Ill VOL. XV. INEW BLOOMFIELD, TUESDAY, OOTOBEE 11, 1881. NO. 41. THE TIMES. Ait Independent Family Newspaper, ISPUDUSH1DBYBRTTUESD1TST F. MORTIMER & CO. TE11M8 I INVARIABLY IN ADVANCE. f 1.30 IT It YlvAlt, I'OSTACJE FIIKE. so i ts. roil e months. To subscribers resldlnn In Tins countt, where we have no postage to pay. a dlscouHt of 2 cents from the above terms will be made II payment Is made In advance. ' Advertising ratei furnished upon nppllca tlon. HOW SHE MANAGED HIM. " T CAN get along with him, I'm very X sure," said Joscellnd Darkridge. "Nobody could get along with him 1" chorused the three Miss Darkrldges in unison. Uncle Black was the personage of whom they spoke a crabbed, ill-temper-ered little old man who lived in a su perb old county seat among the Catskilla. He had money to leave, but his nieces and nephews secretly believed that It would be a deal easier to go to California or Qolconda, or tome of those fabulous places, and dig . fortunes' out nugget by nugget, then to stay at home and earn them by making themselves acceptable to an old gentleman who had as many angles as a rose diamond, and as many prickly spikes of temper and disposition as a porcupine. Naomi was a soft-voiced, slender girl, with a head which reminded one of a drooping lily. "No one can help liking Naomi," said Mrs. Darkridge, as she kissed her daugh ter good-bye. But in three weeks Naomi came back, half-frightened out of her wits. "He scolds so dreadfully," Bald Naomi, "And he looks at me as the wolf must have looked at Little Bed Biding Hood. Oh, mamma, I couldn't stay there, not if I was to be made richer than Miss Burdett-Coutts herself I" Magdalen Darkridge went next ; but Magdalen, although a fine tall girl, with a spirit of her own, was cowed by Uncle Black's savage eyes in leas than a week. "I'd sooner sweep crossings for a liv ing," said she, "than to beUncle Black's helresss." And so she came home without loss of time. Bhoda Darkridge, in no wise abashed by the successive failures of her sisters, was the third one to try Black Grange and its possibilities. But she also suc cumbed before the terrible scourge of Uncle Black's tongue. "It's Bcold, snarl, snarl, scold, from morning till night 1" said Bhoda, as in three days time she tearfully related her experience to her parents. "Oh, you don't know, nobody can know, what a dreadful man Uncle Black Is !" "Oh, hang the old scamp!" said Mr. Darkridge, who was of a free-and-easy nature, and thought his girls a great deal too sweet and nice to be snarled at by any old miser. "Let him alone. My daughters needn't go begging for any man's money." But here Joscellnd, the youngest, tall est and prettiest of the four girls, spoke up: "I will go !" said she. "You do not know what you are uu. dertaklng," said Naomi, with a shudder. "He would wear out a stone," said Magdalen. "He's a ghoul I" shuddered Bhoda. "I can get along with him, I am very sure," eald Joscellnd, brightly. And she packed her little trunk, and went to Black Orange. It was sunset a red, flaming sunset, like one of Gifford's pictures when she came up the terraced flight of steps that led to the old bouse. Everything blush ed blood red In the deep light, and Jos cellnd could see bow lovely was the scenery; how substantial this old gray; bouse, with Its square towers and semi circular, colonnaded porch. Uncle Black stood on the steps, in a wig and black silk stockings, surmount ed by huge silver kneebuckles. "Bo you are Joscellnd 1"' said Uncle Black, surveying her with little twink ling eyes, like black beads. "Ye. I am Josceliud ?" said thebrlght cheeked girl, giving him a kips. a "You're late I" said Uncle Black. "I am late," said JoBcelind. "I thought the old beast of a stage never would get here. The horses fairly crept and the roads were horrid." "It's a dreadfully warm day," growled Uncle Black. "I'm almost roasted," sighed Josce llnd. "The whole summer has been Intoler ably warm," said the old gentleman, "We might as well be in the tropics and done with it," retorted Joscellnd, flinging off her shawl and fanning her self vehemently." Uncle Black gave her the keys that night, just as he had three times before given them to her three sisters. "I shall expect you to take charge of the whole establishment," said he. "The servants are miserable" "No more than one might expect," interrupted Joscellnd, with a deprecatory motion of the hand. "Servants are mere frauds, nowadays 1" "And nothing goes right about the place." "Nothing ever does!" said Joscellnd. Uncle Black eyed her queerly. This was quite different from the determined cheerfulness and systematic good spirits of her three sisters. At breakfast, the next morning, Uncle Black begau to scold, as usual. ' "Fish again I" said he. "This makes four mornings In the week we've had fish." "I detest fish!" said Joscellnd, push ing away her plate with a grimace. "And the rolls heavy again !" growled Uncle Black, breaking one open, "Please give me the plate, Uncle Black," said Joscellnd; and she rang the table bell sharply. Betty, the cook, a stout, good humored Irishwoman, made her appearance. "Betty, be so good as to throw these rolls out of the window," said Miss Darkridge. Betty stared. "Do you hear what I tell you ?" said Miss Darkridge, with emphasis. And Betty flung the rolls among the rose-bushes, where they were speedily devoured by Cato, the Newfoundland dog, and Bob and Boy, the two setters. "But what am I to eat for breakfast V" bewailed Uncle Black. "Crackers, of course. Anything is better thau imperiling one's digestion with such stuff as this I And, Betty, if you send up any more fish in a month, you may consider yourself discharged do you hear?" Bat my dear, I am rather fond of fish," put in the old man. " One can't eat fish the whole time," said Joscellnd, imperiously. "Here, Betty this coffee is not fit to drink I and the toast is burned! and you must have put the cooking butter on the table by mistake 1 let these errors be rectified at once." Betty retired, with an ominous rustle of ber stiffly starched apron. " My dear," said Uncle Black, rather apprehensively, " Betty is a very old servant, and she" " I don't care if she is the age of Methuselah ; nobody can be expected to put up with such wretched cookery as this!" " I really think she is not so bad, if" "Oh, pray don't apologize for her, Uncle Black 1" said Joscellnd. "They are all shiftless, lazy creatures, who must be discharged promptly If they don't do their duties." Uncle Bck began to look frightened. He had kept Betty, Sylvia and John for ten years. Was it possible that he had scolded at them for ten years, only to have Joscellnd Darkridge out-scold him now? "I wouldn't be too short with 'em, my dear, if I were you I" be remonstra. ted. ' , "Then let them do their duty !" said Joscellnd, with the air of an empress. "We are all mortal," pleaded Uncle Black. "I expect every one around me to live to their conditions," said Joscellnd, "Uncle Black ate the rest of his break fast with but little appetite. Bylva, the housemaid, was finishing dusting his li brary as he entered it. "Not through yet 1"' growled Uncle Black, the fretwork of wrinkles once more coming into his brow. "Hylvla," said Miss Darkridge, severe, ly, "If this happens again, I shall dis pense with your services ! Look at that clock! Is this the time of day to be dawdling about the rooms with a broom and duster ? Bemember that Mr. Black does not pay you exorbitant wages to lie in bed until noon I" "My dear," sold Uncle Black, "Hylvla Is generally a very good girl, if" "Dear Uncle," interrupted Joscellnd, "pray permit me to be the Judge of these matters. You have ruled your house hold with a slack and indulgent hand altogether too long. I shall now insti tute a reform." And poor Sylvia had never moved about bo briskly as she did that day. Old John, the gardener, was not ex empt from his share of the general tur moil. Miss Darkridge chanced to over hear her uncle reproaching the old man for some fancied neglect in the flower beds, whose diamonds, ovals and cres cents of brilliant colors were the pride of his horticultural heart, and she came promptly to his aid. "Gardening, Indeed 1 Do you call this gardening ?" she said. "Uncle Black, I'm astonished that you keep such a man as this about the place!" And the torrent of taunts and re proaches which she showered upou the luckless head of poor old John was enough, as that individual observed, "to make one's flesh creep." "My niece Is a young lady of spirit and energy, apologized Mr. Black, when at last Joscellnd had gone back to the house. "Verra like you, sir verra like you 1" said old John, scratching his head. "Like me!" said Mr. Black, slowly. And he stood for full five minutes, quite speechless and motionless, staring down at the mossy rim of an ancient sun-dial, half sunk in the velvety grass. And at the end of the five minutes he spoke two other words, and only two: "Like me!" "There's no knowin' the masther, he's that changed," said Betty, in the kitch en, a week or so after. He's as mild as a lamb and as peaceable as a kitten." "Sure, isn't that just what the young lady told us," said Sylvfa, "when she came down into the kitchen that first morning before the fire was lighted, and told us she was goln' to try an experi ment, and we wasn't to mind a word she eald, 'cause it was all by contraries. 'He don't know what his temper has got to be,' said she 'and I'm going to show him.1 And, bless her sweet heart, her plan has worked like a charm !" It had, In good truth. Uncle Black was a changed man. And Joscellnd had relapsed into the original sunshine of her temper and all the domestic wheels of Black Grange seemed to revolve on vel vet. But Uncle Black took all the credit to himself. He never knew that Joscellnd had taught him a lesson. "We get along very nicely," eald he, "now that my niece has subdued those little tempers of hers." And Joscellnd was his heiress and darling after all for he will always be lieve that it was he who "formed her character." TOO WELL PAID FOR THAT. SAM SLICK tells this story of an old admiral whom he knew at Hal ifax : On one occasion I attended divine service with him, on board of his mag nificent flag-ship, the Graball. The dis cipline in those days was dreadfully severe, and, I may add, unmerciful. The men were punished so often and so cruelly, that they became desperate, and mutiny and desertion were things of fre quent occurrence. Scarcely a day passed without the loss of a man ; and even the extreme penalty of death, which was the inevitable consequence of such crimes, did not check their desire to escape from the service. The chaplain took the op portunity to preach against such deser tion, aud selected for his text the elev enth verse of the sixth chapter of Nebemiab, "And I said, should such a man as I flee V" He enlarged upon the duty of sailors to be obedient to those who were set In authority over them, and to continue true to their engage ments, and enforced every exhortation by a repetition of his text. He then con cluded by an eloquent appeal to their feelings; first, eulogizing their coolness and ' intrepidity in danger, and then calling upon them to stand by their king and country, and maintain the honor of both, and slowly and emphatically reit erated, "And I said, should such a man as I flee V" "No," said a voice which arose from among the marines, and was evidently the effect of ventriloquism "no, blast you ! you are too well paid for that!" Aloud, long-drawn breathing was audible among the men, who, feel ing that something atrocious had beeu done, which in all probability would be followed by some terrible retribution, while an ill-suppressed titter was heard among the junior officers, at the sudden ness and qualntness of the retort. The chaplain paused and looked at the Ad miral, and the Admiral glared at the men, as if he could annihilate them all. Immediate inquiry was made and the strictest examination of every Individual instituted, accompanied by a positive declaration that the whole ship's compa ny should be whipped, unless the cul prit was given up. The secret, howver, was never divulged, nor the threat of Indiscriminate punishment carried into effect. RATHER MIXED. " TS there any truth in this story that 1 Mr. Garfield has killed Senator Conkling " inquired Mrs. Spoopendyke, fitting the sleeve into the arm hole aud running In the basting. "No!" ejaculated Mr. Spoopendyke. "Where did you get that ? Mr. Conk ling has resigned, but he ain't dead." "I read that he had got into some diffi culty with Mr. Garfield, and Mr. Gar field had dragged him all around by the ear, and finally they had to take Mr. Conkling away to save his life, though he died afterward." "Who said so V" demanded Mr. Spoop endyke. "Where'd you read anything like that?" "I read it on a pattern that Mrs. Win terbotham loaned me for an oversklrt. I'm sure it's bo." replied Mrs. Spoopen dyke. "Get the pattern, Mrs. Spoopendyke. Show it to me." Mrs. Spoopendyke unrolled the pattern and commenced to read : "'The complications at Washington have assumed the most exciting shape. To-day the troubles between Garfield and Conkling culminated by Conkling seiz ing him by the throat and holding on while the crowd yelled with delight. Twenty to one was offered, but Garfield remains firm and declares that the ad ministration will not yield. This posi tion roused the crowd to frenzy. It la said that Conkling really desires to re tire to private life, but Garfield at that moment planted his teeth in his game adversary's ear, and dragged him around until the friends of Conkling were com pelled to interfere to save the poor thing's life. He was taken home, but died in a few minutes.' There!" said Mrs. Spoopendyke, triumphantly, "I told you so." "Show me!" said Mr. Spoopendyke, Jumping up- and seizing the pattern. "Where d'ye find such dod gasted non sense as that? Where is It?" "There, it begins under the ruffle, then it runs over on the band and down on the gore, and ends here on the plait ing. I knew I'd seen it," and Mrs. Spoopendyke smiled pleasantly. "What's the matter with you, you measly idiot?" howled Mr. Spoopen. dyke. "This is where you get your po litical information, is it? This is the source of your intelligence on national affairs? All you want is two more patterns and a bald head to be a const! tutional lawyer! Three overskirts and a pair of spectacles would make you a supreme-court Judge 1 What d'ye think thla lv" "Is n't 1J; rignt ?" faltered Mrs. Spoop endyke. "Did you read from the ruffle over to the band and down to the gore" "Yes, I did, did n't I ?" squeaked Mr. Spoopendyke, "and so did you, did n't you ? Do you know what you've got here ?" "Is n't It a pat" "Dod gast the pattern I mean the print ! Bart of it is about Garfield, part about Conkling, and the rest is about a dog fight on Long Island. Know what it Is now ? ' Think you can understand It, now I've explained it to you? Oh, you can I You've got bi atns ! Some day I'm going to run a pipe in your ear, and start a phosphorus factory !" and Mr. Spoopendyke danced out of the room, leaving it strewn with pattern dust. "I don't care," sobbed Mrs Spoopen dyke. "It read all right, and the skirt fitted so nicely that I. supposed the arti cles were put together straight. And it was so perfectly natural anybody might make the same mistake. It's so like most of the news from Washington that I've been expecting It every day," and Mrs. Spoopendyke overcast the sleeve. with the serene conviction that after all you've got to patch a newspaper into a pattern to get at the actual facts some times. JERUSALEM AND THE DEAD SEA. NEW ideas are working into Pales tine. A new city is going up on the west side of Jerusalem, outside of the gates. Along the turnpike to Jaffa run the telegraph wires, and on the plain of Sharon stands the large "Jewish Agri cultural College" surrounded by a model farm and thrifty nurseries. Bethlehem is a thriving town largely it is nomi nally Christian and it carries on exten sive manufactures In mother-of-pearl. The Bethlehemites brought back from our Centennial Exhibition at Philadel phia about seventy thousand dollars as net profit of the sale of their beautiful wares. If Palestine were only delivered from the tyranny of the Sultan, or were ruled by such a man as the Pasha Roulff (the governor of Jerusalem), It would rise rapidly into a new era of economic progress. The Sultan's touch and tread are death. The much maligned Dead Sea has a weird and wonderful beauty. We took a bath in its cool, clear waters, and de tected no difference from a bath at Coney Island except that the water has such a density that we floated on it like pine shingles. No fish from the salt ocean can live in It ; but it is very attractive to the eye on a hot noonday. A scorching ride we had across the barren plain to the sacred Jordan, which disappointed me sadly. At the places where the Israelites crossed and our Lord was bap tized, it is about 120 feet wide; it flows rapidly, and in a turbid current of light stone color. In size and appearance it Is the perfect counterpart of the Musk ingum a few miles above Zanesville. Its useles waters ought to be turned off to irrigate its barren valley, which might be changed into a garden. For beauty the Jordan will not compare with Eli jah's Brook Cherlth, whose bright, sparkling stream went flowing past our lodging-place at Jericho. We ' lodged over night in a Greek convent (very small), and rode next morning to see the ruins of the town made famous by Josh ua, Elijah, Zaccheus and the restoration of Bartimeus to sight. Squalid Arabs haunt the sacred spot. Out of Groceries. "John," said a farmer's wife to the lord of the manse, "we are out of sugar, and you will have to go to town." "Well, we must get along some way. We can do without until I get through with my rush. I can't stop my teams now. You know the good book says if we do not sow we cannot reap." "John," she says the next day, "we are out of coffee, as well as sugar, and you will have to go to town. You know you can't do without your coffee." ' Well, we must get along some way until I get through with my work. We can do let's see, can't you go over to Mrs. Riddleberger's and borrow some until I get time ?" The next day John said to the hired man, "Billy, gimme a chew of your tobac co. I'm out." "Wish I could ; but I was just going to ask you for a chew," replied Billy. "Well, I declare," said John. "Well, Billy, I've got to go to town, there's no use to talk. We are out of groceries." John stops a machine, takes a team and goes to town for groceries. tiTA very charitable man and no body's fool was he who used to say, when he heard any oneitelng loudly condemn, ed for some fault, "Ah, well, yes t It seems very bad to me, because that's not my way of sinning."
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers