Page 10
Features
Holiday Roulette
Are These Things Really Necessary?
by Mark Owens St. Patrick's Day: An excuse
Collegian Staff Writer to get plastered. Ironically, it
lasts three weeks; two to get
tanked and one to get over the
hangover. Any holiday who's
main feature is a beverage that
looks like it's been sitting in a
moldy barrel for the last 27
presidential elections deserves to
get dumped.
Easter: Holidays that deal with
BIG, COSMIC, or NATURAL
things are not to be tampered
with, as the wrath of the heavens
could void the warranties on
electrical appliances should you
be struck by BIG, HUGE bolts of
lightning (with little pointy
teeth!).
Well, it's 1989 and the two
pig holidays of the year are over.
Recalling the crowded spaces,
grouchy shoppers, bonehead
drivers, foul air and migraine
headaches (and that was just the
parking lot), I would like to
propose a solution to this source
of human misery.
My idea involves getting rid
of meaningless, idiotic and
otherwise stupid holidays and
rotating the rest so that each year
one of them is not celebrated.
For example, once every, say, six
years we wouldn't celebrate New
Year's. Let's take a stroll through
my calendar and see what
holidays we would and wouldn't
have to put up with:
New Year's: A primary excuse
to act incredibly stupid, this is
the time of year where normally
responsible people get
intoxicated, dance on tables in
their underwear, shave the dog
and paint it orange and call the
boss's wife a cow with the idea of
starting the new year right. Also
?any promise made is
'automatically assumed to be
broken five minutes later. Keep
it.
Martin Luther King's
Birthday: Nice guy. It stays.
Lincoln and Washington's
Birthday's: Swell fellahs. Keep.
Ground Hog Day: Ugly
rodent. Shoot it. Next...
Valentines Day: "Oh Ethel!"
"Oh George!" "Oh Ethel!" "Oh
George!" Oh brother. If there's
any day of the year that brings
out the twit in mankind (or
womankind for that matter) it's
this day. Guys go broke and girls
either put on weight or break out
with some skin disease. The only
people that come out ahead are
Hallmark, Flower shops, candy
stores and the folks that make
Oxy-10. Dump it.
Special Ring Days
The Behrend Bookstore
Art Carved Orders may
be placed Tues.
January 31, & Weds.
Febuary 1.
April Fools Day: A day of
chaos and great immaturity. My
favorite day of the year. It stays.
Income Tax Deadline Day:
One of those "necessary evils" of.
life. Of course, in my calendar
this holiday is celebrated only on
leap year, on even decades, with a
solar eclipse falling 0n...
Mother's Day: See Easter.
Memorial Day: Beaches open,
"Nuff said?
_ Father's Day: Sales of Old
Spice 'and ugly ties skyrocket.
Dads could probably live without
this holiday.
Fourth of July: A holiday
where everyone is allowed to
have explosives no bigger than
one megaton. Most people ignore
this and plant small tactical
warheads on their neighbor's front
porches "for fun". Keep it.
Labor Day: Another excuse to
hang out at the beach all day.
Who needs it? Just do it!
Sweetest Day: A day created
just so Hallmark could sell more
cards. As if Valentines Day
wasn't bad enough. Kill it.
Columbus Day: I'm ashamed
that it took us so long to figure
out that the earth was round.
Cont. on pg. 13
Malnutrition Is Not Just A
Third World Problem
by Tammy Stecko
Collegian Staff Writer
American society is faced with
a problem that is causing
psychological problems and can
lead to physiological problems if
it is left to grow more severe.
The problem is malnutrition, "a
state of impaired functional
ability or deficient structural
integrity or development between
the supply to the body tissues of
essential nutrients and calories
and the specific biological
demand for them."
No society is free of this
condition and it is becoming
more and more of a problem
everyday. There are more people
living in the United States than
many of us are aware of that go
to bed with empty stomachs and
wake up many mornings without
any food on the table. Finally,
action to solve this problem is
being put into effect and this
issue is being taken more
seriously than it has in the past.
It was the belief of many that
malnutrition only existed in third
world countries, but it does exist
in this country because of
impaired physiology, poor
selection of food, lack of money,
and sometimes due to food
shortages. Certain diseases cause
a lack of proper nutrition even
though the - body is being
supplied with adequate nutrjtiell
and calories.
An illness also causes a loss
of appetite. Another reason why
malnutrition may be an
increasing problem may be the
lack of education that society is
given -that is related to this area.
This is only magnified when the
amount of emphasis our society
places upon "junk food" through
television commercials and other
forms of media is taken into
consideration.
A variety of foods must be
consumed to give the body the
required nutrients. It's always
been said that man can not
survive on bread alone. Poor
economic conditions can also
contribute to malnutrition. If the
money to buy the food goods is
The Collegian Wednesday, January 25
not accessible, then the available
food sources can not be utilized
to their fullest potential.
Although we have not had a
severe food shortage, such as a
famine, we have had times when
a certain type of food, such as
oranges, has not been available
due to problems with the climate,
such as frost. When these
circumstances arise in a less
expensive form, prices are
usually raised with a lower
quality of goods that are available
for purchase, which only
increases the problem for people
lacking financial stability.
In more severe instances, that
certain shortage may also effect
livestock, which in turn causes
more food source problems. The
extreme of this condition is called
starvation.
There are four basic classes of
malnutrition: Slight, Moderate,
Severe and Extreme. Slight
malnutrition is classified by
being 10 percent underweight.
This stage causes no serious
functional deterioration of the
body or it's functions.
In the moderate stage of
malnutrition, weight is 10-20
percent under the desired level.
There is a substantial change in
the body, but there is still the
ability to function moderately.
Severe malnutrition is a
potentially serious condition
being 20-30 percent underweight.
The body and it's systems
undergo profound changes and
develop problems functioning.
The last class of malnutrition
is the extreme phase. This class
is characterized by being 50
percent underweight and is many
times fatal.
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Only one-third of the world's
population had an adequate food
supply. This statistic is
surprising to many of us. In
1964, this was a fact. In 1989,
things have improved, but there
is still many miles until this
problem is even brought to a
stable position.
About 70 percent of a low
income family's income is spent
on food. For instance, if a
family's total net income was
$7,000.00 around 5700.00 of that
amount would be spent on food.
There are many local
organizations that deal with
problems concerning hunger in
this community. Some, like
Central City NATO, Inc. and
Erie Senior Citizen Center, help
the elderly who can no longer
afford or prepare their own meals.
Others, like food and
Nutrition Emergency Food
Pantry Program, help in
emergency conditions, such as
natural disasters. Organizations
that deal with the problem of
malnutrition are New Life
Center, County Meals On
Wheels, St. Martin's Center,
Salvation Army, and Erie
Community Food Bank. Some of
the organizations are nonprofit
and operate on grants, donations
and the help of volunteers and
others are profit organizations.
,Malnutrition is a problem that
has existed since the beginning of
time and will probably exist for
years to come. Someday with the
help of many, many people
maybe this problem can be
reduced to a level where it can be
handled within a country, but for
now hunger is a worldwide
involved problem.