Thursday, October 14, 1993
by John Rossomando
Columnist
Why is it that one cannot in
good conscience write or say
what he feels even though it
may offend someone?
Especially if the writer or
speaker is part of a group that
many find offensive.
Everyday things are printed or
said that many Christians are
offended by. Yet if a Christian
writes about his or her position,
it is condemned as being bigoted
or ignorant. In reality, he is
stating what is to him the moral
truth because to the true
Christian, and not the Sunday
Christian, the Bible is law.
It is not politically correct to
state one's views about various
moral issues, but it is politically
correct to bash Christian values
and morals? I always thought
that America was a place where
one can freely express his moral
or religious views and not be
condemned as ignorant or
bigoted. •
It is important to respect
another's views and religion even
if you disagree with what he is
by Dave Barry
Syndicestat Cdwrutist
The reason I agreed to be in an
episode of a TV situation
comedy was that the role was
perfect for me. You want to
choose your roles carefully, as
an actor. You want to look for
roles in which you can display
the range, the depth, the
infinitely subtle nuances of your
acting talent.
"It's just one word," the
director said. ''You say,
`Howdy'."
"I'll do it," I said. A role like
that comes along once in a
lifetime.
The TV show -- which might
even still be on the air as you
read this -- is called "Dave's
World." It's loosely based on a
book and some columns I wrote.
I use the term "loosely" very
loosely. There's no way they
could just take my columns and
turn them directly into a TV
series; every episode would last
four minutes, and end with all
the major characters being killed
by an exploding toilet. So they
have professional writers
supplying dramatic elements that
are missing from my writing,
such as plots, characters and
jokes that do not involve the
term "toad mucus."
(Lest you think I have "sold
out" as an artist. let me stress
Christianity vs.
saying. It is completely wrong
to condemn what you do not
understand.
Nothing Christians believe
is made up. Why is it okay to
bash Christians, but when
someone states his fundamental
moral opposition about
something which the scripture
states is a sin, it is ignorant?
Why is it perfectly
acceptable to immerse a cross in
a jar of urine and call it art, or to
dismiss someone's religious
beliefs as bigotry? A simple
answer from an anti-Christian:
your Bible is over 2000 years
old and is therefore invalid.
Well Plato's Republic is
2500 years old and is required
reading for political science
majors and is still considered
valid today.
It is just as shallow to dismiss
Christians as ignorant because
they express moral standards
which are part of being a
Christian. The next time you
decide to denounce Christians,
ask yourself, "Do I fully
understand why Christians
believe the way they do?"
Unless you understand what you
Lights, Camera,
that I have retained total creative
control over the show, in the
sense that, when they send me a
check, I can legally spend it
however I want.)
I worked hard on "Howdy,"
memorizing it in just days.
Depending on the scene, I could
deliver the line with various
emotional subtexts, including
happiness ("Howdy!"), sorrow
("Howdy!"), anger ("Howdy!"),
and dental problems ("Hmpgh!").
Then, just before I flew to Los
Angeles for the filming, the
director called to tell me that
they had changed my role. In
my new role, I played a man in
an appliance store who tries to
buy the last air conditioner, but
gets into a bidding war for it
with characters who are based,
loosely, on me and my wife,
played by Harry Anderson and
DeLane Matthews. (Harry
Anderson plays me. Only
taller.)
In my new role, I had to say
17 words, not ONE of which
was "Howdy!" I was still
memorizing my part when I got
to the studio. It was swarming
with people: camera people,
light people, sound people,
bagel people, cream cheese
people, people whose sole ,
function -- this is a coveted
union job, passed down from
father to son -- is to go
0
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are saying about Christianity,
say nothing.
Although Christ commands
Christians not to judge others, he
also sets standards by which
Christians are to live.
Therefore, we cannot conform to
what non-Christians feel is
right. We are told to be tolerant
of others not like us, but why
are we not told to have religious
tolerance?
When I came onto campus, I
saw signs saying to open your
mind to certain groups and ideas,
but not one reference to
Dave!!!!
"SSHHH!" You, the actor, have
to say your lines with all these
people constantly staring at you,
PLUS the director and the
writers keep changing the script.
The actors will do a scene, and
the director will say, "OK, that
was perfect, but this time, Bob,
instead of saying, 'What's for
Norwegian accent. Also, we
think maybe your character
should have no arms."
My lines didn't change much,
but as we got ready to film my
scene, I was increasingly
nervous. I was supposed to
walk up to the appliance
salesman and say: "I need an air
conditioner." I had gone over
this many times, but as the
bigotry
Christians. Thank goodness for
groups like Newman, IVCF, and
for Behrend's graciousness of
permitting Father Larry Richards
to hold mass on Sunday nights.
To be a Christian is to be
denounced by your peers as
ignorant or as not knowing what
you are saying. This campus has
an attitude of hostility towards
Christians and it is equally
troublesome towards minorities
and homosexuals.
Of course, if a Christian
speaks his moral views, it is
perfectly O.K. to dismiss him as
being irrational.
The idea of religious tolerance,
unfortunately, is politically
incorrect. Certainly, if emphasis
was placed on respect for a
person's religious beliefs, we
would not have this hostile
atmosphere which practicing
Christians face.
If IVCF or Newman were to
hold a Christian festival or
publicly celebrate a Christian
holy day, it would cause an
uproar, yet others can do it
without objection.
Christians are under attack
simply because we hold certain
director said "Action!" my brain
-- the brain is easily the least
intelligent organ in the body --
lost my lines, and began
frantically rummaging around for
them in my memory banks.
You could actually see my skull
bulging with effort as I walked
onto the set, in front of four TV
cameras, a vast technical crew
and a Live Studio Audience,
with no real idea what I was
going to say to the appliance
salesman ("I need a howdy"). _
But somehow I remembered
my lines. The director seemed
satisfied with my performance,
except for the last part, where
Harry Anderson, outbidding me
for the air conditioner, hands the
salesman some takeout sushi and
says, "We'll throw in some
squid," and I become disgusted
and say, "Yuppies." (If you
recognize this dialogue, it's
because it's very similar to the
appliance-buying scene in
"Hamlet.")
"That was perfect, Dave," said
the director. (This is what
directors say when they think it
sucked). "But when you say
'yuppies,' make it smaller."
So we re-did the scene, and as
we approached my last line. I
was totally focused on doing a
smaller "yuppies." Then I
noticed that (a) the other actors
weren't saying anything, and (b)
beliefs sacred. I am not seeking
converts to my faith, nor
pushing it on anyone. All I
seek is to, bring the issue of
religious intolerance to light.
Since being Christian is
intolerable, then 1.3 billion
people are intolerable. Tolerance
and respect go both ways for
Christians and non-Christians.
It must be earned and cannot be
foe
It is true many un-Christian
things have been and are done in
the name of Christianity, but
this is not any reason to
disrespect Christians. This may
be the 1990 s and hedonism is in,
but Christians must never be
silent. We also must respect
others ever if they are intolerant
of us. For lesus said, "Love thy
neighbor as thyself and bless
those who persecute you."
John Rossomando is
a regular columnist for
The Collegian
everybody in the studio was
staring at me, waiting. I had
clearly messed up, but I had no
idea how. This was a time to
think fast, to improvise, to
come up with a clever line that
would save the scene, so here's
what I did: I fell down. (It's a
nervous habit I have. Ask my
wife.)
When I got up, I explained
that I'd been waiting for Harry to
say the squid line.
"They took that out,"
somebody said.
"They took out the SQUID?"
I said. "The squid is GONE?"
It turned out that everybody
else knew this, including
Arobably the Live Studio
udience. So we had to do that
part again, with my brain
feverishly repeating "No squid!
Smaller yuppies!" (This would
be a good slogan for a
restaurant.)
That time we got through it,
and my television career came to
an end, and I went back to being,
loosely, a newspaper columnist.
I have not, however, ruled out
the possibility of starring in a
spinoff. I am thinking of a
dramatic action series about a
hero who, each week, tries to
buy an air conditioner. I have a
great line for ending this
column, but I can't remember
what it is.
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