Page 6
Mark bonds with fellow males and,
well, he’s pretty happy about it
by Mark Owens
I know last week I promised
an in-depth expose on the 1-900
telephone industry, but after
"covertly borrowing" my
roommate's "calling card" from a
locked room (hinges, dude,
hinges), my one and only
experience with the 900 lines has
convinced me that I should write
on another topic, which I'll think
up as I go along.
Originally, I had tried to call a
guru in Florida. The ad said The
Great and All-Powerful Swami
Ralph would predict my future,
protect my spirit, restore lost
karma, and give me a good deal
on Auri car finish.
Instead of dialing 1-900-1-
MENTAL, I dialed 1-900-
66METAL and found myself
listening to a message from Judas
Priest. The recording itself wasn't
bad - it was the subliminal
message that got to me. I soon
found myself ordering $2OO
worth of Didi-7 completely
against my will.
So that's where I found myself
the other night; sitting in my
living room with two of my
roommates. Surrounded by piles
of Didi-7. Eating Captain
Crunch. In our underwear. Male
bonding at its best ~ which, by
Louanne comments on
codependency, heathly
love and love addiction
Thanks for your response to last week's letter regarding support groups for
students exploring same sex attraction. If there are others who are interested please
call me. Your call will be handled confidentially. Perhaps we can start a group here
on the Behrend campus.
Today's letter I shared with another student who asked if he would write a
response. I thought it was a good one so I'm sharing it with you.
Louanne,
My girlfriend is driving me up a wall. I can't eat, sleep or concentrate. She’s
burning me out with worry. She has manipulating parents who expect obediance
and demand total control of her life.
She doesn't know how to tune them out and has taken to alcohol to bury her
problem.
I've talked, yelled, pleaded till I'm a nervous wreck. Help me. Please.
Dear Nervous,
Yes, you need help, not for your friend but for yourself. There is nothing you
can do for her. But you have a problem called co-dependancy. It is the inability to
let people live their own life. You are trying to control something that you
apparently have no control over. In doing this you are turning yourself into the
guilty parly. Stop feeling guilty. When your friend sees what's happening for
herself, she’ll change. Until then, if you can't live with it then I suggest you ease
out of the relationship for your own piece of mind, sometimes this will let the
other person have breathing room with no pressure.
Your leaving might be the key to her own self analysis.
the way, is what this week's
column is on (I knew I'd find a
topic sooner or later).
Male bonding is one of those
strange, unexplainable things that
ranks right up with why bees fly,
why birds sing and why people
still think the Cubs might win a
World Series. Men bond over
some of the strangest things too,
like televised sports.
Scads of scientists wearing lab
coats and carrying clipboards have
made an astonishing discovery:
Men will watch any sporting
event on television, regardless of
what it is. Take bass fishing for
example. I don't like fish. Not
even as pets. The closest I'd ever
come to having a pet fish is
dropping a Mrs. Paul's fishstick
in a glass of water.
But if I'm hanging out with
the guys, I'll watch shows like
"Bassmasters on the Attack,"
"Baiting the Boise Bass,” and
"Attack of the Cannibal Bass
from Pittsburgh" for hours on
end. There's nothing more
frightening than watching grown
men giving each other high-fives
after an overweight man named
Clyde has landed a flopping,
smelly thing. Yikes.
Another site for male bonding
is car repair. I should know, since
my car is entering the first stages
Signed,
A fellow student who's been there
The Collegian
of Car Leprosy. I have bonded
with a great many guys, all of
whom haven't been able to do
much with my Nissan station
wagon a vehicle which was
probably designed after several
engineers mistook grain alcohol
for water.
Anyway, car repair is an
incredible medium for male
bonding, including the
ceremonial Circling of the Car
(where men walk around the car
Signed,
Nervous Wreck
The
Missing
Pieces
and attempt to divine the
vehicle's illness), the ritual
Opening of the Hood (where men
spend 10 minutes attempting to
open the hood and finally have to
ask a passing 12-year-old for
help), and the sacred Smashing of
the Fingers (where one of the
guys accidentally drops a large
heavy object, such as the car
itself, on your fingers).
Once past the ceremonial
aspect of opening the hood and
damaging body parts, most men
will stand around the car, drink
beer, and talk about baseball -
none of which does anything to
fix the car, but we all feel manly.
Eventually the owner of the car
will take it to a mechanic, who
will make worldly noises and
seek to bond with his wallet.
In general, males prefer to
bond without female interference.
Take, for example, the problems
female sports reporters have
going into the men's locker
rooms after a game. Some people
feel the athletes want women out
of the locker rooms because they
need the time to relax. Some
people feel the athletes don't want
outsiders to witness fights or
squabbles among the team
because it's a "family" affair.
The real reason athletes don't
want women reporters in the
Ask Louanne
The Collegian Advice Column
Dr. Louanne Barton
Personal Counselor
I'd like to comment on that word "codependency." It's a term we hear alot about
lately. Following are some notes Beattie's book titled, Codependent No More:
How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring For Yourself:
Healthy Love Means:
Room to grow
Separate interests
other friends
trust, openness
personal integrity
willingness to be yourself
ability to enjoy being alone
ability to accept a break up
Without loss of self worth
Love addiction means:
Dependency, insecurity
intense need, infatuation
total involvement
limited social life and interests
preoccupation with partner
dependent on partner's approval
jealousy
sacrificing one's own needs
unable to endure separtation or conflict
breakup brings loss of appetite, depression, agony, hatred,
loss of self worth,
The addictive lover may even turn to alcohol, drugs, or a new lover.
If others of you feel this shoe fits, let me know. I am presently meeting with a
few students who are working on developing more healthy relationships. Call the
personal counseling office at 898-6164 for more information.
Thursday, October 4,1990
locker room is men are shy about
women witnessing locker room
bonding, which involves
blindfolding one of their buddies
with a jock strap and throwing
him in the shower, which
happens to be filled with
platypuses (platypusi?) and
MaUo-whip.
Besides the embarrassment
factor, I'm not really aware of a
lot of male reporters hanging out
inside women's locker rooms. I
imagine such a conversation
might go like this:
Male Reporter: Excuse me,
Ms. Baxter. About your 6-4-6
win ove-
Female
AAAYYEEEEE!
(sound of Male Reporter being
pounded repeatedly with a locker.)
Nonetheless, aside from
sports, women are the biggest
catalyst of male bonding.
I'll be the first to admit it
doesn't sound good that men sit
around. I can't count how many
times myself and a bunch of the
guys have sat around and
complained about the opposite
sex. Most of the time we just
look at each other and say:
"Women; you can't live with
them and you can't shoot them.”
Athlete:
Signed,
Louanne