THE TIMES, NEW BLOOM FIELD, PA., DECEMlVEll 20, 1881.
A RlLIABLt REMEDY
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note, It It known
by man j u
Tmi Great CurI
Vo Itching Piles.
0R.8WAYNI4 8ON,
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010 '
Sv ALL
' DHUGOISTS.
September au. 1881 ly
fiUm
RAILROADS.
PHILADELPHIA AND READING R. R.
ARKANSEMENT OF PASSENGER TRAINS
November 6th, 1881.
Trains Leave Harrisbnrg as Follows :
For New York via Allentown, at 8.05 a. m.,
and 1.45 p. in.
For New York via Philadelphia and "Bound
Brook Route," 6.30 8.05 a. in. and 1.45 p. m.
For Philadelphia, at U.3U, 8.0ft, tf.5oa. in., 1.45
and 4.00 p. m.
For Reading, at 5.20, 6.30, 8.05, 0.50 a. m., 1.45,
4.00, and 8.09 p. in.
For Pottsvlile. at H.20, 8.05, 9.50a. m.,1.45 and
4.00 p- in., and via Schuylkill and Susquehanna
Branch at 2.40 p. m. For Aulmru, at 8.10 a. in.
For Alleutowu,at6.20, 8.05, 9.50 a. in., 1.45 and
(.00 p, m.
The 8.05 a. m. and 1.45 p. m. trains have
through cars for New York, via Allentown.
SUNDAYS t
For Allentown and Way Btatlons, at 5.20 a. m.
For Reading, l'hildelaphta, and Way Stations,
at 5.20 a. in., and 1.45 p. m.
Trains Leave for Harrisbnrg as Follows I
Leave New York via Allentown, at 8.45
a. m , 1.00 and 5.30 p. m.
Leave New York via "Bound Brook Roule."and
Philadelphia at 7.45 a. m., 1.30,4.00, and 5.30 p. in.
arriving at UarrlsDurg, 1.60, 8.20, 9.20 p. in., and
12.35 a.m.
Leave Philadelphia, at 9.45 a. m., 4.00, 6.50
and 7.45 p. m.
Leave Pottsville.U.OO, 9,10 a. m. and 4.40 p. m.
Leave Reading, at 4.50, 7.30,11.50a. ra., 1.30,6.15,
7.50 and 10.35 p. m.
Leave Pottsvlile viaSchuylkllland Susquehanna
Branch, 8.15 a. m., and 4.40 p. in.
Leave Allentown, at 6.00, 9.00 a. m., 12.19, 4.S0,
and 9.05 p. m.
8UNDAY8:
Leave New York, via Allentown at 5.30 p. m.
Leave Philadelphia, at 7.45 p. m.
Leave Reading, at 7.30 a. m. and 10.35 p. m.
Leave Allentown. at 9.05 p. m.
BALDWIN BRANCH.
Leave HARRI8BCRG for Paxton, Loehieland
Steelton daily, except Sunday, at 6.25. 6.40, 9.35
a. m., and 2.00 p. m. ; daily, except Saturday and
Sunday, at 6.35 p. in., and on Saturday only, 4.45,
6.10, 9.30 p. m.
Returning, leave STEELTON dally, except
Sunday, at 6.10,7.00, 10.00a. ui.,2.20p. in.: daily,
except Saturday and Sunday, 6.10 p. m., and ou
Saturday only 5.10, 6.30, 9,50 p. m.
J. E. WOOTTEN. Uen. Manager.
C.G.Hancock, General Passenger and Ticket
Agent.
JHE MANSION HOUSE,
New Bloomflcld, Fcnn'a.,
GEO. F. ENSMINGEB, Proprietor.
HAVING leased this property and furnished It
la a comfortable manner, I ask a share of the
public patronage, and assure my friends who stop
with me that every exertion will be made to
render their stay pleasant.
- A careful hostler always In attendance.
Aprils, 1878. tf
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yALUABLE FARM
PRIVATE SALE.
A GOOD ARM situate In Ravllle township,
one and a half miles south of Ickesburg.
this county, containing
-A.bout CO A.cres,
Having thereon erected a
Frame House, Bank Barn,
CARPENTER SHOP, AND OTHER OUTBUILD,
lugs. A good portion of the tract! s excellent bot
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borhood, convenient t churches, stores and
schools.
9 The above property will be sold at a reason
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ticulars call at this ofllue. .26
MOMIE Cloths and other Dress Goods in va
rious styles.
F. MORTIMER.
iiSxX r.y,.;,
Wit iXMII
I a P AWT a -
MY MULE HIDE.
DID you ever ride a mule V I don't
mean a civilized creature accustom
ed to good society, but a wild steed of the
plains brought up ou the grass and rat
tlesnakes, and accustomed to cavort re
gardless of the constitution as amended,
or the rights of man. Mules are pretty
much alike the world over, only the
Texas mule Is a little more so.
I rode one the other day, aud I'm go
ing to try to tell you about It. It wou't
be very well 'written, because my right
arm has been In a sling, and I have
more bruises than bones. You see I fell
In love with a girl deep as a forty-foot
well I mean my love, not the girl she
Isn't deep a bit and as my luck would
have It, another fellow fell about the
same distance about the same time.
lie's not a bad looking chap, and
wears store clothes on week days. lie
parts his hair In the middle, and oils it
up with bergamot and cinnamon, lie
has his name printed on pieces of paste
board and drops them around promis
cuously for fear people might forget that
A. Brown was about. I had to ac
knowledge the face that between this fel
low and myself, In the affections of the
divine Aramlnta, it was nip and tuck,
with the dog a little ahead.
I put on my best clothes one day and
walked over to the gal's house, intend
ing to move on her works, aud have the
little thing settled without further de
bate. My rival was there, and seemed
to have on his best clothes. That didn't
amount to much, for I knew that at ten
o'clock, six hours after my arrival, he'd
have to wend his winding way home,
for the old lady be boarded with didn't
allow irregular hours.
If he got to his frugal couch, or rather
the house containing it, he might skin
his knuckles and kick his boots oil, but
he wouldn't get in after that hour, and
the haymow is not a very pleasant bed
room in flea time. But I was soon re
lieved of all anxiety. We had a diver
sion that broke up the sitting.
Aramlnta is possessed or a little broth
erI hate girl's brothers 1 If they are
little they play tricks on you, and If
they are big they borrow your money,
get drunk, and insult you with impuni
ty, knowing that'you are in love with
the sister and won't resent an insult.
While we were talking in a small way,
and looking volumes of love at the girl
and wrath at each other, we heard a
fearful yell in the garden patch, and
running out, found little brother on the
ground in active convulsions. lie had
been trying to eat his way through the
melon patch. It was a disgusting fail
ure, for he could not have bursted open
and gone into the contents of more than
ten or twelve.
As it was, it looked as if there was
going to be a death in the family, and
Aramlnta screamed a scream and yelled
at us to run for a doctor.
We both took In the situation at a
glance the man that got the doctor
first would get Aramlnta for life. My
rival went out over the fence like a deer,
and seized the only horse in the stable.
He bridled and saddled the animal in
double-quick time, while I found noth
ing left me but a mule. I seized a blind
bridle, and rushing at the animal, felt
something whizz over my head that I
am sure was a pair of heels. They nar
rowly escaped my skull but carried off
my hat.
Nothing daunted, I seized the creature
by the ear, put on the bridle, unfastened
the chain by which he was haltered and
led him from the stable. He went out
willingly, so much so, indeed that I had
some difficulty in keeping up, and had
not the creature stopped outside to give
vent in a prolonged bray, I could not
have mounted. As it was, before he got
through with his musical entertainment
I was on his back.
The beast seemed somewhat astonish
ed at this performance, and stood turn
ing it over in his mind for a minute,
while I dug my heels vigorously into
his sides. He seemed suddenly to come
to the conclusion that a change of ad
ministration would bean excellent thing,
and to this end began going up and down
like a saw gate. I really thought I'd be
split in two, and would probably have
been pitched over but that, in the midst
of this pleasing exercise Muley caught
sound of the horse disappeariug at a hard
gallop in the distance. He seemed ani
mated by the laudable ambition of over
taking the horse, and started so suddenly
that he came vejy near leaving me
behind. I worked my way forward un
til I conld get bold of the baiter chain,
and pulling this rigging tight, got a
pretty secure bold.
How that beast did run! He not only
gained ou the horse to such an extent
that Aramlnta might have offered two
to one and no takers, but exhibited bis
superabundance of bottom by throwing
in, at Intervals, the liveliest kicks that
ever emanated from a mule.
About a mile out we closed in on the
cob, aud as we passed Muley favored
him with a salute that was most diabol
ically foul ; for planting his two heels
upon the quarter of the honest Bucepha
lus, I heard a yell, and glancing around,
saw my rival and horse go down in a
most promiscuous manner. My steed of
the desert kept straight on. We had a
ride of eight miles before us; and I felt
satisfied that lu that distance at the rate
we were traveling, Muley would have a
good deal of demon taken out of him. I
became aware of another fact, aud that
was that my best pants were giving way.
About five miles out we struck a water-melon
.patch aud went straight
through. I could bear the melons burst
ing under me like bombs, and when we
emerged from the farther side specimens
of this fruit was strung on the mule's
leg like beads.
A mile beyond this I saw our excel
lent minister of the gospel wending his
solemn way across the prairies with a
wagon full of Infant Jacobs, and I saw
that unless he whipped bis horse into a
most extraordinary run, be would be
into him almost instauter. I pulled
bard on the near rein with one band,
while I steadied myBolf with the chain
with the other, but with no more effect
thau If I had taken a pull on Tike's
Peak. We struck the parson's family
about amidships, and went through. I
never saw infant Christianity so scatter
ed as on that occasion.
I left the parson gathering up his fam
ily, and continued until I struck the
doctor's fence, and went flying into his
front door with the bull dog close at my
tattered rear. I knocked over the cradle
and upset the supper table. The doctor
came to my rescue with a kick in the
ribB of his dog that sent him with a
howl and a mouthful of pantaloons into
the yard. I then told the doctor in one
breath all I had left that Araminta's
little devil of a brother was dying of too
much watermelon patch, aud wanted a
doctor with squills.
We returned In about the same style.
The doctor having a younger horse than
my rival had been favored with, kept
the lead, his pill bags flapping in the
air, while bis coat tails made a straight
line behind.
If bis horse flagged, the mule started
him up again with a vigorous bite on
the rump that seemed to infuse new
vigor into that medicated animal. We
passed my rival Bitting on the roadside
nursing bis off leg as if it hurt him. He
never came back, acknowledging hia
defeat in the most gentlemanly manner
The doctor soon put Araminta's little
brother in a perpendicular position, and
that night at the bedside of the little
sufferer, keeping well to the front, I pro.
posed, was accepted, and the happy day
was fixed. I rode into Araminta's af
fections on a mule.
PAT'S TERMS.
T)AT LYON, the great locksmith of
JL his day, was often sent for by presi
dents of banks and other great people,
and he rather liked the idea of keeping
the great people waiting. Bo one morn
ing Pat said he would come as soon as
be bad done bis breakfast, which hap
pened to be a good deal later thiB par
ticular morning.
Pretty soon came a second messenger
for Pat from the president, and so Pat
started off with messenger No. 2. When
be reached the bank he found the presi
dent and cashier and clerks all In a fret
and a fume. They couldn't open the
safe to get the money out for the business
of the day ; something or other was the
matter with the lock. They were In a
deal of a stew, and bailed Pat on bis
arrival with delight, for now they could
open the lock.
Pat was bald-headed, and bad a habit
of rubbing his bands on bis pate, thus
really rubbing the balr away. He wore
spectacles as a general thing, but when
be was particularly desirous of looking
at any thing, or was particularly excit
ed, he took bis spectacles off his eyes and
fixed them over bis forehead.
He now rubbed bis bands over his
head a minute, put bis spectacles over
bis forehead, looked at the lock a half
minute, or two, and the lock was fixed
all right and the safe was ready to
open.
The president was delighted. Bo was
the cashier. They shook bands with
Pat, who received their salutations
with a good deal of style.
"And now Mr. Lyon," asked the
president, "what is your charge V"
Pat put up his spectacles a little high-
er, just a little, and said : '
"One hundred dollars."
"What, One hundred dollars for less
than three minutes' work, Mr. Lyon 1
Why this is outrageus," said the presl
dent. ,
"It is extortion," Bald the cashier.
"All right," said Pat Lyon, rubbing
his hand over his head, and then put
ting his spectacles a little higher over
his forehead just a little. "You won't
give me my money I won't give you
my work. And I'll leave things aa I
found them." Here he took hold of
the lock, and circuBsIng with it, got it
out of gear, as it was at first, and so left
the safe in precisely the same u nope lia
ble condition as he found it. Then be
started to go home.
But the president and cashier, appre
ciating the situation, seeing what fix
they were In, begged Pat to let up on
them, and fix the lock so they could
open the Bafe.
rt compiled with their request, but
still kept his band on the safe door. It
was all ready to open, but wasn't yet
opened.
'Now, be reasonable in your charges ;
do, Mr. Lyon," said the bank presl.
dent.
"Two hundred dollars, said Pat rub
bing his bead and raising his spectacles
once more.
"Why, this is downright robbery,"
cried the president.
"Might as well break into the safe as
open it at that rate," remarked the
cashier.
"All right," said Pat clrcusslng with
the lock rapidly, before anybody could
prevent htm, and then banging the safe
door to, leaving It for the third time
hermltlcally sealed.
By this time the president bad his
mad up. He ordered Pat out of the of
fice, and sent for a rival locksmith. He
came quick enough, and worked and
fussed long enough and hard enough,
but he didn't open the lock and he
couldu't open the safe. And it got to
be nearly ten o'clock and no money
available yet.
In despair a third messenger was dis
patched after Pat Lyon, who came back
with a lot of extra dignity.
"Open that safe at your own terms,
Mr. Patrick Lyon," said the president.
Pat rubbed hla head, put his spectacles
way up on hla forehead, and opened
the safe.
"Now your terms," said the presi
dent. "Three hundred dollars," said Fat.
The cashier protested, but the pres
ident paid the money. "Why, he will
ask for $400 next time," remarked the
president to the cashier.
"Excuse me," said Pat, with dignity,
"but my terms next time will be five
hundred."
"You see," said the president to the
cashier, aa be gave him the check.
And Pat rubbed hla head and took his
check without a word. He was master
of the situation and he knew it.
TRACKED TO DEATH.
IF A MAN in France be arrested or
merely suspected, he must say who be
is. Concealment is useless, for the police
will not release the man until they have
exhausted all means of ascertaining the
truth. He may give a false name or say
that be is a foreigner, but the authorities
of the place where be professes to have
been born will be written to, and if the
Information he has given be found incor.
rect be will be liable to six month's
imprisonment for being a vagabond; nor
will his troubles end there, for the police
will take It for granted he 1b only con
cealing his Identity because he has com
mltted Borne great crime, and he will be
placed under police surveillance until his
life becomes so burdensome that he will
tell the truth to get a little peace. French
criminals of the lower classes scarcely
ever try to conceal their identity. In the
course of fifty years the prefecture have
bad many cases of Englishmen and
Americana who gave false namea and
whose identity could never be discovered
because the English and American police
could afford no assistance in the matter,
but they can only quote one case of a
Frenchman, who obstinately resisted all
endeavors to ascertain what bis name
was. The wretched man had been ar
rested for a petty thief, and stated that be
was an Italian. This proved to be false;
at least it was discovered that no person
bearing bia name bad been born in the
commune which be described as his birth
place. He was kept in prison fifteen
months and questioned eighty times by
a judge 'instruction, but to no purpose,
so that he was at last tried for being a
thief and vagabond, and sentenced to a
year's imprisonment. On bis release be
was treated as a forelgner-tbat is he was
expelled the country by order of the
prefect of police, and being conveyed to
the frontier between two gendarmes he
was given up to the Italian authorities
as a suspected criminal. The Italian po
lice system being like the French, the
vagabond was taken to jail and asked to
give an account of himself. As be
persisted in telling palpable untruths
about hia birth place be was kept for
several months in durance then sentenc
ed to six month's for vagabondage, and
on the expiration of bis term be was
sent back to France. This time the
French police did not arrest him but they
watched him. The unhappy man seek
ing for work as a stone mason soon found
employment ; but gave to his master a
name different to that under which he
had been sentenced. The police were
upon him at once. Having ascertained
that bis new name was not bis own they
got him sentenced again to a year's im
prisonment, "pour usurpation de faux
noma," and upon bis discharge they told
him plainly that be could expect no
peace until be made an avowal of his
identity. He was consigned to a "Depot
de Mendlcite" or depot of Incorrigible
vagabonds, and there committed suicide.
Who be was has never been ascertained,
but the relentless pertinacity wlth'whlcl
be was hunted to death shows what a
grim duel It Is which the French police
wages agnlnst criminals. If this unfor
tunate man had given himself out as au
Englishman and bad himself conveyed
to Dover, his trouble would have ceasedi
when he touched English soil, for the
British police would have had no right
to worry him or to ship him back to
France.
Robbed at Her Door.
Mrs. Jonathan Janes of 145 Taylor
street, Brooklyn, wife of the Junior
member of the stationery firm of Slote
& Janes, 140 Nassau street, New Yorkt
returned from shopping in this city at
8 P. M. yesterday. As she stepped into-
the area to enter her house at the base
ment door she was seized from behind
by two young men, one of whom cover
ed her mouth with his band and held
her, while the other took from her ears
a pair of diamond earrings worth $500..
Then both men ran away. Mrs. Janes-
screamed for help and ran after them.
Bhe chased them nearly two blocks.
when they disappeared from her sight.
Bhe returned borne greatly exhausted.
The only description that she could
give of the men was that they were
about 19 years old, 6 feet 0 inches tall,
and dressed in dark clothes and Derby
hats.
After the case bad been reported at
Police Headquarters, Mr. Janes called
there and requested that nothing should
be made public about the alleged robbery
for a day or two. He, however, did not
give the police reasons they considered
sufficient. Police Superintendent Camp
bell sent to the house later to ask why
secrecy was desired, but got no answer..
New York Sun.
Curious Remarks on the Bible.
The above is the heading of a very oluT
piece of manuscript recently found in an
old book in the possession of Mr. Isaac
Hubley, No. 610 Middle street Lancaster
Mr. Hubley has had the book for a num
ber of years, but has no idea by whom
the document was written. It is as fol
lows :
" The bible contains 3,606,489 letters ;
810,697 words ; 31,173 verses; 1,189 chap
ters ; 60 books. The word "and" occurs
46,227 times; "Lord," 1,854; "reverend"
only once, and that In the 111th Psalm..
The 27th verse of the 7 th chapter of Eara
contains the alphabet. The 19th chapter
of the 2nd book of Kings and the 87th
chapter of Isaiah are alike. The first
man recorded as buried in a coffin was
Joseph, 60th chapter of Genesis and 26th
verse. Nowhere but in the 1st chapter
of Timothy is the word grandmother
mentioned. Twq particularly fine chap
ters to read you will find are the 2nd of
Joel and the 26th of Acts. There is no
name or word of more than six syllables
in the Holy Bible.
High Priced Puppies.
Mr. Louts Lorillard, of New York,
offers $500 for the conviction of the per
son who stole bis black French poodle
Flora, and he says : What is more, I
will expend $10,000 to send the thief to
prison. I am determined to put a, stop
to this sort of thing. This is the second
dog that has been stolen from the stable
in a month, and a great many other
dogs in the private stables in this part of
the city have been taken. The practice
is nothing short of an outrage, and it is
quite evident that the only thing that
will stop it is to send one of the thieves
to prison. A dog, like a horse, is hard
to set a price upon. No matter bow
valuable it may be to you, others may
not think it worth as much. But In
this instance I shall have no difficulty
in proving a State prison offense. . It
will be more than petit larceny, because
my coachman has sold more than $1,000.,
worth of her puppies.
A Thoughtful Man.
A man in Kentucky, all all ve and1
well, recently saw a statement of his
own death in a newspaper. He did not
so much resent the general statement as
the inaccuracy of the details ; so he
wrote to the editor : "Sir, I notice a few
errors in the obituary of myself which
appeared in your paper on Wednesday
last. I was born in Greenup county, not1
Caldwell, and my retirement from busi
ness in 1800 was not owing to ill-health, .
but to a little trouble I had in connection
with a horse. The cause of my death .
was not small-pox. Please make cor
rections for which I enclose fifty cents." '
Thus showing he wbb a thoughtful man..
0"A very fast horse ; "Do you have
any fast horses In Germany?" asked.
Gus De Smith of an old Austin German
who is known as "Truthful Fritz," ou
account of bis sincerity and hatred of
everything sensational. "Does ve have,
fast horses in Bhermany V" he replied.
"I should schoost schmile. Von day.
Baron von Kubswappel, a goot frieuii
by me, dakes me out nilt bis horse anci
puggy. After we rides about an hour, I
says : "What for you drive so much wit
dis cemetery l' He says : 'Deiu vas mile
stones ; but ve goes so fast de mile stones
make it look shoost like ve vas in one
big grave-yard.' And now you wants,
to know If ve have fast horses in Bher-many.";