Pag* 2 Polka riot by Paul “Woold You Like Meat or" Marial “Sauce” CoUitumSkf On Saturday, March 25 there was a Polka Convention on campus to coincide with WPSE’s all-polka format The convention, held in Tiffany Hall at 8:30 p.m., included the alternative polka band "Polka Rats from Hell." and kielbasa and sauerkraut, provided by Housing and Food Services. Additionally, four cases of Jolt Cola were provided by residents of Tiffany. “It was cool,” said Steve Rometo, a resident of Tiffany, “and I’m a polka enthusiast.” Rometo was also responsible for bringing the Polka Rats to campus. “I was inspired by WPSE’s Saturday morning polka show,” Rometo exclaimed. The idea for the polka convention, said Rometo, came to him sometime around January during winter break. “I said to myself, ’Polka? Why not?’ I mean, it (the convention) never happened on campus before ” Rometo said. Some people did not share Rometo’s initial enthusiasm for the event ■“ : Tnc whole thing sucked,” Brian Higgins, Rometo’s roommate said, “until the (kielbasa) incident happened.” The incident, to which Higgins is referring to, happened around 11 pjn. A Behrend student allegedly attacked a band member with a kielbasa sausage while the band Oaan Lilloy (r) M*a *vN twin brother, Dana TudUey (I): UNay, who thought TwMay died in a freak glua/VasaNna accident, waa shocked at IwiMafe appearance in the Gienhil Farmhouse. may was hokflng a press conference lor the Ist annual Dean Uley Award, in which he Waited a does second place. HopaMy ThdlsydU not mistake Ms pencil fora tdbrator again. was playing “The Pennsylvania Polka.” After allegedly bludgeoning the accordion player, the student allegedly yelled, “Food fight!” at the top of his/her lungs. Then, another student allegedly threw some sauerkraut, and a food fight allegedly began. The incident is now allegedly under investigation by Police and Safety. “I came up to visit a friend, and I almost fell over,” said Kevin Hill, reciting his reaction to the alleged food fighL “There was food everywhere,” he added. Unfortunately, five students were injured during the melee. All five had to be rushed to Saint Vincent Health Center to have large chunks of kielbasa removed from parts of their bodies. Another one of the victims was Collegian columnist John Rossomando, who was unavailable for comment. Unfortunately, the victims’ insurance does not cover severe bludgeoning by sausage. After the kielbasa incident. Housing and Food sent out a press release on how conventions should be conducted while in the residence halls. It detailed the points as: 1) High-caffeine beverages and high-cholesterol meats should not be served during a convention 2) From now on, no bands with accordion players will be permitted in die hall commons 3) Can’t we all just get along? Housing and Food also said that it will not permit any more polka-parties for the rest of the semester. Underage Drinking Interim head coach Chris Gilmartin was picked up for underage drinking last night. Gilmaitin was leaving Erie Hall after the announcement that former Dallas Cowboy head coach Jimmy Johnson was named new head coach of the men's basketball team. Gilmaitin will be charged as a minor. Gilmaitin was also chaiged with impersonating farmer soccer coach Dennis Grace. Incident nnder Investigation. Mafia Boas discovered Police and Safety and officers of the Federal Bureau of Investigation arrested WPSE Station Manager Fred "Guido" Anzivino yesterday afternoon. FBI officials believe that Anzivino is the head of the New York Crime Syndicate and responsible for the disappearance of Jimmy Hoffa. Anzivino was heard mumbling that Hofla would be moved from Giant Stadium to Reber Stadium before it was built Incident still nnder Investigation. C.H.I.P.S. Report (College Highway Pigs and Safety) Thursday, March 31, 1994
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