Thursday, March 31, 1994 Homin' for his Job: Former basketball coach Chris Gisnariin strapped on Ns ninja suit last week and challenged A.D. Herb Lauder to a fight. Johnson named head coach "We believe that Jimmy will be a huge asset to a program that is going nowhere fast," said wlo is ro<llth ImeTueldlyaight **■ {■»•»■»•■■■<!■* « a _ , . enough lo "causc a little Penn StAte-Behrend men s 6 . * * . K».u.rtw,n toy, controversy in the Athletic Johnson who resigned Tuesday Hll . rim _ , hai; - as the head coach of the Dallas hope to due time I kin have Cowboys has no prior basketball enpertaK*. b« KCordi. 8 to j—■»>*» «■■.■■!* *<» *? wiß fit ri»ht in with the EtZtt-JSuLml Vtogram- _ Jerry Attriks CoUiium Staff * % Bondage Bonifies on the ski slope Oigies in the Wintergreen Cafe Meidful beheadings of freshmen r)n»um rialnna from Lawrence Hall Penguin Hunting in the gorge. IlHßltdsilmAekie^OQj ATTENTION ALL NAIVE PEOPLE! Anything you read in this paper is a joke (with exception Jimmy Z's ad on page three). If you take any of this seriously, then you are in need of major mental health repair! Tomorrow April Fool's Day, figure it out! Reber to ultimate by Big Dawg CoUinon Sttff "Miracles do happen, even to me, now it will also be shared with the Behiend community." In a press coofreace at Erie Hall, Director of Student Activities, David Shields, announced the plans to build Reber Stadium here at Penn State-Behrend. Funding for the stadium will not come from the students pockets, but from Shields'. Last week he won the Pennsylvania State Super 7 Lotto for SS.6 million dollars. When asked where he bought the ticket Shields said, "I found the ticket at Jiggles Night Club while dating with Dean Lilley." Also in the press conference, it was announced that Penn State- Behrend will have a football team playing in the stadium at the beginning of the 1996 school year. "We have met with one prospective coach, and he plans to be here in the coming weeks," Shields said. Dr. Michael Simmons wants you to know that he is against shallow journalism similar to the trash in this rag. "I'd rather read a story about someone puking in a toilet than read this crap." By the way Dr. Simmons, the reason why Cissne, Mottillo and McFall weren’t in dass yesterday is because they were busy working on this. the Sick . . from v , Uons about .of cheerleader >. Assistant Coach Rob Wittman decided to take it upon himself to lead the cheers. Collision insiders, Keith McFall, Matthew D. Cissne and Joseph E. Mottillo have found out the secret coach will be none other than Nittany Lion Head Coach Joe Paterno. This information was obtained from Director of Athletics. Herb Lauffer. Lauffer suffered a groin pull and a hernia after hearing the news, and was quite delirious while being carried to the Health and Wellness center. He is stable but sedated. Also joining Paterno will be former quarterback John Sacca. "I always thought John was a great team leader, he just couldn't pass the ball,” Paterno said. Sacca will be Behrend's watertmy. "Behrend's new 80,000 seat stadium, will be modeled after the Skydome in Toronto," said M.P.B. architect Bill Meelader. MP.B. is the company that built the Behrend suites, and is used to making holes and then covering them up. Jpon the announcement 01 Behrend's new stadium, many of the campus organizations were receive honor calling the Athletic Office to purchase tickets. Professor Archie "no fun" Loss was the first in line far "No laughs Allowed Night at Reber Stadium". The total coat of the is not yet known. One item billed to Shields is that of a new 1994 Ford Probe, which has been seen speeding on campus with Emmy Arnett and women's softball coach Paul Benim. This incident is under investigation. Shields also announced that along with Behrend football, the NFL is looking to play preseason games and also possibly the 1998 Super Bowl in Reber stadium. NFL commisioner Paul Taglibule did say, however, that even if the Bills do get there they will not play at Reber Stadium. This comes as a big relief to many people of the Behrend and Erie community. Everyone at Penn Staie-Behrend has been looking forward to this All at Penn State-Behrend are looking forward to this amazing Page 7
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