Page 10
by Joe Albrecht
So the butcher says to the
call girl "Nevermind the Vienna
sausage, what'd ya do with the
pepperoni stick?" Oh. Excuse
me. I didn't realize the column
had started already. I was just
finishing telling my roommate
a joke. And it's a good thing I
live away from home and have a
roommate - that was hardly the
kind of joke that would be
shown the proper appreciation
by my mother, or for that
matter, my Chia Pet.
Still, there's a lot to consider
when pondering whether to
move out such as: do you have
ACROSS
1 Asterisk
5 Decay
8 Vehicles
12 Part of face
13 Exist
14 Century plant
15 Keyed up with
interest
16 Playing card
17 Nerve network
18 Attic
20 Mended with
cotton
22 Period of time
23 The self
24 Whipped
27 Come back
31 Shoemaker's
tool
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Tidbits From Earth
Joe Made His Move
the money to afford the move,
should you have a roommate or
live alone, who can you sucker
into doing your laundry, and is
roommate spelled with one "m 7
or two:
ADVANTAGES TO
MOVING
1. No-one is around to stop
you from drinking beer.
2. It doesn't matter if you
spill beer on the carpeting.
3. You can always have
another beer.
DISADVANTAGES TO
MOVING
1. You'll eventually have to
clean the toilet bowl, unless of
course you want creatures with
32 Game at cards
33 Irritate
37 In truth
40 Ventilate
41 Weight of India
42 Rag
45 Chief
49 Dil!seed
50 Biblical name
52 Top of head
53 Christmas carol
54 Nickname for
Nancy
55 Sea eagles
56 Contest
57 Accomplished
58 Chair
DOWN
1 Unexpected
difficulty
Also: Screen Printing .for. all your
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the consistency of Jello ooz;
up from the netlierworld.
2. If you have kindly friends,
who, thinking only of your
now-impoverished needs, decide
to give you food for your
sustenance, such as eggrolls,
and you heat the grease to cook
them to a temperature quite
compatible with the sun and
you inadvertently almost start
the whole kitchen on fire, you
may not have an extinguisher
handy to suffocate the blaze.
Not that this ever happened to
me.
3. After paying all of the
respective fees for moving into
a place such as for turning on
Weekly
Crossword
Puzzle
2 Roman garment . ' 7 Fragile •
3 Hebrew lyre 8 Vegetable
4 Rue 9 Danish measure
5 Climbing palm 10 Repetition
6 Miner's find 11 Sow
19 Before
21 Mature
24 Prohibit
25 Female sheep
26 In music, high
28 Rubber tree
29 Fish eggs
30 Bow
34 Gossip
35 Falsehood
36: Commission
37 Land surround
ed by water
38 Born
.39 Arranges in
folds
42 Zest
43 Ox of Celebes
44 Abound
46 Challenge
47 Sicilian volcano
48 Remainder
51 Capuchin
monkey
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The
The Collegian Wednesday, April -12
the ga's, ,security deposit, and
the phone hook-up, you'll only
have enough money left to
purchase one Snickers bar;
providing someone lends you a
quarter. • •
I 'think it's quite obviouS
after looking at the lists above
that the advantages far outweigh
Joe Albrecht
the disadvantages. So go ahead
and move out on your own, but
before you run off and foolishly
rent the first - decrepit place you
,here, are, three, . rules .- of
caution:
1. Before signing the lease,
make sure you read the small
print. This advice works
whether it concerns your lease,
cereal boxes, or FBI subpoenas.
Wouldn't it be a shocker to find
out after you've signed the lease
that you've agreed to give the
landlord a complete body
massage on the 10th of each
month.
2. Make
_sure your landlord
looks,like Harry . Dean Stanton.
Ours does. And he's fairly
efficient. Every time we have a
problem he's right over to fix it.
Although, I . suppose any
famous actor would suffice.
3. Don't listen to Geraldo
Rivera. This doesn't necessarily
have. anything to do with
renting a dwelling, it's just
good, all-around sound advice
because you and I both know he
is quite simply a weenie.
Some of you out there might
still be wondering whether or
not you should have a
roommate. Although having
one cuts costs considerably there
is a good chance that if the two
of you are close friends when
you move in, each of you will
hate the other with an•undying
passion by the second week.
Following the same logic, the
converse must also be true - if
everyone roomed with someone
he hated, they would end up best
of friends. Just think how much
more harmonious and loving the
world would be if George Bush
and. Mikhail Gorbachev, bunked
together. - • ••-;. • '
By now . you should - all have
decided which state of living is
best for you. If you should have
any questions please do not
hesitate to call, althotgh you
may have to let it ring a number
of times while I finish telling
my roommate some more jokes.