Thursday, October 22, 1992
Put
by Andrew Festa
The Collegian
In psychology, we're taught
that conscience is a stream of
thought and that mind is like a
blank slate waiting to be written
upon.
The latter thought is much
like saying we are what impinges
What happens when you
take ground water from a
well, spray it on a pile of
polluted garbage, let it soak
into the well water supply,
and repeat the process?
How long before you stop
getting clean or clear water
out of the well?
upon our receptor sites or, we are
what we mentally eat.
This allusion is widely
accepted when it comes to our
physical being, that we are what
we eat, so, it seems logical and
wise to assume our mental being
is like that of our physical being,
no?
I’m trying to open
something up to debate that needs
to be seriously discussed by the
professions (Psychology and
Sociology to start) and by the
general public. Something is
FORGET BUSH, CLINTON, EVEN PEROT: HAVE
Dave Barr
Syndicated Columnist
I hate to bring this up so close
to the presidential election, but it
turns out that the problem of
snakes in toilets is even worse
than we thought.
You may recall that several
months ago I wrote about a chill
ing but true incident in
Oklahoma wherein a courageous
man fought a lengthy multi
commode battle to evict a
lengthy snake from the plumbing
system of a sportsmen’s club.
The man would flush the snake
down one toilet, thinking he had
got rid of it, but then, bam, it
would pop up in another toilet. It
had to be a nightmare, similar to
a situation wherein you’re watch
ing TV, and no matter which
channel you change to, bam,
there’s the Captain and Tennille.
After that column appeared, I
received dozens of letters from
readers claiming that they, too,
have had encounters with toilet
snakes. Even if we allow for the
fact that a certain percentage (94)
of the people who read this col
umn are, to use psychological
terminology, a few croutons
short of a salad, we see that this
snake problem is not confined to
the United States. I base this
garbage in, get garbage out!
seriously wrong if we can accept
the sights, sounds, and other
sources of stimulation we receive
every day of our all too short
lives and not question what’s
being done to us.
I understand how what I'm
saying might sound like a
judgement call, but not to
question the validity of that
which touches us and is written
onto (or into) our blank slates
from birth is to make a
judgement call as well.
It is a judgement which, by
silence or ignorance, implies it's
ok; that it's good for us; even
though it might be destroying,
corrupting, or limiting who we
are as human beings if net as
parts of a social whole.
Perhaps it's time to examine
the issue and search for answers
or, at the very least, look at the
effects and try to circumvent
damage before it's too late.
I must say, before I
continue, that I am only
speculating, but I would hope
someone, somewhere will read
these words and decide to
investigate.
In the meantime, these
images are continually written
onto our slates through the
various medium; television
(movies and other shows,
advertisements, and video music,)
Radio (shows, songs,
advertisements, and talk shows,)
YOU CHECKED YOUR TOILET LATELY?
statement on an amazing inci
dent in Canada (a nation located
near Buffalo, N.Y.) wherein a toi
let snake appeared as evidence in
a COURT OF LAW.
This was brought to my atten
tion by alert Canadian John
Hale, who was the defense lawyer
in the case. He sent in a news
account from Lawyers’ Weekly,
written by Elizabeth Payne and
headlincd-I am not making this
up-LAWYERS ATTEMPT TO
GET SNAKE DOWN TOILET
FOR COURTROOM DEMON
STRATION.
To understand why this demon
stration was legally necessary,
you need to know what lawyers
call the facts of the case (or, in
Latin, “ipso factos”):
On the morning of July 21,
1991, a 9-year-old girl went into
the bathroom of her Ottawa
apartment and discovered, in the
toilet bowl, a four-foot-long(or,
in Latin, 1.25-mcter) python
named “Even,’’ hereinafter
referred to as “Even.” The girl
told her mom, who called the
authorities, who managed to
capture Even somehow. (“We
have this toilet surrounded! Come
out with your hands up!”)
It was determined that Even be
longed to a man who lived in the
apartment upstairs; prosecutors
The Collegian
the written media (newspapers,
journals, magazines, comic
books, how-to books, texts, and
other written material,) and
through the invasion into our
minds of the ever present
billboards and other signs all over
our world (and recently included
in some computer programs and
games.)
Through all of these various
outlets, we are reshaped, our
minds shaped like play-doh in the
hands of those who present to us
their interpretation of what is
right, good, best, entertaining and
moral.
Is it any wonder that those
who present these values to us
are changing what they present
all the time? Perhaps they can
not come to a final and real
conclusion as to what is good,
then charged this man with cru
elty to animals, alleging that he
wanted to get rid of Even, so he
(the owner) flushed him (Even)
down the toilet, causing Even to
Dave
Barry
suffer abrasions and what the arti
cle describes as “a bad case of
snake pneumonia. ’ ’
But defense lawyer Hale
claimed that the defendant had
right, moral, entertaining and
best?
Perhaps they, being
recipients also, can not decide
because they are victims of their
own material, of their own
illusions? Maybe, just maybe
there's a reason behind the
growing violence and moral
decadence shipped to us and our
slates via the various medium,
and which are reflected in the
morals and attitudes of today's
society.
If so, and I'd like to believe
it's not true, then perhaps that’s
our cue to act? In any respect, it
should be a warning flag to be
invesdgated.
Whatever the reason, or even
if there isn't a reason, we should
start cleaning out some of the
trash (a subjective statement I
stand strongly behind in regards
to the modern audio and video
medium) and slart working
toward the betterment of our
mental world before it's too late.
Or is it too late already?
If we can be concerned about
our physical well being, why not
extend that idea to cover our
mental (and/or emotional) well
being?
We speak as a world united
against the evils of pollution
within our physical world, but
remain dangerously silent about
the pollution within our mental
worlds.
merely left Even soaking in a
bathtub, and that Even crawled
into the toilet of his own free
will. According to the article.
Hale argued that “because Even
is a ball python and rolls into a
ball when frightened... it would
be impossible to flush him down
the toilet.”( Legal scholars will
recognize this as the famous
“Ball Python defense.”)
At this point, you probably
have several questions:
1. Why was he soaking the
snake in the bathtub?
2. Did it have snake 8.0. ?
3. Despite the lack of armpits?
4. Does the Canadian legal
system have a lot of spare time,
or what?
The answer to No. 4 is clearly
“yes,” because when the case
went to trial, defense lawyer Hale
had an actual toilet brought into
the courtroom and filled with
water for a demonstration in
tended to prove that Even would,
on his own, go commode-diving.
I am still not making this up.
The prosecutor strongly objected
to this demonstration, arguing
that “the very reason we are in
court is because of an allegation
that someone tried to force a
snake down the toilet.”
But the judge decided to allow
the demonstration. And so, as the
Page 7
An old IBM saying comes to
mind: "Put garbage in; get
garbage out!"
What happens when you take
ground water from a well, spray
it on a pile of polluted garbage,
let it all soak into the well water
supply, and repeat the process?
How long will it be before you
stop getting clean or clear water
out of the well?
A final note: I have to
wonder about the medium (such
as television or radio) that can
put on the commercial about the
young child imitating his father
who's smoking a cigarette --
"Like father; like son" -- but who
can, or won’t see the damage
caused by the TRASH put on
television for mental ingestion
by the masses (many of whom
are highly impressionable young
children.) Are the people behind
the controls of these mediums
ignorant, or are they just
devious?
Whatta Country.
Andrew Festa is a senior
majoring in the Creative Writing
Option of English, and is a
photographer and columnist for
The Collegian. His column
appears every now and then in
The Collegian.
various legal parties looked on
intently, a state-appointed snake
guardian removed Even from a
sack and placed him into the toi
let bowl. A hushed and dramatic
silence fell over the courtroom,
and then, suddenly, Professor
Prendergast leaped to his feet and
shouted: “I DID IT! I
MURDERED CLARISSA
WITH THE WEED WHACKER
AND I’M GLAD!! “
No, unfortunately nothing that
conclusive occurred. Even stayed
in the toilet for a moment, then
slithered back out toward his
sack. The experiment was re
peated twice, with the same re
sults. The article does not state
whether Even was under oath.
(“Please raise your, um,
your...”)
But apparently the demonstra
tion was effective, because the
judge found the defendant not
guilty. This is yet another ex
ample of bleeding-heart-liberal
judges freeing hardened criminals
armed with 1.25-meter snakes to
assault the plumbing of law-abid
ing society, knowing full well
that the police in most cities are
legally restricted to a snake cal
iber of no greater than .75. Is
there something you can do? You
bet there is. You can stay out of
the bathroom.