Page 4
Mike Royko
Another wasted
three pounds
by Mike Royko
The brain. What an amazing organ. Only
three pounds or so in an adult, but containing
millions of cells that create and transmit
chemicals and electrical impulses controlling
virtually everything we do. Every movement and
thought. Every emotion. Our senses of hunger,
thirst, smell, sight.
Think about that. It was that mere three
pounds of gray and white matter in his skull that
led Edison to create the phonograph, the light
bulb, and thousands of other devices we now take
for granted.
From Einstein's three pounds of brain came
thoughts that brought about the atomic age and
opened new concepts of the universe.
The brains of Mozart and Beethoven brought
forth sounds that today, centuries after they have
died, still move audiences to joy and tears.
The brain of Shakespeare probed man's
capacity for good and evil. The brain of Da Vinci
conceived of man flying four centuries before the
brains of the Wright Brothers made it reality.
Remarkable machines took men to the moon
and sustained their lives. But three-pound brains
created those machines. We have computers that,
in a twinkling, solve mathematical problems that
once took weeks, months or years. But the
human brain created the computers.
All around us are soaring skyscrapers,
incredible ground and air vehicles, shelf upon
shelf of great literature, electronic impulses
sending sights and sounds around the world in an
instant Everything from the superconducting
supercollider to the humble yet gratifying
McDonald's french fry the products of that
three pounds of gray matter in the skull of man.
But how often do most of us think about the
brain, except when we have a headache? Many
scientists study it and they've solved many of its
mysteries. But they still know less than they
have learned.
The rest of us? Depending on our age and
gender, we give far more thought to our biceps,
breasts, buttocks, scalps, facial skin and
reproductive organs.
Ask yourself: When was the last time you
thought about your brain? Or anyone else's brain,
for that matter? Not lately, I'll wager.
And I'm as guilty as anyone. But just the
other night I found myself pondering the amazing
workings of this most incredible of organs.
It was when a blizzard hit Chicago. Almost a
foot of snow just in time for evening rush hour.
And there I was, behind the wheel of my car,
waiting for light to turn from red to green so I
could continue my slow homeward journey.
As I waited, I saw a car creep into the
intersection, then stop directly in my path. The
person driving that car stopped because traffic
ahead of her was jammed for blocks. She should
have known that would happen. But she moved
into the intersection anyway, then just sat there.
The light changed. Now it was my turn to go
forward. But I couldn't. The man next to me
couldn't. The dozens of people behind us
couldn't. We just sat because the woman and her
car Mocked our way.
That's when I began thinking about the
incredible human brain. Einstein's equation:
energy equals mass times the velocity of light
y|nnmrf Edison searching the world for a filament
that would light our homes and streets.
Beethoven's ninth symphony. Popeil’s Pocket
Fisherman.
But there sat this creature, blessed with a
three-pound brain mass and those millions of
cells. Yet she was incapable of a simple thought:
"If I put my foot on the gas and creep a few more
yards, I'll stop and when the light changes those
people on my left won't get past me." Or a
simple question: "I'm not going anywhere
Mike Royko
anyway, so why should I block their way and
make a bad situation even worse?"
The light changed again. And again. But she
couldn't move. That was her bad luck, but why
should she make her bad luck my bad luck? And
the bad luck of dozens behind me?
Then she glanced to her left and saw me
glaring at her. She quickly looked away. I guess
the sight of a stranger's bared fangs was
unpleasant
It occurred to me that her brain's problem
might be a lack of information. Input, as the
computer people call it. I decided to give her
some input
I stepped out of my car and bellowed: "Lady,
you know what you are? You are a (Editor's note:
On rare occasions, Royko uses language that
isn't appropriate for a family newspaper. So we
have removed it. But you can use your
imagination.)."
Because I have a loud voice, she heard every
word. And her jaw dropped. A good sign. It
meant the brain cells that receive and interpret
crude, vile, obscene language were functioning.
So were brain cells that make jaws drop.
The driver on my right honked his horn. He
waved and gave me a thumb's up gesture, and
indication that this three-pound cerebral mass was
in good working order.
For a moment I thought about asking him if
he would care to join me in getting out our tire
irons and smashing her headlights and windows.
But a portion of my brain told me that while it
would be an act of justice, it would accomplish
nothing more than making me feel good.
Eventually, she moved on. And as her wheels
spun, she tuned and stuck out her tongue. How
disappointing. It meant that my input had been
rejected and , when the opportunity arose, she'd
block another intersection.
Nevertheless, I'm still amazed at the workings
of the human brain. And someday science will
figure out why brains are wasted on so many
damn fools.
The Collegian Wednesday, March 14,1990
Opinion
National Nutrition Month:
Writer doubts that Dobbins
meals meet standards
by Jennifer Flanagan
Collegian Staff Writer
Ah well, it's National
Nutrition Month again and
Dobbins Hall is touting the
catchy little phrase, "Enjoy the
taste of eating right.” How very
ironic.
Taking a closer look at the
nutritional value of Dobbins'
menu, I find that the foods arc
generally deep-fried and/or high in
fat and salt. Of course, Dobbins
offers the occasional alternate
selection, but those are usually
sauteed in butter.
Or is it margarine? Now
there's a healthy alternative.
Contrary to popular belief,
margarine is not good for you. It
is simply unsaturated fat, which
is better for you than the
saturated fat in butter, but any
high fat food is unhealthy. If the
food isn't deep-fried or doused
with butter, chances are it is
smothered in cheese. You know,
cheese, that high cholesterol,
high fat dairy product?
Speaking of dairy products,
whole milk contains eight times
as much fat as skim milk, and
roughly twice the fat of 2% milk.
So I guess that's why there‘are
four dispensers of whole milk
(including chocolate) and only
one each for 2% and skim.
According to the Surgeon
General, a maximum of 30% of
our daily intake of calories should
be from fat. One gram of fat
equals nine calories. So for
example, let's say you choose a
glass of whole milk at 100
calories and 8 grams of fat. That
translates to 72 fat calories. Skim
milk, on the other hand, has only
80 calories, nine of which are
from fat.
To focus on another favorite
nutritional 'no-no' at Dobbins,
let's look at the sodium content
of the food. Bear in mind that the
suggested intake of sodium per
day, according to the American
Dietetic Association, is
approximately 1100 mg for
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women and 2500 mg for men.
Now, the meals at Dobbins
average from 300 mg to 800 mg
of salt per serving. And we all
know how big those servings are.
Hardly the way to lower your
blood pressure.
Of course, you could choose a
dish of overcooked vegetables,
but then why bother? Once the
vegetables are overcooked, the
nutritional value is lost. Might
as well have a glass of water
instead. Now don't get me wrong;
you can occasionally find a dish
of fresh fruit that isn't marinating
in high fructose corn syrup or
covered with whipped cream. Do
you think that could mean that
perhaps they know fruit is
naturally sweetened?
Many people who are trying
to lose weight should concentrate
less on the amount of calorics
they are consuming and more on
the type. I am also well aware
that many people enjoy the taste
of salt and butter. For those who
wish to indulge, a container of
butter is available with the other
condiments and there are salt
shakers on every table. There is
no need to mandate the use of
butter and salt in every meal. Let
pdoplc decorate their own plates,
and leave the rest of us to enjoy a
healthy meal.
Considering that Dobbins
Hall is the primary food source
for the majority of on-campus
residents, I think that they should
assume a greater role in
promoting healthy eating habits.
And, after all, it is National
Nutrition Month.
Oh, I almost forgot to
mention, Dobbins Hall does offer
two or three low salt, low sugar,
and low fat cereals and a salad bar
which are healthy, as long as you
skip the mayonnaise-laden
dressings at the salad bar and
drink skim or 2% milk. Salad and
cereal every day for eight months.
What a selection. Enjoy the taste
of eating right.