice ol 'Ihce oj p,iie t'harlep Krisslnr- ajr. iO-U. is &rrtrR7 etrea e. SennusS er t- H itiiiKe n,l hy niall ou will -e re a loeKiiae f wmi fd large " 'bat iiltrt ouin w,k - ' n.-t lir.ni! r.. tn mfirv'tas'rr than :'"' n Aliab.ni tneaao. "I'll e, : t. A.en's w.nt-d everv. "'"'"'ej-i all rge. h.rall the time, f . nwlt. v, )t th,,r (ma S-riutr, f. r all w..rker alwolu rlv . ' tllr!,J. H. KaLLETttCo., P.Ttind, CHARLES HOFFMAN. IT TAILOR (Ancer. y 'fi.cv PtorJ X- iSTTLBiii LOWEST PRICES. 'JSFiCJlOU GUARANTEED. j J D!4 ely's f 23M EMIy Clean se the vy Ivetorethe Ill Senses of Taste ViT Cm HENBT HOFFHAN. Smell. Un.Mno i . , rrX 'tZVELQ A posltivecure. ! A l. It J . H"M tmoeach xanril ..a i r,-,t : 4tu tn Za . .f , V i circle', v Slit" ? PRIZE. Sena t cents .or oru : -'. .i.Tcb .rr? W t -li Jiawi (at IBssra , K Se r urr aa . . . atil atel. fc inJJ; Atone, addreaa, Tan iear beuira the wwrk- a a. VOL. XXXIV. NO. 32. To Gratify His Wife. A Bean, for Bapptaoaa. For mmy year I bad sallvrel from a com- f.alm whkh tl.e i.tiyjlclani uU OrareL I had f m, L.jcJ aitme uf the miM no) doctor wltboot obtaining any permamnt relief, and lora long time injr can Wat rear led u Doptleai, All wbe knew Die cirrometances ild I unit die. i Inally my wile Inouced me to try a bot.le of lr. Ken- nc lj tir.jrur Kemedy.' wblefa be had aume where biard of or aren adrertit L Wlthuat lb. tlUbtest n,i'.b In It, but aolely to gratify bcr, I bnu.lii a botil.ol adragKln in our Tillage. I DMd that and two or three bottle, more, and to make a ion turjr tliort 1 am now a bealtby a man at there U In the country. " SinM tbea I hare recommended 'Favorite Kennedy' to otherf whom I ko to bar. raffered from Ktunry and Liter complainU; and I aafure the ,11c that tbe 'Favorite Kemedy' bit don. In work with a .imilar cmpleteneu la every luxle iu'tanee, and I trutt auuie other tick and illscourara mortal ro iy bear of it and try tb. Kav..ritc heme,ly,' aa I aid." H'.tai.o'oa .Woa ror. Cmtikill S V. lo"t t-l m Fonltah Prejaallrs airalntt P"la:nr medicint atand between you and tbe beahh 4 yuur wife, eblld orbaliy. It U alwayf rlunt to xlvertire a hlerfim. Dr. K(nneily' 'Fa r,rue Kctncj . if a 1-lecfiuir. li ha .. saved tboua. anu an 1 11 win help you. if y- are sick frvm trouble wi thv kittu, ya, lfc'Wela. ljtv.r and Blood, Fpeuu im Dollar tor iiik) Ring 01 lUediclnea. S0MEBSE1 COUNTY IM (ESTABLISHED W77.) CEAELE. . EAEE1SCN. li J. IEHIS. I'rident Cashier I'olleetloni mad. In all irtj of tb. United Slate. CHARGES MODERATE. Partle wishing to a.-nd money Wen can b. ao eouiimnlated by dralt un ew York In any ram. Collision niaoe with irumtnM. I'. Si. Bond, bouitbi and f iii M.icey and valuable secured by one ot IMefodd' celebrated tale, with a Sar gent k Vale t vo Urn. kick ACCOUNTS SOLICITED. -All legal holiday. ob erred. -V ISAAC SIMPSON, LIVEBY Ml SALE STABLES. PATRIOT ST., SOMERSET. PA. leu If ant lo Buf Goot d CAfap BUGrGrY, New or Second-hand, call on me. 1 aleo keep conetautly on band a Large Ateonmem of Flu. Hand. made Harness, Saddles, "Whips, Bridles, Bro-hf". Lp HlatikeTd. and everything to b. liuiud in a Fir-t-rlaar Saddlery JhI Teams tnd hiilmK H .rt t alwa realty for hlra. w htn i'i n -el ot anything in my line, givenie a call. iSA At: SIMPSON, may IS. SmitBT. Pa. CALVIN HAY BEELIN.PA., (MILLER'S MILL.) MANVFACTUREK OF FLOUR & FEED! I alwavJ keep on band a lafe stork of FLOCK ,'HRN.iltAU Hl tKWHUT FLOl R. and all kinds of CHOP. Also, all klndaol UKAIK, whlcu 1 tell a t Jl O TT03I rillCES. Wholesale and Eetall. Yon will save money by baying trom My stock It always t retn. ORDERS FILLED PROMPTLY. NO. 3. GREAT REGULATOR. Purely Vegetable. ARE YOU BILIOUS? TUf ec;ror nerrr cure. I most eWrfuliv ree,.mmnd It to. I who sufler from Hll. o A'ta. ksi-rny Ulseaaecaofed by a disar rayed Mateot the I.lv. r. Kansas i'iit. Mo. W. B. BERN ARIL Do You Want Good Digestion? I ron" red Intensely with Full S'omaeh. Hef ache, e e. A neli:blr. who bad taken Simmons Lier Kejr laioe. fcdd me it was anreenre lor my In.nhle. Tlte Brst d- I took telteved ma very mo h and In one week s time I was as s'nwg.nd k.rte I everwaa. It tt tut ten wraiciK i errr took for Pvtprptic. un hwio, . H. O CRENSHAW. Do You Suffer from Constipation ? Testlmonvff Htn w WAStsm. CWef .Instlre of Oa - 1 haveo-ed SUnimins Liver Regulator ! C.wstlpatlon ol my Bowels, eaosel b i Temnora rv Iwranirement of the llr. fr the last three ot h-nr jeers, ard always r( dreidrd btntfit." nave You Malaria ? T have bad ejrvr!en- with Simmons Liver Beiulat.ir fine IKi. and reaa-d It as the artal tit mrdirinr of the timrt fur rtl"eae peculiar to malsnal reah ns So ood a medicine deserve, universal eon.n.eno.1 WHABT,N Cor. See.Sontbee. Baptist ! hechwicalS- minary. Safer and Better than Calomel I t v. .... N-t nir iect to severe spell of rvnees- tlnn ot tk Liver, and have leen in the habit of 11 Ina frer le to 10 gralrs of t'a towel, which ren er llv luld me np for three wfoar days. Lately 1 have heentakln Simmons Liver Keanlatnr. which a-uve me relief, withoai any Interrup'lon to bulr.es. HL'GO. MltlDLEPOBT. Ohln. J. H. ZEILIN A CO.. PHILADELPHIA, PA. PEICE SI OO. iull-'8Mrr- LOOK OUT ! SS " AT HEITRY HOFFMAN'S, JENNER X ROADS. PA. I Onrllnne t manufacture. t mvnld s and, all grade ol IIOlbLHOI.V f'VRMTVBE. which I cell just a chap aany other dral r la Somer set tVuniv. 1 will alsotak. order, lor any Cily made Fun Hur. mv customers may wish to pur chaae. I keen tairple-laaiks at my plae. of bus n,n, fiota whkh selections can be mad. -USI2ETAZ12:& A SPECIALTY. All ktrds effnd, staking business attended te with care I nav. two hearses lor burial purpn- i Kkiea Hearse aiMt a w ni'e ne.rse. me lav perl. II y attendinart.'hildren 'a f unerals hlds. and bte Coffins for t hlldren. I will also keep tn stock a nice lire ol 1'lty 'asket. silv ered, at a small ad-anc on city price. Duo't fail l rail n me when in need of anything Is my line 1 can dost well ty you as yoa can da else where. oa nano at an lime i omnp. imw, inn Send cents post- ana w. win you free a roy luabl. sample VJ . A .. A iaa im r oos 11 ai win pu y u n m'n "" ' , than Amenc. rUh ee: of all wl " !' w Ims ol rM'S It ai will put y u In the way ot mak. I PI n .Iiyu.lCK eteei in get, ran llv. at or all tn. time. Ill start you. la- ucue pav sure lur those who star at once. dec2 4-i- r. s-Tiasvu A to . Portland Mr I?OR SALT TEAe FNOINES. CLAY i i "KK l'ANs, MjILKkS aid SHI-FT IKON H IIKk. SeMd-ta.f4 Knglne and Moil era i t aiM Uotitiag Estgfrfsaiw athin-ry a tciit. inuXASnaail.IN, dc lyr. Alleghao? , Pa. THE w xwy !liw m CHESTXITS SET TO RHYME. Ob, what made tbe chimney sweep' And why did the codfish hall ? And why. oh why, did the peanut aland? And what makes the evening call ? Oh, wby iliould the baby farm ? And wby does tbe mutton chop? Can you tell me what make, the elder blow? Or what makes the ginger jxjp ? Say, why does the trundle-bed spring? And wby does tbe saddle horse fly ? Or what mean cur made the pillow slip? And why do the soap boilers lye? What made the monkey wrench ? Or why should tbe old mill dam ? And who did the shoemaker strike? Or why did the raspberry jam ? THE MYSTERIOCS Ml'RDEK. BY HARRY BALDWIN. In the autumn of 1871 I wa? trav eling in Veat Virgiiiia. My bueintes was that of belling tobacco and ci gars, and, as tbe Mate wan but in ea gerly supplied with railroads, I car ried my goods id a ligbt covered wagon drawn by a pair ol buries. Fur several dayb 1 bad been stop ping at a hotel, in the little town of Waliun, ou tht Baltimore and Ohio Railroad. I had supplied all the dealers there, and for many miles argund about, aud one evening 1 iuiurined the landlord that I should be leaving bim tbe next morning. He expressed regret at my de parture, and that evidently sincere, as 1 was worth several dollars a day to bim, and inquired in what way 1 proposed to journey. "fo the South, following the river road," I replied. -The river road ! That will take you to Hawkins county, and thro' that very piece of limber," said tbe landlord. "What piece of timber?" asked I, startled at the singular remark. "Why, it isn't possible you don't know the timber about thirty miles down tbe river road, in Hawkins county, where so many murders have been committed !'' '"Murders!" I exclaimed. "Yes, murders! Seven since Jan uary. "Have the murderers been appre hended ? ' I anxiously inquired. "No one has been arrested, and. so far as I know, no one even huspect ed," baid the inn keeper, "and a pe culiar feature of the case is, that none of the seven murdered men have shown any signs of violence, and the means employed to dispatch them remain a deep mystery." "What was the motive of the as sassin?" ) "Robbery," replied the landlord. "All theeflects of the victims, even to their clothing, were invariably carried away. I don't wish to alarm you, but you ought to know that six out of ihe seven were men selling goods like yourself, or peddlers with packs. The county has offered 31, OtX) for the production, dead or alive, of aDV one of the murderers, but thus far without results. So, young man, if you lollow mr advice, you will not enler Hawkins county by the river road." I thanked the landlord for his in formation and advice, i was much alarmed, for I had with me goods of considerable value, certain to excite the cupidity of the evil disposed: but considering that I was young, active, well armed, and in the pos session of some knowledge of the world, I decided in a minute that I would take the river road and try the selling qualities of my wares among the small merchants, liquor delers, and tavern dealers of Hawk ins county. Early the following morning I mounted my wagon, waived my hand at the landlord and the little knot of idlers on the porch of the hotel, and drove briskly down the river road. I traveled all day, making but three stops, one for dinner at a farm house, and two to sell tobacco and pipes at cross road stores, and just at evemr-g reacnea a smiil nut neat public house within sight ol tbe belt of timber where the seven mysteri ous murders hud been committed within the year. It was not without misgivings that I entered the house and invited the landlord, a stolid looking individual of the Pennsylvania Dutch type, to join me in a visit to the bar. A half hour's sojuurn there, while my supper of salt pork, black coffee and corn dodgers was in j reparti tion, put the iunkeper and myself on terms of ta y conBdence. I learned nothing new about the murders, except that for two months none had been committed, and that the belief was current that the vil lains had withdrawn from that sec tion. At supper I met a little blue-eyed-pleasant-faced man, a peddler of jewelry, who traveled on foot and carried a pack. He had arrived at the inn while I was at the bar. The hostler had told him of the murders in the timber, and as his course, like mine, lay to the south along the riv er, he was in a great alarm, amount ing to positive terror, at the pros pect "I shall turn back in the morn ing," said the little man. "Nonsense," replied I, reassuring- ly. "But to go through that timber is suicide, simply suicide, and there is no other road, they tell me," protest ed the peddler. "Pshaw ! the murderers have de camped long ago. 1 go through the limber in the morning, and you can ride with me if you will." 'Thank you," replied the little peddler, "but I shall start back in the morning." Before bedtime, however, thanks to my conversation and cigars, tbe peddler recovered in a measure, at least, from his consternation, and it was agreed that he should go for ward and occupy a place beside me on my wagon until tbe count seat, seventeen miles distant, was reach ed. In the morning, with the peddler's pack eafely locked up with my own goods, and the peddler himself seat-1 ed on the wagon beside me, engaged ; in smoking one of my choice cigars, 1 drove out of the tavern yard, and southward toward the dreaded tim ber. As we neared the woodland, my companion threw away the slump of his cigar and procured a pipe. "So, tuank jou," replied the ped dler, "I've smoked three with you already, and can't further impose on your good nature, but if you'll sell me a half hundred box ot the same I'll invite you to take one with me." This was sociable, his was friend ly, and above all. this was business. So stopping my horses 1 unlocked a box beneath my seat and produced and handed nioi a box of cigars, with the sump intact for my con traband goods were of an inferior quality. Taking a knife from his pocket the peddler opened the box and handed me a cigar, taking one himseli. These were liable'! at the same match, after which I again drove forward. 1 had nut been smoking half a minute, when 1 noticed a peculiar flavor to the cmai'. and 1 knew at once that it was not of the brand 1 had just sold the peddler. Tnat iusiant 1 was on the alert, the place we were now in the lim ber the stranger beside me, the murders, all passed across my mind. 1 did not, hew ever, lose my sell pos session, but, reujuving my cigar from my mouth, 1 gave my attention fur a moment lo guiding my horses. In the meantime 1 considered that a cigar might be used to drug, or even poison, the smoker. 1 had read of such cases, and 1 was tirui in my resolution to stool e no more of the one 1 tield between my lingers. But how avoid it? it lite peddler were indeed, as i fully believed, a murderer, it would not do to let him know 1 bUepected him; he might nave accomplices at had. 1 glanced at his lace, lie wad smoking quietly. It was evident that h;s cigar was not drugged or poisoned. My resolution was takeu in an instant. 1 would smoke his cigar. "My cigar has gone out, please give me a light," 1 said, a moment later. "Certainly," responed the little man, tapping his cigar with his hu- ger to remove toe gray ashes lroui lis end, and handing it to me; "that wiil do the business, J uess." 1 lighted my cigar and handed it to my corn pauiou, retaining the one 1 bad received from him. He evi dently did not notice the exchange, for he went on smoking aud talking about the murders. Suddenly 1 heard a faint explo sion not louder than that of an or dinary percursion cap, and looking at my companion Eaw the cigar he had been smoking disappear over the fide of the wagon. The peddler himself reeled to and fro in rin seat for a few seconds, and then fell for ward heavily upon the dashboard. I hastened to stop the horses and lift the inanimate form to the seat, but a glance at the pallid lips and starir.g eyes told me that life was ex tinct I alighted and secured the cigar that had fallen to the ground ; and with the coipse ot the little man on the top of my wagon, and my hands shakicg so that I could barely con trol my team, drove rapidly back to the tavern I had 6o recently left. My appearance with the dead body caused a great commotion, and I saw at once that I was suFpected of havir.g murdered the peddler, but suspicion vanished when I told my story, and I became the lion of the day. The coroner was notified and held an inquest next day, at which I was the principal witness. The cig:ir which the peddler was smoking at the time of bis death was found to contain a small copper tube closed at one end. This tube had evidently been partly filled with some sort of fulminating powder so arranged as to explode when the cigar had burn ed a little way, and send a small needle with considerable force into the mouth of the smoker. Such a needle was found imbedded in the roof of the peddler's mouth, and be ing charged a ith subtle poison had caused hs almost instant death. The corpse was identified as that of a farmer named Winters, living five miles to the eastward. He had often been absent from home for a day or two, but bore en excellent reputation in the neighborhood. I accompanied the coroner and the jury to the Winters farm. In a larpe granary was found a consider able amount of merchandiee, cloth ing and other property, stolen from murdered travelers, more than a dozen cigars containing copper tubes and murderous needles, and a large number of disguises of a size to lit the false peddler. Tt Vi..i n r. ,.,.ant tkat Yi a AanA .. . .. ; ra rnr..,Biblp f..r h rrmr,Wa ni i the timber belt, the treasurer of the j countv, who was present at the in-i quest notified me that the thousand dollars offered as a reward was sub ject to my order. "And the countv," added the cor oner, will ever remain under obli gations to a man who, by his shrewd ness and nerve, relieved her of a reign of terror." I thanked the gentlemen, and producing the box of cigars I had sold the false peddler, and for which he had notlived to pay, I distribut ed the forty-eight which remained to those present, with the remark : "I'm sure you will like them, gen tlemen ; they are my favorite cigar, and I think you will all admit that I know a good one, Eince I've just saved roy life by being a good judge of the weed." Chicago Ledger. A Kansas farmer-editor tells about a good arrangement for plenty of clean water in a hog lot, on an up land farm, where water is usually scarce, thus : Stand a barrel of wa ter in a squire box or pan three inches deep. A small hole bored in the barrel near the bottom hoop will let the water into the box only as fast as the hogs drink ou of the four corners of the box. When the hogs stop drinking the water stops run ning. The hogs can't make the wa ter unclean, and can't wast it, .course, it is understood that both ! barrel and box must be water tight, Tbe application of the principle can ' be enlarged for the cattle or reduced for tbe poultry yard. ' ESTABLISHED 1827. SOMERSET, PA., WEDNESDAY. JANUARY 20, 18S6. A Dicpate Between Drnmruera. One drummer held in his hand an nnlighted cigar. Another drummer asked that the cigar be given him. "I will," was the reply, "if you will first tell me correctly what is to become of it" "All right. I predict that you will not give H to me." "isow see how stupid you are. If I should give it to you your predic tion would be false. Aud, your prt- ! diction being false, according to our agreement I keep tbe cigar." "But, stay there," replied the oth er ; "if you keep the cigar my pre diction is true and the cigar must be mine. My prediction cannot be proven false unless you give me tbe cigar." "You have lots of gall to think you can get something for nothing." "You have lots of nerve to stand up here and refuse to carry out your agreement." "You are a liar." "You'r another." "You " j ' "Here," cried the brakeman, "no fighting here. What is the row about"' j The case was duly elated to the brakeman. That individual scratch ed his head, wiped tbe soot and per- soiralion from nis hp witn his glov ed hand, aud alter great deliberation exclaimed: "Give me a cigar." The cigar was handed to him. "This is a very interesting case," he said. "It reminds me of the syl ogisins of Zeno, which we used to study at the round house on the problem of cause and effect illustrat ed by the example of two double header freight trains trying to pass each other on the same track, or the similar but more abstract problem of what is the result when au irre sistible force comes ia coutact with an immovable body. But, gentle men, as old Aristotle used lo say oh, have you got a knife about your ciolhes?'' Drummer No. 1 produced a knife and with it the brakeman cut off the end of the cigar. "As Aristoitle used to say, that is a reductio adabsurdum atwo-and-two-makes-fivt-case. But as Plato observed io his work on colorblind ness and bolted frogs, the impossible is possible only with the possible, and by the way, have you got a match about your clothes ?" Drummer No. 1 produced a match. "And now." continued the brake man, addressing No. 1, "you prom ised to give this cigar tD No. 2 if he would correctlv guess what would become of it ?" "Yes." "Well, he euessed that vou would not give it to him, andfas you have not civen if to him, according to your promise, the cigar no longer re mains yours. "Yes." "But if he should give the cigar to you then your guess would be a false one, and, according to the con tract, the cigar would not be yours." "Yes." "Now, yon see, gentlemen, that the cigar belongs to neither of you. I think puff, puff I think it is puff, puti a pood cigar. Good day, gentlemen, and if you have any more syllogisms to quarrel over please let the stakes be a house and lot or a diamond ring, and I'll be glad to settle the depute for you." And as the two drummers looked at each other out of the corners of their eyes the brakeman walked proudly away, exclaiming: "Smartville! The next stop is Smarlville !" Carious Christian Names. "What a name that young man has." said a clergyman yesterday to a AVir-gatherer as the person in dicated left his nresence. '" What in it?'' "E. P. Baxter, he writes it. Noth ing remarkable about that, but what an amount of foolish patriotism is concealtd in these initials. The yi'iing man was born on January 3, 1SG3, and bis parents named him Emancipation Proclamation Baxter in honor of the occasion." "That's pretty bad." " Ye s. but there are some parents with erai ky ideas on the sut ject of naming children. One boy 1 chris tened Perseverance Jones. 1 en deavored to dissuade the father, but he said the child's mother was called Patience, and he saw no reason why be should not be called Perseverance, because the two alwavs go together. Within a few paces of the graves of Deborah and Berjsmin franklin, in the old oe meterv at Fifth and Arch streets, mere is a reaostone oearu. the inscription, 'fstcred to the mem ory of S. L. U. Lloyd.' Ii the own er of that nsme were living now his friends would probably call him "Ctluloid.' I had a colored man. named Alexander, doing some work around heie once. I used to hear the other workmen call him 'Trib' and 'Hole,' and it occurred to me one day to ask hint what hia name was. "'Tribulation Wholesome Alexan der, sah,' he replied. " It may have boen some relative of his who came to rae with twins to have baptized. " What names will you call them, madam ?" I asked. ""Cherubim and Seraphim,' re plied the mother. "Why?" I asked, in astonish ment ' 'Becase,' she said, "d pra'r book says 'de. cherubim and seraphim con tinually do cry,' an'deseyere chil'en do nufin else.' The AVtra-gather edged towards the door, and. when he got into the lobby, shouted "Chestnuts," and skipped down stairs. Phila. Daily A'ew. Young Man (after a long interval of silence) A penny for your thoughts. Miss Clara. Miss Clara (suppressing a yawn) I was won- Oflderingif that clock isn't slow. It seems to n.e that church let out four! hours ago. and now ls only mid- night The young man led without parting with his penny, and in con- siderable baste. 1 How Prominent Mea Bead. rin mn knnur ther is a irood deal of character fhowu in the way men read the napers ?" said a well- known notel clerlt to tne reporter. auer seeing a ioi oi mmcanua io- "'Of course, yon don't see it, aoyjdian papooses pulling centipedes more than an ordinary observer sees i lrom thir holes and greedily devour-1 iweivn wmies in iuis party were re J . .1. . , - r,,w i , l -... ... t, - character in tbe wav men eat; but there is, nevertheless. I have seen all the prominent men in the coun try read the papers time and again, aud not two in a thousand read alike. My attention was first called to the subject some years ago by Horace Greeley, who was an omni vorous readers of the papers. I have been a constant observer ever since. Horace was the queerest reader you ever saw. He would begin at the first column and read every line down to the aavertisements. Ac cording as he read he would crum ple the paper up in his hands. When he got through, the papers would be rolled up iu a ball. Alter he left the hotel in the morning to go down town lo his office all the papers would be strewn around the llior like so many paper balls. It used to amuse the guests of the house, and was tbe occasion of many bottles of wine. Some folks said it was affectation, like Greeley's great white coal; but.I never thought so, lo me it indicated an unconscious, sturdy character which looked straight ahead for results, while pa; ing very little altention to details or circumstances. "Oh, yes ; General Grant also had his peculiarities, tie usually reaa one uaner through and through. He would stop in the middle of an edi torial and rtnect Grant was a slow reader, but when he put down a pa per he could tell you all the news and discuss a question with great discrimination. He used to say that one paper was all he had time to read a day. W hatever was worth reading in his estimation, was worth digesting and remembering. People who knew Grant will recollect what au exhaustive memory he had for detail. He could relate every cir cumstance connected with any im portant event that occurred long beiore the war. He used to say he didn't remember all about the war, but he knew more than any one else about the great events in which he had personally figured. There ia no doubt whatever thai General Grant's predominant char acteristic displayed itself in hi. manner of reading. Hi was slow, patient and painstaking in every tbincr. but when he once arrived at a conclusion there was no dislodg ing him. "Lincoln never cared for the news of the day that is, he never cared to read it. He usually had his pri vate secretary tell him what was in the papers. He would read editor ials, through by the hour. When he stopped at the hotel he would read the editorials in every papr the first thing in the morning. He used to say that men's view9 were all he cared about. It made no difference about the details of how a thing hapuened. If he knew the cause of it, and the bearing it would have upon matters in general, that was all he wanted to know. "General McClellan was just-the opposite. lie cared more about the circumstances of a good story than about the result If he knew that a certain bill was passed er defeat ed in Congress he would read all about its career, and then form his own judgment. McClellan, of course, respected the opinions of others, but he always made it a rule to be eelf reliant in thought as weel as in ac tion. On a certain occassion, a few years before the war, McClellan and Greely were both staying at the ho tel. Thev were fast friends. One evening me conversation turned upon the slavery question, and Mr. Greely who was an ardent admirer of Wendell Phillips, called General McClellan's attention to an attack made against his character in a lead ing New York paper. It had griev ed Horace so that be almost shed tears. McClellan burst into a hear ty laugh.and turning to Mr. Greeley, rather pointedly, asked him if be hadn't experience enopgh to know that it matters little what any news paper said about a man. Horace was shocked at such an unexpected remark, and couhln t be made to believe that the General meant it. Forests It orth More Than Gold. The eyis of the Northern mill men are turning eagerly to the compara tively virgin forests of the South, and heavy sales of timbered land and constantly being announced. If the ravenous saw must be fed, and no better and cheaper building ma terial than wood can be devised, then the people of the South should not dispose ol their heritage for a mere pittance ot its actual value. These huge tracts of yellow pine can he converted into yellow gold, and should not be sacrificed as a worth less possession. We should make the most of our opportunities, and not yield too readily to the pressure of greenbacks. These huge areas of undisturbed trees are daily enhanc ing in value and importance as tbe supply in the North aod West di minishes. It is idle to talk of the "inexcusable" forests of the South, when Mr. Little of Montreal, an au thority on the subject, estimates that the pawing capacity of the North is sufficient to consume the merchant able pine of this State in less than a year. The South poe se sses mines of wealth in her noble forests, snd they sbonld not be disposed of care lessly, and without a full apprecia tion of their true and real value. Mr. James Long, in his lecture notions since at the Institute oflbenrent is pugnacious, and his Agriculture, in London, in epeakiDg 1 mde of warfare is always aggres of dairy cattle, said "the Shorthorns ' la the aggregate, he wnl at were highly recommended as one of j tack any living thing, from an ele the roost, if not tbe most, valuable phant down, kill him by sheer force cows for a milk seller or butter mak- of numbers, and devour all but the er. more especially if hia dairy be bowels. Sanderson, Texas, Cor. of carried on io connection with grain growing or beef making. There are numerous instances of extraordinary butter making by Shorthorn cattle' and there is perhaps, do race in Great Britain which has done such great things, so far as regards yield of milk, as this race. i Queer Thing in Texna. The centiDede ia not a verv Drettv insect. He runs too much to legs. Ooce I thought them of no use, but ing them, legs, poison ana an, i noiporteu vy runaway rtivanw i longer doubted the wisdom and be - neficence of their creation. In the course of my checkered career I have had several adventures with centipedes and always cameont sec ond best. A centipede can raise a blister on a man's body quicker than a red-hot iron, and if you don't im-j comparatively unsuccessfuL The mediately apply a remedial poultice . explorers, however, visited consid of pounded prickly pears aod doe I erable new country, and demonstrat yourself inwardly with post srbisky l ed that the interior of New Guinea, which latter is warranted to kill ! alter the very wide belt of malarial, anything but au army mule the re- J marshy jungle of the coast is passed, sultaut effects may be serious. Cen-: is well worth the eflbrta that are be tipedes usually attack their victim j ing made to penetrate its secrets, at night when he is asleep and can't j After steaming lor 170 miles in defend himself. They are armed; their little vessel up the 'Fly River, with about two hundred little lances i which D'Albertis, in 1876, navigated conveniently lashed to the toe of , nearly 500 miles, they found a whol each foot of which they have sev- j ly unknown tributary, which they eral and at the base of each lance ! ascended for about 3uO miles in a is a tiny sack of venom. If a cen- j uortheasterly direction, until they lipede crawls across your body reached a range of mountains. On which he'll most likely do if you lie , their return to the Fly River they down anywhere within a half a mile i mounted that stream for some dis of him you'll have no difficulty in J tance further, and reached a splen fullowing his trail, and you wiil re- didly grassed and mountainous re member his visit for weeks. No man giou. Unfortunately their supplies ever died from the bite ot a ceuti- j were giving out, and they wereoblig- pede, but I have known one to make a mau wisn be were titao. TARANTCLAS. The tarantula is an exaggerated spider, with teeth and hair. They are always ready for a fight ai.d will tackle anything, not excluding a buzz-saw. In days gone by I have often amused mysell by tensing one with a red-hot coal. At first they would fight shy, but after they once got mad they would attack thai coal and never surrender until they were I burned to a crisp. never heard ol any one eating a tarantula. If one biles you use the same remedies as prescribed for centipede sling, only more so. THE VINEGAROAN. The viutgaroan has never been scientifically classified, and is con- tent to plod through life undistin- guished. save by his humble frontier patrouymic. The Mexicans and In dians, who have been acquainted with the vinegaroan longer than 1 have, solemnly assert that his bite is deadly. I have always taken their word for it. The vinegaroan lives under decaying logs, and, if disturb ed, scorn to run. 1 saw a fight once between a vinegaroan and a taran tula. The tarantula was lifted out of the pit dead in one minute. THE STISGISG LIZZARD is found most anywhere, but princi pally snugly ensconced in the folds of your blanket when you lie down at night. He always lets you know that he is there, and I have known men to dance, and tear their hair and pray in a very undignified and eccentric fashion, upon discovering that a stinging lizzard had selected them as a bedfellow. The stinging lizzard's weapon of defence and of fence is his tail, which is long aud as full of joints as a bamboo pole. When he punches with the sharp end of caudal appendage you think of shed's fire and howl. The sting ing lizzard is not good to eat. The application of a fresh quid of tobac co will take the fire out ot the spot where he salutes you. THE DEVIL HORSE. The bodv of a devil horse is all of the same size, and be looks not un like a green walkirg-stick set up on twelve other walking-sticks, six on a side. The scientific men who have sought to classify the fauna of Texas have somehow overlooked the devil horse, but he doesn't seem to mind the alight and continues catching flies with monotonous persistency. I was never been bitten by a devil horse, and I never met anyone who had been, but tbe natives class them among tne poisonous, and they ought to know. A COLONY OF FIRE ANT. My camp was once invaded by fire ants. It was a good place; con venient to wood and water, and I hated to leave. I disputed the right of occupancy with them for three weeks, at the end of which time I incontinently surrendered and tied. During that three weeks I dug them out, burned them out anil drowned them out, but they didn't seem to mind it in the least They went en burrowing through the building and exploring the surrounding coun try, and when my tent got full of them, and I had been bitten in about 3.0(X),0C0 different places, I thought I it time to move. fire ant is like the sting of the sting ing lizzard. It hurts and makes a sore place. They increase witb a rapidity that is alarming, and tie more you try to exterminate them the more numerous they become. It nsed to be a test of courage among the Comanche Indians for a brave1 t thrust his bared arm into a rest of fire ants and hold it there with out flinching, while bis companions went through the movements of a somewhat complicated dance around his tortured body. They don't do it any m-re. Ooce near Pope's Crossing, on the Pecos river, I reach ed a village of fire ants and started to make a detour. We discovered Indian signs of recent date, and hal ted to investigate. A band of In dians bad camped on the edge of the ant village, and a prisoner, who af terward proved to be a bear-hunter named Gogpin, was stripped, bound hand and foot, and laid down among the ant bills. You can imagine bis horrible suffering. We found his bones and gave them a decent burial. Philadelphia Time. A Philadelphia ladv savs that if vou will trim vour fingernails everv Friday you will never have the toothache. She has practiced it for1 over twenty years, and it Las never I failed. ' WHOLE NO. 1301. Exploring Sex Gaines. I Lapt ,verell s expedition to ew Guinea, which was reported to nave j been massacred, has returned home wiuwui iuo toss w uu. Livingstone, on one occasion the ! been killed iy natives, ineexpeui tion. which was organized on an un usually large scale, and contained enough collectors and specialists to man three or four exploring parties, appears from the meagre reports that have retched us to have been ed to return home without exploring me oesi and ruosi interesting pari oi the country they had seen. They say the natives in the interi or are very numerous and treacher ous, hut are easily frightened. In one place they gathered by thous ands on tbe river bank, arrayed in war-paint, and evidently prepared to attack the party. Three terrific blasts from the steamer's whistle sent them scurrying into the woods, leaving hundreds of bows and ar rows and other implements of war behind them. . They assert that the party was strong enough to keep a thousand nativts at bay, and that Ihey were in no danger of being massacred. They have brought back with them twenty new tirds and a large variety oi curious and beautiful insects. The naturalists, j however, regret that they kept to the water instead of taking to the mountains, where much richer col lections would have been found. 'Ihe return of this party will only whet the appetite for more intorma tioii about the interior of ibis vast island, which is believed to be a comparatively elevated plateau, hemmed iu by mountain ranges Mr. Forbes, the well-known travel ler, is now pushiug toward the cen tral regions from the south, in com pany with Mr. Chalmers, the intre pid missionary, who has done more than any one man to explore the southern regions. Miniaken Identity. Information has just been received in Dublin of a most extraordinary case of mistaken identity. About three weeks ago the body of a respec tably drefsed man was found in the Lifley st Usher's L-land, Dublin. An inquest was held, and a verdict of found drowned returned. On the following day a lady, Mrs. Leddy, of t'ootehil, county Cavan, identified the remains as those of her brother, Mr. John McDonnell, a magistrate, of Crosmaglen countv Armagh, who had been staying with her, and who mysteriously disappeared about a fortnight ago. Mr. Jordan, ol Rath car Road, and Mrs. Anne B.inton. a "ur-te also positively Menu neu me body, and the Coroner, after holding a post mortem inquiry, directed that the remains should be given over to the relatives, who positively identi fied tbe man's clothes, though thtre was some doubt as to the boots and stockings. The body was interred in Glasnevin Cemetery as tbe re mains of Mr. McDonnell, and a large number of friends were present at the obsequies. The relatives of the supposed deceased have in the last day or two written to the nolice au- I thorities in Dublin who had charge !of the case stating that the gentle j man who was supposed to be duly interred in Glasnevin has "turned ud" alive and well, notwithstanding his premature burial. His sister, Mrs. Leddy, has also made an appli cation for a refuna of the expenses incurred by the funeral of the stran ger, but was informed that there was no fund available forsuch a purpose. Xo clue has j et been found to the identification of the unknown gen tlemen who was so deeply mourned and respectably interred. A Fatal King. The Volloir tells a" storv of a cer- The bite of thelhiin fatal ring worn by the late King i Spain. Amongst the present which Don Almnso gave to Lis first wife, Donna Mercedes, there was a magnificent ring, ornamented with a lerge black pearl f r.eircled with dia monds. The Q'leen wore it until the dav of her death. Tbe young Kir g, af'.er the loss of bis first wife. j presented the rirg to his sifter, th Ittanta mar. wno also woreu unin she died. The superstitious may easily have suspected, in such aland as Spain, that the ring itself was not wholly unconnected with the rapid ly successive deaths of the two beau tiful vnung ladies who had worr- it. The King would not give it to a third lady, but he wore it himself until he also died. Queen Christina who drew the ring from the tir.gerof the dead monarch, debated for a while whether she would herself wear it in memory of him or would place it among the historic family jewels. She decided to take the lat ter course. A satirical fellow-countryman of Cervantes, in the Spanish Court is reported to have asked : "Why did not her Majesty send that ring to Don Carlos ?" To which an other courtier replied : "The Pie tender would have marched straight to the pawnbroker's with it and so it would have tailed to produce the result so desirable for Spain." If you wish to be happy as a king look at those who haven't as much as tou. and not at those who have more. In Paris last year, there were S0,- 260 births and 72,735 deaths. Disproportiouaolene9... Scticonstitutlonalist.. ..21 Honoriffcibilitadinity , TelocipeUtstriaaistical. .23 TraosabstantioDableaess . -23 Proan titiansutMts.il tiatioQist. -23 Only tbe first three words are to be found in the last edition of Web ster's dictionary and disproportion able&ets is undoubtedly the longest word in that volume. The corres pondent who originated hononifci bihludioity dehue. it as honurable neos, but it certainly had not honor ableness enough to entitle it to a neat in the unabridged. Yclocidedes Irianistical likewise lacks age and respectability, but it may hud its way into Webster in time; it cer tainly has good locomotive powers. duliconslilutionaiist in doubuul, and we do not believe even a mandamud would get it into a dictionary. Tran- subsUnlionableness might get there it Webster wasn t lookiug. ihe man who invented proaniitiansab- stautialionist says it is a good Eng lish word, "derived from a short and Latin root, and means one who dis sents from the doctrine of dogma of the so called Real Presi nee. ' That may all be, but be ought to be con demned to pronounce tne word tn ice a day as long as he lives, if be tries to introduce it into the speech of honest men. But speaking of long words, what is the matter with LLthlairpwllvry- ugy llijertrob w llgerch wy rui ty ilgogcr- bwUzjiiUossilitigogogijch, the natue of a village in Wait ? A Boston Girl No spoiled by Hattery. Miss Wicslow, the American beau- tv who has been dividing with Miss Chamberlain the admiration of the gay world of Homburg, belongs to a well-known Boston lamiiy. Her father was the late George S. Wius low, the wealthy dry goods merch ant ad her mother is a member of the Roxbury fu'uily of Train, of which the late Euocn Train was in his day a conspicuous representative. The Wiuslows used to live in the swell-front brick house on Boyleston street, opposite the Common, which is now tenanted by the Boston Whist Club. They lived elegantly, but not ostentatiou.-ly. Their parlors were adorned with choice paintings and engravings, and their receptions were in the best taste. Miss Wir.s low, who is a handsome blonde.hked So draw around her liletary aud ariisiic society, and among the art ists and meu of letters who were most frequently met with in her drawing rooms were Row se, whose trayou heads have gained him such a wide reputation, and Henry James, whose novels have made their mark in two continents. One of Rowe's best ifiorts was the likeness of two children's heads of surpassing beau ty, one of which crowns the shoul ders of Elearor Winslow, the " Bos ton beauty," whose attractions have been acknowledged in the most fas tidious courts of Europe. tLe is tail and stately in her person, with reg ular featurts and the air that people call "aristocratic." She came nat urally by her personal attractions through her mother, whose portrait, painted bv Porter before he had be come fashionable, preserves the feat ures of one of the most beautiful women the Hub has known. Miss Winslow has been well brought np and is not spoiled by attentions wnicn wouid turn the neaa ot ordi nary girls. IlawtnornVs Modesty. I once saw Hawthorne nnder cir cumstances that had a touch of the ludicrous. It was at a commence ment dinner given under a tent on the "campus"' of Bowdoin College, of which institution, it will be re membered, he was a graduate in 1S2.3. Longfellow being his classmate. Hawthorne had secured the high place which he ever after held in the republic of letters, and it was deem ed a great thing that his presence had been secured to grace the festive occasion. When the time came for the speeches, everybody rejoiced at the prospect of hearing Hawthorne. Bowdoin was jully proud of her gifted son, and to see him, and es pecially to listen to him, was an event not soon to be forgotten. In fitting terms the president, Leonard Woods, Jr., announced the next speaker, our distinguished son and most welcome guf -t, and. as he pro ceeded in his laudatory terms, nat urally all eyes were turned away for the moment from the guest to the speaking best Finishing his remarks, the presi dent called for a speech from Na thaniel Hawthorne. Everybody looked to the spot where just now "tbe distincui.-bed son and welcome guest1' had been sitting. But he was not there. While the president had been lavishly pouring out his prais es, and extolling the wond-rful gifts of this eminent progeny of alma ma ter, he had quietly lifted the can vas of the tent, crept out and "gone to parts unknown." My recollec tion is that there was a hearty laugh over the matter, and every body said it was just like Hawthorne, who dreaded making au after dinner speech more even than he did the critics. His constitutional shyness never forsook him, long as he lived. It w a good plan to milk cows regularly in the same order, taking the same one first, and winding np with the pame one every time. Re-g-nlarity cf hour in commencing the milking of the herd is an advantage in securing the best results, since animals as well as men are greatly the creatures of bal it, and when the time comes around the cow will de sire to be milked, all the functions of her system will concur in this de sire. A Question in Natural History. "Pa, does tbe sausage come out of his hole on Candlemas day and look around for its shadow, so as to make an early spring? Ma says it does." "What are you talking about?" says the papa to the little boy. "It is the ground hog that comes out of its hole, not tbe sausage." "Well, ain't sausage ground bog." At McPherson, Kan., the other day biscuits were made from floor ground from wheat that was stand ing in the field ninety minutes be fore. A cyclone resembles a Western man, because it is some on a blow. Man was bora in an Eden, and be has been a needin' creature ever since.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers