The Collegian Wednesday, March
Opinion
Editorial
Your Right
Tonight at 8 pm, in the'Reed Building's Winter Garden, a group
of students, faculty and staff will be conducting a public reading of
Salman Rushdie's controversial book, "The Satanic Verses."
The First Amendment states that, "Congress shall make no law
... abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or of the right
of the people to peaceably assemble ..."
"The Satanic Verses" is said to contain passages that are
offensive to the Moslem religion. This may be so, but in a
democratic society, Rushdie has the right to publish his book - just
as those who are offended by the book have a right to speak out
against it.
The reading tonight is not being held to laud Rushdie's fiction,
nor it is not being held as a statement of hate towards the
Ayatollah Khomeini. The reading is taking place as a show of
support for an individual's right to freedom of expression.
The same right that I am employing by writing this editorial.
We've Made The Move
But we lost our dog
by James Martin
My assistant editor said it was
like - closing - a — tithe capsule;
Okay, maybe that's a little
profound but it is strange for
members of the Collegian staff to
walk through the Reed Building
entryway near the Rub desk and
see our old doorway covered with
cement blocks. For staff
members still operating on
autopilot and used to plowing
heedlessly through the
Collegian's doorway, this can
present a problem.
The fact is we've moved,
leaving behind half of a small
bad-smelling, cave-like office,
that will now be turned into a
counseling center. Seems
appropriate somehow.
So after years of cramped but
peaceful existence within close
proximity of the RUB Desk, we
have packed up our bags, Mr.
Coffee, a handful of Macintosh
Computers, one smelly dog and
moved to our new offices.
Finally, the move is
complete. We've been relocated to
a larger office at the end of the
hallway by the backroom.
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Richard G. Cain
Assistant Editor
Our new office smells new,
has a lot of nice white paint and
is actually carpeted. All in all
we're basically a pretty. happy
group. - With any luck we won't
have to do layout on the floor
any longer.
On the flipside, we miss our
windows and sometimes wonder
why we have a sewer pipe
running through out - office. Is
someone trying to tell us
something?
Basically we're not
complaining, we only have one
real problem. We've lost our dog.
Actually, we're talking about
SGA President Steve McGarvey's
dog. SGA did have their office
next door to ours and Steve's 14
year-old mixed breed dog, who
was a well-known fixture around
the Reed Building was our
constant companiion.
Unfortunately, our faithful
friend seems to have gotten lost
in the move. We haven't seen to
much of him since we made our
move.
So Starsky: if you're reading
this, we're back by the boiler
room. We'll leave the door open
for you.
Rob's Top Five
by Rob Prindle
The Collegian recently employed the
powerful and world-renowned Gallop Polling
Company to conduct a survey. You may wonder
how a small college newspaper like the
Collegian could gain the employ of such a
powerful polling facility. Lest you think that
this newspaper is without contacts with
important people, just consider our new office
which contains well over five square feet of space
and is located conveniently between the
Backroom and the Boiler room. That should
show you something about the power of the
press at Behrend.
So, the guys of Gallop were only too happy
to help me out when I asked them to conduct an
opinion poll on the popularity of some
important, well known people.
The poll also showed that 87
percent of the people who
acknowledged themselves to be
"Red Necks" had opinions that
were too stupid to be counted in
a scientific s oil.
The results are in and some of them are quite
shocking. For instance, did you know that 91.5
percent of Louisiana residents think that out
spoken TV bigot Archie Bunker would make a
fantastic state representative. The poll also
showed that 87 percent of people who
acknowledged themselves as "Red Necks" had
opinions that were too stupid to be counted in a
scientific poll.
The main purpose of the poll was to rate
people in order of popularity. The most popular
people were the same five jerks who are always
the most popular so this column will hopefully
take a more interesting track and concentrate on
the top five most hated people according to the
survey.
Starting off at the fifth most hated position is
the leader of the Grand Old Party, Mr. Lee
Atwater. Apparently everyone is sick of his love
affair with "the Blues." Seventy-six percent of
people who expressed an opinion said that they
just pray to God that future generations do not
mistake Atwater and his shaky sun glasses as
being one of Belushi and Ackroyd, the Blues
Brothers.
Respondents also said that they were really
ticked off at Atwater for not resigning from the
Howard University board of directors sooner.
Atwater finally resigned, but it was not until the
students of the predominantly black college held
an extended sit in that drew national attention
that the GOP leader resigned. The students
complained that when Atwater was heading the
Bush campaign he ran racist commercials
intended to instill fear of minorities in white,
suburbanite voters. In a related matter, 87 percent
responded that they were impressed with the
ability of the students to take an effective stand,
or rather a sit for something they believed in.
Fourth place on the survey goes to Frank
Lorenzo, head of Eastern Airlines. Sixty-two
percent of those responding said he was a blood
sucking union buster who must have worked as a
waiter in a former life. People questioned why a
person as rich as Lorenzo has to get even richer
at the expense of so many thousand workers. A
whopping 79 percent of the people surveyed said
that he deserved to be castrated with a dull, rusty
saw for having declared bankruptcy on Friday
which happened to be. payday for all of the non
union workers who had stayed on the job at
Lorenzo's pleading. Lorenzo called it good
business to file bankruptcy in time to avoid
paying the loyal workers.
Love Rob
Rob Prindle
Strangely enough, third place goes to the
striking workers at Eastern Airlines. The main
reason given by those who responded was the
stupidity of the strikers. The machinists and the
pilots at Eastern were the best paid in the world.
People questioned the intelligence of the pilots
giving up $BO,OOO per year job.
The dubious honor of being chosen second
most hated person in America goes to Behrend's
own Butch. People cited Butch's radical views
and their inability to find him in the student
directory as the main reasons for their hatred. A
staggering 86.5 percent of those expressing a
hatred stated that Butch turned their stomaches
and made them spend way too much money on
fuchsia bottles of Pepto Bismol. 92 percent of
the female waitresses surveyed said that if Butch
ever touched them they would kick him so hard
that he would never have the desire to touch
another woman. This may express a growing
conservatism among people who serve patty melt
sandwiches.
What is even more revealing is the 99 percent
of Republicans who said that they hope that
Butch decides to pursue a career in Democratic
politics.
Finally, the most hated person, according to
the poll is...anyone who smokes. Every non
smoker surveyed, and a surprizing 51 percent of
the smokers themselves said that they could not
stand anyone who was foul and vile enough to
smoke in public under the supposition that it
was some constitutional freedom to pollute other
people. This can basically be interpreted as a
statement of support for the sentiment that
Smoking in public is approximately equal to
urinating in public. Some, perhaps more radical,
would say that smoking in a public place equates
to urinating on people.
So, surveys don't lie. Smokers are on their
way out. Any group of people who are more
disliked then Butch cannot be far from extinction.
From the poll it can be envisioned that a world
in which smokers are stoned to death in public
for lighting up.
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