1 ISP AAA d k JS!' AN INDEPENDENT FAMILY NEWSPAPER. "J?J?SJZ' yol.y!,". v . New. Bloomfleld, Pa., Tuesday, September lO, 1873. IVo. 17. M PUBLISHED SVERT TCX9DAY MORNING, BT " rEANS MORTIMER & CO., At New Bloomfleld Terry Co., Pa. Belntt provided with Bteam Power, and large Cylinder and Job-rresnen, we are prepared LMloall kinds ot Job-Frliitlng tu good style and at Low l'rlce. ADVERTISING BATK8I TratmiMitH Cents per line for one Insertion. 19 " " two Insertions 15 " " "three Insertions. Business Notices in Local Column 10 Cents per line. Notices of Marriages or Deaths inserted free. Tributes of Respect, Ac, Ten cent per line. YEARLY ADVERTISEMENTS. Ten Lines Nonpareil one year . 110,00 Twenty lines " " " $18 00 VFor longer yearly adv'ts terms will be giveu upon applleutlou. Ode to Lawyers.' The devil came to the earth oue day, And unto a court-room wended his way, Just as an attorney with very grave face Was proceeding to argue the points In a case. Now a lawyer his Majesty never had seen, For to his dominions none ever had been j And he felt very carious the reason to know Why none had been sent to the regions below. 'Twas the fault of his agents, his Majesty thought Why none of these lawyers had ever been caught And for his own pleasure he had a desire To come to the earth and the reason Inquire. Well,tbe lawyer who rose with vlsago so grave, Made out his opponent a consummate knave And the old devil was muchly amused To hear the attorney so greatly abnsed. As soon as the speaker had come to a close, The counsel opposing then fiercely arose, And heaped such abuse on the head of the first As made him a villain of all men the worst. Thus they quarreled, contended, and argued so long, 'Twas hard to determine the one that was wrong j And concluding he'd heard quite enough of the "fuss," Old Nick turned away and soliloquised thus t If all they have said of each other be true, " The devil has surely been robbed of his due I'm satisfied now, l'ts all very well, These lawyers would ruin the morals of hell. " They have puzzled the court with villainous cavil. And I'm free to confess, they have parried the devil t My agents are right to let lawyers go ball, If I had them they'd swindle me out of my tall." A Stage Driver's Romance. THE ooach of Wells, Fargo, & Co. stood before the door of Piney woods station, and Sam Rice the driver, was drawing on his lemon-colored gloves with an air, for Sam was tbe pink of stage drivers, from bis high hat to his faultless French boots. Sad wilt it be whon bis profession shall have been entirely superseded; and tbe ooach-and-slx, with its gracious and grace ful wblp, shall have been supplanted, on all tbe principal lines of travel by tbe iron horse with its grimy driver and train of thundering carriages. Tbe passengers had taken theii Beats the only lady on the box and Sam Rice stood, chronometer held duly between thumb and finger, waiting for the second band to come around the quarter of a minute, while the grooms slipped the last strap of the harness into Its buckle. At tbe expiration of a quarter of a minute, as Sam stuck an unligbted cigar between his lips and took bold of tbe box to pull himself up to bis seat, tbe good natured landlady of Pineywoods station called out to him with some ofnclousness. " Mr. Rice, don't you want a match ?" " That's just what I've been looking for these ten years," responded Bam; and at that instant his eyes were on a level with tbe lady's on the box, so that he could not help seeing tbe roguish glint of them, which so far disoonoertedtbe usually self possessed professor of the whip that he heard not the landlady's laugh, but, gathered up the reins in such a heedless and careless man ner as to cause Demon, the nigh leader, to go off with such a bound that nearly threw tbe owner of the eyes out of her place. Tbe little flurry gave opportunity . for Mrs. Dolly Page that was Uie lady's name to drop her veil over her face, and for Sara Rice to show his general hand ling of tbe ribbons, and conquer tbe un accountable disturbance of his pulse, r ' Sam had looked at tbe way-bill, not ton minutes before, to ascertain tbe name of tbe pretty black eyed woman seated at bis loft hand; and the consciousness of so gieat a curiosity gratified may have augmented his accustomed embarrassment. Certain it is Sam Rice had driven six horses on a ticklish mountain for four years, without missing a trip; and had more than once en countered the "road agents," without ever yet delivering them an express box; he had old and young ladies, plain and beautiful ones, to sit beside him hundreds of times; yet this was tbe first time he had consulted the way-bill on his own account to find tbe lady's name. This one time too, had a Afri. before it, which prefix gave him a pang which he was very unwilling to own. On the other hand Mrs. Dolly Page was dressed in extreme doep black. Could she be in mourning for Mr. Page ? If De mon bad an unusual number of stalling fits that afternoon, his driver was not altogeth er guiltl ess in tbe matter; for what horse so sensitive as be, would not have felt tbe mngnotism of something behind him ? But as the mocking eyes kept behind the veil and the rich, musical voice uttered not a word through a whole half hour which seemed an age to Sam, he finally recover ed himself so far as to say he believed he could not smoke, after all, and thereupon returned his cigar, still unligbted to his pocket. "I hope you do not deprive yourself of a luxury on my account," murmured the soft voice. "I guess this dust and sunshine is enough for a lady to stand, without smok ing in herj face," returned Sara politely, and glancing at the veil. " Still, I beg you will smoke if you are accustomed," persisted tbe cooing voice be hind it. But Sam, to his praise be it spok en, refused to add anything to the dis comforts of a summer day's ride across tbe mountain. : Ilis chivalry had its reward; for tbe lady thus favored, feeling constrain ed to make some return for such consider ation, began to talk, in a vein that delight ed her auditor, about horses their points and their traits and lastly about their drivers. "I have always fanoied," said Mrs. Dolly Page, " that if I were a man I should take to stage driving for a profession. It seems to me a free and manly calling, one that develops some of tbe best qualities of a man. Of course it has its drawbacks. One cannot always choose one's society on a stage, and there are temptations to bad habits. Besides there are storms, and upsets, and all that sort of thing. I've often thought." continued Mrs. Dolly, " that we don't consider enough the hard ships of drivers, nor what we owe them." "I shall like my profession better after what you have said of it," answered Sam, giving the whip a curl to make it touch the off leader's right ear. " I've done my duty mostly, and not complained of the hardships, though once or twice I've been too beat out to get off my box at tbe end of tbe drive; but that was in a long spell of bad' weather, when tbe roads were just awful, and the rain as cold as sno w." "Would you let me hold tbe lines awhile f" asked the cooing voice, at last. I've driven a six in band before. Though decidodly startled, and averse to trusting his team to such a pair of hands, Sam was compelled, by tbe physio force of the little woman, to yield up the reins. It was with fear and tembling that he watch ed her handling of them for the first mile; but, as if she seemed to knew what she was about,hls confidence Increased and be watch de her with admiration. Her veil was now up, her eyes sparkling and her cheeks glowing. She did not speak often, but when she did, it was always something piquant and graceful that she uttered. At last, just as tbe station was in sight, she yielded up the lines with a deep drawn sigh -of satisfaction, apologizing for it by saying, that ber hands not being used to it, were tired. " I'm not sure," she added, but I shall take to tbe box at last as a steady thing." "If you do," responded Sam, gallantly, " I hope you will run on my line." " Thanks, t shall ask you for a refer ence, when I apply for a situation." There was a halt, a supply of fresh horses, and a prompt, lively start But the afternoon was intensely hot, and tbe team soon sobered down. Mrs. Page did not offer again to take the lines. She was overwarm and weary, Mr. Rice was quiet, too, and thoughtful. Tbe passengers in side were asleep., The coach rattled along at a steady pace, with the dust so deep undr tbe wheels as to still the rumbling, At intervals a freight train was passed drawn to one side, at a "turnout," or a rabbit skipped across the road, or a solitary horseman suggested alternately a "road agent," or one of James' heroes. Grand views presented themselves of wooded cliffs and wild ravines. Tall pine trees threw lengthening shadows across the open space on tbe mountain sides. And so tbe afternoon wore away; and, whon the sun was sitting the passengers alighted for their supper at Lucky Dog a mining camp pretty well up tbe Sierras. "We both stop here," said Sam as he helped the lady down from her high po sition; letting her know by this remark that her destination was known to blm. " I'm rather glad of that," she answered frankly, with a smile, and considering all that had transpired on the long drive, Sam was certainly pardonable if he felt almost sure that her reasons for being glad was the same as his own. Lucky Dog was one of those shambling, new cam ps, where one street serves for a string on which two or three dozen ill as sorted tenements are strung, every fifth one intended for the relief of the universal American thirst, though the liquids dis pensed at these beneficent institutions were absorbed rather to provoke than to abate the dryness of their patrons. Eating bouses were even more frequent than those which dispensed moisture to parched throats ; so that, taking a cusrory view of the windows fronting on the street the im pression was inevitably conveyed of an ex pected rush of famished armies, whose wants this charitable community were only too willing to supply, for a sufficient con sideration. The houses that were not eat ing or drinking houses were hotels, if we except occasional grocery and general mer chandise establishments. Into what out-of-the-way corners tbe inhabitants were stowed it was impossible to conjecture, until it was discovered that the men lived at tbe place already inventoried, and the women abode not at all in Lucky Dog or if there were any, not more than half a dozen of them and they lived in unaccus tomed places. Tbe advent of Mrs. Page at the Silver Brick Hotel naturally made a sensation. An assemblage of not less than fifty gentle men of leisure crowded about tbe en trance, each more Intent than the other on getting a look at the arrivals, and espec ially at this one arrival whose age, looks, name, business, and intentions in coming to Lucky-Dog were discussed with great freedom. Sam Rice was closely questioned but proved reticent and non-committal. The landlord was beselged with inquiries the landlady, too and all without any body being made much the wiser. There was the waybill, and there was tbe lady herself; put that and that together, and make what you can of it Mrs. Dolly Page did not seem discom posed in the least by the evident interest she Inspired. With her black curls smooth ly brushed, ber black robes immaculately neat, with a pretty color in her round cheeks, and a quietly absorbed expression in her whole bearing, she endured the con centrated gaze of fifty pairs of eyos during the whole dinner, without so much as one awkward movement, or the droppln g of a fork or teaspoon. So it was plain that the ourlous would be compelled to await Mrs. Page's own time for developments. . But developments did not seem likely to come overwhelmingly. Mrs. Page made a fast friend of the landlady of the Silver Brick by means of little household arts pe culiarly her own, and, before a fortnight was gone, had become as lvnaluable to all the boarders as she was to Mrs. Shaugh- nessy herself. If she had a history, she kept it carefully from ourlous ears. Mrs. Shaughnessy was evidently satisfied and quite challenged oritioism of her favorite, Indeed there was nothing . to criticise. It was generally understood that she was a widow, who had to get on In the world as best she eould, and thus the publlo sympa thy was secured, and an embargo laid upon gossip. To be sure, there were certain men in Lucky-Dog, of a class which has Its rep. resentatives everywhere, who regarded all unappropriated women, especially pretty ones, very muoh as the hunter regards game and the more difficult the approach the more exciting tbe chase. But these moral Nlmrods bad not half the chauoe with self-possessed Mrs. Dolly Page that they would have bad with a different style of women. The grosser sort got a sudden dismissal; with the more refined sports man she ' coquetted just enough to show them that two could play at a game of " make believe," and then sent them off with m lofty scorn edifying to behold to the mingled admiration and amusement of Mrs. Shaughnessy. The only affair which seemed to have a kernel of seriousness in it was that of Mr. Samuel Rice. Regularly, when the stage was in, on Sam's night, be paid his re spects to Mrs. Page. And Mrs. Page al ways received him with a graceful friendli ness, asking after .the horses; and even sometimes going so far as to accompany him to their stables. On these occasions she never failed to curry several lumps of sugar in her pocket which she fed to tbe handsome brutes off ber own pink palm, until there was not one of them she could not handle at her will. Thus passed many weeks, until summer was drawing to a close. Two or three times she had gone down to Pineywoods Station and back on Sam's coach and al ways sat on the box, and drove a part of the way, but never where ber driving could excite remark. It is superfluous to state that on these occasions there was a happy heart beneath Sara's linen duster, or that the bantering remarks of his brother dri vers were borne with smiling equanimity not to say pride, for Sam was well aware that Mrs. Dolly Page's brunette beauty and his blonde bearded style were personal charms. Besides, Sam's motto was "Let those laugh who win," and he seemed to himself to be on the road to heights of happiness beyond the ken of ordinary mor tals especially ordinary stage drivers. " I don't kalkelato to drive stage more than a year or two longer," Sam said to Mrs. Page confidently, on the return from their last trip together to Pineywoods Sta tion. " I've got a little place down in Amador and an interest in tbe Nip-and-tuck gold mine, besides a few hundred in in the bank. I've a notion to settle down some day, in a cottage with vines over tho porch, with a little women to tend the flowers itt the front garden. As if Sam's heightened color and shining eyes had not sufficiently pointed this con fession to his desires, it chanced that at this moment the eyes of both were attract ed to a wayside picture, a cottage, flower bordored walk, a fair young woman stand ing at the gate with a crowing baby in her arms lifting its little white hands to tbe sun-browned face of a stalwart young far mer who was smiling proudly on the two. At this sudden apparition of his inmost thoughts Sam's heart gave a bound, and there was a simultaneous ringing in his ears. Ills first instinctive act was to crack his whip so fiercely as to set tbe leaders off prancing and when by this diversion he had partly recovered self possession to glance at tbe face of his companion, a new em barrassment seized him when he discovered two little rivers of tears running over the crimsoned cheeks. But a coach-box is not a convenient place for sentiment to display itself ; and, though the temptation was great to inquire into the cause of the tears, with a view of offering consolation, Sam prudently looked the other way, and main tained silence. The reader, however, knows that those tears sank into tho beholder's soul, and caused to gorminate countless tender thoughts and emotions which were on some future occasion to be laid upon the alter of his devotion to Mrs. Dolly Page. And none the less that, In a few minutes, the eyes that shed them resumed their roug ish brightness, and the lady was totally unconscious of having hoard, seen or felt any embarrassment Sentiment between them was put aside so far as utterance wa soonoerned, for that time. And so Sam found somewhat to his disappointment, it continued to fall out that, whenever he got on delicate ground, the lady was off like a bumming bird, darting hither and yon, so that it was impossible to put a finger upon her, or to get so much as a look at her bril liant and restloss wings. But nobody ever tired of trying to find a humming bird at rest : and so Sam never gave up looking for tbe opportune moment of speaking his mind. Meanwhile Lucky Dog Camp was hav ing a fresh sensation. Au organized band of gamblers, robbers and "road agents" had made a swoop upon its property of va rious kinds, and had succeeded in making off with it The very night after the ride above mentioned the best horses in Sam Rice's team were stolen, making it necessa ry (to substitute what Sam called " a pair of ornery oayuses." To put the climax to his misfortunes, the " road agents" ' at tacked htm next morning when the "ornery oayuses," becoming unmanagable, Sam was forced to surrender his treasure box and the passengers their bullion. The exoite- ment in Lucky-Dog was intense. 1 A vigi lance committee, secretly organized, lay in waiting for the offendosr, and after a week or two made a capture of a well-known sporting man, whose presence in camp had for some time been regarded with suspicion. Short shrift was afforded him. That same afternoon this gentlemanly person swung dangling from a gnarled pine tree limb and his frightened soul had flod into outer dark ness. When this event became known to Mrs. Page she turned ghostly white, and then fainted dead away. Mrs. Shaughnessy was very much concerned for her friend, bera ting in round terms the brutisbness of people who could talk of such things be fore a tender hearted lady -like that. To Mr. Rice especially, she expatiated upon the coarseness of some people, and the re fined sensitiveness of others, and Bam was much inclined to agree with her, so far as her remarks applied to her friend, who had not yet recovered sufficiently to be visible. At length she made her appearance con siderably paler and thiner than was her wont, but doubly interesting and lovely to so partial an observer as Sam, who would willingly have sheltered her weakness in his strong arms. Sam, naturally enough, would never have hinted at tbe event which had so distressed her; but she relieved blm from all embarrassment on the subject, by saying to him almost at once : Concluded next week. The Stray Mule. At a meetingin a frontier wesstern settle ment severaljpresent were stoutly opposed to the organization of a Sunday school. Not being able to agree, the meeting was break ing up, when the chairman said he bad a very important notice to read to them. Quiet was soon restored to hoar the rather novel "religious notice." " Strayed A large black mule. lie had on a halter when be left, and is branded on the left hip with the letter S. Any one returning said mule will be liberally re warded." Tbe keen Sunday-School Union mis sionary quiokly announced that be had a very important notice to give out. "Strayed A number of boys from their homes, near this place, this Sunday morning. They bad guns and fishing poles on their shoulders when they left. They are branded by a holy God, as Sabbath breakers. Any one returning said boys, and placing them in a Sunday school, will be liberally rewarded at the day of judge ment." The tact of that missionary carried the vote in favor of a Sunday school, and those boys were duly " returned" to it. Artificial Eye. A Frenoh paper gives a detailed aoooun t of the manufacture of false eyes in Paris, from whioh the curious fact appears that the average sale per weok of eyes, intend ed for the human head, amounts to 400. One of the leading dealers in this artiole carries on the business in a saloon of great magnificence; his servant has but one eye, and the effect of any of the eyes wanted by customers is conveniently tried In this servant's head, so that the customers can judge very readily as to the appearance it will produce in his own head. The oharge Is about $10 per eye, For the poor there are second hand visual organs which have been worn for a time, and exchanged for new ones; they are sold at reduced prices, and quantities are sent off to India and the Sandwich Islands. Not Enough Girls to go Round. It is reported that the complete census returns of the United States for 1870 gives us these startling statistics of our popula tion: Men and boys Women and girls..,, , ...19,493,665 , 19,004,806 Surplus of men and boys 428,859 A surplus of 438,850 men and boys is something really startling when it is con sidered that Adam and Eve, one man and one woman is the law of the oreatlon. But as in the chapter of accidents there are more fatalities among boys than girls, and more widows than widowers, and more old maids than old bachelors, our surplus of men and boys is In the infantile, and not in the adult population. tlTA Vermont farmer was startled while hoeing corn, recently, by seeing a rhinoce ros coming toward him, plowing a furrow like a steam plow with his horn. The far mer, who relies on the Tribunt for his agricultural knowledge took it for a potato bug of the new stylo, but the arrival of a party of showman in searoh of the insect explained things.
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