r Sri T! 1 ! 0 Scuoicfc ta politics, Citcraturc, gricnlturc, Science, illovalitij, an& cheral 3uteIIigcuce. H i 14 I A U to K M 17 3 v 3 I I i- f i 1 VOL. 32. Pn'jlisrieil by Theodore Schoch. Trr.Ms Two dollar t year in advance and if not paul l-.f.M ti.o cnJ of tus year, two dollars and tfty cents bo chariri'd. ;fj- N.i psj?r il-fntinnil until all arrearages are nui'i. excopt at tin option of the Kiiitor. A lvarii.icm'tH. f ojij square of (rLdit linos or iMi. me or three ins ?rtiou.s SI .",.). ICach ittldhiucal ln 9 Tii . is com. Kont r ones in proportion. Or A LI. KINE.K, Cxceatsa ia tlie Li'-jhwt style f the Art, and on the most fi-awnaWo terms. Ji -1X3 & -I3 Xr.th Third Sslrcit, PHILADELPHIA. Reduced rates, $1 7j per day.-ia HENRY SPAHN, Prop'r. L. It. Snyder, Clerk. Nov. l'(, 1S74. 0m. DR. J.LANTZ, SURGEON & MECHANICAL DENTIST. Still !ia his office on Mnin strwt, in the second story it lr. s. Walt-in's biL-k liiil.lin. tttwrlv toit tlio Stnadsbar,: lbiis", and h (later liiiiisrif that by eih trcn 'kits constant practice ami the must earnest and 'ir'i'iil attention to all witters pertaining to his pro that h i fully atdt! to perform all ntH-rations , a i!' - denial lino in the uiost careful aul skillful inun n r. Sp.'cial attention ctven X s:vi tit; th Natural Teeth; &!,. to '-lit; iu.-rti.m of Artificial Teeth ou Uubber, : .1.1. silver, or Continuous Ciuuis, and perfect tits iu all - insured. 51-11 p'rv:i. know th rrrat folly ami danjfr of rn tr i-li:),' their w.:!i to tha inexperienced, or to thos liv-i- at a disiauer. April 13, 1S74. tf. D II. IV. I PLC'K, Surgcoa Ocntlst. jir.auTirs that bavin 5 jut returned from Dontal roll !., h-1 is fully prepared to make ai Uticiul teeth in th-r r.i it hi-autifi'.l and lifelike manner, and to till de ca.'.'d t ;?tU a..xordin.i 10 the most improved method. T.-t ih extract "1 without pain, when desired, by the isv? of Sit rou. ' (kM.' CJhs, which is i-ntir. ly barml?. !. j.iirir ,'of all kinds uc&tlydoue. Ail work Marauted. Ci.ar-,"s roJ i'"iab!. j;ii J. i. Keller nw brick build it?, Mafn street, S.r.'a.lsirufs', Au?. SI '71-tf. "WILLIAM S. REES, Surveyor, Conveyancer and Seal Estate Agent. farms. Timber Lands and Town Lots FOR SALS. OiUce tm-arly ojiJojte American Iloues and 'Id door telow the Corner Store. Mi-ch '2 lS7o-:f. IMS. HOWARD PATTERSOX. V Piysiciin, Surgeon and Accoucheur, O.'ji.e an 1 Kesidene, Main street, Stroud. b;i rir, l'a.. in the lniildinpj formerly occupied Lv Dr. Jjjip. i'rouiid atletition given to calls. ( 7 to 5 a. m. GULe Lours ! 1 " .1 in. 6 " i p. m. April 1G 1874-ly. .0 I,i tiie old oirioe of Ir. A. Reeves Jackson, re iJoiiC?, corner f S trah and Franklin street. STROUD3BURG, PA. As.rut S,'72-if A j2i:rica. hotsl. The MiWri'oer would inform tl.r public that be h:is lensed ih-i huu.-e formally kept by Jacob Ki.e. ht, in the Borough of Strondsbtirj, Pa.. t i l li;iviii re;jniitcd and refurnished the same, is y,rc.irire l t entertain all who may patronise Ki'ii. It is th.' r.im of the proprietor, to furn i:t superior avcoMirao lations at moderate rates nr.J will Fparc no pains to promote the coiti Lrt of the guests. A liberal share of public putrou.t-j Folicitcd. April 17, '72-tf. D. L. PISLH. AUCTIONEER, Rsal Estats Agent and Coll-ctor. The and-:-ri7'i''d bez I'-aT- t 3 notify th- jttblic that U pr.-pred t 11 at s!urf notice p -rsnal property c' ill kinds, as well as itcal Estate, at public or private t .' .. ''."e at Thorns 3le:Bil-i's old utorc stand, at 1-ast iirwWwz, Ta. ! I'ec. IT, 187. ly. DW2E5 S. LEG, Atiortiey at Yatv, 0ns door alove the "Stroudsburg Houpe," tt-'jiiJ-bur, I'a. Col lection promptly made October -12, 1 871. JfifLi: iiai'sc, .IV K0NE3DALE, PA. central location ot any Hotel iu ton. II. W. K1PLK & SON, 'j Mnin street. I'roprictors. -ariTary !., 1873. ly. rO.V.r FOStfcSliT Mat Mlicn U jou want any thins in the Furniture or IJrn-ihM-iital lit.i that MeCartyifc Suns in the 'UJ-Ifeivjwst U:,;.'f Main street, Stroudsburg, is tlrft t.lut-o to ;et it. June l.s74-tf - Dtt.VT jotTunow tliat J. II. McCVrt-y A: instil re the only Under Wr.s io htroad.sbir wlu liifJcrs-tands their Uiiness nxim a puncral managed rT'yutlitr VwUrixki ia towc, and you &ie the proof of the Ixet. rae lS,74-tf A. HO C K A V II L PiiALER J Badj-Made tlolhtng, Gents Fur uishiKg Goods, Hals &9 L'oots &. Shoee&c -16T STROUDSISURG, 'PA (Near the DcpGl.) - Tl-e public are invited to coll and examine Trice moderate. " MUJIUWII A Discontented Poet Man's a foul 1 "When it's hot he wants it cool ; When il'n coIJ he want is Iiot Ne'er contented with hU lot. "When it's dry He for shuwcr.i is heard to nigh ; When to meet his wish it rains, Of the wet fool complains. Hot or cold, dry or wet, Koth ing suiu that he can get ; I consider, as a rule, Man's a fool. The Cost of an Incompetent Legislature. It costs, in round numbers S500,000 to hold a regular session of the Pennsylvania Legislature. The salaries and mileage of two hundred and fifty-one members, and the salaries and mileajrc the officers of the two Houses, cost $350,000, and the items of postage, printing the Lrgislattcc Record, and other incidental expenses, will cost the remaining 8150.000. Wo are therefore safe in treating the cost of a regular session at half a million of dollars. Tor this large sum the State deserves to receive a proper attention to its interests and necessities from those to whom or for whom it incurs so great an expense. The members of both Ileuses certainly owe to the State w hose interests have been confided to their hands, that attention to the various projects of legislation proposed which their importance demands. Yet what do we see ? The Legislature has now been a monCi in session, and what has it done ? It has passed two laws, one a general bill, and the other a local one, fur Philadeldhia, and it has passed a joint resolution to adjourn finaliy ou the 18th of March. Beyond that, the joint action j of both Houses amounts literally to nothing. ihe republican henate meets regularly, dijxses daily of the business before it, at tends promptly and properly to whatever is submitted to its consideration, and is fully up with its work and its duties. Its members seoin to be conscious of their responsibilities, and consciention in the discharge of them. But what of the Democratic House of llepresentives ? That body was captured at the election of 1S74, upon pledges and promises of 'lleform," that were made so profusely as to deceive the people into trusting those who made them. It met in llarrisbunr under a general expectation that the huge promises of "Reform" made by the majority of its members, before their election would be redeemed, or that an attempt would be made, at least to show that there was a willingness to try to redeem them. Yet th:3 'ilcform' body commenced its session by electing or appointing more officers than the law allows, trusting to chance for the payment of the officers thus illegally put into place, the majority biug utterly un able otherwise to satisfy the enormous greed for petty place developed by their victor', and the session thus illegally begun has been protracted, now, lor live weeks, without accomplishing anything iu the way of legislation whatever. The House has concurred in two bills which originated in the Senate, but beyond that has done iUerall' nothing, except to cover itself with that degree of suspicion which usually results in disgrace. The history of Pennsylvania is without a paralled to this. No I louse ever assembled before of which it could be said that it had ben five weeks in sessoin without being able to perfect one piece of legislation, or get sufficient public business in readiness to keep itself employed ; and we ventucre to say that no legislative body ever before met at the seat of government that was 50 utterly incapable of comprehending, much less of discharging, its duties. It is fair to presume, from the cxperi ence of the five weeks which close to-day, that the House does not intend to try to face the duties incumbent upon it ; but will trifle the public time away until the day of final adjournment, when it will disperse, to the total neglect of the public business. The legislation needed by the State will receive no attention ; the wants of the com munity will be unheeded ; and the State will have the privilege of paying the sum of half a million of dollars for the hupport of a body utterly useless to it through the neglect or incapacity of the popular brauch of it. The responsibility for this state of things must rest where it proierly belongs. The Kepublieaii Senate has faithfully performed its duty, so far, and stands prepared to do its bhare of the work which is incumbent upon it. No blame is due, there. What ever the State has a right to look for, from that branch of the Legislature, will be per formed. It is upon the Democratic House of Representatives, alone, that responsibil ity must rest. It, alone, is obstructing the the public business ; and it, alone, neglect ing its public duties. The failure of this Democratic branch of the Legislature to meet the wants of the State, and its incapacitly to adapt itself to the necessities of the situation, come iu, happily, to prove how incompetent the Democratic party is to meet or satisfy, or comply with any want or wish of the people. "Reform" is not its vocation. It has been trusted by the ieople, in this instance, with the work of bringing about salutary changes and inaugrating improved methods of government ; and it has responded by greedily grasping at the spoils of office and refusing to do anything else whatever. It U a fcorry ending to a delusive beginning, but if the people of Pennsylvania learu frot it -ver again to trust . the -lyiug promises of a party incapable, from ite very STROUDSBURG, MONROE IHHI III WnlH'KMKJ smeseeccBORM composition, of accomplishing anything good, the half million spent in learning the lesson will not have been utterly thrown away. Pittsburgh Commercial, Feb. 13. A Mardi-Gras Incident. From the Louisville Courier-Journal. The Mardi-gras procession on Tuesduy was witnessned by a large crowd, and the ludicrous impersonations of character will live long in the memories of the masses, who laughed until their sides ached. Among the motley houest who jerambulat ed the streets in the procession was a long, cadaverous-looking fellow, representing a Comanche Indian. His face was painted red, his suit was well made up. Upon his ponderous feet were a pair of ucw moccasins, hanging from the beaded girt that incircled his body where half a dozen "boss pistols" and as many scalps. Inside this Wit stuck a checs-knifc and a seythe-biade. His long black hair was banded with a brass ncop, from which stack about a dozen of turkey and geese feathers, and in his right hand he held with an iron grasp a toma hawk, red with some victim's blood. Any one who had read or heard of the famous Indian warrior, Bloody Nose, would have stud he had arisen from the' dead and joiu ed that procession. But it was not the blood-thirsty rover of the forest. It was Skinner who personated him, -and he did it to perfection. His appearance was a terror to women and children, while his war-whoop, and the revolutions of that bloody tomahawk were certain death to "de culled population." Everybody saw the wild Indian, but nobody knew it was Skinner. While the procession moved through the various streets, Skinner would get dry, and break ranks by dodging into the bar rooms aud taking in his usual dose of ;firc water." By the time Skinner had ''war whooped" .ten or fifteen blocks, and hid about half a keg of 'fire-water" about his person, he was in unc trim" think to he play was Comanche, and began to "Bloody Nose" sure enough, for he tried to "scalp" no less than a dozen darkies that fell into his hands. The procession passed within a square or two of Skinner's house. Skinner has a wife, and she is the mother of five little male aud four female Skinners. Skinner's wife does her own work : in fact, she's 4.1 boss of kinner's house, and instead of her rushing off with a string of little Skin ners after her to see the procession, she kept the little ones at homo and staed in the kitchen attending to cleaning the pots, kettles, and pans after dinner. A new idea struck Skinner. He would go home and scare 'Mrs. Skinner and all the little Skinners. He cut loose from the procession, took another dose of "fire water," and by the time he reached his front gate, he was the most reckless look ing Comanche the world ever beheld. Picking up new courage he rushed into the front room where the little Skinners were "plaving circus. Ins appearance was accomr atiied by Avud yells and laney dancing. while he made that tomahawk fly around the room over the children's heads, as if he meant business, the little Skinners shouting, ' O ! Mr. Injin, don't !"' "mother!" "murder !" "fire !" and there were such screams as would have made any "sure enough Indian run. Skinner was j list in the middle of his fun. when the screams of the children and the war-whoop of the Comanche brought Mrs. Skinner to the scene, armed with an iron skillet. She slipped up behind the "'playful Indian," drew a bead on his nose, and landed that skillet with the force of a sledge-hammer and the rapidity of light ning against it. The hand let go the toma hawk, the feathers Hew, the belt bursted, and the scalps, pistols, and knives full to the floor. There was a flesh-and-blood spot in the middle of his face where that nose was a moment before the skillet mashed it. It now looked like a bursted tomato spread all over his face. There was a groan, a fall, a somersault or two and all was quiet. That Comanche had found the "happy hunting grounds." Instead of Mrs. Skinner sending for the doctor and bathing his face, she looked down into his mutilated face, and, shak ing the skiilet over him with her right hand, exclaimed : "I'll war-whoop you. You thought you'd scare somebody, you denied old fool ; but I know'd you, soon as I smeilcd your feet, and smelt your breath." P. S. kiuner has an Indiam masquerade suit for sale cheap. He won't be able to be out until he gets done breathing through his cars. The doctor says his nose may grow out again by the time the next Mardi (Jras takes place. We advise Skiuncr to get a brass nose and "go West." Woman Suffrage. Our State Superintendent of Common Schools says : "It seems strange that a body of wise men should dny a woman the right to vote for a person to fill an office to which she may be herself elected." He alludes jn these remarks to our late Con stitutional Convention, which made a provis ion enabling women to hold any office under the school law, but not allowing her to vote for such officers, thus actually sanctioning the principle that certain persons are not capable or qualified to vote for the recipient of an office, the duties of which they are fully fitted to. perform. Our Superinten dent is not aloue in his astonishment. IN'o reasonable person can justify uch action as being cousistetit, and I have uo doubt a majority of thewuembcrs of the Convention themselves, if they havo thought at all ou COUNTY, PA., MARCH the subject, will acknowledge the incon sistency. I do not wish to censure the Convention for what it did in this, .matter, but for what it left undone. It did not go far enough ; it did not give women the right to vote for thoso whom they considered capable of holding those offices. Had they done this it would have been a step in the right direction, and been entirely consistent and proper. "One-half the citizens of our country arc slaves," says a certain writer. This seems to be a weighty charge against our model Republic, but it is nevertheless true. Slaves arc persons who have no rights, legally, except such as the governing class may confer upon them. Now this is exactly the position of women in this "land of the free and the home of the bravo" at the prescut day. They have just such rights and privileges as the governing class men see proper to bestow upon them, aud no" more ; and any or all of these rights can be taken away at any time by the power that granted them. In a truly Republican government there is no servile class, be cause all belong to the ruling class, and until we have equal rights for all high and low, rich and poor, black and white, male and female our loud boastings about a Model Republic are as "sounding brass and a tinkiug cymbal." Tiie following, relative to Wyoming Ter ritory, where women arc allowed to vote and hold office, is from the Christian Union, a responsibb and reliable paper : "Women have voted there now for four successive years, and not one of the evil results so much dreaded has ensued ; but. on the countrary, the measure has worked so well that citizens of all parties agree iu declaring that it has proved a complete success. The Laramie City (Wyoming) Sentind sajs that in evey position in which women have been placed in that Territory in office, in the jury-box, at the polls they have discharged these new and arduous duties with credit to themselves and useful ness to the community. Those who three years ago made an effort to repe il the law have spent a good deal of time since in tr -ing to clear their political characters from the stigma they thus brought ou them selves, and iu the last Legislature not a member of either House could be found who would disgrace himself by introducing a biil for the repeal of woman suffrage. Those who were in the first place most bitterly hostile to the measure now smile at their own former fears, and generally heartily endorse the result. If there is now any considerable hostility to woman suffrage in the Territory it will be found only in the ranks of men engaged iu those pursuits and occupations which are always regarded as demoralizing and detrimental to the community, and who fear their craft is endangered by this new exercise of wo man's power and influence. The Sentinel continues : We can't believe there is a calm-thinking man iu Wyoming who does not feel that woman's presence at the ballot box has worked for us in the matter of elections alone the greatest reform of the age. Our elections used to be a general public row and riot, which would put to shame a Donnybrook fair. Now they are as quiet, orderly and peaceable as any other assemblage, no matter how heated and ex cited may be the campaign." . ... - When will our State rise up to Wyoming's level ? Not until the people arise in their might and teach politicans justice and truth ; for you might as soon expect to sec a donkey climb up a crab ap ple tree as a mere politician to carry out the principles of equal right aud justice toj all. . (J. AN INCIDENT. On the train the other day a very solemn looking man, dressed in black aud carrying a hat-box, came along and dropped into hall my seat. 4 It is a fine day,' I remarked, desiring to be friendly. 4 It is a fine day, but, young man, how is it with your soul ?' he replied,' rolling un eyes and looking still more solemn. I asked him what he meant, and he said: 4 Where would you go to if you died ? How docs your record stand iu Heaven ?' I told him that I was jogging along peaccbly like, paying my debts, saving a little money, and dropping something into the contribution box as it, passed. 4 That won't do ah !' he said, as I13 fold ed his hands and closed his eyes. 'You're a sinner, ah ! a baneful sinner. There is no mansion laid up for you in the laud be yond the skies ah. Do you ever pray ?' 4 Once is a great while,' I told him. 'The Devil is in your heart ah,' he went 0:1, 'You pray not neither do you sing. Like a flower you shall be cut down, and. the stem shall wither and decay, an 1 be seen no more among the fields." 4 What would you advise me to do ?' I asked, feeling a little meek. 4 1 am but a poor worm myself,' he an swerod meekly, 'like unto a puny insect.' ' A cockroach, for instance,' I put iu us he paused. 4 Only a poor struggling wor-um.' he went on, never midding me, 'yet I am try ing to do any appointed work.. Away over the sea in Africa, miiUoiw are living in ignorance and vioe, knowing nothing of Heaven, having no good iu - their hearts, living like beasts of the field.- 'Iu my poor humble way I am trying to Rive a few benighted heathen try iug to redeem a l'w souls.' ' At what particular way V I inquired. . Partly by ray" prayers,'? arid partly. by eoHojting money aud buying Bibles to hip 11, 1875. them, that they may have the word of life " There was a pause for a moment, and then he laid his hand on my arm and con tinued 'Young man, the Lord lovcth a cheerful giver ? Out of your abundance contribute something for the cause of tiie benighted. Even though you are not a Christian,, your, good act will be put to your credit iu that laud where all Is joy and bliss.' I asked him if he could change a 20 bill and give me back 819.23? aad ho turned away and seemed weary. Wc rode on for about a mile, and then he took a strap from his pocket, laid it on hi3 knee in a way to make two seperate loops in it, and then he said 4 Young man, thou art a sinner, and thou wilt not contribute to the cause of the benighted ?' 4 Which the same is true,' I murmured.' 4 Ou the heathen and my cause, I desire to bet five to three that thou canst not put thy finger in the loop that will catch, he said smiling sweetly. 4 It's the old strap game seen it more than forty times,' I answered. 4 Solely on account of the benighted heathen do I wish to bet five to three that thou canst not locate the joker, he went on, producing three thimbles and a pea. 4 l'layed it in the army - for four ears,' I replied, turning away with a mournful heart. 4 Then you are will that the heathen shall struggle on like the beasts of the field and the birds of the air ?' he asked, putting up his thimble. 4 Yes, truly,' I answered. 4 Tis sad that one so young should be so sinful,' he murmured, and he went to the other end of the car and succeeded in fleec ing an old man out of $31 and a watch on the cheek game for the cause of the heathen in Africa. Vaccination in China. It lias been stated that the Emperor 6f China's death was caused by the small-pox, whence it might be inferred that vaccina tion is not practiced in the Celestial Em pire. This however ((ruligaani says) is not the case ; the virtues of the cow-pox were kuowu to them many years before Jcnner discovered it in our part of the world. Their historaians fix it at about the twelfth century of our era. Now, as we got the small pox from the Arabs towards the end of the tenth century, when Rhazes first described it, the question arises as to whether that disease existed in China before. A physician of that country, who has written an extensive work 0:1 medicine, says on the subject that small-pox was un known until the middle of the reign of the Cheou dynasty, which flourished about the sixth century before Christ, and that it was only towards the end of ihe Song dy nasty, answering to our twelfth century, that inoculation was practiced on young children as a means of protection from the spontaneous malady. The experiment was first tried on the E aipcror's grand-son. and succeeded perfectly, and for more than fifty rears the reputation of this treatment grew in the minds of the people, but it became gradually apparent that the remedy was not infallible, especially when the disease assumed an epidemic character. As for the cow-pox, the missionaries at Pekin sent over accounts of it as early as 1770, while Jcnner only published his dis covery in 170o. The w.13' in which the Chinese inoculate the eox-pr.x; is this : The dry virus, in a pulverulent state, is blown through a silver tube into the left nostril, if the patient be a girl, and into the right one in the case of a boy. A second and more modem method consists in dis solving the dry virus in four or five drops of clear water ; this is then taken up in a little cotton, which they thrust into the right Or left nostril, according to the sex, as above1 stated. The third way consists in performing the same operation with fresh virus, which is takcu oa the spot from a healthy- child. . . Chinese Private Life. Here are some hints which may be use ful to some of our cooks ; They have a large screen before the door-way, which gives privacy sufficient for their need. The window shades are closed cither by a sort of Jalousie of thin matting. Thoy do not surround their domesticities with the same mysterious and secret precautions with which we cuvelope those proceedings in Europe. Human nature, they argue, has to sleep, and here is the mat upen which it stretches itself. Why conceal it ? it also wants to eat, and it satisfies its appetite no matter how many eyes are gazing. Tell a Chinese cook 3011 arc hungry, and he will immediately fetch his fire, his cooking uten sils, his provisions, and cook under your very nose.-. He has no idea of conccalirg his operations in some far av.'ay back re gion, 'yclept kitchen. He squats down any where, makes a fire on or iu anything, a basin, dish, pan or pot ; there is no limt to his invention. He will cook in the middle of the street, or in the centre of his guests in a restaurant. Uorr. one occasion, when on board a Junk, I observed a man cook ing his owu and hi neighbor 't food to gether in a tub. f.nd an earthenware saucer containing the charcoal.; .Wonderful crea tures they are those despised Chinese, w kh a deftness of finger and ingenuity of patience Unsurpassed by any nation u infer the suu. . - ' ' . - - Schuylkill county, pull $313 for tobacco fjr pri-oners lait y&x. , -.'.. . NO. 41.- No Room for Loafers- Sure enough there is no room for loafers anywhere iu this working world. Thev are not wanted in the busy workshop, nor in the editor's sanctum ; they . are a nuis ance iu a country store, spitting and spew ing about the stove and at the post office ar in- everybody's w.ay. They are forever out of place except when in the almshouse or jail. A dead weight upon society, they are a hindrance and a bore. They form no part of nature' plan ; it. absorbs them, it does a vacuam. While the world around them is going forward, they arc standing still, or rather gliJing rmperccptibly back ward into seedy vagabondism. A loafer soon grows rusty. It is only use which keeps our faculties bright, and the idle man gets dull, stolid and muddy headed. Yet some of these fellows ocem to think very well of themselves. You will see them strutting along the sunny side of the street, lounging at corners, hanging about hotel doors with fine clothes upon their backh and a well satisfied smirk upon their vaearJt countenances. The poor creatures look down upon a working man as a bcirgof an inferior order ! No doubt the drones effect to despise the busy bees until they aro' driven from the hives to starve, while the workers feast upon the honey.- A loafer' setting himself above the man w ho labors with his hands ! Why, he is as far beneath the common horse. A young mechanic, in his working dress, and w ith his tools in his hands, is every way a more agreeable object than the best dressed loafer in exis tence. There is alwavs mom for him. ILi is never out of place, tor he is keeping stcj with the universe. He has an aim, and a purpose, and he stands for something.' His faculties are trained to use, ae.d he is of value to the world fur what he can do. The skilled Workman is to the idle man what the manufactured article ia to the raw material. He has an additional value abovo that of mere manhood. The world cannot g t along without him, while it Could spar.) every loafer iu it, and be all the better for their absence. Reader, whatever you do, don't loaf. " The Omaha Boy Set It Up on a Conductor', A good joke was played on Conductor Billy Smith, who ran out on Tuesday. after noon's train fbr the East orer the Chicago' and Rock Island Railroad, by some boys at Dexter, who, u-t as the train was leaving, that place, fixed upon the rear platform of the sleeper a "dummy" man. They had taken a suit of clothes, stuffed them full cf straw, fixed up a head by reariscf' a mask, and had put air old stove-pipe ou the top: The dummy was seated on the steps, onJ arm around the railing, and the other sup porting his weary head as if asleep. Conductor Smith came along, and seeing the supposed man sleeping there,. took him for a "dead beat," giving him a slight kick demanded, "Your ticket, sir." . No answer. Smith stirs hini up again, and says, "Here, you fellow, wake up." Again there was no reply, and Smith then discovered the "sell," as he took hold of the dummy's shoulder. Going forward to the brakeman, he in formed him that there was a dead man ou the rear platform, and he wanted him to watch the body till they got to Des Moines. The brakeman did as commanded, but was tvo temkr-hearted that he did not examine the remains, but sat on the inside of the car, and kept an eye on them. 0: the arrival of the train at Des Moines, the dummy was slyly tumbled on the track, and the Chief of Police was informed that a man had been killed. The Chief of Police immediately sent down two policemen to take charge of trY remains until the coroner arrived to hold an inquest. The two unsuspecting "beaks" kept guard of the "corpse" till the coroner put in appearance. He came in haste, fully expecting to make the eirstoiiiary fee but his chagrin as well as that of the two policeman, may be easily imagined when he discovered the sell. MOVING TEE ROCK OF AGES. The good people of the town of lv- were talking of moving their meeting house to a more agreeable locality, among the advocates of the movement none were more earnest thau old Deacon' A., who. bv the yay, has an uncontrollable habit Jf sleeping in chourch. No matter how in teresting the discourse, the old deacon was sure to drop olf about such a time. Ou the Sabbath preceding the day appointed for moving the house, the pastor preached an interesting sermon on "The Rock of Ages." . Growing eloquent in his remarks, the good minister finally added with great emphasis : "Who can move it ?" The deacon having been asleep as -usual r woke up just in time to catch the query, thiuking the pastor referred to the meeting house, rose up in his seat and exclaimed! "I'll bring over my yoke of steers, and they'll jerk it along the whole distance, if you'll keep plenty of hard wood rc4Ie"rs un der it." The deacon uevev slept iu meeting after that. 0 - Tho Missouri Dcmixmt says an. order with 21,000 Grangers and 1,510,000' mem bers, to whose ranks accessions are being steadily made at the rate of 400 Granges, with at least 18,000 members every 'calen dar month of the year, which has saved to its members at least 23,000,000 thus far, which has 81,000,000 invested in busi ness operations, and which is daily iuereas ia the sphere of thesa operations, can tHVirealy be said to cvUap&iUig.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers