Thursday, April 1, 1993
At A Glance.. .
Ross Perot has again scheduled airtime on NBC for Monday,
April 5, to promote his new pro-Socialism platform for his
presidential campaign in 1996. He is starting now so that he
"can enter and exit the race as many times as possible,"
according to a Perot official. Perot's new organization,
"Communist We Stand," specifies that when he is elected he
will immediately take over and proclaim himself dictator. He
will then declare all property that of the State and he will pay
off the debt.
Cult leader David Koresh stated earlier today that he would
surrender to officials if recently divorced Tammy Faye Bakker
will consent to marry him. Officials have not been able to
contact Bakker, but sources say that she would prefer Koresh
to her ex-husband.
Several of the 600 airline pilots that were recently laid off by
Delta have been recruited by Hershey Park executives to run
the kiddie rides for the summer season. Union officials state
that the pilots will be earning four times the amount that they
made at Delta and there are far more benefits.
The Clinton administration announced that it will cut 100,000
troops from Europe by tomorrow. Foreign leaders are
reportedly in an uproar. The President's action would
supposedly cut the population of Europe in half. The troops
will be returning to the States by way of Los Angeles for
debriefing, surfing, and to await the verdict in the Rodney
King civil trial.
Talk and radio show host Rush Limbaugh has announced his
intent to take his show on the college circuit. He hopes to
inspire the minds and open the eyes of the future by handing
out free copies of his best selling book. Beginning in two
weeks, the first stop on his tour will be the campuses of Penn
State University. Students at the Erie-Behrend Campus have
already begun constructing effigies awaiting Rush's arrival.
Sources close to the Kremlin stated yesterday that Boris
Yeltsin, in light of his recent escape of impeachment, has been
reportedly seen celebrating with President Clinton's family
pet, Socks the Wonder Cat. Yeltsin denies all allegations that
he and Socks were caught in a "compromising position" in
Lenin's Tomb. President Clinton, however, when asked if this
would have any impact on the upcoming summit replied,
"Whatever works, Baby!"
Late Night host Jay Leno has been receiving hundreds of
letters for a comment he made last month describing a self
help tape for women who wanted larger breasts entitled "Think
and Grow Breasts" and his own tape for men entitled "Think of
Breasts and Grow". Leno has stated that Disney has contacted
him with the intent of using the idea for an X-rated
instructional video starring Roger and Jessica Rabbit.
Showtlmel: Resident assistant, Gail Senoski,
gets "dolled up" for her night job. When asked
about her dancing repertoire, Senoski said, "I just
can't afford not to do it."
News
Little-known fact: "Jazzy" Johnny L, Provost & Dean, and MC Mikey
Simmons, with friend Deezer D, seen at their sold-out show at Bruno's last week.
At The Collision we believe that is our job to inform the
public of the "dark side." We do not have any facts, but
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