Thursday, October 28, 1993
Movin' on down the
by Alicia Hartman
Co-editor
Three weekends ago I had to
move out of my house. Not by
choice, however. Let me
explain.
My dad works at General
Electric.
Enter theme: GE, we bring
good things to life. Picture the
mother and daughter sittting
under GE's soft, white lights,
doing what, I don't know.
My dad works at GE and has
been transferred to Virginia.
I had two choices with whom I
could move in with: Grandma
and Grandpa, or my aunt and
uncle and their teenage daughter.
I raised my teenage sister so I
figured I'd have no problem
raising my cousin.
I couldn't decide who I wanted
to live with so I stayed with
Grandma and Grandpa for a week,
and then I went to my aunt and
uncle's for a week. Somehow I
managed to live out of an egg
box for two weeks. I don't know
how I did it. Economizing isn't
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This is an imPen*ntliwe to*
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one of my specialties.
I've been in my new home
about two weeks. There are two
things I miss about not having
my parents around.
One: my mom doing my
laundry. I've done five loads to
date. And may I add, I haven't
ruined anything (yet). I needed
assistance with the first two
loads, but I was capable of
finishing the rest by myself.
Two: I miss my dad's car.
When mine didn't work (which is
99.9% of the time) I could
always use his. I'm in some
serious trouble without his car.
If he would've just given me his
car, it'd eliminate all these
problems.
Just because I'm 19 years old
and couldn't do laundry three
weeks ago doesn't mean
anything. If someone else does it
for you free of charge, why worry
(or care)?
I also can't cook, but I'm an
expert at microwave cooking and
I make a damn good bowl of
cereal.
I don't believe in cooking and
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doing laundry because I'm going
to be Career Woman. When I
grow-up, I'm going to make lots
of money and hire someone to
come in and cook and do laundry.
I also don't want any rug-rats
(a.k.a. kids) because I want to
spend all my money on me and
only me, me, me.
The hardest thing about
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moving is trying to remember a
new address and phone number.
The first form I filled out at the
registrar I had the right address,
the wrong phone number. The
second time I had the wrong
address, the right phone number.
And FINALLY on the last form I
had the RIGHT address and the
RIGHT phone number.
Learning a new address and
phone number is so hard.
I'm going to miss my house.
I've lived there for 15 years. I've
sat in the same seat at the kitchen
table to do my homework since I
was in kindergarten. (I'm a very
sentimental person.) The kitchen
floor is worn right down to the
floorboard because I've sat there
so much.
In our garage, in the corner by
the door is written:
My sister and I will always be
remembered by whoever buys our
house. When I wrote that in the
cement three summers ago, my
dad yelled at me because it was so
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another. For example, the United
States could trade North Dakota,
Kansas and a state to be named
later to believe this would create
jobs in the moving industry and
guarantee that Canada would
never again win the World Series.
Leading the support for
NAFTA is President Clinton,
who favors it because it is a
hwnongously hosing government
the . that only he understands.
Undie
„s the opposition is "H."
lass Perot, the feisty, popular,
41*in-spoken maverick billionaire
space alien, who believes that the
real purpose of NAFTA is -- and
he can paw() this with charts to
disrupt his daughter's wedding.
Which side will prevail? That
is a question that remains to be
answered, unless it already WAS
answered, and we missed it. We
fnaddY haven't been paying much
attention to NAFTA, because
we're so excited about
MWERNMENT
This is a brainsama from Vice
M V*" Gore, who,
oat
July 90
Alicia
Amli
line
I wanted to be remembered
though. Doesn't everybody?
On Wednesday, October 20 we
had to say goodbye to our home.
We (my mom and I) went
through the house collecting all
the "pluggies," those
advancements of technology that
you plug into the socket and emit
a flowery aroma.
We checked closets, lights,
dripping faucets and running
toilets at least 29 times. My
mom had to clean the entire
house. She swept and dusted
every room and scrubbed down
the bathrooms.
As we made our final exit, we
locked the door for the first time,
not the last. We trusted our
neighbors, and my parents don't
believe that psychos exist in
small towns, so we never locked
our house.
My move hasn't been that bad
of an experience. And by the
way, if you're looking for a
house there's a beautful home
located in North East...
was busy passing laws giving the
government new functions to
Perform.)
As an example of bureaucratic
inefficiency, Gore noted that the
government agencies go through
an absurdly complex procedure
simply to purchase ashtrays.
"Ws ridicules," he pointed out.
"The agencies should just steal
them from motels, like everyone
else."
SO the administration has a
bold reform program under which
the government would take such
radical steps as -- get ready --
REQUIRING FEDERAL
AGENCIES TO ANSWER
THEIR TELEPHONES. Of
course this would require
intensive employee re-training
programs ("OK, you hear that
sound? We call that 'ringing").
Also, there would be some health
risk to the thousands of elderly
people who have been hanging
on the line ever since; many of
these people would suffer heart
attacks if they were to suddenly
hear an actual human voice.
Fortunately for them, we will
soon have health-care reform, so
they can all be treated, regardless
lair Meat level, at the basketball
• of iheir choice.
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