Thursday, March 31, 1994 ®®®®®®®®®@®@®® ® iLO Laura Borawskl ® Age: twenty-something @ Sex: alright, you convinced me. Job: columnist ® Turn-ons: Joe Mottillo-look alikes, people that @ smoke marijuana and Dave Shields. Turn-offs: Archie Loss (Need I say more) I ® Things I hale to hear: The keg’s kicked!” @ Quote: “My column s suck and so do II” ®® ®®®@® ®@® ® ® ® ® ® Classified Ads Lost aad Found: Lost: Looking for Archie Loss' sense of humor. If found, the world will be a better place. Lost: Virginity; if found please call 898 SEXY. Found: Male apparel in my room. If it's yours, call 898- 6273.; Lost: Candyland videos. Contact David Shields’ office if you know where they are. For Sale: Extra chairs and other miscellaneous furniture. Contact Behrend Library. One worn out and well used pair of suspenders. Contact A 1 Vogan at HousiQg, 898-6161. Rip-Off: Over priced items at inflated cost Anyone interested, inquire at the Wintergreen Cafe. Looking for Employaient: Experienced tele-marketer. Contact Frank Faso. In Search Of: That special kind of man. If you're him, give me a call, 898- 6656. A student directory with current phone numbers. (Whoops. Forgot this was Behrend. Never mind.) In search of haring manual for fall 93 semester (contact un recongnized sorority). . m a Twelve month calendar with no legal holidays...stop by the Registrar’s Office and pick up your copy now! Rent-a-cops needed: I.coking for donut lovin' guys (and gals) who want to drive around in a red Explorer, wear a badge and carry a gun. Call now, 898-COPS. Know how to use a shovel? Penn State needs you. Due to spring drainage problems, Behrend maintenance is looking for willing students to dig drainage ditches along sidewalks campus wide. Beer Run Driver: Driver must have own vehicle and be willing to make multiple beer runs a night Should expect overtime on weekends. 21 or older preferably. Cook Needed: Anyone interested and with prior experience (and good reviews ) in literally cooking for an army. Inquire within at Dobbins Dining Hall. Flood Survival Gear: Contact any student living in the suites. Needed: Edilor-in-Chief for the Behrend Collegian. Inquire within. Do you have experience in anything? Have you ever done anything? Do you use Rogmne? Are you vertically challenged? We want you! Student Affairs Office, Reed Building. The exec board of the Student Government Association has unanimously decided to officially change the name of the organization to Student Government Alcoholics Anonymous (SGAA). Due to the fact that they do so much work but are accused of not earning their stipends* they have all been soaking their sorrows in beer. The SGAA office has been moved to Jimmy Z's back room. As its first act, it has voted to hold the first SGAA (Student Government Alcoholics Anonymous) weekend away contest. All you have to do is give proof that you actually read this boring column and you could win a weekend away with David "Wildman" Shields. Jack Daniels SGAA Vice President of Social Activities *Note: A stipend is money allocated to the time consuming jobs on SGA, for further explanation of a stipend contact Paul "too busy" Lorio. "WOMAN CLIPS OFF SLEEPING HUSBAND'S PENIS, THEN THROWS IT FROM MOVING CAR" Oon*t laugh. Don’t gat caught abort. Sign up now. SGAA Report It's true, and It could happen to your t headline and you make an fit JtiSS fhem off be mWmPVT ll* IIIW ‘tsyoure? Foil register your station numbers, sh every timet! tor our JURASSIC PRICK and done runs over your penis, for a chew toy! Page 5
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers