Cheap Seats 8r Sticky Floors: “The Hollow Man” By Matt Mosley Capital Times Staff Writer First-rate garbage! That’s how I describe the latest under-written and over-directed Hollywood special effects showcase, The Hollow Man. Kevin Bacon stars as Sebastian Caine, a scientist who heads a research group formu lating a serum that will make humans invisible. Fellow scientists and lovers, Linda (Elisabeth Shue) and Matthew (Josh Brolin), help Caine fool their col leagues into letting him become the first human lab rat with the serum. Of course, evil arises when Caine figures out he can do anything as long as he doesn’t have to look at himself in the mirror. What follows is the typical vio lence and action that makes a real mess of a movie. The Hollow Man was directed by Paul Verhoeven, a German-born master of satire, whose past special effects films are RoboCop, Total Recall and the highly-misunderstood Starship Troopers. This time though, Verhoeven has come up with a special effects dud and scriptwriter Andrew Marlowe’s story line and characters are as shallow as a bathroom sink. What The Hollow Man really lacks is psychology. With a storyline that lends itself to the endless possibilities of internal conflicts of morality, curios ity and freedom, we see only stereotypical movie violence. The filmmakers left the question that encompasses the whole film unanswered: “What would you do if you were invisible?” The answers the viewer gets are actions that we have seen a million times, in a million slasher films, done by a million killers who don’t have the luxury of being invisible. The only bright spot in the film comes in the first fifteen minutes. Verhoeven sprinkles the viewers’ ears with cheesy dialogue and over-the-top acting that could be mistaken for a scene cut from Starship Troopers. The sub tle satire soon fades though, and by the end of the film, we’re involved in action sequences so absurd that the creators of Armageddon would feel out done. The Hollow Man is a great example of -what Hollywood thinks of its paying customers; that we’re all morons. Rules of Chocolate Submitted by Steven E. Moses Capital Times Staff Writer If you have melted chocolate all over your hands, you’re eating it too slowly. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want. The problem: How to get two pounds of choc late home from store in a hot c; The solution: Ei in the parking ’ Diet tip: Eat a before each me off your appetii A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn’t that handy? If you can’t eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can’t eat all your chocolate, what’s wrong with you? If calories are an issue, store your choco late on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves. If I eat equal amounts of dark and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don’t they actually counteract each other? Money talks. Chocolate sings. Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. ling done get one tl WPSH 88.9 FM Needs You... Penn State Harrisburg’s college radio station is cur rently looking for DJs to spin music Monday thru Friday at various times during the day. If interested, please stop by W 343 Olmsted or phone 948-6346 and ask for Dirty or Glenn. icolate, there Id be no need for ol top pantyhose :ntire garment istry would be istated. Put “eat choco late” at the top of our list of things to That way, at least Reviewed By: The Gooseman Artist Group. King Diamond Album Title: House of God Release Date: August 2000 Genre: Loud Rock > yj Overall Rating: Horrible I remember the first time I heard King Diamond. It was the summer of ‘BB and I caught one of his videos on MTV’s old “Headbanger’s Show.” I was an impressio: able lad at the tender age of 12 and I loved heavy metal music. But I also knew what I didn’t like, and I did not like King Diamond. Now, 12 years later, his new album has reached our radio station and I still don’t like him. The problem with King Diamond is that without a video or a stage to show off his “satanic” image, the music by itself seems to be missing something. What that something is, though, I really don’t know WPSH has one copy of King Diamond’s “House of God.” If anyone wants it, they’re more than welcome to it. For Fans of: Truly horrid heavy metal music. Max is back and as angry as ever, yy: Foiget about a sophomore slump jt. from the tribal/metal specialists. The second album bums as hot and with as much intensity as the previous album. Deciding to shy away a bit from extended tribal jams, Soulfly has created an even more upfront make-you-bleed album. This is easily one of the best metal albums of 2000, ranking up there with Machine Head’s The Burning Red and Coal Chamber’s Chamber Music. As usual, Max summons friends from the music world to make the album run even deeper. * The album features Corey Taylor, Sean Lennon and Chino Moreno among others. So what are you waiting for? If you liked the first album, or it you liked Sepultura’s Roots, you will like this album. Do yourself a favor and just go buy it. For Fans of: Sepultura’s Roots, Burning Red, Coal Chamber’s Chamber Music Reviewed By: J-DUB Artist/Group: Soundtrack Album Title: Nutty Professor II Label: Def Jam Release Date: Aug Genre: Hip Hop/Rap Overall Rating: Stupendous This is one of the best compilation soundtracks released in the new mil lennium. Starting with the new Method Man, which is hot and beat. The new Jay Z is fun and Hey Papi is a bangin’ song. Numerous R&B songs are included. If you don’t buy this album, at least dub it. Definitely, a classic in the making. For Fans of: Jay Z, Method Man, Case, Foxy Brown FEATURES Reviewed By : Matt Ahrens Artist/Group: Soulfly Album Title: Primitive Label: Road Runner Release Date: 8/22/00 Genre: Loud Rock Overall Rating: Stupendous Reviewed By: “Dirty” Artists/Group: Motorhead Album Title: The Best Of Motorhead Label: Metal-Is Release Date: Fall 2000 Genre: Metal Overall Rating: Stupendous I shouldn’t have to say anything it’s a f*cking best-of collection from f*cking Motorhead. This dou ble disk is a collection of 40 digital ly-remastered tracks from 25 years of denim jacket madness. You don’t have to drink Budweiser pounders, sport a mullet, or wear white high top sneakers to enjoy this album. Motorhead is for everyone: men, women, and children. If you’re a Motorhead fan, I am sure this one will be added to your collection no questions asked. If you have never listened to Motorhead, you’re missin’ out. I mean, I grew up lis tening to this sh*t, and I turned out just fine. The fact that I enjoy huff ing gas has nothing to do with it For Fans of: Nashville Possy.
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