Thursday, September 13,1990
Spanos says that U.S.
schoolyard bully Hussein flunked out
by Christine Spanos
Every school has at least one.
Every school, in every town, in
every state, in every country
continues to experience the
horrors this individual creates.
This person is usually bom in
pre-school and flourishes into the
greatest being to walk the halls
of the high school - sometimes
even before reaching the high
school. He (or she, for I don't
want to seem discriminatory in
anyway) generally has an ego
three or four times larger than
most above average human
beings and has this sense of
power about him that cripples
everyone who he comes in
contact with.
Although, not very
intelligent, he has the uncanny
ability to destroy a person's self
esteem and confidence in a single
blow. This usually takes place in
the form of a school yard brawl
where the superior being beats
Campus
Voice
photos by Gerry Harrison
This week’s question: What
is the most important issue
happening in the world
today?
Shortage of short Greeks ruining us
Editor's note: We would like to
dedicate this column to a local
restauranteur, known simply as
Pete.
by Mike Royko
The moment we sat down for
lunch, I knew it was a mistake. It
was one of those cute new
yuppie-poo restaurants with ferns
and a menu that listed calories.
I knew it was an even bigger
mistake when five minutes
passed before the busboy dropped
the silverware and napkins in
front of us.
About 10 minutes later, I
snared a waitress as she was
hurrying by and asked: "Is there
any chance we can see a menu?"
She flung down a couple of
menus and rushed off. About five
minutes later, she was back for
the orders.
"I'm so sorry," she said.
"We're short-handed. One of the
girls didn't show up today."
When she finally brought the
food, it wasn't what I had ordered.
"There are some problems in
the kitchen," she said. "We have
a new cook."
the living daylights out of some
pencil neck geek for accidentally
sitting on his lunch.
Are we on the same wave
length now? The school yard
bully has, throughout history,
been the cause of manly bloodied
noses and many permanent scars
that sometimes never heal
properly. But how many times
have we ever seen the bully
receive that long over due beating
that not only leaves him scarred
for life but ruins his chances for
anymore free lunches from the
geek contingent? I've seen it -
plenty of times.
If only those bullies around
the world would realize that
eventually they will lose their
ongoing war in the school yard,
the world would be a much more
pleasant place to live.
Unfortunately, history shows
us that the bully never learns.
Take for example the era of
Hitler. What a great bully he
was, swallowing country after
"Probably the war in Iraq
because I know a lot of people in
the Army who are next to go
over and I don't want to see my
friends get killed."
Rhonda Washe
Ist semester
DUS
"Never mind," I said. "I’ll eat
it, whatever it is. But what about
the beer?"
"Oh, I forgot, you wanted a
beer,” she said. The beer arrived
just in time to wash down the
last bite of the sandwich.
When she brought the check,
which was wrong because she
charged me for what I ordered
instead of what I got, I asked:
"Who runs this place?"
"The manager," she said.
"He's in the booth having lunch."
On the way out, I stopped at
the manager's booth. He was a
yuppie in a business suit. He and
a clone were leisurely sipping
their coffee and looking at a
computer printout.
"Nice place you have here," I
lied. "Do you own it?”
The young man shook his
head. It was owned by one of
those big corporations that
operate restaurants in far-flung
office buildings and health clubs.
He also proudly told me that
he had recently left college with a
degree in restaurant and hotel
management
That explained it all. His
The Collegian
has learned from history,
country and destroying countless
lives without any intervention.
The United States had no choice
but to finally move from a
position of support to a position
involving force. And let's not
forget his partner Mussolini who
took Ethopia and tried to do the
same in Greece. I think it's fair to
ON THE
RIGHT
TRACK
say that the entire world learned a
hard lesson from the actions of
those bullies - a lesson we will
never forget
So why is it that Saddam
Hussein feels so confident that
his military hold on Kuwait will
"Environmental protection is
the most important issue because
if we don't start to clean up the
world we're all going to die."
Scott Donahue
3rd semester
Biology
waitresses were short-handed, his
cook was goofing up the orders,
the customers were fuming and
what was he doing?
He was having lunch. Or, as
he'd probably say, he was doing
lunch.
I don't want to be an alarmist,
but when this nation collapses,
he and those like him will be the
MIKE
ROYKO
First, we had the MBA—
especially the Harvard MBA-who
came along after World War II
and took over American industry.
With his bottom-line approach,
the MBA did such a brilliant job
that the Japanesse might soon
buy the country and evict us.
But we're told not to worry.
Now that we don't manufacture as
much as we used to, we'll be
saved by the growing service
industry.
The problem is that the
be such a huge success? Does he
really think that the U.S. and the
rest of the world have "not
learned from history" as he was
quoted earlier in the week? Think
again Hussein.
It is clear that President Bush
and the US military are making
every attempt to keep this crisis
under control. We have sent our
military troops over and
summoned the help of all other
nations in the hope that they will
deter any further attack from
Hussein. Of course there are
those that would argue that the
presence of the military will only
induce more hatred by certain
Arab nations towards the US,
thus endangering all military and
civilian persons who are in the
center of the crisis. Not so.
The US is simply doing what
they should have done years ago
when Hitler was the main threat
"The rainforests- quit tearing
them down and don't buy Coca
Cola products."
Renee Hanlin
sth semester
Accounting
service industry is being taken
over by people like the restaurant
manager and his corporation.
They go to college and study
service. Then they install
computers programmed for
service. And they have meetings
and look at service charts and
graphs and talk about service.
But what they don't do is
provide service. That's because
they are not short Greeks.
You probably wonder what
that means. I'll explain.
If that corporation expects the
restaurant to succeed, it should
fire the young restaurant-hotel
degree holder. Or demote him to
cleaning washrooms. It should
then go to my friend Sam Sianis,
who owns Billy Goat's Tavern,
and say: "Do you know a short
Greek who wants to manage a
restaurant?"
Sam will say: "Shoo, I send
you one my cousins. Jus' got
here from the old country."
Then he'd go to Greek Town
and tell his cousin, who works as
a waiter, that his big chance had
come.
When the next lunch hour
Pages
to Europe. It is not the US that
has failed to leant from history. It
is Saddam Hussein that needs to
study the history books. You
don't have to be a rocket scientist
to see that the man has no chance
at success. It will be quite a relief
when he takes off die blindfold
and sees that he had made a grave
mistake.
In some cases, one person's
shame is another persons pleasure
and it would be a pleasure to see
the outcome of this whole crisis
be Saddam Hussein's bloodied
nose on the front of every
newspaper in the world. Every
bully gets his comeuppance and
I'm confident that Hussein will
.be no exception. How does that
saying go again - he may have
won the battle but he will never
win the war.
"The major world issue would
have to be the war in Kuwait
because our nation along with the
rest of the world depends on the
Middle East's oil."
Jason Farbocher
Ist semester
Undeclared
rolled around, and a waitres*
failed to show up for work,
Sam's cousin would not sit down
to do lunch. He would put on an
apron and wait tables himself.
If the cook goofed up orders,
Sam's cousin would go in the
kitchen, pick up a cleaver and
say, "You want I keel you?”
He wouldn't know how to read
a computer printout, but he'd get
drinks in the glasses, food on the
table and money in the cash
register.
That simple approach is why
restaurants run by short Greeks
stay in business and make
money. And why restaurants that
are run by corporations and
managed by young men who are
educated beyond their intelligence
come and go. And mostly go.
So if you are ever approached
by a stockholder who wants to
sell you shares in any of the
giant service corporations, tell
him not to bother showing you
the annual report Just ask him
one question.
"Is it run by short Greeks?"
If he says no, leave your
money under the mattress.