The Collegian Wednesday, March 22
Features
Here Come the New
Spring Fashions
by Mark Owens
Collegian Staff Writer
Well, it's that time of year
when mutant people glide down
ramps showing off this year's
impossible fashions. I say
mutant because models are folks
that would look good in rain
capes made from 1967
Volkswagen seat covers and
impossible because models are
the only people that can fit and
look good in 1989's Spring
Fashions.
Mark
Owens
As a public service to the
Collegian's readers, I've decided
to let you in on this year's
spring styles early. 1989 can be
summed up in two words:
Obnoxious and Contradictory.
Here are the Five Fashion
Trends for 1989:
Neon - Once again, bright
basic
_colors, are in . vogue.
Fluorescent clothes were
prominent in the early 80's but
were taken off the market by
orders of the Surgeon General,
who reported they were the
leading cause of blindness in
people over the age of 21.
After the Surgeon General
found something else that
caused blindness (Twinkies in
this case), neon clothing was off
the hook and made their re
emergence into the fashion
world. The bright colors are
used in stripes, plaids, solids,
liquids and some gases.
Those not wearing neon
fashions are encouraged to
invest in dark sunglasses or, in
extreme cases, where one is
spending a Saturday afternoon in
a mall surrounded by teenage
shoppers clad in fluorescent
fashion, nuclear warhead testing
goggles.
Flowers & Paisley -
Yes, the Don Ho/exploded
chipmunk look is in this
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NO,
spring. The well-dressed man,
woman or it who isn't sure what
it is will be wearing lots of
floral print or paisley. Shirts,
blouses, skirts, pants, ties,
socks, underwear -- nothing
goes untouched by this trend.
The main thing to remember is
"more is better, but tacky is
best."
If you have a tie done in
tasteful paisley, it's blah. But, if
you have a tie that looks like
six blind painters wiped their
brushes on it while redoing,
say, the Cistine Chapel, we 11....
Jump Suits - A definite
trend is afoot towards jump
suits, probably backed by a
mechanics lobby. They come in
many splendid colors like grey,
blue (both available in
pinstripe) and puce. Grease and
lunch stains aren't included. For
an added-touch have your name
stitched on one of the pockets.
Maternity Wear - For
some bizarre reason, bulky,
baggy clothes are in this year.
Raid your mom's closet for her
stuff. Guys, find the shirt your
dad put cigarette holes in while
pacing the. waiting,r4x? m floor.
Really hip folk will wear
clothing equal to their body
weight. Top quality fashion
wear will have pickle & peanut
butter stains on the front, or
possibly chocolate & celery
(depending on how strange your
mother's eating habits were
when she was pregnant). Don't
settle for anything less.
- Shrinky-Dink Wear -
Oddly enough, another trend is
"less is good, but opaque is
better." Neon Lycra material is
used for tight shorts, shirts,
scarves and socks. Top-quality
clothes merely have one layer of
atoms as the material with a
velcro closure at the back.
These fashions should not be
worn around major highways, as
Department of Transportation
studies have shown that
extremely attractive people
dressed in such fashions have
ben known to cause eight car
contd. on next page
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Dear Louanne,
Is there such a thing as a
chocoholic? I have this insatiable
desire for chocolate. I go out of my
way -to get it and spend lots of money
on it. I'm afraid of gaining weight.
My friends say, "just quit buying it",
but •it's not that easy. I think I need a
Chocoholics Anonymous.
Signed, A Chocolate Lover
Dear Chocolate Lover,
You're bitting close to home. I'm sure
many of you have spotted me more than once
at the RUB desk or buying one of Clay's
magnificent giant chocolate chip cookies. Yes,
I think it is possible to become addicted to
chocolate, but I suspect it is more of a
psychological addiction than a physiological
one. •
Send letters to: Dr. Lonanne Barton, Personal Counseling
213 -GlenhilLEarmhonse, ,Bekrend College. f.rie,, Pa .1k65.43
ATTENTION
ALL 1989 GRADUATING SENIORS
I,II*IDISIZ‘II
ANNUAL ZERO-
YEAR REUNION
COMING APRIL 28,
1989.
LOOK FOR MORE
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Ask Louanne
The Collegian Adviie Column
by Dr. Louanne Barton,
Psychologist
This week:
Chocoholic Help
I've read that there are tree things which
cause endorphins to be relbased in the brain:
the runner's high, chocolate, and falling in
love. (Endorphins are natural substances
released in the brain that create a sense of
euphoria.)
Actually ovetidulging in chocolate is just
like any other type of compulsive over-eating.
It is a way of coping with stress - with
feelings such as anger, sadness, boredom,
and anxiety. It suggests we need to find some
healthier ways to express our feelings and to
cope with them. (You could try running or
falling in love, but there are other ways.)
Total abstinence is not the answer. Geneen
Roth has written a great book entitled
"Overcoming Compulsive Eating". She was
addicted to chocolate chip cookies for
breakfast, lunch, and dinner until she broke it.
After 15 days it worked. (She went on to do c
lot of other things too.) I've never had the
guts to try that approach. If you'd like to
borrow the book, I've got an extra copy in my
office.
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