Thursday, October 7, 1993 by Paul Lorio Colmagist Music has been used throughout time to bridge gaps and unite people. The tribal drum beating was a call for celebration in many ancient societies. In today's society music is also a way to divide people. Rap and heavy metal bands have huge amounts of fans but rarely do they have the same Ws. Sonic fans will stay loyal to their bands„. while others will jump ship as soon as the band becomes "out". Today the grunge scene (or Seattle scene) is the "in" phase, but I feel that within a period of time, like all good things, this will also come to an end like all the others. Remember the New Kids on the Block soM Millions upon raißions of albums so the chances are that 801110 of you oat these bought them!! What I'm saying is that everyone has different musical tastes. Music helps to deathibe what type of peason you are. In that case, I fen lathottly , say that I'm a statist oftaat. l can bogy say datisxmaw I kne w him 4 0 411 1.t.4 , my' ithee Dave on By Dave Barry Syndicated Columnist I am pleased to report that, thanks to an important scientific advance, the human race may soon be able, after years of frustration and failure, to lick soap scum. I have here an article from the ASTM Standardization News. ASTM stands for "American Society for Testing and Materials," which is an organization that, as its name implies, has something to do with testing and materials. The article, sent in by alert reader Michael Jawer, states: 'Topping the list of the most dreaded household chores, cleaning thersoap scum fawn our showers and bathtubs has also been one of the most challenging. But thanks to a new guide developed by Subcommittee D-12.16 on Hard Surface cleaning, part of Committee D-12 on Soaps and Other Detergents, beating soap scum is expected to become easier and less expensive." This is wonderful news indeed, because everybody has soap scum. It's nothing to be ashamed of.. Poke your head into the finest bathrooms in the world -- in Buckingham Palace, the White House, even the Listen Up my TOP TEN CHART!!! These recordings have been released within the last two years and they are the best of the best. I hope you enjoy. 10 - Shawn Colvin, Fat City. The second release by Shawn is by far her best. Here music mixes folk and pop with the greatest of !access. The first four tacks are the best mixture that I Wm heard in a long time. The highlight is the song "Round of Um" 9 - Debbie' Gib eon, Body Mind Soul. Stop laughing!!!!! I'm serious!!!! This album is definitely the best assortment of dance songs in awhile. The track "Lasing Myself" is right in line with her hit "Lost in your Eyes." "Shock Your Mama" and "Teas Down These Walls" atal the best dance tracks in the ends* collection.. I know that you thought Debbie Gibson was dead and solo but this album ;awes that she is still alive and kicking!! Vatican -- and you'll be shot by security guards. So just take my word for it, there's soap scum in there, and they can't get rid of it, because soap scum is the most durable substance known to humanity, a fact that was demonstrated by the U.S. space program. You may recall that when the first space shuttle was built, scientists were concerned about protecting it from the intense heat of re-entry into the atmosphere. So what did they do? THEY COVERED THE SHUTTLE WITH TILES. They knew that tiles are the ideal breeding ground for soap scum (it starts to form right at the tile factory), and that soap scum off soap scum to analyze it" 1 bet THAT was a fun job. RESEARCHER: Hi! I'm with the American Society for testing and Materials, and I'd like to obtain some of your soap scum. CONSUMER (calling to spouse): Marge, get the rifle. But the determined men and women of Subcommittee D -12,16 persevered. Using their samples, they were able, for the first time in recorded history that I know of, to reproduce soap scum in the laboratory. (The article does not reveal the exact formula but it involves human 0 P I l‘i SI later. The highlights include: "Two Princes," "Little Miss Can't Be Wrong." and "How could you want him when you could have me." They also put on one great show. 7 - Liz Phair, Exile in Guyville. This debut was just released about a month ago, but has already gained much attention with its shocking lyrics; and unique musical arrangements. Liz portrays herself as a very independent womanof the 90s. The songs "P**lc and Rua" and "Flower" include such in-your-face lyrics that they can't even be printed in this paper. This release is a must for anyone who is interested in a women's point of view of the Sound Revohnion. 6 Seel Asylums, Grave . Dancers tfaiorg Sad Asylum had dug its way out of the musical basement and has finally received the respect it *kill deserved, The Soap body fat and an ingredient identified only as "dirt." (The article also does not reveal where they GET the body fat. Maybe they just go to liposuction clinics and ask for it. "It's OK!" they explain. "We're making soap scum!") To determine how cleansers are used in consumer households, the researchers also conducted what the article describes as "actual tests" in which they determined "when consumers atop wringing the water from their sponge and how much (cleanser) product they place on the sponge•" (It is only a matter of time before this whole effort is dramatized in a motion picture starring Harrison Fat) Armed with this information, the researchers developed a method for testing tile cleansers. The cleansers are tested on tiles that have been coated with laboratory scum, then heated in an oven. ("Care to join us far lunch, Ted?" "No thanks, Bob! I just put a fresh batch of scum in the oven!") Please understand that we do NOT yet have a cure for soap scum. But we DO have, finally, a standardized cleanser-testing method. And the Standardization News-article confidently predicts Alright," "Tom Boy," and "This Things Nowhere." Carol van Dijk wrote all of the songs for the album and has the perfect voice to complement the incredible guitar riffs. Highly reams ended! 4 - Sarah McLachlan, Solace. She is a Canadian and her music aquires a certain type of taste. The only person you can compare her to is Sinead, but even that isn't exact. The highlights include: "LOst," "Black" and my favorite, "Home." If you love lyrics, Sarah is a roust!!! 3 - Toad the Wet Sprocket, Fear. 'this band is the greatest band that America has produced in the last five yam; and this album was the breakthrough. With the tracks "All I Want" and "Is It.au Me," this •band is well tm its way to a bright future. If you don't have it, get it. If you have it, PLAY M MIMI 2 Juliar Hatfield that this standard will produce cannot be harmed by atmospheric re-entry or even leading household cleansers. Oh, sure, you've seen TV commercials wherein the Cheerful Housewife, standing in a bathroom the size of Radio City Music Hall, waltzes up to a scum-encrusted tile, sprays it with a cleanser, and then wipes it off to reveal a sparkling shine. But these commercials are not filmed on Earth; they're filmed on the Commercial Planet, where everything is different; where fast-food-chain employees really are happy to serve you; where there is some meaningful difference between Coke and Pepsi; and where "light" beer does not taste like weasel spit. Here on Earth, however, anti soap-scum products are not effective. I base this statement on a recent nationwide survey of my Research Department, Judi Smith, who said: "The stuff they say gets rid of soap scum never, ever waits." (She also said: "My shower is way too dirty to attribute to soap scum." But I am far too respectful of her privacy to include that in this column. I 'also will not include the following actual quote from her husband, Tim: "What's soap plays guitar and writes all. The highlights include: "Dame with a Rod" (which is about rape), "Feel in Massachusetts," "Mabel," and the environmental song of the year "For the Birds." About once every few years a new artist hits the scene with the intensity and the musical talent such as Juliana. Don't miss it!!! 1 - Tori Amos, Little Earthquakes. This red-headed wonder hit the scene a year ago and the aftershocks are still felt. She is a piano prodigy goi wild and her song hit a real cord with me. "Me and A Gun" is an emotional journey through the mind of a rape victim. Other songs include "Winter" and "Crucify", which come from the mind of a woman who Confessed about her past and lovers. There is *nothing like Tori anywhere in the music industry, and she doesn't really "fit in" with the status quo. Please take. risk risk and listen to Tori or any of the other listed abt ve. it will be worth A 1 1 0014411 1 114110404 • ' 4 '. nig 4 .; • Scum scum?" For many years, the only prestigious international research institution working on the soap scum problem was Heloise, who was always running hints from readers about it. ("Heloise, my soap-scum problem was so bad that my husband said he didn't even want to take a shower! So I made a mixture of three parts vinegar, one part lemon juice and two parts sulfuric acid, and I put it in his coffee.") But then Subcommittee D -12.16 on Hard Surface Cleaning swung into action. According to the ASTM Standardization News article, researchers "went to consumers' homes and scraped benefits that "go Tar beyond the bathroom." On behalf of consumers everywhere, I salute the researchers of Subcommittee D -12.16 on Hard Surface Cleaning. I hope that their achievement will inspire the efforts of ASTM research groups working on other serious bathroom-cleaning problems. I refer specifically to Subcommittee C-35.98 on Getting Kids To Stop leaving Towels On The Floor; and -- this is the ultimate challenge -- Subcommittee P-20.20 on Getting Males To For God's Sake Aim Straight. Page
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers