Thursday, September 26, 1991
Affection is not talways
by Jennifer Flanagan
Reading the letter from
Tom Strunk that appeared in
The Collegian two weeks ago
and hearing the responses to
that letter illustrated to me
how very misinformed many
people on this campus are
regarding the issue of rape.
I talked to quite a few of
my male friends on campus
who didn't see the harm in the
letter. They told me I was
missing the point. I can
appreciate his point that rape
"is a human problem." But I
can't appreciate Tom's other
messages.
The fact that so many other
students express the same
inaccurate beliefs frightens
me. The victimization of
women will not cease until
people stop perpetuating the
myths surrounding the crime
of rape. Danette Parrett, in her
response to Tom's letter, was
right on target.
Unfortunately, people like
Danette seem to be in the
minority on this campus.
Rape education is sorely
needed on college campuses
around the nation and I
commend the adminismition
on the decision to show films
concerning date rape.
I'm truly sorry if a man
feels patronized by the
statement "when a woman
sayS no. she means no." But
when these same men claim
Nicknames can be a bit tricky, Comrade
by Mike Royko
With all their other problems,
now Soviets do not know what
to call each other.
They have referred to each
other as "comrade" since the 1917
Revolution. Comrade had a
friendly, common ring to it, even
when Comrade Stalin was having
millions of his fellow comrades
killed or executed.
But now that they have
dumped communism, comrade is
out. The problem is that after all
those years, habits are hard to
break and they don't have new
words to replace the old.
Obviously, they could use
Mr., Mrs., Miss or Ms., but that
is so formal. They would
become like the English and have
to take laxatives. And in the free,
open society they hope to build,
there should be variety and
informality.
And that is where we could
help. There isn't another country
in the world where people have as
many terms for each other.
Just off the top of my head, I
can think of a couple of dozen
ways I've been addressed at
different phases of my life, and in
varying social circumstances.
Take "bud" or "buddy."
There's the traditional, "Hey,
buddy, can you spare a fella' a
few coins?"
they don't know what
attempted rape is, it's hard
not to think that perhaps
they've missed the point. I
don't think a legal definition
of attempted rape is
necessary.' Try this approach
instead: next time you're with
a woman and you think she
wants to have sex, ask her.
And if she says no, she
means no.
I'd like to give some
statistics on campus rape that
might astound even Tom
Strunk. All statistics are from
the September/October 1990
issue of Ms. magazine. The
surveys were taken from a
sampling of college students
around the country.
Fifty-cite percent of the
college men asked said they
would rape a woman if they
were certain they could get
away with it. Fifteen percent
of college men admitted they
already had committed rape or
attempted rape. Twenty-five
percent of college women
said they have experienced
rape or attempted rape. Of
these, eighty-four percent
said they knew their
assailants.
Are you astounded? I am.
Every time I hear those
figures, I am appalled. And
people wonder why date rap
films say things like "when a
woman says no, she means
no."
In his letter, To
But Southerners use "buddy"
better than anyone else. You can
be a "good buddy" only five
minutes after meeting someone
in the South. And ten minutes
later, you graduate to being a "ol'
buddy." And if you are short, you
might be labelled "biddy-buddy."
A Southern introduction can
go like this: "Hey, ol' buddy, I
want you to meet my good
buddy. Good buddy, shake hands
with my biddy-buddy."
When young, you might be
"kid" or "lad" or "sonny" or
"junior." Then you move on to
"young fella" or "lad." Then it
becomes "dad" or "daddy-O" or
"pops."
Finally, you reach the point
when some kid or lad or young
fella calls you "grumps," which
is why you should carry a heavy
cane to thump his head for the
impertinence.
"Bub" used to be popular. I
liked "bub," but you don't hear it
much anymore, unless you wear
bib overalls and hang out with
Indiana's jet set.
I once had a boss who called
everybody "chum." I thought he
was being friendly. But it turned
out that he could not remember
names so he called everyone
"chum." Even his own kids.
They didn't know what their
names were until they started
school.
The Collegian
expressed one of the most
widely held myths concerning
rape, which is, and I quote,
"a woman should be educated
on ways to protect herself
from rape. For instance, this
one unfortunate girl in the
movie was raped after letting
the rapist kiss and touch her."
Since when is that an
invitation to rape? If a man is
congenial toward a friend and
that friend robs him, was the
man asking to be robbed
because he was nice to the
guy? Of course not. So why
Jennifer
Flanagan
can't a woman show affection
toward a romantic interest
without being raped?
It doesn't matter how
flirtatious a woman is, it
doesn't matter how tight her
clothes are, it doesn't matter
how drunk she is; I don't care
if a woman is naked and
passed out on the floor, that
is no excuse to violate her
body. I agree that women
need to he aware and need to
protect themselves. him
harmful situations. But if a
woman does end up in a
dangerous situation. that
ikxun't give a man the right
"Pal" is useful for that , too.
Whenever I run into someone
whose name I don't recall, I give
him a slap on the shoulder and
say, "How ya doin' , pal?" That
usually works, but sometimes it
isn't appropriate, such as the time
a guy responded: "I am not your
pal. I haven't been your pal since
you wrote a column saying that I
Mike Royko
was one of the biggest thieves in
City Hall and should be in jail."
So it is worth the effort to
remember names.
I gather from recent movies in
which young people shoot each
other like grouse, "bro" or
"blood" or "homeboy" are
popular in some circles. But I'm
not sure how well they would
an invitation
to say she was asking for ii.
Listening to certain
students on this campus,
you'd think showing that
movie was a violation of their
rights and an aggressive
attack on their maleness. It
wasn't - not even close.
I find it quite humdrous
that such an approach -
showing a film on campus
rape - is considered to be
'leftist.' Do you want to hear
about an outspoken attack on
males?
In September of last year,
at Brown University, female
students wrote the names of
men to avoid, men who raped
and assaulted, on restroom
walls. They held massive
demonstrations; they made
posters featuring
inappropriate or offensive
responses made by
administration to survivors of
sexual assault.
At Duke University last
March, women tagged men
they found walking alone at
night with bright orange
stickers that read "gotcha,"
and then gave them
information packets about
rape and sexual assault.
.And even those are not
'leftist' tactics. Showing a
movie is simply a humble
beginning to a desperately
needed consciousness raising
program on campus- rape. I
think the administration
should also hand out a
translate into Russian
If they ever develop an
economy, the Russians will
begin owning cars. And when
that happens, they will learn to
jump stop signs, cut each other
off, tailgate, creep-block
intersections, swing left before
turning right, and all the other
things that raise the blood
pressure of their fellow man.
So they will need words for
that, too. The most popular can
not be printed here. Or even used
with dashes. It refers to part of
one's backside.
But high on the motorists' list
of informal greetings is "----
head." (If used with dashes, I
believe that is permitted in a
newspaper, so long as you
remember to put the dashes in the
right place.)
A woman who teaches a pre
school class, made up of children
who are driven to school by their
mothers, says that even the least
verbal of the tots knows "----
head" after only three or four trips
to school. And those whose
mothers often drive in heavy
traffic have usually picked up
several words I cannot use with
dashes.
And speaking of mothers., that
is a wonderful, ancient word that
has taken on a wide range of
modern meanings and uses. In its
most elaborate variation, it is
Page 5
pamphlet to all incoming
freshmen and transfer
students which contains Penn
State's sexual assault policy
and a clear procedure for
filing formal complaints. I
personally have been
approached by four women
on campus who have been
sexually assaulted by fellow
students and who had no idea
what to do.
I think there should be a
mandatory disciplinary board
appearance for all alleged
perpetrators and the victims
should be guaranteed
anonymity outside the
hearings. No one but the
woman herself has the right
to decide whether her courage
in prosecuting her assailant
should be public or private.
In this country alone, a
rape is committed every six
minutes. At that rate, one
woman in four will be
sexually assaulted in her
lifetime. With those kind of
odds, I have no objection
whatsoever to any method of
rape education.
My sympathies to you,
Tom, and to any other man
who felt as if their pride had
been hurt. Better your pride
than my txxly.
Jennifer Flanagan is a sixth
semester English major. Her
column appears every other
week in The Collegian,
disgusting and those who use it
should have their tongues torn
out. But now otherwise decent
people are heard to say: "I cannot
figure out the instruction manual
for this mother," or "I must have
hit that mother 250 yards."
But I do not think we should
try to teach the Russians that
until they have mastered the
proper use of "----head."
You may have noticed that I
have not used any terms for
female persons. That is because I
can't think of any that are
acceptable. There was a time
when one might call a female
person "doll," "sweetie," "babe,"
"cutie," "honey," "gal," "darlin',"
or one of my all time favorites,
"sweetpatootie."
But if you use any of these
words now, the female person
will become furious. And if you
react to her anger by saying:
"Hey, li'l gal, did anyone ever tell
you that you're beautiful when
you're mad?" as John Wayne said
in about 25 movies, you could be
dragged before the National Board
of Insensitivity Inquiry and ruined
forever.
Or even worse, she will call
you a "--head."
Mike Royko is a Chicago
based, nationally syndicated
columnist. His column appears
weekly in The Collegian.