p. . O .HENRY A. PARSONS, Jr., Editor and Publisher. NIL DESPERANDUM. Two Dollars per Annum. VOL. VIII. BIDGKWAY,' ELK COUNTY, PA THUKSDAY, OCTOBER 17, 1878. ftO. 35. ft 4 1st ) Harvest Time. We ting of fields when harvest yields Iti bright and golden sheaves, And sun nd rain have filled with grain The barn from floor to eaves, And new-mown hay, all night and day, It scented fragrance leaves. The early dews, the drowsy ewea, The call of chanticleer, The sleepy stock, the grain In shock, The thresher and its gear, The waving corn, all greet the morn - Tie harvest of the year. The breakf aBt call, to one and all . The viands spread with care, The uttered grace, each in his place Partakes the housewife's fare, . And man and beast, at plenty's feast, Its gathered bounties share. The bearded men to labor then, With brawn and horny hands The cradle swings, the reaper sings, All through the well-tilled lands, And keeping tnne, till sultry noon They bind the grain with bands. They seek the shade of friendly glade, And swift the moments fly ; Find sweet repose, as stream that flows, Or sailing clouds on high, And hear the breene among the trees Sweep softer than a sigh. Oh 1 harvest days, we sing tby praise, From hill to river's shore t Tor field and tree, for bloom and bee, And fatness running o'er ! For tasseltd corn, for night and morn, And Qod we bow before ! Joneph O. Water: " A Tourist From Injianny." BT BRET BARTB. We first saw him from the deck of the TJnser Frits, as that gallant steamer was preparing to leave the port of New York for rivmouth, Havre ana Hamburg. Perhaps it was that all objeots at that momeut beonme indelibly impressed on the memory of the departing voyager; perns ps it was that mere interrupting trivialities always assume undue magni tude to us when we are waiting for some thing really important; but I retain a vivid impresiion of him an he appeared on tun CHiiiiwuy iu apparently hopeless, ye', an it altefwiiril appeared, reulh triumphant ulti rratiou with the (iermai apoiik uv iit-rk-iiBiidN and (-rewards. H wan u ? a brtiH' figure. Clad in a won !intn nuter, )ii irtn filleu with bngt- ana parcels, tit might have hem takei for a hiicknixu carrying the luggage bis fate. Rut it was noticeable that, al though he oalmlv persisted in opeakiiu Euglixh and igrmr'ug the volnble Ger man of hia antuironihts. he. in some rni fashion, accomplished his object withou' loeng his temper or increasing hia tern perature, while his foreign enemy ww erimson with rage and perspiring with heat, and presently, having violated a dozen of the alup s regnlations. he took hia place by the side of a very pretty girl, apparently bis superior in station. who adilressei him as "father." As the great ship swung ont into the stream. he was still a central figure on our deck, getting into every body s way, address ing all with equal familiarity, imperturb able to affront or snnb, but always dog gedly and consistently adhering to one purpose, however trivial or inadequate to the means employed. "You're sittin' on suthin' o' mine, miss," he began for the third or fourth time to the elegant miss Montmorris, who was revising liu rope under high social conditions. "Jist rise rip while I get it 'twont take a minit." Not only was the lady forced to rise, bat to make necessary the rising and discomposing: of the whole Mont- morris party who were congregated around her. The missing " satin' " was discovered to be a very old battered newspaper. " It's the Oincinnatty Times," he explained, as he quietly took it up, oblivions to the indignant glances of the party. "It's a little squoshed by your sittin' on it, but it'll do to refer to. It's got a letter from Payris, showin' the prices o' them thar hotels and rist'rants, and I allowed to my darter we might want it on the other side. Thar's one or two French names thar that rather gets me mebbee your eyes is a little stronger," but here the entire Montmorris party rustled away, leaving him with the paper in one hand the other pointing at the paragraph. Not at all discomfited, he glanced at the vacant bench, took possession of it with his hat, duster and umbrella, then dis appeared, and presently appeared again with bis daughter, a lank-looking young man, and an angular elderly female, and o replaced the Montmorrises. When we were fairly at sea he was missed. A pleasing belief that he had fallen overboard, or had been left be hind, was dissipated by his appearance one morning, with his daughter on one arm, and the elderly female before re ferred to on the other. The TJnser Fritz was rolling heavily at the time, bat with his usual awkward pertinacity he insist ed upon attempting to walk toward the best pat of the deck, as he always did, as if it were a right and a doty. A lurch brought him and his uncertainfreight in contact with the Montmorrises; there was a moment of wild confusion, two or three seats were emptied, and he was finally led away by the steward, an obvi ously and obtrusively siok man. But when he had disappeared below it was noticed that he had secured two excel lent seats for his female companions. Nobody dared to disturb the elder, no body oared to disturb the younger who, it may be here recorded, had a certain shy reserve which checked aught but the simplest civilities from the mascu line passengers. A few days later it was discovered that he was not an inmate of the first, but of the second cabin; that the elderly female was not his wife, as popularly supposed, but the room-mate of bis daughter in the first cabin. These facts mad his various intrusions on the saloon deck the more exasperating to the Mont morrises. yet the more difficult to deal with. Eventually, however, he had, as usual, his own way; no place was sacred, or debarred his elouuhed hat and duster. They were turned out of the engine room to reappear upon the bridge; they were forbidden the forecastle, to rise a ghostly presence beside the officer in his solemn supervision of the compass. They would have been lashed to the rigging on their way to the maintop but for the silent protest of his daughter's presence on the deck. Most of his in terrupting familiar conversation was addressed to the interdicted "man at the wheel." Hitherto I had contented myself with the fascination of his presence from afar, wisely, perhaps, deeming it dangerous to a true picturesque perspective to alter my distance, and perhaps, like the best of us, I fear, preferring to keep my own idea of him rather than to run the risk of altering it by a closer accmaintance. But one day when I was lounging by the stern rail, idly watching the dogged ostentatif n of the screw, that had been steadily intimating, after the fashion of screws, tnat it was tue only tiung in the snip with a persistent purpose, the ominous shadow of the slouched hat and the trailing duster fell upon me. There was nothing to do but accept it meekly. Indeed my theory of the man made me helpless. "I didn't know till yesterday who you be, he began deliberately, "or shouldn't have been so on social. But I've always told my darter that in per miskiss trav'lin a man oughter to be keerful of who he meets. I've read some of your writins read em in a pa per in Injianny, but I never reckoned I d nnet ye. Things is queer, and tray. 'lin' wings all sorter people together. My darter Loueze suspected ye from the first, and she worried over it, and kinder put me up to this. The most delicate flattery could not have done more. To have been in the thought of this reserved, gentle girl, wno scarcely seemed to notioe even those who had paid her attention, was " She put me up to it," he continued, calmly, " though she has Kind o preju disc again you and your writins think' in' them sort o' low down, and the folks talked about not in her style and ye know that's woman's nater, and she and Miss Montmorris agree on that point. But thar's a few friends with me round yer ez would like to see ye." He stepped aside and a dozen men appeared in Indian file from behind the round house, and with a solemnity known only to the Anglo-Saxon nature, shook my hand deliberately, and then dis persed themselves in various serious at titudes against the railings. They were honest, well-meaning countrymen of nine, but I could not recall a single race. There was a dead silence ; the screw however, ostentatiously went on : " You ee what I told jou. it said. "This s all vapidity and trifling. I'm the uly fellow here with a purpose. Whiz, hiz, whiz ; cling, chug, chug I" I was about to make some remark of t general nature, when I was great rrlieved to observe my companion V friends detatch themselves from the railings, and with a slight bow aud an other shake of the hand, severally retire. apparently as much relieved as myself. My companion, who had ia the mean time acted as if he had discharged him self of a duty, said. "Thar oilers must be some one to tend to this kind o thing, or thar's no sociablencss. I took a deppytation into the cap'n's room yes terday to make some proppvsitions. and thar's a minister of the gospel aboard as ought to be spoke to afore next Sunday, and I reckon it's my dootv. onless." he added with deliberate and formal polite ness, " you d prefer to do it, bein , so to speak, a public man. But the public man hastily depre cated any interference with the speaker's functions, and, to change the conversa tion, remarked that he had heard that there waa a party of Cook's tourists on board, and were not the preceding gentlemen of the number? But the question caused the speaker to lay aside his hat, take a comfortable position on the deck, against the rail, and drawing his knees op under his chin, to speak as follows : " Speaking o' Cook and Cook's tour ists, I'm my own Cook. I reckon I cal kilate and know every cent that'll spend twixt Evansville, Injianny, and Borne and Naples; and everything I'll see." tie paused a moment, and laving his hand familiarly on my knee, said : Did I ever tell ye how I kern to go abroad ?" As we had never spoken together be fore, it was safe to reply thathe had not. tie rubbed his head softly with his hand. knitted his iron-gray brows, and then said meditatively: "Not it must hev been that bead waiter. He sorter favors you in the mustache and gen'ral get np. I guess it was him I spoke to." 1 thought it must have been. " Well, then, this is the way it kem about. I waa sittin' one night, about three months ago, with my darter Loueze my wife bein' dead some four year and I was reading to her out of the paper about the Exposition. She sez to me, quiet like she's a quiet sort o' gal if you ever notissed her ' I should like to go thar.' I looks at her it was the first time sense her mother died that that gal had ever asked for any thin', or had, so to speak, a wish. It wasn't her way. She took everything ez it kem. and, dura my skin ef I ever could tell whether she ever wanted it to kem in any other way. I never told ye this afore, did It" " No," I said hastily. " Go on." He felt his knees for a moment, and then drew a long breath, "Perhaps," he began deliberately, " ye don't know that I'm a poor man. Seein' me here among these rich folks, coin' abroad tn Paree with the best o' them, and Loueze thar in the first cabin a lady, ez she is ye wouldn't bleeve it, but I'm poor I I am. Well, sir, when that gal looks up at me and sez that I hadn't but twel v Aol. lars in my pocket, and I ain't the domed tool tnat l look but snth n' in me suthin,' you know, a way back in me sez yon shall I Loo ey, you shall 1 and then I sez repeatin' it. and innbinir right in her eyes You shall go.Loo-ev' um you ever 100K in my gal a eyes 7 I parried that somewhat dir-Ant nnm. Hon by another : " But the twelve dol larshow did you increase that ?" "1 raise it to two hundred and flftv dollars. I got odd jobs o' work here and there, over time I'm a machinist. I used to keep this yer over-work from Loo saying I had to see men in the evenin' to get pints about Europe and luair bdu getting a ume money raised on my life insurance, I shoved her through. And here we is. Chipper and first-class all through that is, Loo iai" " Bat two hundred and fifty dollars ! And Rome and Naples, and return 7 You can't do it." He looked cunningly at me a moment " Kan't do it T I've done it. " "Done it?" " Wall, about the same I reckon, I've flggered it out. riggers don t lie. l ain't no Cook's tourist ; I kin see Cook and give him pints. I tell you I've flg gered it out to a cent, and I ve money to spare. Of course I don't reckon to travel with Loo. She'll go first-class. J U . A .1 kO UD.I All O IU RUB DW-UI" age of a ship, or in the bagpssge car of a railroad. I don't need much in the way of grub or clothes, and now and then I Dnl T'll K. ... tin. it i r i a lt.. kin pick up a Job. V err ps you disre' member that row I had down in the en gine-room, when they chucked me out of it?" I could not help looking at him with astonishment ; there was evidently only a pleasant memory in his mind. Yet I I recalled that I felt indignant for him and his daughter. "Well, that fool of a chief engineer gave me a job the other day. And ef I hadn't just forced my way down, and talked sassy at him, and criticised his macbeen. ho'd hev never knowed knowed a eccentrio from a wagon wheel. Do yon see the pint? " I thought I began to see it. But I could not help asking what his daughter thought of traveling in this interior way. He laughed. "When I was gettin up some pints from them books of travel. I read her a proverb or saying outer one o' them, that ' only princes and fools and Americans traveled first-class.' You see I told her it didn't say ' women,' for they naturally would ride first-class and Amerikan gals being princesses, didn't count. Don't you see !" If I did not quite follow his logic, nor see my way clearly into hiB daughter's acquiescence through this speech, some light may be thrown upon it from his next utterance. I had risen with some vague words of congratulation on his success, and was about to leave him, when he called me back. " Did I tell ve." be said, cantiouslv looking around, yet with a smile of still ed enjoyment in his face, " did I tell ye what that gal my darter sed to me ? No, I didn't tell ye nor no one else afore. Come here 1" He made me draw down closely into the shadow and secrecy of the round house. That night that I told my gal she should go abroad, I sez to her, quite chipper like and free, 'I say, Loo-ey,' sez I, ye'll be goin' for to marry some o' them counts, or dukes, or potentates, I reckon, and ye'll leave the old man.' And she sez, sez she, looking me squar u the eye did yo ever notiss that gal s eye ?" She has fine eyes," I replied, cau tiously. " They is ez clean as a fresh milk pan, and ez bright. Nothing sticks to 'em. Eh V "You are right." " Well, she looks up at me this way " here he achieved a vile imitation of his daughter's modest glance, not at all like her " and looking at me, she Fez quiet ly: ' That's what I'm goin' for, and to improve my mind.' He I he I he I It's a fack 1 To marry a nobleman, and im prove her mindl Hal ha I ha I" The evident enjoyment that he took in this, and the quiet ignoring of anything of a moral quality in his daughter's sen timents, or in his thus connding them to a stranger's ear. again upset all mv theories. I may say here that it is one of the evidences of original character, that it is apt to baffle all prognosis from a mere observer's standpoint. But I re called it some months after. We parted in England. It is not ne cessary, in this brief chroniole, to repeat the various stories of " Unole Joshua," as the younger and more frivolous of our passengers called him, nor that two thirds of the stories repeated were utter ly at variance with my estimate of the character of the man, although I may add that I was also doubtful of the ac curacy of my own estimate. But one quality was always dominant his resist less, dogged pertinacity and calm im perturbability 1 "He asked Miss Montmorris if she 'minded' sin gin' a little in the second cabin to liven it up, and added, as an inducement, that they don't know good musio from bad," said Jack Walker to me. "And when he mended the broken lock of my trunk, he abtholutely propothed to me to athk couthin Graoe if thee didn't wont a koorier ' to travel with her to ' do me chanics,' provided thee would take charge of that dreadfully deaf-and-dumb daughter of his. Wothn't it funny? Really, he'th one of your characters," said the youngest Miss Montmorris to me as we made our adieus on the steamer. I am afraid he is not, although he was good enough afterward to establish one or two ot my theories regarding him. I was enabled to assist him once in an altercation he had with a cabman regarding the fare of his daughter, the cabman retaining a distinct impression that the father had also ridden in some obscure way in or upon the same cab as he undoubtedly had. I heard that he had forced his way into a certain great house in England, and that he had been ignominiously rejected, bat I also heard that ample apologies had been made to a certain quiet modest daughter of bis who was without on the lawn, and that also a certain Personage, whom I approach, even in this vague way, with a capital letter, had graciously taken a fancy to the poor cnua, and na i invuea her to a reception. But this is only hearsay evidence, bo also ia the story which met me in Paris, that he had been up with his daughter in the captive balloon, and that at an ele vation of several thousand feet from the earth he made some remarks upon the attaching cable and the drum on which the cable revolved, which not only ex cited the interest of the passengers, but attracted the attention of tne auinon- ties.80 that he waa not only given a gratu itoue ascent afterward, but was, I am told, offered a gratuity. But I shall restrict thia narrative to the few facte of which I was personally cognizant in the career of thia remarkable person, I was at a certain entertainment given in Paris by the heirs, executors and assignees of an admirable man, long since gathered to his fathers in Pere la Chaise, but whose Shakspeare-like bust still looks calmly and benevolently down on the riotous revelry of absurd wioked- ness of which be was, when living, the patron saint. The entertainment was of such a character that, while the per formers were chiefly women, a majority oi me spectators ware men. The few them I quickly recognized my fellow- countrywomen, tne Montmorrises. " Don't thay that you've theen us here." saia tne youngest iuiss Montmorris, " for ith only a lark. Ith awfully funnv I And that friend yourth from Injianny lL 1 .l t ' - 7t 1. 1 .1 " - uu nere wim uib uauguver, It did. not take me long to find my friend Uncle Joshua's serious, practical, unsympathetic face in the front row of tables and benches. But beside him, to my utter consternation, was hia shy and modeBt daughter. In another moment 1 was at his side. " I really think I am airaid " i pegan in a whisper, "that you have made a mistake. I don t think you can be aware of the character of this place. Your daugh ter" "Kem here with Miss Montmorris, She's yer. It's all right." The modest-looking Miss Loo, who had been staring at everything quite in differently, suddenly stepped forward, took her father's arm, and said sharply, "Come." At this momenta voice in English. but unmistakably belonging to the politest nation iu the world, rose from behind the girl,mimiokingly. " My I it is shock ing, i bioosu r In an instant he was in the hands of " Uncle Joshua." and forced back clam oring against the railing, his hat smashed over his foolish, furious face, and half his shirt and cravat in the old man's strong grip. Several students rushed to the rescue of their compatriot, but one or two Englishmen and half a dozen Americans had managed in some mysterious way to bound into the arena. I looked hurriedly for Miss Louisa, bat she was gone. When we had extricated the old man from the melee, I asked him where she was. " Oh I reckon she's gone off with Sir Arthur. I saw him here just as I pitched into that fool." "Sir Arthur?" I asked. " Yes, an acquaintance o' Loo's." " She's in my carriage, just outside." interrupted a handsome young fellow, with the shoulders of a giant and the blushes of a girl. " It's all over now. you know. It was rather a foolish lark, yon coinirjg here with her without know ing you know anything about it, you know. But this way thank you. She's waiting for von." and in another instant he and the old man had vanished. Nor did I see him again until he stepped into the railway carriage with me on his way to .Liverpool. " lou see I'm trav'lin' first-class now," he said, but goin home 1 don t mind a tnne extry expense." " Then you've made your tour," I asked, "and are success ful?'' " Wall, yes, we saw Switzerland and Italy, and if I hedn't been short o' time, we'd hev gone to Egypt. Mebbee next winter I'll run over again to see Loo, and do it." " Then your daughter does not return with you ?" I continued in some astonishment. " wall, no she's visiting some of Sir Arthur s rela tives in Kent. Sir Arthur is there perhaps you recollect him ?" He paused a moment, looked cautiously around, and with the same enjoyment he had shown on shipboard, said : " Do you remember the joke I told you on Loo, when she was at sea t "Yes." " Well, don't ye say anything about it now. But dem my skin if it doesn't look like coming true." And it did. The Ex-Empress Eugenie. I have seen a letter from Ems. which gives this description of the ex-empress: " I have just seen the ex-empress at Ems. It ia hard to understand now she could have selected these springs. The beautiful village Ems is, as it were, the funeral monument of the Bonaparte dynasty. She is accompanied by Duchess de Mouchy and Marquis de Piennes. She is clad in deep mourning. Hazard has cruel ironies. In German spas each house has its sign. The home of the ex empress bears over its door L'Elysee the same name as the palace where the future emperor wooed the future em press. When she reached Ems and came out of the railway station the throng, which contained people of all nations, spontaneously took off their hats. I do not believe the empress was ever saluted with greater deference and deeper sympathy. Time, cares, sorrows and exile have done their work. Years ago I saw her on the beach at Trouville with one of those long canes which she had put in fashion and which gave to the fine ladies of those days so ' fast ' a look. She still carries a cane, but 'tis not the light bamboo of old times; she now carries a stout walking-stick, a man's walking-stiok, on which she leans as she walks along. I could not, when I saw her, help thinking of the broken, violence-scarred walls of the Tailleries majestic though in rums. The day the Countess de Pierrefonds (as the ex-em press now styles herself) reached Ems Prince George of Prussia called on her. iie repeated his visit the next day, and daring her whole stay at Ems be was most attentive to her. He took care that she should have at Ems something like her old grandeur. He made the author ities and public functionaries show her a thousand courtesies. The postmaster ordered a letter-carrier to attend to her alone, and to carry her all letters for her the instant the mails were opened. The telegraph-master did the aame thing. The visitors, seeing these honors paid uer, Deoame etui more deferential. Whenever she walked precedence was given her, and she seemed very much touched by this courtesy. I saw again upon her lips the enchanting smile of happy days." Paris Letter. Til a Ttn dnrilf nn fa tdu a,mnnnt of new track laid in the following years Al m nA a ma 1 1 m n L . mus; lord, ,ozo mues; I8Y3, 3,007 miles- 1R71 1 025 miles? 1R7K via miles; 1876, 1.668 miles; 1877, 'l,223 miles; iota, l.iio miles, FOR THE FAIR SEX. New mi Mate for Wtma. The maiden's blush is nature's signal of warning. Mrs. Sherman dresses the most gor geously of any of the cabinet ladies. The handsomest compliment you can pay to a woman of sense, is to address ner as sucn. ty handkerchief," answered the Frenoh woman when challenged to name three essentials of an elegant oostume. In China girls are considered of so little consequence that their parents do not name, but designate them by a num ber. Thus, first daughter, second daughter, and so on. Mrs. Mackay. wife of the California bonanza king, has bought a set of dia monds and sapphires, worth $170,000, at the Paris Exposition, and a diamond necklace worth $26,000. A German has taken out a patent for making up furs without sewing. He varnishes the wrong side with a solution of India rubber in benzine, and then passes the fur between rollers. The Russian government has forbid den several women doctors, who have recently taken diplomas, to practice in the province of Novgorod. Russian fe male physicians are usually nihilists. A standing army is useful sometimes. A battalion of soldiers was recently or dered to dance in one of the rooms of the imperial palace at Potsdam, to see if the floor were strong enough to bear the Prinoess Marie's wedding party. Acailler in England, who had beaten his wife and threatened his children be cause summoned for not sending the latter to school, was last month seized by forty women, who flogged him and then dragged him to a pond, where, while drenched with water, he implored pardon for his misdeeds. Recently a lady living in Huron, Ohio, gave birth to a girl baby which is quite a curiosity in the way of weight. When born, after being dressed, the little creature weighed one and a half pounds, and now its weight is only two pounds. A small teacup covers the head and neck very easily, while a common finger ring can be passed over either hand, arm or shoulder. The child is doing well. The regal splendor in which Queen Victoria travels is evidenced by the richness of her railway carriage. Its windows are shaded with green silk cur tains, trimmed with costly white lace ; its ottomans are covered with cream colored silk, embroidered with the royal arms and monogram in purple and gold, and a carpet costing over $500 covers the floor. 1 he entire cost of the vehi cle is $30,000. A young beauty beheld one evening two horses running off at locomotive speed with a light wagon. As they ap proached she was horrified at recogniz ing, in the occupants of the vehicle, two gentlemen of her acquaintance. " Boys 1 Doys r sue screamed in terror, " jump out quick jump out esneciallv Charley I" It is needless to say that her sentiments as to " Charley " were, from that time forth, no secret. Faanlon Notes. Dresses for autumn are cut with long corsages. Flowers of fur will be among the winter novelties. The postilion back basque is revived in the fall costmes. The latest style of sleeve-buttons is a miniature folded newspaper. The newest costumes are trimmed with pipings of block satin instead of silk. New felt bonnets are of rough appear- anoe, and are called " camel's-hair felt." Fancy coverings for the head are made out of navy blue Spanish lace with car dinal border. New satin ribbons are double-faced. the favorite colors being a dark crimson with a light shade of mauve. The fashions announce a great change in the shapes of ladies' hats ; broader brims will be worn with much larger crowns. For a simple bridal dress seleot white barege and have it trimmed with white satin, with here and there garlands of orange buds and blossoms, with a few leaves. Don hi o vails sr nomine in wit.h fVia incoming of fashionable young ladies. rri. . . . . . . . . . i ., -. xue outer one is oi aoiiea Diack thread lace or black net dotted with chenille. The interior one ia nlnin hlaclr fnlla iml the combination of the two is very be coming. .1 1 u ova vAtnr faaTiAnnt,la an1 vnn wide. Some are embroidered by hand on satin or gros grain ribbon. The fast enings ore large, square buckles of silver nr miTtnrn rtt ntviliviui eivar mil gilt in filigree patterns. Jeweled ciasps are to do usea tnis season instead of buokles. Ten Minutes With a Wizard. "The cabinet? Oh, that's the mys tery," said Hermann. " I can go in it, and you can lock the door, and I will disappear yon can not see me." Homebody in the party said something about that being " too thin." "Jjock the door." said Hermann, as he stepped into the cabinet. The door was looked on the outside. " Now you can open it." said a voice within. The door was opened: the cabinet was empty. " jjet me show you my dog " said the magioian ; " he's the boy that makes my money. Here, Minty." A little black dog ran up, and Her mann put a silver quarter into the dog'a mouth. The dog chewed it, and looked as if he meant to swallow it. " Spit it out, sir," said Hermann. The dog dropped from his mouth as bright and shining a twenty-dollar gold piece as ever came out of the mint. Hermann had not been near him after giving him the quarter. , After saying that America ia a great country, and that the air is full o money, Hermann kindly changed the reporter's only coin, a trade dollar, into a double eagle, and retired to the mys teries of bis trade. New York Paper, THE CAUCASUS. Haner ef Ike Moaatalaeera-Thelr Wlttr ao Iaaealeaa Btarlea. A writer in LippinooW Magazine gives a number of anecdotes current among the people of Caucasus, in West ern Asia. These stories show the hardy mountaineers to possess considerable wit and a keen sense of humor. We quote : THE Bid TTJBH1P. Two men were onoe walking together and talking. One said : "My father raised such an enormous turnip once that he used the top of it to thresh wheat upon, and when it was ripe had to dig it out of the ground." "My father," said the other, " ordered such an enormous kettle made onoe that the forty workmen who made it all had room to sit on the inside and work at the same time, and they were a year in finishing it" "Yes," said the first, " but what did your father want such a big kettle for ?" "Probably to boil your father's turnip in," was the reply. HAZR-HDDIX'a ONE-LEOQKD GOOSE. The mullah Nazr-Eddin was once carrying to the khan as a gift a roasted goose. Becoming hungry on the road he pulled off one of the goose's legs and ate it " Where is the other leg ?" in quired the khan when the goose was J 'resented. " Onr geese have only one eg," answered mullah. "How so?" demanded the khan. " If you don't be lieve it, look there," said the mullah, pointing to a flock of geese which had just come oat of the water, and were all standing on one leg. The khan threw a stick at them and they all ran away. " There I" exclaimed the khan, " they all have two legs." "That's not sur prising," said the mullah; "if some body should throw such a club as that at you, yon might get four legs." The khan gave the mullah a new coat and sent him home. WRT BLIND MEN 8HOTJLD CABBY LAN TERNS AT NIGHT. A blind man in Khoota (an East Can casian village) came back from the river one night bringing a pitcher of water and carrying in one hand a lighted lantern. Some one, meeting him, said : " You're blind ; it's all the same to you whether it's day or night. Of what use to you is a lantern ?" " I don't carry the lan tern in order to seethe road," replied the blind man, " but to keep some fool like you from running against me and breaking the pitcher." THE WOMAN WHO WAS AFRAID OF BEING KISSED. A man was onoe walking along one road. and a woman along another. The roads nnauy united, and the man and woman, reaching the junction at the same time, walked on from there together. The man was carrying a large iron kettle on bis back; in one hand he held by the legs a live chicken, in the other a cane; and he was leading a goat. Just as they were coming to a deep dark ravine, the woman said to the man, "I am afraid to go through that ravine with you; it is a lonely place, and you might overpower me and kiss be by force." - ii you were airaid of that," said the man, " you shouldn t have walked with me at all; how can I possibly over power you and kiss you by force when I have this great iron kettle on my back, a cane in one hand and a live chicken in the other, and am leading this goat ? I might as well be tied hand and foot." " Yes," replied the woman. " but if vou should stick your cane into the ground and tio the goat to it, and turn the kettle bottom side up, and put the chicken under it, then you might wickedly kiss me in spite of my resistance." " Suc cess to thy ingenuity, O woman 1" said the rejoioing man to himself. " I should never have thought of such expedients." And when they came to the ravine he stuck his cane into the ground and tied the goat to it, gave the chicken to the woman, saying, "Hold it while I cut some grass for the goat," and then, low ering the kettle from his shoulders, im prisoned the fowl under it, and wickedly kissed the woman as she was afraid he would. It would be easy to multiply illustra tions of Caucasian wit and humor, but the above anecdotes are fairly represen tative, and must suffice. I will close this paper with a specimen of mountain satire" The Stingy Mullah." THE STINGY MULLAH. The mullah of a certain village, who was noted for his avarice and stinginess, happened one day in crossing a narrow bridge to fall into the river. As he could not swim, he sank for a moment out of sight, and then coming to the surface floated down the stream, strug gling and yelling for help. A passer-by ran to the bank, and stretching out his arm shouted to the mullah, "Give me yonr hand ! give me your hand 1 " but the mullah thrust both hands as far as possible uuder water and oontinued to veil. Another man, who knew the mul lah better, ran to the bank lower down and leaning over the water cried to him, " Here 1 take my hand I take my hand !" And the mullah, grasping it eagerly, waa drawn out of the river. He was always ready to take, but would not give even so much as his hand to save his life. Jefferson's Ten Boles. Take things always by the smooth handle. Never spend your money before you have it We seldom repent of having eaten too little. Pride costs more than hunger, thirst and cold. Nothing is troublesome that we do willingly. Never put off till to-morrow what you can do to-day Never trouble another for what you can do youself. Never buy what you don't want be cause it is cheap. How much pain the evils have cost us that never have happened. - When angry, count ten before you speak ; if very angry, count a hundred.' Chinese railroad trains run at the rate of thirteen miles an hoar, and when a donkey on the highway ahowa signs of being agitated the train must atop. What the River Salth. I run toward the north, Oh, river running south Banning south forever, No fear save fear of drouth t I sigh for yonr sweet life as still we sever, And ran toward the north. I run toward the north, Where the trees stand stiff and stark, And the gloomy iee-flelds whiten, And the days and nights are dark ; And only stars and meteor-gleams enlighten My oonrse toward the north. I ran toward the north, Yet, oh, river running south Through wonderful rich floras, Warm seas to meet your mouth ; Shall I repine while still my great auroras Shine on me from the north? I ran toward the north, let brief and sweet and bright Summers come to me With song and bloom and light t And who knows but I may reach at last tha open sea As I run toward the north ! Minnie Fry, in Scril)nr. Items or Interest. How to get fat Speculate in lard. Tin was one of the earliest metals known. Why is it people boot a dog and shoo a hen? Men who always proceed to extremities Chiropodists. Sandbars are visible everywhere in the Mississippi river. Throughout the world 7,000,000 He brews are soattered. Can a man in a dense crowd be called a member of the press. Marcus Clark, the essayist, says the coming man will be an Australian. The reason a boy loves a wood saw because it leaves no chips to pick up. " My dearest little duok," he murmur ed. " Oh, don't staff me like that," she archly replied. Oregon is waking up to the importance of her chipmunk crop. Their hides make nice kid gloves. Back English, of San Quentin, Gal., after listening to a sermon three-quarters of au hour long, con repeat it word for word. An Oil Citizen is preparing a wash for the scalp, which he says wiQ produce a luxuriant head of hair on a bald eagle, -r-Oll City Derrick. It was a Detroit boy who soaked a box of matches in a pail of water over night in order to get up a sulphur spring and cure his mother's rheumatism. Is there a scientific man in the country who can tell, after a sock gets a hole in it, what becomes of the material that once took the place of the aperature f An old maid had a oat and a canary. The cat died. She had him stuffed and placed in the cage of the canary, saying, " I have put the dear creature vihere he always desired to be." Boston owns more than one-third of all the property in Massachusetts. The valuation for three hundred and twelve cities and towns in the State is $1,514,- 244,237; for Boston, $G30,44G,8Urj. The official statistics of immigration for the last thirty years show that Ger many and Ireland have furnished as more than 2,000,000 imigrants each, but that Germany is upward of 400,000 ahead of Ireland. India rubber erases pencil marks from paper, because the rubber contains a very large quantity of carbon ; and black lead is carbon and iron. The carbon of the India rubber has so great an attrac tion for the black lead that it takes up the loose traces of it left on paper by a penoil. " Ah, great heavens I" sighed a rising yonng genius, throwing down his pen and leaning back wearily, "you don't know how much pleasanter and easier it is to read these little poems of mine than it is to write them." Sympathetic but awkward friend: " Gad, how you must suffer, then 1" The history of the first cotton this year from Mississippi is interesting. It was contained in two bales, and was sold in Cincinnati, on the 21st of August, for $1,155. One of the bales was forwarded to New York, and sold in front of the Cotton Exchange, on the 26th day of Angust, for $350. The same bale waa immediately forwarded by the purchas ers to Liverpool, where it was sold for $585. All these amounts were devoted to the benefit of the yellow fever suffer ers in the South. The United States express carried the bale free, as did the Cunard line to Liverpool. Influence of Newspapers. A school-teacher who had been en gaged a long time in his profession, and witnessed the influence of a newspaper upon the minds of family and children, writes as follows : "I have found it to be a universal fact, without exception, that scholars ot both sexes and all ages, who have access to newspapers at home, when compared with those who have not, are: 1. Better readers, excellent in pro nunciation, and consequently read more understandiogly. 2. Tbey are better spellers, and define words with ease and accuracy. 3. They obtain practical knowledge of geography in about half the time it re quires of others, as the newspapers have made them acquainted with the location of important places, of nations, their government and doings on the globe. I. They are better grammarians, for, having become so familiar with every variety of style in the newspaper, from the commonplaced advertisement to the . finished and classical oration of the statesman, they more readily compre hend the meaning of the text, and con sequently analyze its construction with accuracy. . ., ' 5. Those young men who have for years been readers of newspapers are always taking the lead in debating so oieties, exhibiting a more extensive knowledge, a greater variety of subjects, and expressing their views with greater fluency, clearness and correctness," r s
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers