The Collegian : the weekly newspaper of Behrend College. (Erie, PA) 1989-1993, September 23, 1993, Image 6
Page 6 by John Rossomardo Coimusist In recent years we have been forced to watch countless radical homosexual groups parading across our television screen trying to tell us that homosexuality is completely normal behavior, and anyone who disagrees with their position is a homophobe. They stoop to such tactics as trying to have that person or persons censored, which amounts to the same intimidating tactics that they accuse their opposition of doing. To say that a person is a "homophobe," or use the grossly misused word "homophobia" means that they are accusing their opponents of being mentally ill. Hence "phobia" which is $ 1 mental disorder characriegi by an irmtional fear of If you to the *INV "homophobia" apart listvds acidly into its two major components, "homo" and VOW %N O . 1 !_r_ 110 ,1 in ationS'AIONI by Dave Berry Syndicated Columnist Once again it is time for Ask Mister Language Person, the column whose motto is: "People Judge You By The Words You Use, So Use Words That Nobody Really Understands, Such As 'Parameter.' Today, as is our custom, we shall start with our first question: Q. I have noted that the slang expression `"coal" is being used once again by young people. Is this good? A. Yes. Mister Language Person approves of any language trend that makes him feel like a "hep cat," so he 's pleased to hear young people bringing back "lingo" from the days when he was Mister Language Teenager and the Earth's crust was still warm. Mister Language Person would like to see the return of other expressions from his youth, such as "in the gnme,". "shake your booty" and "boss." Q. What does "boss" mean? A. It means "cool" as in these examples: "Duane got a boss carburetor." "Michelangelo painted some boss frescoes." Q. Was "Michelangelo" his first name or his last name? A. Neither. It was just his fresco name. His full name, on his driver's licence, was "Vito." Q. Recently I made the statement: "I'm so hungry I attraction bet waaiipliVi and females. Seeing that homoicaual behavior is the result of a biological abnormality, it is quite certain that science will find a way to create the chemical balance which homosexuals lack. Of course, radical homosexuals would be livid if such a thing was ever found because nothing could be worse than being attracted to the opposite sex. To further demonstrate the abnormality of homosexual behavior, we must look at the most basic of things: the logic of the biological purpose of both sea and gender. We need to lock at the male and f—onaloi.maray, which is deaiguid for lothrostuund imentourse, for the etile lienxxie of continuing the Way* means fear. So homophobia maims kw of man. It is not a fear that most heterosexuals have toward homosexuals themselves, but rather a revulsion toward the homosexual act itself. Heterosexuals place themselves in the act which of course leaves them with a sour stomach. The greatest thing that is wrong with radical homosexuals is their "in your face attitude? They expect you to say homosexual behavior is perfectly normal, and endorse their actions. Forbid that you disagree with them. and they will eel SW "insane," i.e. innn o Phnbic• Why is , it that edict.' homosexuals arc afraid of new findings that homosexuality is biological? They fear it because . _ Ask Mr. Language Person could literally eat a horse." My grandmother, who is a real stickler for grammer, told me that this was incorrect. So I flushed her insulin down the toilet. My question is, what is a "stickler"? A. The correct form is: "I could eat a literal horse." Q. Can you describe the contents of a "Dear Abby" column published in the March 26, 1992 Boston Herald and sent in by an alert reader Chip Moynihan? A. Yes. this column contains a letter from a man who is upset because he has discovered that his wife has a hidden collection of pornographic books. The man states: "I came upon them accidentally." Q. Do you think any newspapers will ,actually print the preceding item? A. It will be a test of just how-, Ipw this nation's joumaliim standards 'have sunk. Q. Please give an example of baseball ,anaysis provided by former catcher Gary Carter, who is currently employed as a TV broadcaster for the Florida Marlins. A. According to alert viewer Martin Merzer, Carter said: "There've been times when they've had hits from time to time, but they weren't timely hits at the right time." KRININg Q. Do catchers get hit on the head a lot of times? A. Apparently. Q. Speaking of broadcasters, I have noted that they're always saying, "If you're just joining us, my guest's name is Wanda Weemer." What I want to know is, what's the guest's name if you're NOT just joining them? A. "Vito." Q. According to a KRT News what allegation allegation did a female congressional staff person make about a male lobbyist? A. The article states that the lobbyist "felt free to pinch her buttocks in the reception area." Q. Where is that located? A. Just below the vestibule. It is extremely sensitive. is immoral notund is to deny the Laws of Nature which clearly show that sex is for reproduction of one's species despite the side effects. Radical homosexuals have elevated their cause to the level of civil rights. These are not just any rights. They wish to have their "relationships" classified as marriages which is blasphemy in almost every religion. Judeo- Christian, Muslim perspective on marriage can clearly be seen in Genesis 1:27-e2B: "So God created them: in the image of God he created them male and female. God blessed them and said be fruitful and - Q. Regarding the old spiritual song: Why would a person "jump down" and then "turn around" before picking a bale of cotton? A. This involved a union contract. Q. Do the instructions for the Batman costume set manufactured by Kenner Products contain important consumer safety information? A. Yes. These instructions, sent in by alert reader Maria Reed, state: "Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly." Q. What DOES the cape enable the user to do? A. It enables the user to leap from one tall building to another... A user wishing to actually FLY should purchase the Kenner Products Superman Ce Q. Are you going tp receive an irate letter written by approximately two dozen auceneyi fix Omer Pioducts? A. They 011111 go jump in a MOW :quote from an Marlgoi-entcteit in Plum Lai VI commemorate "The Phi Lighted Softball Park In The Par I•I ." A. According to a photograph sent in by alert readers Dick and Margie Kussman, this marker, after praising the accomplishments of Plum Lake's champion softball teams, Thursday, September 23, 1993 To say thstt homosexualitX , 10 normal is to deny Natute. All men and women have Con* over their actions, theref* homosexuals are full responsible for their actions. To say anything else is an excuse. The irony that makes "gay" rights so grotesque is that all rights that we posess derive from the "Laws of Nature and Nature's God," which the Declaration of Independence refers to as the fiE justification for separation Great Britain. The wh premise of "gay" rights ' solely upon their belief - there is no God, line ''. . states: "WE HAIL WHAT RADIATION HAS WROUGHT WHAT WE HAVE TODAY." Q. "Radiation"? A. Yes. The marker also states: "TRAVEL AROUND AND SEE THE VAST LEGEND OF OUR COMMUNITY. ENJOY RELAXING IN THE FUN OF THE HOMELAND OF WHICH WE ARE PROUD." Q. Probably it would be a good idea not to get out of the car. A. Yes. Q. What was the cause of a September 1992 airliner crash in Katmandu, Nepal? A. An Associated Press report at the time stated: "Airline sources said a Pakistani jet that plowed into a hillside may have been flying too low: Q. It certainly pays to have airline sources. A. Yes, and that is why , we journalists will go to jail to protect their secret identities. ' TODAY'S GRAMMATWAL TIP Medd unclear us of " - WRONG!' "Earl and Te4l,w„re working togethetvgien s~y he pushed him into the threshing machine.' RIGHT: "Earl and Ted #re working together when suddenly he pushed him into the threshing machine, which is a .machine used for threshing." ;"'