Thursday, September 19, 1991
by Andrew Festa
"The tragedy of life
doesn't lie in not having
reached your goals, the
tragedy lies in having no
goals to reach." Black
Educator Benjamin Mays
wrote those words.
Uh oh. I said the word
black. In a Politically Correct
society, that's a no-no. He's
not even a colored person;
he's a person of color.
Now wait a minute. The
label 'person of color' can be
applied to any member of the
human race. Since black and
white are both colors, all
people are 'persons of color.'
Following that logic, then,
the term 'person of color' is a
misnomer.
'Black' and 'white', too,
are misused labels. I've never
heard of a black' person, nor
do I think of myself as white.
Paper can be white, but
not a person (unless freshly
dip op p sW in a sp each ecial solution of
pele)
True, there was and still is
a problem of prejudice. Now
that we're aware of the
problem, however, we need
tO chill out cm the accusation
41 0 3 440110 thCf twang
OK, Judge, cut out the grandfather clause
by Mike Royko
"Judge Thomas, in a speech
you delivered in 1987, you said,
and I quote: '1 believe it is the
responsibility of every decent
person to wear clean underwear,
so that in the event of an
accident, you will not be
embarrassed in front of the nurses
in the emergency mom.' Is that
quotation accurate?"
"Yes, senator, it is."
"Now, you went on to say
that if a person does not have an
automatic washer and dryer, that
person should wash his or her
underwear by hand. And if that
person does not have hot water,
he or she should make do with
cold water. Is that accurate?"
"Yes, senator, I believe it is."
"Do I take it, then, that you
believe every individual,
regardless of their means, is
responsible for their own
underwear?"
"Let me put it this way,
senator. When I was a poor child,
one day my grandfather saw me
slipping my tattered trousers over
yesterday's underwear, and my
grandfather told me ..."
"Judge Thomas, are we going
to have to sit through still
another one of your grandfather
stories? Vm starting to
hallucinate that your grandfather
has been nominated for the
Supreme Court."
"I appreciate that, senator, but
Have a
process thing.
Political Correctness, with
its underlying sincerity, has
only made matters worse.
Using PC on prejudice is akin
to using masking tape to fix a
hot air balloon; aside from
looking ugly, few would trust
it enough to ride. Thus, we
fall far short of the long term
correction goal. Uh, excuse
me - the goal of correction.
We first need to become
aware of a problem before we
can make the necessary
changes. So OK already,
we're aware, having been
kicked in the proverbial
testicles by PC protagonists.
What we need now is to
address prejudice with care.
conviction, courage, and
clarity of pwpose.
In some of my past
columns for The Collegian,
I've done some kicking of my
own, hoping to focus
attention on the dilenuna of
preC.
gh it might be hard to
believe, the University is
open to s uggestions. . They
realize pte t p4ce won't just go
away. (Wouldn't it be nice if
students offered some
sugige °llB7)-•
om. yds and guys,
.( r
I was taught as a poor child that.,
the cleanliness of one's underwear
was a measure of one's character."
"I think we would all agree on
that, and you are to be much
admired for your high
mindedness, as well as the
cleanliness of your underwear.
And I want to take this moment
to compliment you on the
members of your fine family, all
of whom I would assume have
clean underwear. But I have to
ask you: Do you believe that
having clean underwear is part of
natural law?"
"Senator, I don't believe that I
have ever said clam underwear is
part of natural law."
"Ali, then you don't believe it
is part of natural law."
"Senator, I have never said
that, either."
"Then what is your position?
Is clean underwear part of natural
law or isn't it?"
"I don't believe it would be
appropriate for me to give an
opinion on that."
"Why not? You seemed to be
emphatic in your views on clean
underwear when you made that
speech."
"At that time, I was a member
of the executive branch. I am
now a member of the judicial
branch, and I believe I should
approach the issue of clean
underwear with an open mind."
"Then you will not tell us
how you feel about the decision,
The Collegian
colorless da y
you're educated people, and
this may well become your
Alma Mater.
What about having a non
alcoholic party where the
people who attend brainstorm
for ways to help 'Ole Penn
State?' (What? No Booze?)
Ok. Scratch that.
How about a policy that
asks everyone to drop an idea
or two in a box at the door on
the way into the party? Those
ideas could then be sent to the
person or department most
Andrew
Festa
willing and able to help.
Perhaps one of those ideas,
with the University's
cooperation, would be
something students could do
themselves.
Penn State is actually a
fine system. It, like any large
institution, has flaws but, the
people who run it have their
Ml. In come cases,
they have their hands tied.
Students have a lot more
power at their fingertips than
they maize. They can bring
.about far-melting changes
Nurse Jones vs. Grungy Joe,
which dealt with the issue of
dirty underwear in emergency
rooms?"
"Senator, as my grandfather
once said about speaking without
all the facts ..."
Mike
Royko
"Judge Thomas, I absolutely
refuse to listen to one more of
your grandfather stories. I would
like to know this: What if a
because of their numbers
(over 50,000). Most don't
even realize how strong their
united voices can actually be.
We needn't get radical, unless
we feel an overwhelming
need to join the PC hit squad.
For the four or five years
we're here, Penn State is our
family. Wouldn't you help
your family if you could?
We are all students of color
and, while we deserve the
best, it isn't always
forthcoming. One reason for
that is the system itself.
Another reason is that we
tend to expect too much.
We need to pull together as
a team for the good of the
family, and further, for the
good of humanity. (If that
concept is new to you, please
ask a communication or
marketing professor about the
Demming principle.)
My main intention for
ragging on the inadequacies
of Penn State is two fold:
first, I had hoped to inspire
students to search actively for
solutions; second, I figured
the University, being the
'giant of ego' that it is, would
react by implementing its own
plan of corrections without
reaching into the PC Zone.
person has no washer and dryer, "Well, as my grandfather said,
no hot water and the cold water 'Better to be free and wash your
pipe is frozen. How do you own socks with a hole in the big
propose that this person obtain a toe than to walk in a rich man's
clean change of underwear?" Gucci shoes.'"
"Senator, that is a "Judge, I haven't the faintest
hypothetical case. But if that idea what that means."
person had a stove and a pot and "I don't either, senator. My
could borrow some water from a grandfather wasn't real good at old
neighbor, he or she would have sayings."
the means of heating water and "Judge Thomas, with all
washing the underwear." respect, even Judge Bork was
"True, judge, but what if that willing to share with us his
person didn't have such means?" personal philosophy on the
"Senator, is there a
hypothetical Laundromat near
this hypothetical person?"
"This hypothetical person
can't afford a Laundromat. So
would you not agree that in some
cases society should provide the
means for this person to obtain a
clean change of underwear?"
"Senator, that is a matter for "Judge, not one more word
about your grandfather or I will
the legislative branch to decide.
As a member of the judicial flip out."
branch, I can only try to "I can aPPreelate that senator.
determine if providing free clean As a matter of fact, my old
underwear is within the grandmother used to always tell
framework of the Constitution." my grandfather ..."
"I understand that, judge, but I
want to know what your personal
philosophy is. If I may quote
from that same speech, you later
said: 1 do not want to see free
clean underwear become a way of
life. A person who is accustomed
to receiving free clean underwear
will, in time, grow to expect free
clean socks.' Is that your
philosophy?"
Though I could be wrong,
neither expectation has come
to pass, yet. The rhetoric
coming from the University
does sound promising,
though I do tend to wonder
about intent. Oh well. One
can't have it all.
Everyday we experience
millions of minor events
which clump together into
larger events. We, being the
subjects and manipulators of
those events, have a duty to
our 'family' and society. We
can choose to act on those
events in a positive way,
minimizing the negative
impacts, or 'let someone else
do it.'
In the words of Tennyson,
"Failure is an event, never a
person." Failure, however, is
almost a certainty unless the
people are willing to pull
together for the common
good.
Remember, we're all in
this together.
Have a colorless day, you
people of color.
Andrew Festa is a ninth
semester English major. His
column appears every other
week kite Collegian.
question of clean underwear for
those who have a need."
"Yes, senator, but look what
happened to Judge Bork. Besides,
Judge Bork's old grandfather
might have had a different
opinion on this issue than my
old grandfather, who always said
"
"We stand recessed."
Mike Royko is a Chicago
based, nationally syndicated
columnist. His column appears
weekly in The Collegian.
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