lje etimes, New JJloomficfo, $cu A Bashful Man's Troubles. AS MY object 1b only to give a specimen of the numerous predicaments that incessantly beset mo tho moment I appear in ladies' society, I shall merely speak of thoso that befell mo at tho only dinner in Paris to which I was invited. Though laden with introductory letters I never delivered but one. I pass by tho various efforts I mndo be fore I could muster sufllcient resolution to deliver O , tho letter that procured for me, and a friend who t amo with me, the dinner in question. I pass by too, my trep idation at tho everlasting peal at which the tloor-boll responded to my timid touch. I pass by also, several minor blunders, such as asking the porter to direct us to " la chambrc do Madame meaning, of course, ber drawing room. Sutlice It to say that my loss nervous companion, dictionary In hand, boldly led tho way ; that having trav ersed a goodly number of courts and stairs we at length arrived safely at an ante-room, whore stood a servant beforo a pair of fold ing doors, which he threw wide open, and announced us by a pair of names that we never should have recognized as our own, had we met them elsewhere. Already agitated, and jicrspiring with nervous trepidation, this ostentatious mode of entrance, so different from the republi can simplicity to which I was accustomed, was the finishing blow to my courage. 1 Blunk silently behind my unabashed com panion, ondoavoring to muster sufllcient resolution to control the tremor that shook me like an ague (It. Madamo O rose to receive us ; and, as we approached her it became necessary for mo to deploy from lchind my friend. Hut in so doing, I did notice a largo pet dog who comfortably stretched on a red velvet cushion, lay nap ping beside his mistress, directly in my path. On I went, anxious only to get through tho introductory ceremonies as soon as possible, and then seek somo re moto comer where, " The world forgetting, by the world forgot, I might escape all notice or remark." But truly says tho proverb, "Man pro poses but tho Gods dispose ;" and very un fortunate were their dispositions for my in tention. As I hastened on, all glowing with confusion, and begun my bow, I stumbled over the detested pet, and was suddenly precipitated head foremost, like an ancient battering mm, into tho hip of an elegant young lady, whom the Fates would have sitting in that particular spot. In my headlong career, I overturned a country man of my own, who was seated next to her, balancing himself on the two-hind legs of his chair. To save himself, ho instantly grasped the back of her chair, and his weight at her rear, acting at tio same time that I was hurled at her in front, decided all hesitation, and over wo nil rolled to gether, the chairs uppermost. The vile cur, who had been at the bottom of the whole mischief taking advantngi) of tho Opportunity, now attacked me in tho rear, in a highly effective manner, and receiving a hearty kick in return, added his Infernal howling to tho choi us of dismay that now Oiled the apartment. Happily tho female sufferer in tho melee, engrossed all tho sympathy and attention of tho company, but I well knew that in the short time which had elapsed since I entered the room, I had made three mortal enemies, of a lady, a man and a dog. For my own part, as soon as I had ex tracted myself from the terriblo crash, I retreated into the most leinoto and obscure corner, there to hide behind tho guests my overwhelming mortification. The call to dinner seemed to offer rcliof to my embarrassment, for I hoped that would engross every one's attention, which now I was sure, must bo occupied with my awkwardness. Following the company into tho dining room, 1 saw each plato contained a caul, on which was written the name of the guest who was to occupy that place. Every one seemed to find his own place, as if my mag ic ; but for me four or flvo times did I make the circuit of tho table, looking in vain for mine. Indeed, I might have con tinued running aout unnoticed, among the crowd of servants, all dinner time, had not Madame O 's eye at length detected me as I circled round and round with hys- teiically increasing rapidity, eyes dim with confusion, and a clam my perspiration oozing from every pore ; guided to my proper place I sunk into my chair, exhausted with mor- tifleatiou. Here again I found myself em barrassed with my hat, which, having ob served that all retained in their hands in the drawing-room, I still grasped with des pernio tenacity. This I at length disposed of, as I thought at the time, with wonder ful Ingenuity, for I hung it by tho brim be tween my knurs, spreading my handker chief over iU open cavity. My scat was next a young lady, whom of course, I was expected to entertain. I en tertain 1 Wofully, indeed, had I already entertained the company, but I found my myself infinitely better to entertain the company en inana than tingulatiin. The ordinary routine of Frunch dinner now commenced. Soup and bouillle, fish, fowl and flesh, while a regular series of servants appeared each Instant at onr el bows, inviting us to partake of a thousand diffeient dishes and many kinds of wine, all under strings of names that gave me not the remotest idea of their nature. De spairing at length of understanding the ser vants, or of being understood by them. I abandoned myself to desperate compli ance, saying only, "oaf," and accepting everything that was offered me, ''eating, meanwhile, with most heroic application. Thus matters went on, till in an evil mo ment, my fair neighbor, weary of my taci turnity, at longth herself began a conversa tion by asking how I was pleased with tho opera ? Tho question Mat ptit at an ' nnlucky in stant ; I was just raising a largo morsel of potato to my mouth, and in order to reply as quickly as possible, I hastily thrust it in, intending to swallow it as hastily. Heavens! It was hot as burning lava. . What, could I do I Tho lady's eyes were fixed on mo, awaiting a reply to her question. But ray mouth was in flames. In vain I rolled tho burning morsel hither and thither, rocking my head, while my eyes, which involunta rily I had fixed on her, were straining from their sockets. She regarded my grimaces with such an expression of amazement as ouo would na turally have, under the circumstances, who was ignorant of their cause. My mouth was now flayed with the burning mass to think of swallowing it seemed like facing certain death, so, quietly abandoning the point, I opened my mouth to its utmost, and out dropped tho infernal firebrand upon my plato. , Not the slightest tendency to a smile vis ibly rulllcd tho countenance of my fair com panion. She soothingly condoled with me, on misfortune, then gradually led tho con versation to a variety of topics, till I began to forget oven my own blunders, and even ventured to hope, nay to congratulate my self, that the catalogue, of my calamities was completed for tho day. " Let no ono call himself happy before death," said Solan ; and ho said wisely. My cup was not yet full. Before us stood a dish of cauliflower nicely done in butter. This I naturally enough took for a custard pudding, which it sufllcicntly resembled, and when my fair neighbor inquired if I were fond of " chaw flettr," I verilv took it to be tho French for custard pudding, nod and so high was my panegyric of it, that my place was soon bountifully laden with it. Alas ! one single mouthful was enough to dispel my illusion. Would to heaven that the "ehaufleur" had vanished along with it. But that remained bodily, and I gazed in despair on tho mass that loomed up liko Vesuvius beforo mo, and my heart died within inc. I could almost as readily have swallowed an equal quantity of soft soap, but ashamed to confess my mistake, I struggled manfully on against tho diabolic compound. I endeavor cd to sap tho heap at its base ; and shutting my eyes and open iug my mouth, to inhume as largo masses as I could without stopping to tasto it. It happened at this juncture that in tho earn estness and rapidity of my exertions to des patch tho task be I ore me, my plato some how got over tho edge of tho table, and us I leaned forward in my desperate work, tilted it. up, and down slid tho disgusting mass into my lap. My handkerchief, una. tile to hear so weighty a loan, licnt under it, and a great portion of it was thus safely deposited in my hat. Tho plate instantly righted itself, and as I glanced my eyo around tho tablo mid saw that no one had noticed my disaster, 1 in wardly congratulated myself that the nan seous deception was so happily disposed of. Resolving not to bo detected, I hastily roll ed my handkerchief together with all its remaining contents, and whipiied it into my pocket. Tho dinner tablo was at length deserted for tho drawing room, and I sought out what I coiihideied a safe resting pluco for my hat, which I dared not carry longer In my hand, and threw u piece of paper Into the crown to hide tho culitlower from view should any one chance, in seeking for his own bat to look into mine. On my return to the parlor I chanced to bo again seated by my lady companion of tho dinner tablo. Our conversation was mutually resumed anil wo were in the midst of an animated talk, when a hugo spider was seen running like a race horse, up her arm. "Takoitoff, take it off 1' she shrieked in terrified tones, that attrac ted the attention of the whole company I was always afraid of spiders so to avoid touching him with my hand, I caught my handkerchief from my pocket and clapped it at once upon the miscreant, who was al ready running over her temple with rapid strides. Gracious goodness I I had forgotten tho cauliflower which now plastered over her face like a poultice, effectually killing tho spider, and blinding an eye of the lady, while the stcumlets of melted butter glided gently down her beautiful neck and bosom. " Mon Diou I Mon dieu !" gasped the as tonished fair one. " Mon Diuu I" was ech oed from every mouth. " Have you cut your head ?" onqulred ono. " No ! No I the spider, the spidor Mon siour has crushed tho spider I What a quantity of entrails I" ejacula ted an astonished Frenchman, unconscious ly, to liimsoif. Well might he be astonished. The spray of the execrable vegetable had splattered her dress from head to foot. For myself, the moment the acoident occurred, I had mechanically returned my handkerchief to my pocket but much of its contents remain ed within it. ' ; I , 1 ; " What a monRter It must have teen," exclaimed a young lady as sho helped to re lieve my victim . fiom her cruel plight " I declare, I should think it had boon liv ing on cauliflower." At that moment I felt somo one touch me, and turning, I saw tho. friend who had come with mo. " Look at your pantaloons,' he whisper ed . ? . j . 1. k Already half dead with confusion nt the disaster I had caused, I cast my eyes upon my onco white garments, and - Saw at a glance the horriblo extent of my dilemma. I had been sitting upon tho fated pocket and had crushed out the liquid butter and the soft paste like vegetable,: which had daubed and dripped down, till it seemed as if I was actually dissolving In my panta loons. ' ' ' Darting from the spot, I sprang to tho place whore I had left my hat, but beforo I could reach it a sudden storm of wrath was heard at tho door. "Sacr-r-el Bacr-r-e I" rolling like a watchman's rattle, mingled with other epi thets and names that an angry Frenchman never spares, were heard rising like a fierce tempest without the door. Suddenly there was a pause, a gurgling, choking sound, and then the storm of wrath broke out with renewed fury. I seized my hat and opened the door and the whole matter was at onco explained We had exchanged hats 1 and there he stood, the. soft caulitlowci gushing down his cheeks, blinding his eyes tilling bis mouth, hair moustache, ears and whiskers. Never shall I forget that spectacle ! There he stood astride, like the Collossus at Uhodes, and stooping gently forward, his eyes forcibly closed, . his arms held drooping out from his body and dripping cauliflower and butter at every pore. I staid no longer, but retaining his hat I rushed from the scene, jumped into a cab and arriving home, buried myself, in tho solitude of my lodgings, forever from the world. A Country Couple. rilHE Cincinnati Timet tells a story of a L green young couple from Ripely Co., Ohio, who were " doing tho exposition, At last the "gall," whoso name appear ed to be Jerusha, intimated to Rube that sho was suffering for a drink of watci, and ho not caring a "continental darn" for ex penses, started in search of some place where water could be found. Observing ouo of Babcock s fire extinguishers of which there were a goodly number in the building charged ready in case of fire ho broke for it under tho impression that it was a hydrant. " Here, Rusha," said he, " is ono of them tainal new-fangled city notions, where wo can get a drink." " Why, Kobe, what is that?" " That 1 Why that's a hydrant of course You can't fool mo on liny of your patent notions, I'm posted ; 1'vo been to town afore, I have !" Kusha, whose confidence in her " fellah' elicited our unqualified admiration, took all ho said as being gospel, but seemingly puzzled, neveri hcless. " Why, Reuben," says sho, "how do you drink out of this jimcrack consarn?" - " Just take hold of that brass consarn, (indicating tho nozzle,) and put it in your mouth, and I'll show you a sight by gin ger." Rush did as directed. Applying the noz zel to tho capacious orifice in her frontis piece, sho awaited events, nor did she wait long, forRuls?, turning on the cock, Rusha uttered a scream, and with spitting and sputtering, and making wry faces, Rauben saw tnoro signs than ho had ever dreamed of. At length Rush got her mouth cleared "l minder ami -liars, jtuiio I what on earth d you call that stuff1? Why, it'i bhterer than gall I" "Oh, pshaw ! you're green, Rnsha. Why that's Ohio river water. It's not near us good as the water in your dad's well not by a long chalk. But it's tho only kind city folks has. Let mo show you how to drink It." So saying, Rube opened what nature had intent d for a mouth, but what would have answered for a model for a traveling cellar door, and putting in tho nozzul thoro, gavo the cock another turn and took one swallow when he, too cavorted, and tore around though a hornet had mistaken his mouth for its nest. " Wol, gal, I'll bo gosh almigty goll darned t May I bo eternally flabbergast!' and cut into bits, if that ain't the rottenest tarnalest, ornarist, stinking water I eve did tast : Tell you what It Is Rusha, that some of tho new kind of water city folk havo got to drinking. Sulphur water they call it. I'ulways heard them tell that it tast ed like rot ton eggs, and no mistake. Let' go to the hotel, Rusha, for I begin to feel squeamish, in my inwards." So saying, Rubo and Rn sha walked off whilo the large number of visitor witness ing the scene, were making tho buildiii shake, and bursting their sides with laugh ter over their ludicrous blunder, SUNDAY BEADING. - Christian Temperance. A fow years ago, two men were caught In the rapids above Niagara Falls. They Were being hurled on to destruction. The end of a rope was thrown out. One of them suited it, but the other caught hold of a floating log. Tho flint was drawn to the shore ; the other, in a fow moments, passed with the log over the falls. So we look at two men endeavoring to save themselves from the rapids of a ter- ible appetite, i One of them seizes upon the rope of Christian faith, that is fastened ii heaven, and is saved. The other de pends merely upon the uncertain purposes and resolutions that ho has mado, and ap petite sweeps him on to ruin. He who would successfully struggle with temptation and appetite, and he who would work successfully as the savior of tho de graded, must not only add patience to his temperance, but also godliness to his pa- lence. The madness of appetite is liko the de moniac of tho Gadarenes. You may bind it with the fetters of laws, and pledges, and (solutions, and they may all be broken. You cannot bind intemperance, "no, not with chains." You cannot tamo it with constant watching. Christ must como near and bid the fiend "Come out of him changing his heart with divine love, ere he can be seen "clothed, and in his right mind." Caline IHk. Home Conversation. Children hunger perpetually for new ideas. They will learn with pleasure from lips of parents what they deem it drudgery to study in books : and even if they havo the misfortune to be deprived of many ed ucational advantages, they will grow up intelligent if they enjoy in childhood tho privilege of listening daily to tho conversa tion of intelligent people. Wo sometimes see people who are tho life of every com pany they enter, dull silent, and uniuter esting at home among their children. If they havo not mental activity and mental stores sufllcient for both, let them flint use what they havo for their own households A siieui house is a dull piaco lor young people, a place from which they will escape if they can. How much useful informa tion, on tha other hand, is often given In pleasant family conversation, and what un conscious but excellent mental training in lively social argument. Cultivate to tho utmost all tho graces of homo conversation. Beautiful Illustration. An English minister, named Toller, was preaching from the text, " Let him take hold of my strength, that ho may make pcaco with me. In commencing his dis course, he said: "I can convey tho meaning of this passage so that every ono mny understand it by relating what took place within my own family within a few days. One of my children had committed a fault, for which I thought it my duty to chastise him. I called him to me, explain ed to him the evil of whnt he had done, and told him how grieved I was that I must punish him for it. He heard mo in silence and theu rushed into my arms, and burst into tears, I could sooner have cut off my aim, than have then struck him Tor his fault ; he hail taken hold of my strength and made peace with me." Not One Missing. The following eloquent passage, is from the pen of the lamented Albert Barnes : "A whole family in Heaven I Who can picture or describe the everlasting joy I No father, or mother, nor son, nor daught er ts away, in the world below they were united in faith and love and peace and joy. In tho morning of the resurrection they as cend together in united adoration. On tho banks of tho river of life they walk hand in hand ; and, as a family,have commenced a career of glory which shall bu everlasting. There is hereafter to bo no mora separation in that family. No one is to lie down on a bed of pain. Never in heaven is that family to move along in tho slow proces sion, nor In the habiliments of woe to con sign ouo of its members to the tniub. Uod grant that in His mercy every family may be united. Flying fur Refuge. There was onco a little bird chased by a hawk, and in its extremity It took refuge in tho bosom of a tenderhearted man. There it lay, its wings and feathers quiver ing with fear, mid its little heart throbbing against the bosom of tho good man, whilo tho hawk kept hovering overhead, as if saying, " Deliver up that bird, that I may devour it." Now, will that gentle, kind hearted mau take the poor little creature that puts its trust in him, out of his bosom, and deliver it up to tho hawk? What think ye? Would you doit? No, never. Well, then if you tleo 'for re.fugo Into tho bosom of Jesus, who tamo to seek anil save the lost, do you think Ho will ever deliver you up to your deadly foo? No never 1 t3rFlth-j..iued wi1h prayer mnketh it muketli tt bmiofiehil und cflVctuul f19 No prayer can tio the will of God unto us, except first of all wo renounce and ' pompier our own wills. DR. CROOK'S WINE OP TAR . Has been tested by the public . " , FOB TEN YEA US. i Dr. Cronk'n Wine of Tar 1 " ' . . ! Renovates and Invigorates the entire system. DR. CROOK'S WINE OF TAR Is the very remedy fur the Weak and Debilitated. ' .i DR. CROOK'S WINE OF TAR Rapidly restores exhausted ' 1 Strength ! ( DR. CROOK'S WINE OF TAR Restores the Appetite and Strengthens the Stomach. DR. CROOK'S WINE OF TAB Causes the food todlgest, removing Dj-ftpcpsila und Indigestion DR. CROOK'S WINE OF TAU Gives tone and energy to Debilitated Constitutions. DR. CROOK'S WINE OF TAR. All recovering from any illness . ' ' will find this tho best Tonic they can take. DR, CROOK'S WINE OF TAR , , . , , , , Is an effective Kegulutor of the Liver. DR. CROOK'S WINE OF TAR Cures Jaundice, ' ' or any Liver Complaint. DR. CROOK'S WINE OF TAR Makes Delicate Females, who are never feeling Well, Strong and Healthy. . DR. CROOK'S WINE OF TAR Has restored many Person who have been unablo to work for yenrs. DR. CROOK'S WINE OF TAR Should be taken if your Stomach is out of Order. Ir. Crook's Wine of Tar Will prevent Malarious Fevers, aud braces up tho System. DR. CROOK'S WINE OF TAR Possesses Vegetable Ingredients which make it tho bost Tonic in the market. DR. CROOK'S WINE OF TAR Has proved itself in thousands of cases capablo of curing all diseases of the Tli r out uiul .Lungs. DR. CROOK'S WINE OF TAR . Cures all Chronic Coughs, and Coughs and Colds, more effectually thun any other remedy. DR. CROOK'S WINE OF TAR Has Cured cases of Consumption pronounocd incurable by physicians. DR. CROOK'S WINE OF TAR Has cured so many cases of Asthma aud Bronchitis that It has been pronounced a specific for these complaints. DR. CROOK'S WINE OF TAR Removes Palu In Breast, Side or Back. DR. CROOK'S WINE OF TAR. Should be taken for dlscaece of tbe Urinary Organs. DR. CROOK'S WINE OF TAR Cures Gravel and Kidney Diseases. DR. CROOK'S WINE OF TAR Should bo taken for all Throat ami Lung Ailments. DR. CROOK'S WINE OF TAR Should be kept in every house, and its lifo giviug Tonio piopei ties tried by all. Dr. CROOK'S Compound Syrup of Poke Root, Curei any disease or Eruption ou tho Skin- DR. CROOK'S COMPOUND SYRUP OF POKE ROOT, Cures Rheumatism and Pain In Limbs, Bones, &c. DR. CROOK'S COMPOUND SYRUP OF POKE ROOT, Builds up Constitutions broken down from Minerul or Mercurial Poisons. DR. CROOK'S COMPOUND SYRUP OF POKE ROOT, Curea all Mercurlul Diseuecs. DR. CROOK'S COMPOUND SYRUP OF POKE ROOT, Should be taken hy nil requiring u remedy to make pure blood. DR. CROOK'S COMPOUND SYRUP OF POKE ROOT, Cures Scald Head, Salt Rheum und Tetter. DR. CROOK'S COMPOUND SYRUP OF POKE ROOT, Cures long standing Diaeuac of the Liver. i cmQ1VB COMPOUND 'I SYRUP OF POKE ROOT, Removca Syphilis "'' or the discuses It entails :' - inotteflevlUHlly and speedily Inns any aud U other reiuedlcateiubined. So ly
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