Thursday, October 25,1990
It's an Erie sort of feeling
Occasionally someone will
tell me how surprised he or she is
that I'd written a column on what
we had been talking about just a
few days prior. But of course that
just makes sense. What I think
and talk about is often -- at least
when I get the chance -- what I
write about.
Well, just a few days ago I ran
into the middle of a
conversation/debate which
showed me that while undergrads
come and go things at Behrend
pretty much remain the same.
Several people were accosting a
friend of mine, an Erie native,
demanding to know why Erie
wasn't given over to the military
for B-2 target practice. Erie,
according to the group, was a
lifeless, boring, poorly-run, dirty,
out-dated, fundamentally
irrelevant little city from hell.
I joined in and it should be
noted that I fought admirably to
defend the honor of this city, the
city I was born in, the city I have
lived in, and the city I know best.
And while I don't think the group
of people ran screaming from our
encounter to slap "ERlEsistible"
bumper stickers on cars, they did
listen to my argument and did
occasionally grant me a point or
two.
But the subject would have
Nailing it down, White House style
by Mike Royko
We interrupt our regular
programming to go to the White
House for a live broadcast of a
presidential press conference. It is
now in progress.
Mr. President, have you
decided how high a tax increase
for the rich you will accept?
"I will not increase the tax
rate for the rich."
You say will not?
"Not what?"
Increase the tax rate for the
rich.
. "Yes, I will accept an increase
in that rate."
But you just said you
wouldn't.
"When?"
Just now.
"Oh, back then. Well, that
was quite a while ago. Situations
are fluid. Got to keep up with
change."
So you definitely will accept a
higher rate for the rich.
"Of course I won't."
But you said you would.
"No, I said I won't"
But I have it right here in my
notes. You said you won't. Then
you said you would. And now
you say you won't.
"That's right. You see, two
won'ts is more than one will. So
my two won'ts outnumber my
one will. Therefore, the won'ts
win, 2-1."
But how do you think the
died right there if it hadn't been
for a bit of kismet. Friday
afternoon I ventured downtown to
snap some photos for this paper.
Erie has few tall buildings and I
had never seen it from a vantage
point high enough to see all the
pieces that make up the city.
So there I was on the top
floor of the Baldwin Building
hanging out windows on a
blustery fall day. And I'll tell you
what I saw.
First I noticed a jigsaw puzzle
of neighborhoods; each different,
but each adding to the whole.
Each was the result of some
ethnic bonding and each showed
unmistakably that Erie is no
"bedrcxim" community. Erie,
unlike many medium size cities,
doesn't resemble an extended
suburb with globs of ticky tacky
look-alike boxes. The
neighborhoods were built of
hardware houses, each straining
in its uniqueness. Erie is not
prefab.
Next, from another window, I
noticed the bay and Presque Isle. I
have driven, jogged, biked, and
even skated around the peninsula
many times, but seeing it whole
really made me appreciate it.
What I saw was almost unlimited
bay access on one edge, a forest
full of lagoons and trails in the
nation's hard-pressed middle-class
will react to your refusal to
increase the tax rate for the rich.
"Who says I've refused?"
You did.
"When?"
A moment ago.
"Conditions have changed
since then."
Since only a moment ago?
"Fast-paced world. Got to stay
flexible."
Then you are not going to
refuse?
"I didn't say that. I asked you
says I've refused? You're the one
who said I refused. I didn't. Wont
in my mouth. Don't put them
there."
Then you are not going to
refuse?
"Refuse what?"
To raise the tax rates for the
rich.
"I thought we settled that."
No, Mr. President, your
position isn't clear.
"Not clear to who?"
It's not clear to me.
"Are you rich?"
No.
"Then what are you worried
about?"
I'm not worried, Mr.
President, but a great many
taxpayers would like to know
where you stand.
"How many?"
How many what?
"You said a great many
taxpayers want to know where I
The Collegian
middle, and seven miles of free
beach on the other side. An
impressive piece of real estate,
and its all public. That is
something that certainly cannot
be said of anything on the
famous New England coast. In
fact there is precious little
publicly held water access
anywhere.
YEAH
RIGHT
I also saw a city that can be
navigated. There is no grid lock
to survive, no greenish-blue
almost-yellow belt to try to
figure out before the next exit, no
horn blowing, no mass hysteria,
and when you get to where you
are going there is always a place
to park. Erie had no big city
problems.
Most would say that not
being a big city is a problem in
itself, and for some isolated
places that would be true, but
Erie is unique. It is neatly
centered between Pittsburgh,
Cleveland, and Toronto. A few
hours on the highway and you
stand. How many is a great
many?"
I don't know, sir, but I would
assume that it would be a
considerable number.
MIKE ROYKO
"You just said a great many.
Now you are saying a
considerable number. How can I
make a decision based on such
vague data?"
Well, the polls show that
more than 75 percent of those
polled want the rich to pay higher
taxes. So I would assume that
this represents millions of
people.
"In that case, the answer is
that I will."
So we can say that you will
support a tax increase for the
can get anything you want.
World class theatre, big league
ball clubs, the best food, all
within driving distance. It is true
a few hours cannot be taken
lightly. But when you consider
that the average workday
commute in Toronto is almost
two hours I think that a two hour
trip once in a while starts to
sound a bit better than living and
working in the large city.
I have been to Los Angeles,
Miami, and all of the large cities
in this part of the country and
have always had the same
reaction: Nice place to visit but
has anyone seen a tree lately? No
trees, no parking, inflated prices,
people sleeping in doorways, foul
smelling air, and a crowbar
murder almost every day. No, it
is no insult to say that Erie is
not a big city.
No, Erie isn't a metropolis, it
is a small city, and a good one.
Olean, New York and
Youngstown, Ohio are both the
approximate size of Erie, but
neither compares to Erie very
favorably. Olean is twice as
boring. Its main tourist attraction
is a place called Rock City and
the city's attitude can be best
summed up by the phrase "yep."
Youngstown, on the other
hand, is twice as exciting. The
"No, I might."
But you just said you would.
"Yes, but remember, I had
said I wouldn't twice, so now I've
said I will twice. That's two I
wills and two I won'ts. We have
a 2-2 tie. So that means it's a
maybe."
Is that a definite maybe?
"Words in my mouth again.
You're putting them there. A
maybe is a maybe."
But won't people think you
are vacillating?
"No reason to think that when
I've taken a firm stand with a
maybe."
Doesn't a maybe mean that
you don't know if you will or
you won't?
"Will or won't what?"
Raise the taxes on the rich.
"Back to that again?. Read my
lips: m-a-y-b-e I w-i-l-1, m-a-y-b
-e I w-o-n-'t."
I'm sorry to press you on this,
Mr. President, but do you know
if you will or you won't?
"Maybe I do and maybe I
don't."
Is that a firm maybe?
"Maybe it is and maybe it
isn't."
You can't say if it is a firm
maybe?
"Maybe I can and maybe I
cant."
Mr. President, aren't you
waffling on this issue?
"Maybe I am and maybe I'm
Page
only problem is the excitement
comes from organized crime.
Beyond that there isn't much to
see. Except 1 did notice that they
seem to favor concrete buildings.
Huh.
The Erie area has a ton of
minor league, college and high
school sports, six dramatic
theatres, two universities, a large
civic center including the grand
Warner Theater, a Great Lakes
port, a zoo, a handful of
museums, over two hundred
restaurants and taverns, ample
shopping, twenty cinema screens,
an amusement park, skiing, four
wineries, a very low cost of
living and, oh-by-the-way, lots of
trees. And that isn't too bad
especially in an area containing
just a little over a hundred
thousand people.
So stop whining.
Rob Prindle is a ninth
semester General Arts and
Sciences major. His column
appears every other week in The
Collegian.
Some people might get the
impression that you are
indecisive.
"Maybe they will and maybe
they won't."
Doesn't the possible political
fallout from this worry you?
"Maybe it does and maybe it
doesn't."
Aren't some of the leaders of
your party disgruntled?
"Maybe they are and maybe
they aren't."
But many of them have said
they are.
"Maybe they have and maybe
they haven't."
Mr. President, can't you be
more precise than that?
"About what?"
Just about anything. Isn't
there something?
"Something? Yes, I'm
definitely in favor of something."
Could you tell us what that
is?
"Maybe."
Could you elaborate on that?
"Yes. I'm definitely in favor
of strong leadership."
Thank you, Mr. President.
"You're welcome. Maybe."
Mike Royko is a Chicago
based syndicated columnist. His
column appears every week in
The Collegian.
- Rob Prindle