Page 8 Mark talks morals and sex education by Mark Owens And now for something completely different: this week Christine Spanos and I are switching places. She'll try to write something frivolous and fluffy and I a piece of heavy, socially conscious work; designed to encourage thoughts of reform, outrage and purchasing a large firearm. Don't panic though. This isn't going to be one of those long, boring accounts of an argument I had with a friend over diversity, unification or the right way to make pasta salad. Rather, Uncle Mark is going to tell you a story. A couple of weeks ago I found myself on the Metro Bus from Hell. My car had thoughtfully come down with some ailment the night before. My mechanic called it "Terminal Carboritis." I guess the carburetor gods required a virgin two-barrel or something. All I know is it's going to be expensive. Bill, my mechanic, looked under the hood and all he did was moan. As you know, when mechanics moan, you should be prepared to deliver your first bom in payment. Louanne tackles drugs Dear Louanne, Recently, my roommates asked me to do some shrooms. I'm really kind of nervous, because I've never done psychedelics before. I'm worried about health effects. Mushrooms are a natural substance. They use them on pizza. What kind of damage can these mushrooms do? Dear Curious, Mushrooms are a hallucinogen like LSD. The technical name is psilocybin. These mushrooms usually come from Mexico. They can be eaten in their natural form, in pill form, and sometimes even smoked so Tam told. Though psilocybin is not as potent as LSD, it acts in the some way causing dilated pupils, high body temperature increased heart rate and blood pressure, sweating, loss of appetite. But I digress. With no car, I had no way to get to class and, worse yet, found myself in a dilemma. Should I take a bus to school or sit at home, watch TV and eat an obscene amount of junk food? It only took fifteen minutes of lounging around the kitchen in my underwear before the phone rang and my decision was made for me. It was my editor wondering when the %@# A ! I was going to get my %@# A ! into the office and work on that %@# A ! story. As you guessed, I wound up at the nearest bus stop fifteen minutes later, dressed in a fashionable sweatpant and t-shirt ensemble. The route six bus rolled up a short while later (S 3 minutes and ten seconds, but who's counting?) and I clambered aboard. I wound up sitting in a nice first-class bus seat (defined as a seat next to a window but by one of the doors and as far away from children as possible) with one loud lady in front of me and an equally noisy lady behind me. Both were arguing about sex education in the schools and shouting over my head to do it. "You have no morals,” sleeplessness, dry mouth, and tremors. Users can feel severely different emotions at once or swing rapidly. Sense of self and time change. Sensation seem to cross over. One "hears" colors and "sees" sounds. This can Tesult in euphoria or a "bad trip", panic, confusion, paranoia, and loss of control. It can trigger an onset to underlying emotional problems such as anxiety, depression, and psychosis. Flash backs can occur where a person experiences the effects later without having to take the drug again. Heavy users of hallucinogens sometimes develop signs of organic brain damage -- impaired memory and reduced concentration. Particuarly frightening is the fact that people have committed suicide or have had tragic accidents while under the influences. Signed, Curious Personally I'd advise getting your mushrooms from Dominoes. snipped the lady in front of me. "How could you let children be exposed to such smut, you Satanistic toadie!" "Satanistic toadie?!?" yapped the woman behind me. "Just because you don't have the courage to tell your kids about the facts of life and maybe keep them from getting killed!" "What, from latex overexposure?" "No, from sexually ■Mv- Ask Louanne The Collegian advice column by Dr. Louanne Barton Personal Counselor The Collegian Mark Owens Love, Louanne The Missin Piece transmitted diseases or date rape!" Right about lure I wanted to move to another seat. It was rush hour though and all of the other seats were full. I tried to hunch down in the hard plastic seat, sort of like a soldier digging deeper into a foxhole to avoid large exploding things, like shells or officers. Then lady in front of me frowned even more, to the point that the comers of her mouth scraped her shoulders. "So, teaching kids early all about sex is good. Giving them the idea sex is okay at an early age, that promiscuity is acceptable. Well, I think the moral fiber of today's youth is getting better and they won't stand for your long haired, tye-dyed, boney-butt-" "Boney butt! Listen you beehive-wearing bovine - you can't even see my butt. And I want you to prove moral fibre isn't weakening. Go ahead -1 dare you." "Fine. I will.” She looked at the woman behind me for a couple of minutes. I tried to scrunch down further into the plastic. Then her gaze, much like a gargoyle, fell on me. I felt like I was turning into plastic, or at NEED EXTRA CASH 'SPECIAL FOR NEW DONORS” TIMI^ONLY Learn how to earn an additional $32.00 on top of our already high donor fees Please call for further information and appointment IPLASMA-TEC, 'Ll®. aia WEST 3>