Thursday, November 8, 1990
Dear Louanne:
This week Louanne
discusses relationship
problems and
confidentiality
concerns
The Collegian Advice Column
Dr. Louanne Barton
Personal Counselor
MTVP,M li rli
I've got this problem. My girlfriend--all she does is
study. She doesn't have time for us anymore. She says
she loves me and wants us to spend the rest of our lives
together, but we're actually not spending any of our life
together now. To top it all off, she used to do our
laundry, and I'm running out of clean clothes.
Dear Neglected,
That's down right abusive! To think you might even
have to wear dirty underwear!
It sounds like your girlfriend's priorities are pretty
clear. She values academic achievement over your
relationship. That could translate into career over
relationship after graduation. Have you suggested
compromises, like one night a week away from the
books? How 'bout studying together and taking 5 or 10
minute breaks every hour. Do you share meals together?
Good relationships do require good time together.
A final word or caution, however-- Heaven forbid
you should offer to do the laundry!
Bush has Hussein in a class by himself
by Mae Royko
•President Bush has now
declared that in some ways, such
as using hostages as shields,
Saddam Hussein is even more
brutal and barbaric than Adolf
Hilter.
This has surprised historians,
Europeans and World War II
veterans. But as Bush said:
"Brutality--I don't think that
Adolf Hiker ever participated in
anything of that nature."
And he said even more. But
because there was a power failure
during his news conference, the
TV cameras and microphones
were unable to record it.
Fortunately, unreliable sources
have provided me with what may
or may not be an accurate
transcript.
"Mr. President, looking back
in history, how would you rate
Hussein compared to Attila the
Hun?"
"No comparison. Attila the
Hun was a bully and his fellow
Huns attacked weak neighbors,
and they did a lot of that looting
and pillaging thing. But Attila
never once used American
hostages as shields. He was never
that brutal. Check it out."
Neglected
"But there were no Americans,
as we know them, in the sth
Century."
"You may be right. And it's
lucky for Attila that there weren't
any, because we wouldn't have
stood by and let him get away
with that naked aggression
thing."
"Mr. President, would you say
that Hussein is worse than
Godzilla?"
"Absolutely. Keep in mind
that, yes, Godzilla was sort of a
brutal kind of lizard in his early
days. Most lizards that size
usually are, you know. Lot of
damage to Tokyo real estate.
Scared people. Tenor thing. But I
believe that later he changed his
ways and, if my memory is
correct, he became a force for
good. I think that if you ask the
Japanese, they'll tell you that
there were worse monsters than
Godzilla."
"How would you rank Hussein
with Jack the Ripper? Worse?"
"Much worse. Jack the Ripper
killed London prostitutes. Not
that I condone killing London
prostitutes. It's wrong. I don't
believe in killing anyone--the
murder thing. That's why I'm in
favor of the death penalty—the
The Collegian
I :-
I realize that in your recent columns you've addressed
the problems of homophobia and alternative lifestyles. I
have somewhat of a different problem. I'm twenty years
old and have a large body of friends around campus. Only
a few know that I'm gay and I don't know of anyone else
at Behrend who is. Sometimes I get so lonely and
depressed it's unbearable. Those few friends that know,
really don't understand my situation.
I don't know what to do. I've considered going to a gay
bar, but I don't know about any in Erie, and I'd probably
get thrown out because I'm underage. I know from your
column that a support group for people of my sexual
orientation is starting at Behrend, but I'm worried about
confidentiality. What if someone saw me there? If anyone
found out about me, my life would be ruined. I don't
know what to do, but I need someone I can associate with
or talk to.
Dear Hidden,
It's true. There are efforts to get a support group started
for gay, lesbian, and bisexual students at Behrend. Such
groups exist on many campuses across the country, but
for some reason it had been slow going getting a group
started here. It is estimated that at least 10% of students on
college campuses have an alternative sexual orientation.
That would translate into as many as 300 students on the
Behrend campus.
I suspect that your fears about confidentiality are shared
by others. If you, and others who are interested will call
the counseling center at 898-6164 and ask for me
personally, I will treat your call with complete
confidentiality. Perhaps an off campus meeting place
could be considered.
Flyers advertising the group will be distributed around
campus. Watch for the pink triangle which has become a
symbol of positive affirmation in the homosexual
community.
Please drop your letters in the campus mail addressed
Louanne Barton
Personal Counseling Office
Reed Bldg., first floor
Penn State-Behrend
deterrent thing."
"Would you say that Hussein
is worse than Lex Luthor, the
greatest criminal mind of his
time?"
Mike Royko
"Lex Luther, bad person, yes.
Tried to damage the California
coastline so he could make a real
estate profit. I can't condone what
Lex Luthor did. But, golly, he
was more involved in the money
thing than the brutality thing."
Stuck in Hiding
"And Vlad the Impaler?"
"Sony, who did you say?"
"Vlad the Impaler. Used to rule
Transylvania in the old days. He
was always shoving stakes
through his subjects. Some
people think he was the original
Count Dracubi."
"Look, I don't condone that
impaling thing. Even a little
sliver in your foot or finger can
sting like the dickens. And if he
did that, he shouldn't have. It's
wrong. W-R-O-N-G. Reasonable
people should be able to disagree
without impaling each other.
That's the American way. But if
this Vlad impaled his subjects, as
you say, it's unfortunate, but
that's an internal matter,
something the Transylvanians
should work out for themselves.
And Barbara and I have always
been against vampires, Dracula
and the rest of that crowd. Don't
like 'em. Nasty."
"What about Don Vito
Corleone? How would you
compare him with Saddam?"
"Brutal. No doubt about it.
And I didn't like what he did to
that horse's head in Hollywood. I
love horses. No excuse for that.
But he didn't use poison gas. And
when he engaged in naked
Page
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aggression --not that I condone it--
it was in defense of his family.
He was a family man, although
Barbara and I didn't approve of the
way he raised his children. Got to
teach them the right values
thing."
"Mr. President.. . . "
"Last question."
"Mr. President, what about
Freddy from Elm Street?"
"That's a difficult question.
Brutality--I don't think that
anyone, Hussein of Hitler or that
Viad fellow you mentioned, has
done that fingernails thing the
way Freddy has. What he does to
those teen-agers--not that I
condone their behavior, either--is
wrong and bad. B-A-D. But I
don't know if you could call it
naked aggression. As bad as it is,
it's something that might be
resolved through the manicure
thing."
" Thank you, Mr. President."
"And don't forget the Wolfman.
Saddam's worse, even without the
full moon thing."
Mike Royko is a Chicago-based
syndicated columnist. His
column appears weekly in The
Collegian.