Page 10
Mark just loves
hik'"hate--litait
by Mark Owens
Everyone here at the
Collegian office is pretty happy
this week. We survived the
weekend, my editor got oui of
that newt-filled trunk and I even
got mail, which is a pretty rare
occurrence.
The last time I got mail was
when I was slightly overdrawn on
my checking account. The fact
that two large men named Luigi
and Rocky came with the letter,
we 11...
Anyway. I received a letter
concerning last week's column
about women. It was an
interesting letter written by a
nameless woman who really
didn't like what I wrote. I'm
thinking that she'd like nothing
more than to string me up by
my...toes.
Here are some excerpt from
that letter, along with my
comments. (I will remind this
unknown woman writer that had
she signed her name, her letter
would have been printed in its
entirety on the Opinion Page).
"Why do women go to the
bathroom in groups? There are a
few answers for this question.
First, some men can be rude,
make gross . noises,. and
sometimes even play with their
food. Most women find these to
be offensive, and feel the need to,
escape so they go together to the
bathroom."
My answer is simple: find
better dates.
"Second, we (women) might
have something important about'
you (men) that we have 'to talk'
about, so we -go to the
bathroom." -
My question whati
iiiivitant? if you're,
going to tell: my date that yoi
know for a fact that my credit
card balance is expired, I can
understand saying that in private;
If m hair is on fire, I wait tae
Freshmen
need help
(continued from page 7)
have dedicated their careers to
protecting you from such perils
as MTV in the Reed Building,
Jolt cola in the Wintergreen Cafe,
and association with members of
the opposite sex anywhere
outside of the classroom. Learn
to deal with it.
• Guys, while there are in fact
many, many attractive females at
Behrend, they're not going to date
you. They hooked up with
upperclassmen on their first
campus visit and intend to have
nothing to do with you until you
become seniors. Get used to it.
know - right now!!
• "And finally, [sic] we may be
bored with the conversation."
Believe it or not, most men
either date or hang out with
women for more than a one night
stand. I'm sure that if you made
an effort to change the
conversation, no one would
object.
"And finally, we don't usually
play cards and never smoke cigars
(maybe some women some
women smoke cigarettes)."
There is nothin: moron: with
playing cards. I do object to the
statement that women never
smoke cigars. Who do you think
started Fidel Castro anyway? And
a Surgeon General's report came
out a . while ago that-says women
smoke more than men.
"Why don't men go to the
bathroom in groups? Are you
*aid of being laughed- at?" -
"You ask, `rwhy do women
wear make-up?' Firsi of all, not
all women wear " it... I,
personally, don't see a need to go
through the rocess ou
•Your professors will not
monitor you as closely as did
your teachers in high school.
You can sleep through class, cut
frequently, sneak out while the
instructor's back is turned, and
blow off your assignments, all
largely without reprimand.
However, faculty members will
quietly resent you for abusing
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mentioned. I only wear' blush,
and sometimes lipstick and eye
shadow."
I agree that not all women
wear make-up. Some just don't
need it. The fact that you said
you wear less than average
sounds like you only need a
touch-up rather than an overhaul.
"In fact I believe the opposite
is true, that it is men who don't
know what they want."
I think that you have taken
that section of the column out of
context. I was referring to the
apparent division among women
concerning the feminist
movement.
"Some things we would- like
from men are: chivalry, humor,
respect, intelligence, remember
important dated and to not
embarrass us in public."
Gee, would you like us to roll
over and fetch too?
As far as remembering
important dates, I know
Christmas is December 25, The
last day of finals is December
16th_ and the Raffle of PoEthta
May sth. By the way, if we're
iqrjupposed to embarrass you in
public, what if you do something
that really deserves it?
Here are some other questions
she asked me:
1) Why do you think you
know it all? • •
I don't, but since it's my
column, I try real hard.
"2) Why is it, you usually
have three things on your mind?
(alcohol, sports and sex?)"
I'd like to think that I go
through the day pondering more
than those three things. I kid you
not when I say that I don't drink.
Not beer, not hard liquor, not
even the stuff used to remove
paint. I merely used beer as an
example becaUse it is a beverage
consumed by a lot of people;
including most of the Collegian
staff, who down more than their
fair share. And : they're pretty
your new freedom while they're
stuck teaching the same mind
numbing courses year after year,
and they will send your grade
average down in flames if given
the opportunity. Don't push them
too far.
•And finally: keep in mind
that, until Webster changes his
mind, "party" is a noun. Trust
me on this.
The
Missing
damn happy about it, too. •
Sports are OK, as long as
they're quality stuff like
professional cycling or triathlons.
Squid sports like professional
wrestling and baseball I'd rather
watch Lifestyles of the Rich and
Famous.
As for sex -- I never claimed I
was a monk, but I'm not sure
The Colletiain Wednesday; ' Octitibei 4, :19g9
ige4-4. —— 4-4-4-4-4.-4- 4- 4.--***
*WILLEM
*
HACKMAN GENE m DAFOE Atc
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Monday thru Friday
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where you got the impression
that I was Some sort•of sex fiend,
may stied on a date and maybe
scratch behind my ear once in a
while, but I'm no beast
like to
compliment you on your
signature at the bottom. of your
letter. "Signed, a woman's point
of view," really shows the
confidence .you have in your
opinions.
Every week a lot of people on
the Collegian staff. sign - their
names to the things they've
written and sometimes take a lot
of flack for it. All we ask of you
is to do the same. Thanks.
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