Page 6
by John Rossomardo
Coimusist
In recent years we have been
forced to watch countless radical
homosexual groups parading
across our television screen
trying to tell us that
homosexuality is completely
normal behavior, and anyone
who disagrees with their
position is a homophobe.
They stoop to such tactics as
trying to have that person or
persons censored, which
amounts to the same
intimidating tactics that they
accuse their opposition of doing.
To say that a person is a
"homophobe," or use the grossly
misused word "homophobia"
means that they are accusing
their opponents of being
mentally ill.
Hence "phobia" which is $ 1
mental disorder characriegi by
an irmtional fear of
If you to the *INV
"homophobia" apart listvds
acidly into its two major
components, "homo" and
VOW %N O . 1 !_r_ 110 ,1
in ationS'AIONI
by Dave Berry
Syndicated Columnist
Once again it is time for Ask
Mister Language Person, the
column whose motto is: "People
Judge You By The Words You
Use, So Use Words That
Nobody Really Understands,
Such As 'Parameter.'
Today, as is our custom, we
shall start with our first
question:
Q. I have noted that the slang
expression `"coal" is being used
once again by young people. Is
this good?
A. Yes. Mister Language
Person approves of any language
trend that makes him feel like a
"hep cat," so he 's pleased to
hear young people bringing back
"lingo" from the days when he
was Mister Language Teenager
and the Earth's crust was still
warm. Mister Language Person
would like to see the return of
other expressions from his
youth, such as "in the gnme,".
"shake your booty" and "boss."
Q. What does "boss" mean?
A. It means "cool" as in these
examples: "Duane got a boss
carburetor." "Michelangelo
painted some boss frescoes."
Q. Was "Michelangelo" his
first name or his last name?
A. Neither. It was just his
fresco name. His full name, on
his driver's licence, was "Vito."
Q. Recently I made the
statement: "I'm so hungry I
attraction bet waaiipliVi and
females. Seeing that homoicaual
behavior is the result of a
biological abnormality, it is
quite certain that science will
find a way to create the chemical
balance which homosexuals
lack. Of course, radical
homosexuals would be livid if
such a thing was ever found
because nothing could be worse
than being attracted to the
opposite sex.
To further demonstrate the
abnormality of homosexual
behavior, we must look at the
most basic of things: the logic
of the biological purpose of both
sea and gender. We need to lock
at the male and f—onaloi.maray,
which is deaiguid for
lothrostuund imentourse, for the
etile lienxxie of continuing the
Way*
means fear. So homophobia
maims kw of man.
It is not a fear that most
heterosexuals have toward
homosexuals themselves, but
rather a revulsion toward the
homosexual act itself.
Heterosexuals place themselves
in the act which of course leaves
them with a sour stomach.
The greatest thing that is
wrong with radical homosexuals
is their "in your face attitude?
They expect you to say
homosexual behavior is perfectly
normal, and endorse their
actions. Forbid that you disagree
with them. and they will eel
SW "insane," i.e. innn o Phnbic•
Why is , it that edict.'
homosexuals arc afraid of new
findings that homosexuality is
biological? They fear it because
. _
Ask Mr. Language Person
could literally eat a horse." My
grandmother, who is a real
stickler for grammer, told me
that this was incorrect. So I
flushed her insulin down the
toilet. My question is, what is a
"stickler"?
A. The correct form is: "I
could eat a literal horse."
Q. Can you describe the
contents of a "Dear Abby"
column published in the March
26, 1992 Boston Herald and sent
in by an alert reader Chip
Moynihan?
A. Yes. this column
contains a letter from a man who
is upset because he has
discovered that his wife has a
hidden collection of
pornographic books. The man
states: "I came upon them
accidentally."
Q. Do you think any
newspapers will ,actually print
the preceding item?
A. It will be a test of just
how-, Ipw this nation's
joumaliim standards 'have sunk.
Q. Please give an example of
baseball
,anaysis provided by
former catcher Gary Carter, who
is currently employed as a TV
broadcaster for the Florida
Marlins.
A. According to alert viewer
Martin Merzer, Carter said:
"There've been times when
they've had hits from time to
time, but they weren't timely
hits at the right time."
KRININg
Q. Do catchers get hit on the
head a lot of times?
A. Apparently.
Q. Speaking of broadcasters, I
have noted that they're always
saying, "If you're just joining
us, my guest's name is Wanda
Weemer." What I want to know
is, what's the guest's name if
you're NOT just joining them?
A. "Vito."
Q. According to a KRT News
what allegation allegation did a female
congressional staff person make
about a male lobbyist?
A. The article states that the
lobbyist "felt free to pinch her
buttocks in the reception area."
Q. Where is that located?
A. Just below the vestibule.
It is extremely sensitive.
is immoral
notund is to deny the Laws of
Nature which clearly show that
sex is for reproduction of one's
species despite the side effects.
Radical homosexuals have
elevated their cause to the level
of civil rights. These are not just
any rights. They wish to have
their "relationships" classified as
marriages which is blasphemy in
almost every religion. Judeo-
Christian, Muslim perspective
on marriage can clearly be seen
in Genesis 1:27-e2B: "So God
created them: in the image of
God he created them male and
female. God blessed them and
said be fruitful and -
Q. Regarding the old spiritual
song: Why would a person
"jump down" and then "turn
around" before picking a bale of
cotton?
A. This involved a union
contract.
Q. Do the instructions for the
Batman costume set
manufactured by Kenner
Products contain important
consumer safety information?
A. Yes. These instructions,
sent in by alert reader Maria
Reed, state: "Caution: Cape
does not enable user to fly."
Q. What DOES the cape
enable the user to do?
A. It enables the user to leap
from one tall building to
another... A user wishing to
actually FLY should purchase
the Kenner Products Superman
Ce
Q. Are you going tp receive
an irate letter written by
approximately two dozen
auceneyi fix Omer Pioducts?
A. They 011111 go jump in a
MOW :quote from an
Marlgoi-entcteit in Plum
Lai VI
commemorate
"The Phi Lighted Softball Park
In The Par I•I ."
A. According to a photograph
sent in by alert readers Dick and
Margie Kussman, this marker,
after praising the
accomplishments of Plum
Lake's champion softball teams,
Thursday, September 23, 1993
To say thstt homosexualitX
, 10
normal is to deny Natute. All
men and women have Con*
over their actions, theref*
homosexuals are full
responsible for their actions. To
say anything else is an excuse.
The irony that makes "gay"
rights so grotesque is that all
rights that we posess derive from
the "Laws of Nature and Nature's
God," which the Declaration of
Independence refers to as the
fiE
justification for separation
Great Britain. The wh
premise of "gay" rights '
solely upon their belief -
there is no God, line ''. .
states: "WE HAIL WHAT
RADIATION HAS WROUGHT
WHAT WE HAVE TODAY."
Q. "Radiation"?
A. Yes. The marker also
states: "TRAVEL AROUND
AND SEE THE VAST
LEGEND OF OUR
COMMUNITY. ENJOY
RELAXING IN THE FUN OF
THE HOMELAND OF WHICH
WE ARE PROUD."
Q. Probably it would be a
good idea not to get out of the
car.
A. Yes.
Q. What was the cause of a
September 1992 airliner crash in
Katmandu, Nepal?
A. An Associated Press report
at the time stated: "Airline
sources said a Pakistani jet that
plowed into a hillside may have
been flying too low:
Q. It certainly pays to have
airline sources.
A. Yes, and that is why , we
journalists will go to jail to
protect their secret identities.
' TODAY'S GRAMMATWAL
TIP Medd unclear us of
" -
WRONG!' "Earl and Te4l,w„re
working togethetvgien s~y
he pushed him into the threshing
machine.'
RIGHT: "Earl and Ted #re
working together when suddenly
he pushed him into the threshing
machine, which is a .machine
used for threshing." ;"'