Page 6
Mark's answer to
textbook woes:
Textbloids
by Mark Owens
Last week, as many of you
know, educational guru Ernest
Boyer canceled his speech here
due to the weather • one of the
very few times a school-related
activity has been canceled due to
bad weather. Which, by the way,
wasn't all that bad.
Remember when you were in
grade school? It took a tornado, a
nuclear strike, or a visit by Pat
Boone to get school canceled.
Nope, last week's storm wasn't
bad. Definitely not as bad as
when you were in seventh grade
and had to walk two miles
through freezing snow and biting
winds just to get to school, to
discover you'd forgotten your
book report and your gym shorts
and your teacher was a mutant
squid from hell. (Editor's note: Is
anyone else worried about Mark's
frequent use of strange animal
references?)
Anyway, I was kind of hoping
Dr. Boyer would’ve shown up,
because 1 wanted to share my
views on higher educational
reform with him.
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Getting back to my main
point, I’ve always found it odd no
one has bothered to ask students
about what needs to be changed
in education. After all, we, as
students, are paying other people
so we can get up early, type 12-
page research papers and take
mind-numbing tests which
eventually collect underneath our
beds, causing dorm fires which
kill 17 people. The first thing
students need is a change in
books.
Announcing Mark's Better,
More Colorful, New and
Improved Way to Buy Books.
The answer is simple - tabloids.
Let's say we do away with
hardcover textbooks and switch to
a tabloid-type format. Every two
weeks or so you'd buy the next
installment of the "book."
Even though you have to buy
something more often, there are a
lot of advantages to this idea,
which I like to call the textbioid.
It's lighter, more colorful, can
have the most up-to-date
information and will definitely
be more interesting. After all,
where else can you have an
osmosis lab on page 10 and an
account (complete with photos!)
of certain Hollywood celebs’
steamy antics with a petting zoo
on page 11? The best part is
when you're done with the
textbioid you can throw it away
and not bother trying to sell back
a $5O text book for $19.95.
While we're at it, let’s have a
Campus Ministry
An
Interfaitn
Ministry
Located in
Student Services
898-6245
The Collegian Wednesday, February 21,1990
The
issm
iece
little truth in textbook titles. I
wish publishers would give
books the titles they deserve. Its
not like these tomes of
knowledge are going to wind up
on the New York Times Best
Seller list or anything. Right
now in our book store we have
all kinds of interesting titles.
There's Brief Calculus, with
applications; Elementary Algebra
and Elementary Differential
Equations . When was the last
time anything connected to math
was brief, let alone elementary?
We also have a shelf full of
introductory books, like
Introduction to Basic Legal
Principles (can you say lawsuit?)
and Introduction to Financial
Management (can you say
overdrawn?). Finally, for the low
price of $20.95 you can buy a
book entitled Developing
Reading Skills (see Dick run).
While I'm sure it's a nice book
and all, you'd kinda think by the
time people got to college they
could read.
But then, educational reform
shouldn't be limited to colleges
and universities. Take oil tanker
captain training for example.
One Day Jexibook
Buyback
Wednesday Feb. 21
at your Behrend Bookstore
Lots of our college brethren
on the west coast are going to
have a bleak spring break, seeing
as a nice stretch of Long Beach
and Newport Beach are covered
with oil. Almost 400,000
gallons of oil, that is. Oil spilled
from the tanker American
Tradition after it apparently ran
over an anchor earlier this month.
With all this pressure from
the public and government, the
oil industry has come out with a
list of do's and don'ts for it's
tanker captains. A confidential
source at a major company has
sent me this list scrawling across
the top in big red letters, "For
Your Eyes Only, @*&s!"
Naturally I've reprinted it here for
you:
• Don’t run over pointy
things like reefs or anchors.
• Don’t wear t-shirls with
beer company logos on them in
public.
• Do carry a large bucket on
board.
• Do make sure the company
lawyer is on board or with you at
all times.
• Do make sure Geraldo
Rivera isn't on board.