Thursday, October 17, 1991
Storm clouds on the horizon
by Andrew Feabi
t,o,oTom
ados
ire
sky-barn
Longues O f destruption• They
nnelr out of ;now here, mike
earelssly with blihdin°nten,v'and lettbeeknt
the sky like .nip : fter
takingsone meat o , ' the
bones*
Late last week, some
friends and I were talking
about those tongues at a
coffee gathering. We were
swapping stories but what
we knew of tornados and
what they had done to people
we knew.
were
f the stories
None - '• ihwittes ate
- but the sim every
unique' sting. In
ther intere &leafless
ra dna, the su
r.
recutlee itt l l s l .p as eve
and the inter* yet
no', 48144 D i ris
all
whelml=l". and not at
frightening; i. fig h absently
to -- i— tit
somethit4
.4. time to
.
at. ,' t om pinallY
;Imo home
i deckled t o mod . to rn*
Wit`t of
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ittY
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Judge, how about a straight answer?
by Mike Royko
"Judge Thomas, a former
assistant has said that you
subjected her to sexual
harassment. Would you please
respond to these allegations."
"Senator, I recall my
grandfather once saying to me,
'Clarence:--you see he always
called me Clarence, since that
was my name--he said, 'Clarence,
why did you pull that girl's
pigtails?'"
"Excuse me, Judge, but I'm
not sure I understand what you're
talking about."
"I was talking about my
grandfather, a poor but proud
man, of little formal education
but great wisdom and insight into
the human condition."
"Yes, we are aware of that,
Judge Thomas, and we have all
repeatedly expressed our deepest
admiration for your grandfather,
but we are asking about
allegations of sexual harassment.
This woman says that you make
overtures to her and talked about
dirty movies in graphic detail. I
don't know what your grandfather
has to do with that."
"Senator, 'my grandfather
wouldhgve* . /aal nothing to do
ith - aang lika that, and I
rogreCthat'ygn :would gut rot
that he trallikne staal,poor hut
titutandingtmacof , she him
• • f
not n
intore.ndi n
nt w-1
that Hey . anything
cm I tatZlielArlitallY. of
again:-urse say?" t did
flasher rid
mT
noon. iirr _ere vof
thouw 'en,.Vidt was
distance stogt 1 gracar 'Pa as
Parka -
n the
istaoce. some thalistened, at
where ► ble 0 ' I
f
I was
the a •
the rabbit little
who Unlike when Sti‘.lnoed,
bette recove-like t first like
r pia fs arsithe sees
cos tab
,rust sat Y(ln bolts. bit
an t caii
ftt bedl or
re oxyntiransfi -r me was
aed now), I
pePulse. ma eau I
of
thjirirsa, The I was ghr
X "I a u:
s l
t gi 4)4
1 .
nP 1 *"h
lld - b n Yn .
about
I understood their point,
we do need to talk about it,
Ina I stilldengthr it was just
little ,bold , - 11 )*
slog unit talk shout sex"
while someone th the
te#l . lrourd Ssid t "He won't
moral values." must be traveled before the spring explanation, Judge Thomas?"
"I'm sure he was, Judge rains turn it to mud and ruin the "I told him that while walking
Thomas, and I meant no offense, boots and the straps you are behind this girl, on that bumpy,
but I'm somewhat confused as to trying to pull yourself up with." dusty, rural road, I saw two bees
why you began talking to us "Judge Thomas, I'm sure that settle on her pigtails, and I was
about him and and some girl's every senator would, if he could, alarmed because I feared that they
pigtails." pave your grandfather's road. But might sting her, and because in
"Senator, as I said, a girl who could you return to the issue at our proud but poor and humble
lived nearby in our wretchedly hand, the allegations of sexual community we could not afford
impoverished community made the luxury of allergy tests, there
allegations to her mother that I was no way of knowing whether
had pulled her pigtails. These she might suffer a severe reaction
allegations were relayed to my to their venom. And knowing
grandmother, a woman of great that we were denied adequate
dignity ; despite our lack of social medical facilities, I realized
standing and financial immediate action was necessary.
wherewithali. And she in turn felt As my grandfather always said,
obligated to relate them to my do good fast and do wrong last.
grandfather, who confronted me So I ran up behind her and pulled
with them, but not in an her pigtails to dislodge the bees.
accusatory manner, since he And that is what I told my
believed, as do I, that everyone is grandfather, who listened with the
innocent until proven guilty, solemn judicial bearing that he
even a young, poor minority lad, was known for, despite his lack
trying to pull himself up by the of formal education."
frayed straps of his boots, as I "I see. Actually, I don't see,
was in those early days of my Judge Thomas. What does this
legendary and inspirational life." have to do with the allegations
"Judge Thomas, we are halustnemt?" made by your former aide?"
simply trying to get a truthful "Senator, that is what I was "That is what I was getting
answer from you." doing. After the girl told her to, Senator. After I told my
"Senator, my grandfather often mother, and her mother told my story, my grandfather thought for
that the truth is sometimes grandmother, who told my a while, rubbed his chin, and
at the far end of,tilang and fpoodfattli& who ftravelY hilt finally said; Two bees or not two
4111011 11 road, filled aileaban., WY ,f±tM.Lnaltati, . ale : 1 2 ...21 ,,
~.04 . 1 hog a. that is th e queation.'"
,•. , .. and twigs rifik*The . ''.7 lt r imi l it Zleini"llla °WS WSW , , .e. - ne .said .: ~,
; toads hi tattipoCand Any abOlku p01iti1... , ,, 1 wo lideli-or notAiwii.bies,
. ,
. , cod community Art" * I.but , Piisl4:l:l 4 ' .l fic;',' ,4, '`. th equesion? -..
this Wog. looleSoole iwatt "A r ol* , oviiitr war- YOur. 3 ,. 2 •V'. 4iv irat I -thought you'
1. 7. '•" ' -.L'w . • A`• = ' 4
The Collegian
promotion for one of those
900 services; you know the
type: a scantily clad
seductress from a Benny Hill
fantasy coos at the monitor,
runs her finger across her
much too red lips, and
HOTLY invites you to "call
me for some", a long, soft,
inhaled sigh, uphone-sex,"
Are men actually that
desocrate? Are womcn
40;4011y...that. shallow?
Somewhere - the
1000 . ber
num
4*44;isti4iii'llita , lingo *Eat your
Sodom and
. .
mind< that there are a growing
number of female produced
B-rated flicks in which
women are weak, scared,
wearing just less than enough
material to dam a sock with,
and continually screaming for
"help...ocioohhh, helpi"
OK, I can dig feminists'
anger, though not their
devices or tactics, but I've
heard next to nothing from
those same Gloria Stehle&
sound-alikes about the trashy
displays of their own gender.
Television, with its mass
appeal, abuse of morals,
distortion of moral standards,
demand for sex scenes where
love is on permanent
vacation, need for violence
and an obvious corruption of
society and social attitudes is
a storm unlike any Weee ever
Seen Wm. When It
-striven in full Areng
have more torus Mai can
be sueeessfullY do dged. (bop *milk* Aloud"'
Isom !IMP** led th,oler
lick us no= to WitiOrtio
storms are beginning to
gather around the capitol and
may spread to engulf the
entire nation. We now return
you to your regularly
scheduled program, still in
progress."
"Let me see if I have this
right, Mr. Thomas. You did
nothing wrong?"
"...this is a high tech
lynching..."
Of course it is, but who is
doing the lynching, Mr.
Thomas? Is it the white idiots
vying for that famous fifteen
minutes of air time, or is it the
women throwing inuendos at
your face in a verbal stoning?
That'll teach you, Mr.
Thomas, to be an uppity
black male in a society where
women coo enticingly on
television while others stab
men in the back nearly ten
years after the fact
Watch out, PeoPle , there's
a bad moon rising and the
amn has only just heitart.
1 esia it a ninth
semester Englitit.nu*Pr Affii
MINEINIIIMMIII
said he said."
"Yes, and I was amazed that
this simple man could
unwittingly duplicate, except for
the plural usage of 'bee,' the
words of William Shakespeare,
the greatest writer in the history
of Western civilization, a culture,
incidentally, to which I owe
unswerving loyalty. Two bees or
not two bees, I shall never forget
those words. It was then that I
realized that if my humble and
unlettered grandfather could say
something like that, there were
no limits to what I might
accomplish if I applied myself
and was diligent in doing the
homework assigned to me by the
wonderful nuns."
"Judge Thomas, that is a
fascinating story, although I'm
not sure I understand it, but could
you possibly answer our
questions?"
"Yes, Senator. My grandfather
exonerated me of all charges. I
shall never forget his words. He
said: 'Hell hath no fury like a l'il
gal whose pigtails were pulled.T
"Judge Thomas. I give up."
"I thought you might."
Mike Royko 4,4 Chicago
based. nation(adicated
4 ' col'af . His appears
weekly
• Itr
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