Page 6
History Of The
by Mark Owens
Collegian Staff Writer
This is my first serious work
with a newspaper ( aside from
house training the dog) and I
really wanted to understand what I
was doing.
I thought "what better way
than to study its history?" So I
went to the library and checked
out the history of the Media
According to Morton Downey Jr.
Here are some of the main events
in media history:
Early cave men told each other
news by painting stick figures
on walls, throwing dinosaur
bones at each other and grunting
loudly.
With the invention of the
wheel, cave men discovered they
could travel from cave to cave
and exchange news and dinosaur
stew recipes. Many
archaeologists think that this
was the origin of the mobile
news unit.
Man continued this
broadcasting method until towns
were established, as there was a
shortage of dinosaur bones and
they had developed speech.
A new technique was
developed. The town hired the
loudest person in the area to
walk around ringing a huge bell
all night. Here is an example of
a typical broadcast: . • , .
"Here ye,' here ye! It is four
O'clock in the morning and all
is well! Mr. Robinton's cow has
Mazda SE-5: our
best-selling number - 1
people-pleasing truck.
MAZDA TRUCKS ARE NUMBER 1- AGAIN -
IN CUSTOMER SATISFACTION!
For the third straight year, Mazda beat Toyota,
Nissan and everybody else in pleasing owners—
and now our 'B9s are here to please you! SE-5 is a
special favorite of truck buyers because it's priced
near Toyota's and Nissan's plain'base trucks, yet
you get a 5-speed overdrive, spoker wheels, raised
letter radials, rear step bumper, sport mirrors,
special stripes, tinted glass, and more—standard!
(814) 452-6441 S P
'llr4lll
given birth to a ninety pound
calf. The blacksmith's will be
closed at 2 pm and Mr. Gravely
was just seen sneaking off to the
Widow Naffer's with a bottle of
wine and a pint of cooking oil!"
Many historians think this
was the beginning of the sleaze
tabloid.
With the advent of the
printing press, man found he
could do away with the town
crier and get some sleep.
Newspapers evolved and
advertised and developed their
own writing style called the
inverted tetrahedron, or is it the
rhombus? Anyway, no really
major changes occurred in
newspapers until the rise of
sensationalism in the early
1900's.
While this form was easy to
use in the East, reporters in the
wild west found it more difficult
to put into practice. Here are
some sample headlines:
Mutant Cow. Destroys
Miles of Barbed Wire!;
Cowboys from Mars Take
Over Saloon; Priest
Possessed Spurs Maim 7
Members of His Church!:
He Exclaims "The Devil
Made Me Do it!"
In fact, a good example is the
story of the/J*lth ofles.scjarnes
as chronicled in the Gopher
Times: Imagine the Twangy
drawl of a Texan accent
accompanying this story:
2315 West 12th St
Erie, PA 16505
"I'm here at the cliff where
that vicious desperado Jesse
James plunged to his death to
avoid capture by the minions of
the law.
This reporter was present to
quote the dying words of the
famous bandit. They were and I
quote:
...thump' unquote."
The next huge development in
the news communication
industry was the invention of
the radio. The voices of
genetically altered bullfrogs
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The Collegian Wednesday, January 25
Media Part I
delivered the news to millions of
people. •
Thus the talk show was
created, which involved a bored
disc jockey and a gaggle of
psychotic people who have
nothing better to do bu call up
or measure how much pocket
lint they own.
Most opt for the pocket lint.
The interview show was
developed. This let millions
people sit around and gleefully
listen to a known figure be
embarrassed by an obnoxious
host.
tons Beach
Only
Later, the television came into
being and for the first time
people could actually see the
news. This put a big strain on
the medical community, as they
had to genetically alter a few
humans so they would never get
acne to appear on television.
This leads us up to the
modern day where the news is
delivered by showing computer
generated pictures on walls,
throwing chairs at each other and
yelling loudly.
We've come a long
baby.
$195.00