Thursday, April 1, 1993 At A Glance.. . Ross Perot has again scheduled airtime on NBC for Monday, April 5, to promote his new pro-Socialism platform for his presidential campaign in 1996. He is starting now so that he "can enter and exit the race as many times as possible," according to a Perot official. Perot's new organization, "Communist We Stand," specifies that when he is elected he will immediately take over and proclaim himself dictator. He will then declare all property that of the State and he will pay off the debt. Cult leader David Koresh stated earlier today that he would surrender to officials if recently divorced Tammy Faye Bakker will consent to marry him. Officials have not been able to contact Bakker, but sources say that she would prefer Koresh to her ex-husband. Several of the 600 airline pilots that were recently laid off by Delta have been recruited by Hershey Park executives to run the kiddie rides for the summer season. Union officials state that the pilots will be earning four times the amount that they made at Delta and there are far more benefits. The Clinton administration announced that it will cut 100,000 troops from Europe by tomorrow. Foreign leaders are reportedly in an uproar. The President's action would supposedly cut the population of Europe in half. The troops will be returning to the States by way of Los Angeles for debriefing, surfing, and to await the verdict in the Rodney King civil trial. Talk and radio show host Rush Limbaugh has announced his intent to take his show on the college circuit. He hopes to inspire the minds and open the eyes of the future by handing out free copies of his best selling book. Beginning in two weeks, the first stop on his tour will be the campuses of Penn State University. Students at the Erie-Behrend Campus have already begun constructing effigies awaiting Rush's arrival. Sources close to the Kremlin stated yesterday that Boris Yeltsin, in light of his recent escape of impeachment, has been reportedly seen celebrating with President Clinton's family pet, Socks the Wonder Cat. Yeltsin denies all allegations that he and Socks were caught in a "compromising position" in Lenin's Tomb. President Clinton, however, when asked if this would have any impact on the upcoming summit replied, "Whatever works, Baby!" Late Night host Jay Leno has been receiving hundreds of letters for a comment he made last month describing a self help tape for women who wanted larger breasts entitled "Think and Grow Breasts" and his own tape for men entitled "Think of Breasts and Grow". Leno has stated that Disney has contacted him with the intent of using the idea for an X-rated instructional video starring Roger and Jessica Rabbit. Showtlmel: Resident assistant, Gail Senoski, gets "dolled up" for her night job. When asked about her dancing repertoire, Senoski said, "I just can't afford not to do it." News Little-known fact: "Jazzy" Johnny L, Provost & Dean, and MC Mikey Simmons, with friend Deezer D, seen at their sold-out show at Bruno's last week. At The Collision we believe that is our job to inform the public of the "dark side." We do not have any facts, but -Ott V V -11P0 V iitV V *V 0 0 0 0 4; 0 4;ic 4401$ juis. qt 4 0 WE STRONGLY RECOMMEND CHERRY FLAVORED FRENCH TICKLERS!! .P. *Vi;t , iitbV iit,VVVVVVit, that really does not matter, does it? THE COLLEGIAN FULLY SUPPORTS THE USE OF PROPHYLACTICS DURING BIJCKIN' SEASON! Page 3
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers