Thursday, November 14, 1991
" Fie
by Andrew Festa
"I'd like to go to college,
but I don't know what I'd
like to study."
"What do ya enjoy most?"
"Well, I love to write."
"No. I meen, what do ya
like of the proffesions?"
"What's wrong with
writing?"
"It's ok, as a tool, like a
pencil, but you can't go
nowhere without a reel job."
"But, I thought writing
was a profession."
"No, it's not. Writing is
for people who can't do
nothing else with there lives
or for them that wants to take
the easy rode thru school."
"I think I'll talk to an
English professor."
"Don't do that!"
"Why not?"
"You mite wake some
body."
I've been told, "writing is
nice, but you'll never make a
living at it," to which I say,
"oh ye of little imagination
and of less faith, open your
eyes." Some English teachers
here have said, "writers arc
limited in what they can do
and they don't make much
money," to which I say, "oh
ye of little faith and of less
imagination, open your
minds."
Fie on you, nay-sayers
One-man truth squad versus David Duke
by Mike Royko
If Bob McLane scared easily,
he would have backed off after
two men ominously snapped a
picture of his daughter as she got
off a school bus. Or when a Jeep
drove on his lawn at night and
dumped litter. Or when the phone
rang at 2 a.m. and the voice asked
if he knew how much damage a
stick of dynamite could cause. Or
the 10 times he's had death
threats.
But McLane, 46, a Marine in
Vietnam, doesn't scare. So he's
pushing along with an
organization he formed called
Dukebusters.
It's aimed at David Duke, the
ex-Nazi and ex-Klansman who is
trying to con the voters of
Louisiana into electing him
governor.
During the past few years,
McLane, who lives in Bossier
City, La., and sells real estate,
has become something of an
expert on Duke's background and
thought processes, if they can be
called that.
He puts out material on Duke
that is both disturbing and funny.
There's a quiz. Ten quotations.
You are asked to identify which
five came from Duke and which
five were Hitler's words. It isn't
easy to tell the difference. The
on you, nay-sayers"
Why spcakcth thou so
damningly of so worthy a
profession? "Profession: A
vocation or occupation
requiring advanced education
and training, and involving
intellectual skills." (Webster)
I hadn't realized how far
reaching a writing degree
could be until a
communication teacher
brought in a guest speaker
from Saint Vincent's
Hospital. Shc told the class
that her department
considered hiring writers
before communicators.
Granted, both are
communicators, "but," she
said, ."more companies are
realizing the value of writers
because they (companies) are
tired of communicators who
can't spell or put together a
proper sentence."
Perhaps those in the
English department who truly
care about the writing
profcssion, and I'd like to
believe there are many, might
want to consider a task force
comprised of students and
teachers. With such a task
force, ideas could be
generated to help build the
English department into
something of much greater
importance. •
Of course, this 'team
effort' presupposes teachers
believe in students and
scoring chart says, "0 to 6
correct: average confused
Louisiana voter."
McLane also gives out before
and after photos of Duke. Before
he had his face lift: baggy eyes,
crooked beak, a sneaky, rodent
like look. After the face lift: the
clean features of the modern TV
candidate. And the question above
the photos: "Aryan or not? Only
his plastic surgeon knows for
sure."
"And last spring," McLane
recalls with a chuckle, "he said he
wanted drug testing for people on
welfare, I had a press conference
and invited everyone to send
Duke their urine once a month.
Some did. He hasn't forgiven me
about that."
McLane's loathing for Duke is
both personal and civic.
The personal side: As a
Marine, he has contempt for
Duke's claim to have been a CIA
operative in Laos. "He was a draft
dodger. So he comes up with this
hokey story about being some
kind of CIA guy, and nobody in
the world can say it's true or isn't
because the CIA never confirms
or denies that kind of
information. But the fact is, he
ducked the war."
The civic side: "I love
Louisiana, but I'm hurting for
this state. I'm embarrassed. I
The Collegian
students are willing to work
with teachers.
I've heard the rumor for
years that University Park
doesn't want to allow the
English department at
Behrend to grow beyond its
present scope. If this is true,
then those people responsible
are dotards -- see Webster --
and they are cheating students
and shortchanging Bchrend.
If, on the other hand, the fault
lies (that's lies, not lays) at
the feet of Behrend faculty,
those people lay (not lie) the
field of English at the foot of
stupid!ty and should be hung
by sensitive pans.
Why are we, in 400 level
classes, still being required to
memorize for tests (upon
which a great part of our
grades depend) rather than
think of Duke as the AIDS virus
of politics. But so many people
here have tunnel vision and arc
poorly educated. Dropouts who
never took history. They don't
know what his being a Nazi
means. My uncle was fighting
Nazis on D-Day. How could I
look him in the face if I didn't try
to stop this guy?
"But now it's respectable to be
a Dukeoid. They can say it out
loud. They're proud of it. This
plastic man, the ultimate in
packaging, and it's working.
That's what scares me, not the
threats from his people. They're
cowards like him.
"And I'm depressed as hell
about it because he can win. He's
analyzing, comprehending,
and understanding?
Why is there still a
discrepancy between 400
level classes in which
students are asked to
memorize lengthy texts of
authors' works while, in
others, students arc asked to
write a reading response (a
much more intelligent
approach)?
Different teachers do use
different methods. That's not
unrealistic. Memorization,
however, in an upper level
English class should be
outlawed or, at the least,
shackled to its antiquated
ideologies and otherwise
dispensed with, post haste.
Writing is a field, sub
divided into two main groups:
literary and creative writing
options. By virtue of the
existence of these two
options, one should be safely
able to assume there's an
innate value to the art of
writing. Writing, then, is not
simply a tool for use in other
fields. Rather, it is both a tool
for use in other fields and a
field within itself. The tool,
and the field, however, arc
often abused.
Think of the tools within
one's toolbox. Now, imagine
needing to hammer a nail into
a piece of wood and, not
finding a hammer, deciding to
a fraud, but you win or lose
elections on TV, and on TV he
comes across as Mr. Wonderful."
McLane is right, of course.
Duke knows how to use the tube,
whether he is cooly calling the
cerebral Michael Kinsley "a
worm," or chatting with the
always-cordial Larry King. It is
not considered good form for a
TV interviewer to say: "Duke,
you are really a scummy guy."
"It's like he's got momentum.
It's all coming together for him,
and people don't care. I wish the
TV stations would do nothing
but play World War II movies
every night until the election
until some of his young
supporters figure out what a Nazi
is, because they sure didn't learn
in school. My 8-year-old daughter
knows more about Nazis than
they do; I've made sure of that."
Despite his personal efforts,
McLane is convinced that Duke
will not only be elected governor
of Louisiana, but has a mad plan
to run for president some day.
And that prospect does frighten
him.
That's where he and I differ. I
think Duke's candidacy and
ambitions arc good for the
country. There's been enough talk
about being a kinder and gentler
nation, 1,000 points of light and
all that kissy-face nonsense.
Page 5
use a pair of pliers. So what
if the nail bends, the wood
chips, or the pliers break. The
job is done, no?
Having seen the works of
people, including seniors, in
other fields, I'm more than
shocked at the number of
pliers being used. (Kinda
makes one feel sorry for the
nail.) English majors aren't
faultless either but they, one
can only hope, see the value
of writing. If not, why not?
It is, I feel, the English
department's duty and
obligation to work toward
building a better image for the
profession of writing. If it
can't presently be done,
perhaps new plans should be
drawn, or new faces should
be shown?
The English department
needs no insipid insincerity
nor jackal-like inefficacy.
May the good of you who
read this understand my
intent, and ignore the nay-I
sayers' wrath, lest it (wrath)
lie (not lay) at your feet.
Andrew Festa is a ninth
semester English major. His
column appears every other
week in The Collegian.
Those 1,000 points of light arc
beady eyes, glaring with hate,
envy and resentment.
And all that hatred can't be
measured by pollsters or the
Census Bureau. When they take
the census, they don't ask:
"Which of the following groups
do you think should be marched
into gas chambers:..."
But Duke could provide us
with this valuable information.
Sort of a national hate-thy
neighbor referendum.
It's kind of like the second
"Ghostbusters" movie, when all
the rage and anger in New York
turned into a river of throbbing
glop beneath the city that gave
energy and power to the evil dead
King Vigos.
Maybe somebody should
check the sewers in Louisiana to
sec what's flowing down there. If
need be, Bill Murray could he
brought in to give Duke a squirt
of good slime.
Mike Royko is a Chicago
based, nationally syndicated
columnist. //is column appears
weekly in The Collegian.