— LION'S EYE — Page 5 April 1, 1994 Opinion & Review Movie Review: ‘Greedy’ Offers Limited Laughs By Meg Emhof After seeing several T.V. commercials for the new movie “Greedy”, I knew I just had to see it. The few short clips they showed grabbed my attention and made me laugh. So, at my earliest convenience, off to the movies I went. The storyline is easy enough to follow. Uncle Joe (played by the aptly aging Kirk Douglass) is a rich old guy in poor health surrounded by money- hungry relatives just aching for their piece of the pie. Of course, the relatives have each other to contend with. Also, a gorgeous young blonde, Joe's live-in nurse (Olivia d’ Abo, Karen from The Wonder Years) is in the picture, too. All she really does is walk around in skimpy clothes and smile at Joe. But this is more than enough to put her in the running for the inheritance. Several other well-known actors also appear in this picture. Saturday Night Live ‘s Phil Hartman is a riot as the ringleader of the relatives. Ed Begley Jr. is one of the more docile, yet still grabby, prospective heirs. And Michael J. Fox maintains his Marty ...continued on page two. Wanted! Student needed on a daily basis for babysitting /housesitting in a Media area home with two children. References and own transportation required. Nonsmoker. Need student who can start immediately and continue through summer. Pay $6/hr. Call 565-8188. Hours: Tuesday and one other weekday from 11:30-5:30 pm and three remaining weekdays from 2:30-5:30 The Nittany Lion sheds a tear over ~ the loss of the ROTC Unit at Delco. Photo by: WES TOMLINSON ROTC Rumors By Wes Tomlinson The Penn State Delco ROTC unit marched off campus last year and hasn’t been heard from since they left. If anyone has seen a group of ROTC students who appear to be lost, please advise the proper campus authorities. Rumor has it that they have been practicing maneuvers in the woods just south of the campus in preparation for an assult on the library. In the meantime, the ROTC building next to the Lion’s Den has been advertised for sale. We hear that for an extra few thousand bucks, a prospective buyer can have the Lion's Den as part of a package deal. Stories You Would Only Believe On April 1st By Bob Lewis White House sources disclosed today that Dr. Stephen Cimbala, eminent scholar and Professor of Political Science at Penn State Delco, was appointed today to lead the task - force investigating the treasonous activities of certain members of the C.I.A. Plugging the leaks in the C.L A. will be nothing new to Dr. Cimbala. He was recently cited by the Delaware County Plumbers Association for effort above and beyond the call of duty in bailing out the basements of various residences in Springfield during the heavy storms this year. New States Proposed President Clinton announced today his new plan to bring about peace in the Balkans. His proposal is to admit Bosnia, Croatia, and Serbia as the 51st, 52nd, and 53rd states in the union. The logic behind this plan is ‘that the Federal Government will be able to tax them into submission. The President's crack team of foreign advisors is already drafting a new version of this plan to deal with other “hot spots” around the world. Not only would this tactic alleviate tensions universally, but it will also greatly increase the government's tax revenues. Israel and the Palestine are already looking favorably upon this proposal. = It is rumored that an eminent political science professor from Penn State Delco was a key architect in designing the plan. Rio Delco Dammed The scientific community is SGA Discusses Lion’s Den Demise By Mike Doyle Proceedings at the SGA meeting on March 16 went a little differently than usual. There were no heated debates or serious discussions. Mostly, Jodi DelRossi, SGA President, and Pete Coleman, Director of Student Services and Activities, were just giving updates on various events and happenings around the campus. Malcome Little (Liberal Arts): “I have no complaints; I'm going to die smiling.” Photo by: WES TOMLINSON The main topic of the day turned out to be the Lions Den. Recently, the pool balls were stolen from the pool table, and, because the Den hasn’t been taken care of this semester, chances are that you won't see it next semester. That's a bad break for the five people that use the Lion's Den, The other big event that was talked about was the Spring Week. During the week of April 18-22, a Three point contest and a bench pressing contest will be held in the Athletic a Jeff Schott ( usiness): “You guys are on drugs if you believe that!” Photo by: WES TOMLINSON Center, a student-faculty softball game and a home run derby will be held on the baseball field. A picnic and pie throwing contest, which is always a student favorite, will also be held. Sorry sophomores, no karaokie or velcro jumping this year. One other thing the SGA talked about was the upcoming elections for next year’s SGA officers. So, if you are one of those five people who want to . keep the Den open, keep your eyes peeled for those election fliers. Lani Dornish (International - Business and Accounting): “We bet- ter have as much fun as we can now.” Photo by: WES TOMLINSON abuzz today with the news, just released, that Dr. John Ousey, renowned geologist at Penn State University Delco, will begin construction on a major hydro - electric dam on the Rio Delco River. He was quoted as saying “In light of the recent power failures we have experienced at Delco, this project should guarantee our future survival here in Delaware County.” When asked how he financing such a great undertaking, he replied, “We are planning a large pretzel sale and car wash to generate the start up funds needed as well, as drawing upon the engineering students to impovise with existing materials. I feel confident about the project.” Olympic Site Selected Reuters News Agency announced today that in 1995 the combined Summer / Winter Olympics will be held in Media, Pennsylvania. Tryouts will be held in the PSU Delco gymnasium on every other Thursday. Contact Tiz Griffith or Bob Purdy for tickets. An investigative reporter recently announced that another investigative reporter from a large metropolitan newspaper disclosed that she was looking into the strange coincidence of a power plant being built at the same location as the upcoming Olympics. DOA Discovered Dr. Jane Cooper, distinguished biologist, was discovered last Saturday working very late in her laboratory. When questioned by security, Dr. Cooper replied, “I'm embalming one of my Saturday students. The cadaver would constitute a great teaching aide and would be a terrific object lesson to those students who fall asleep in class.” If anyone needs to report a missing student, please contact the biology department. WOK Franchise Won ~The State Department has released a list of new White House appointees for Far Eastern Affairs, including Penn State’s renowned eastern expert, Mrs. Connie Kirker. Her responsibilities will include, among others, the regulation and distribution of “WOK” franchises in the Delaware Valley. umor that the World is Ending May 5, 2000? Janet Shin (Physical Therapy}: “I don’t believe it.” Photo by: WES TOMLINSON
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