Thursday, April 1, 1993
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Classified
Help Wanted:
Maintenance Personnel -
Applicant should have experience
drinking coffee and riding in new
trucks.
Bookstore Clerk:
Money counting knowledge
helpful. Ideal candidate should
look forward to high wages and
very little work.
Construction Crew:
Must have loud noises in early
morning without accomplishing
anything in particular. Cat
calling experience preferred.
Student Activities
Assistant:
Applicant must be very short
to work under Dave Shields.
SGA Senate Member:
Eat-N-Park menu knowledge
This little note is for
who think that this issue
contains actual, factual stories
and photos. Don't have a cow.
We're just having a little fun.
***********************************
Digg
helpful. Must be able to outwit
auditors.
Used Books:
Financing available with
proper credit references. Serious
inquiries only. Contact the
Beiuend Bookstne.
CD'S:
Excellent collection of over
2,500 tracks. All music - Rock,
Raggae, Top-40, Classical, Jazz -
never opened. WPSE Am -
1450.
Lost and Found:
Lost "The article you needed"
disappeared recently. Please
return, no questions asked.
Periodicals Desk, Behrend
Library.
Found: Female undergarments,
near administratk offices. 898-
6969.
Opinion
Gossip Hoe
e Cam
g th
posteclintil.
Sources say that Student
Activities office personnel
David Shields, Teryi
Anderson, and Diana
Mellnowski are involved in a
Num Erse-based cult , The cult
Ads
Blue Bus Driver:
Should have experience in
street racing and police evasion.
Will be responsible for weekend
tavern shuttle.
Mailroom Help:
Must be invisible before 10:30
a.m. Easily confused and
forgetful applicants will be
favored.
Exotic Dancers:
Bring costumes to interview.
Apply in person between 11:00
a.m. and 1:00 p.m. Bruno's
Nightclub.
For Sale:
1983 Snowplow-extra low
miles, air conditioning, sunroof,
8 track player. Never seen snow.
Call Maintenance.
those of
pus Dirt
tongues), Shields said: 1 want a
big piece of beef." Whatever.
Alicia Hartman is what?!
Is dead! But not only that, she
was pregnant at the time! The
father was reportedly either Gary
Johnson or Antal anicits.
All three of this naughty bunch
are Collegian staff members.
Before her untimely death, Ms.
Hartinjwas overheard declaring
that 'baby would be named
GaNO4l. When asked who she
thought the Father was she
replied;, "It's a nlYstAlrY to me , "
Eye witnesses claim that
Sister Anna Mae, tainpus
clergy woman, was seen at the
adult bookstore on State
Street An undezeover G ossip
Hoe reporter informed us
wadi SOnle SOn Of StUIX)r. ar
el l eSVAVOSPMKtOdYghaedO l e r t
she IVO foaming td the nro €th
and she eiStinnouslY fed (Porters
Wet the Peeff ixgdin•
Anon, to ott a informants
ten us that Stair Psychologist
So* Daley bests lito Patient&
I lihe to trett My clients the old
gochimed wsot*annimmeg Ivey
, 114416 WOO'S a ha* elah ea her
unin., A *trotomus *Ago sadg
that socms of her other
strid b u il t to
tay that way
op I ' easons by Penn State-
Behrend Should Have a Campus in
California:
10. Warmer temperatures.
9. $1 Import Night at the Hard Rock Cafe
8. Earthquakes, earthquakes,
earthquakes, need I say more?
ESACT 101: Freeway Skeet Shooting
Raiders, Rams, Dodgers, Chargers,
Niner's, Padres, Clippers, Laker's,
Giants, Angels, Kings, A's, Sharks,
we could easily forget about Behrend's
baseball team!
5.
7.
6.
you
And the #1 reason why Penn State-Behrend
should have a campus in California. ...
Dave Shields will be thousands of miles
away!
............. , .. , * , i]iBl. ,, ::iiili;g.?,::iiiil!::,iiiiilll,l
cio --- 1111, J,i, ,116. iii-10-10....!!!!!4.„:!
''''''''''''''''''': ''''....:''
Nightlife, nightlife, nightlife, what an
addicting proposition!
Varsity teams' away trips: days, not
hours!
Friendly, wholesome, women seeking
"conversation" out at the Sunset Strip.
Less money spent on Spring Break
travel.
"instruments of affirmation
include a hammer, a stapler,lK
plastic vomit, a whip, and a wire,
hanger that was purportedly used
in a back.alley abortion clinic. 1 4 .
Did somebody say sperm
bank? Yes! The newly A ke
inducted students of Lambda r,
Sigma are coordinating a
sperm drive in the Reed lobby 4(
tomorrow from 12-2:oopm. l e
Students planning on donating r
are encouraged to bring :a friend or
relative. Donors must have a
minimum GPA of 3.2,
Well.
chars
it
for
this
week
lc*
.
Be sure to pass these factual c*
accounts on to every living soul E
you talk to. 1K
Until next time, keep that
rumor mill turning, and that h e
gossip hoe digglngl 71 `,...
lit
1 0 1 (
4 11(
R#2 l 7 Foxhole * * Gossip Hoe
pears helee &Year The
Collegian. We take ea
r q )l3l4lls—li of °r anShinB Ihe *
40eis. ' - a r
irk
To Tar
y reliable same
•
x , , A4
oxY hat eW
Page
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