W -- - -". I. A !;i;IM,
; ' . .1:
ft
VOL. XV.
NEW BLOOMPIELD, IJA.., TUESDAY, MAY 10, 1881.
NO. 19.
"ajr V
THE TIMES.
An Independent Family Newspaper,
IB PUBUSHBDHVBRY TUESDAY BT
F. MORTIMER & CO.
TKltMH I
INVARIABLY IN ADVANCE.
fl.SO VFAl YIOAll, POSTAGE Fltr.r.
80 CTSi Kill 0 MONTHS.
To si:borlbrs residing In Tim county, where
we have no pnstne to pav. a discoiiHt of 21 cents
from the above tonns will be made If payment la
made In advance.
' Advertising rate furnished upon appllca
t Ion.
geledt Toetfv
TYPE PICTURES.
LOOK ON THIS PICTl'ltE:
7i fl
( .
There Is a land of tears and bitter walling,
A land most like that drear one Dante knew.
Where wan-faced Niobus.wlthdark robes trailing
In sad procession move, brow bound with rue.
It Is aland peopled by witless mortals
Compared with them the Virgins five were wise-
And it Is writ above Us gloomy portals:
"We Did Not Think It Paid To Advertise."
AND NOW LOOK ON THIS:
There Is a land that flows with milk and honeys
Not the Condensed nor yet the Sorghum straiHS
Eachdweller bears a gripsack fat with money,
Bonds, coupons, stocks and various other gal us,
Happy are these as, at high tide, the clamlet,
No tears doth drown the laughter In their eyes.
For better luck they'd not donate one hamlet i
The pastry's theirs They learned to Advertise.
. DEBBY'S ADVENTURE.
MISS NANCY BARLOW was stand
lng ou her kitchen porch churning,
and singing that ancient melody, " Billy
Boy," in a voice that was not as sweet
and musical as it might have been,
owing to the fact that it seemed to
emanate from her nose instead of her
mouth, so marked was the nasal twang ;
but Miss Nancy's audience consisted
only of Bruno, the house dog, who was
lazily snoozing in the sunshine at his
mistress's feet, and Tabby, the gray cat,
who was bo sound asleep on the cushion
of a vacant chair, that a rat would have
been perfectly safe in taking a promen
ade in the streak of sunshine that fell
athwart Miss Tabby's nose, and ran the
entire length of the porch.
Beside Tabby and Bruno there was
among Mies Nancy's audience Grandma
Barlow, Miss Nancy's mother, an aged
lady of at least seventy, who also yielded
to the drowsy influence of the warm
September afternoon, and was fast
asleep in her rocking chair, with such a
peaceful smile on her dear, old face, that
her dreams must- have been pleasant
-ones ; the wrinkled bands that had seen
so much toil were folded peacefully in
her lap, and the gentle breeze fanned the
snow-white ruffle of her cap border, and
there she sat, as unappreciatlve a listen
er to the dulcet tones of Miss Nancy's
voice as Tab or Bruno. Indeed, the
only person who seemed to be paying
the least attention to Miss Nancy's sing
ing was Sir Charles, Miss Nancy's favor
ite rooster, upon whom she had bestow
ed so lordly an appellation iu conse
quence of the extreme dignity with
which the feathered voluptuary had
always conducted himself since the day
-of bis birth, and also in consequence of
the unusually large and brilliant tuft of
gay feathers on his head that looked
like a crown; this distinguished and
lordly listener to his mistress's song had
perched himself loftily on the porch
railing, and, with his head turned away
in respectful silence uutil " Billy Boy"
Announced his wife's age as,
Twice six, twice seven,
Forty-eight, and twice eleven,"
When the lordly Sir Charles gave utter
ance to a loud crow, either expressive of
Lis admiration for Miss Nancy's singing
or his contempt for Master Billy for
marrying so old a maiden, we know not
which. ,
The song being ended, and the butter
come, Miss Nancy provides herself with
a huge wooden bowl and ladle, and with
her great red arms bare to the elbow,
and an Immense gingham apron tied
about her waist, she separates the yellow
butter from the milk, and proceeds to
"work" in a vigorous manner, iu the
midst of which she is Interrupted by a
rather loud aud charmingly clear and
ringing voice crying out,
"Hollo, Aunt Nancy !"
Miss Nancy turns quickly around,
and with a joyful exclamation of,
41 If it ain't Deb!"
Flies at and embraces a young miss of
about sixteen, iu a pretty gray-and-black
traveling suit, and coquettish little round
hat with a mass of frizzes and braids
under it and a pair of great, laughing
black eyes and rosy cheeks, so tempt
ingly fresh aud fair that It was no won
der Miss Nancy kissed them until their
owner laughingly cried out,
" O Aunt Nancy 1 don't eat me up,
you blessed cannibal, or at leust restrain
your appetite until I have kissed grand
ma, and had a romp with Bruno, and
smoothed Tabby's fur for her."
And the young lady released herself
from her devoted aunt's embrace, affec
tionately kissed the old lady, who was
wide awake now, as were Tabby and
Bruno, who exhibited Bigns of recogni
tion and joy as soon as they saw Miss
Deb, Bruno barking bo furiously and
wagging his tall so Joyfully that it really
seemed In danger of wagging off ; and
Tabby threatening to dislocate her spine
by curving up her back iu a wonderful
manner, and mewing loudly to attract
the new-comer's attention, and going
into a transport of delight when the
young lady clasped her In her arms,
and began to polka about the porch
with Bruno at her heels, and Miss
Nancy, with - arms akimbo, laughing
immoderately, while grandma looked
over the top of her glasses and chuckled
to herself in wonder aud delight.
" I declare, aunty, if- everything isn't
just as natural as can be; you, and
grandma, and Tab, and Bruno, and
yes, as I Jive, if there isn't His Royal
Highness, Sir Charles, as pompous and
gorgeous as ever, and how is your Most
Excellent Majesty?"
And here Deb made a series of mock
salaamB, which the royal rooster receiv
ed in a manner becoming so majestic a
fowl.
"And you are not changed a bit, my
dear Deborah," said Miss Nancy ; "you
look exactly as you did last year when
you were out to see us, only a little
taller, and I orient say it before you
prettier, and, I reckon, more like a
woman."
"Oh, yes I" laughed Miss Deb, "ever
and ever so much more like a lady ; in
proof of which, I propose to go out into
the dear, old barn as soon as I get rested,
and have a good roll and tumble in the
hay-mows, and, as a sample of my great
womanly dignity and sweetnesB, I may
possibly stand on my head in a corner,
as I used to do."
"O Lor I" giggled Miss Nancy, " if
you ain't just Deb yet, in spite of your
sixteen years and gown that touches
behind."
" Yes, ma'am, and in spite of the fact
that there is coming in my trunk anoth
er gown that has a twelve-inch train, in
which I am not a whit more dignified
than I used to be In my Gabrlelle and
pinafore. Alas I Dignity and Decorum,
why forsakest thou me ? "
" What a girl you do be, anyhow I will
you ever settle down ? "
" I hope, my respected aunt, to some
day develop into a prodigy of refinement
aud dignity, in fact papa sent me out to
you, that I might begin the settling
down process, aud as I stand in about
as much awe of you as I do of Miss
Tabby here, it is probable I shall do just
as I please all the time I am here, and
return to the city so wild that it will be
necessary to put nie in irons to keep me
stiil. I told papa that his plan of send
ing me out here to "settle down," was
like turning a wild colt out of a pen into
a field to keep it from running about
and kicking up its heels, the elegance
of which simile must be apparent to
any one of real culture aud refine
ment." " How you do talk," said the aston
ished Miss Nancy. " I can't make head
nor tail of anything you say,"
"'Head nor tall,' my dear auut, is an
expiession approaching vulgarity ; you
should say you do not clearly compre
hend the meaning of my words, aud
that is that Uncle Nathan over yonder
In the field? If I don't skip right out
there and ride home on a load of hay,
it will be because I faint and fall by the
wayside before I reach the goul of my
wild ambition 1"
And off ran the versatile, sprightly
Deb, followed by the barking Bruno,
the pair causing great consternation
among the barn-yard fowls, by rushing
into their midst with whoop and halloo,
thereby causing the feathered bipeds to
fly squawking Iu every direction, the
most astonished lot of biddies ever heard
of.
Uncle Nathan sees the pair coming,
aud mentally wonders who Is with his
dog. He knows it Is nut his sister
Nancy, for never in all her life had that
good woman been known, under the
most urgent circumstances, to deviate
in the least from her usual slow pace,
and the lady with Bruno is coming at
the remarkable rate of at least a mile in
ten minutes; but as soon as she gets
near enough to be heard, and cries
out,
" Clear the track for the fast train 1"
He knows at once who is coming, and
being a remarkably "Jolly old bachelor,
he takes out his huge, red silk handker
chief, and, wildly waving it around his
head, runs toward the pair with loud
cries of " Stopl stop I danger ahead t"
receives Miss Deb In his arms, she cry
ing out,
"Shocking accident! The engines
collide! Both mashed!"
Debby Barlow was Aunt Nancy's aud
Nathan Barlow's brother's daughter,
who lived In the city, and paid yearly
visits to the farm, where she was always
received with extravagant expressions
of delight by her aunt and uncle and
aged grandmother, notwithstanding the
fact that she always set at defiance all of
Aunt Nancy's rules of order and tidi
ness, and would convert the sitting-room
into an Infirmary for any crippled gos
ling or chicken she might find, aud
would play at hide and seek with Bruno
in every room of the house, not even
excepting that chamber of grandeur and
state, Miss Nancy's parlor, the very
atmosphere of which room was calcu
lated to fill ordinary mortals with awe
and reverence, so stiff and solemn look
ing were the high-backed chairs, and
family portraits of a whole generation
of deceased Barlows, that graced the
walls In huge walnut and gilt frames.
" I declare," said Miss Nancy, as Deb
disappeared in a cloud of dust round the
barn, " I must really be stricter on that
girl ; she is getting too old to carry on so.
Why, lawsy me ! when I was her age
I'd cut an' pieced Beven quilts with my
own hands, and when company come
I'd never think of openln' my mouth ;
an when Deb was here last fall and
Deacon Graves called she talked him
most to death, and would talk and laugh
with the Prince of Wales, I do believe,
if she got a chance ; but, then, all girls
are more forward than they used to be;
but, then, Deb is worse than the general
run of girls, bo awful full of mischief!"
"Pshaw! Nancy, let the child be, it
does me good to see and bear her, an'
goodness knows the time '11 come soon
enough for her to be less gay and
thoughtless," said Grandmother Bar
low. ' I reckon so," assented Miss Nancy.
" There's none of us that don't run agin
the dividing line between the joys of
youth and the cares of age sooner or
later, an' when once the line is passed
there's no stepping back. There comes
Nathan with a load of hay across the
field, and Deb standing up on top of it;
if she don't tumble off and break her
neck, it will be a miracle that I shall be
thankful for."
But Deb did not full off the load of
hay, and when the wagon stopped before
the great barn-doors, she came sliding
and laughing down IntoUncleNathan's
arms, with her hair flying in sad disor
der about he face and shoulders, and all
her dainty ruffles and bows terribly
crushed, which sad accident, she in
formed her horror-stricken aunt, should
not occur again, as she vowed she bad
made au arrangement with her Uncle
Nathan, the terms of which were that
she was to wear a suit of his old clothes
during the remainder of bet stay la the
country, an arrangement that met with
a decided veto from Miss Nancy, who
exhibited signs of fainting wheu the
plan was made known to her.
"Aunt Nancy," said Deb, at the tea
table, "will you please jog your memory
and tell me what you promised me lest
fall?"
" Why, why," said Aunt Nancy,
meditatively, " I don't remember prom
ising you anything excepting those half
dozen old china plates that you think
are so pretty, and I was not to give you
them until you were married; surely
you are not going to call on me soon to
fulfill that promise?"
" I should say not," laughed Deb. " I
have not even thought about taking
unto myself a husband, although when
I do so, I shall expect the plates at once,
for myself and that remote and con
tingent hero, my husband, to dine from;
but think again, and tell me what
promise I extorted from you, by dint of
much pleading and coaxing."
"Well," resumed Aunt Nancy, "I
promised you my green silk dress when
I died, and my white lace shawl, and
and why, yes, there was something
said about giving you a party, eh ?"
"I think," demurely replied Deb,
"that the subject of a party was casually
referred to among our wise deliberations,
in fact, I think it formed the greater
part of my conversation for two weeks,
but you refused to give me a party then,
because grandma was not very well, but
you gave me a solemn promise that you
would give me a party this fall if grand,
ma were well, and I remained a good
girl ; and, here, grandma Is unusually
hale and hearty, and I have been a
miracle of goodness, and am come to
demand of you that you keep your
promise."
"Oh, pshaw I Debby 1 I I"
"Aunt Nancy Ann Barlow," demand
ed Deb, in mock tragedy, "do you desire
to see your young and lovely niece go
into fits? If not, fulfill your promise.
I have looked forward to that party for
a whole year as one of the graud events
of my life ; and surely you would not
crush me to earth by refusing my de
sire?" "Oh, of course not," replied Aunt
Nancy. "Have a dozen parties if you
want to, although it will be the first
time my house was ever filled by a
passer of giddy-headed youngsters."
"O you dear, duck of an aunt!" cried
impulsive Deb, giving Miss Nancy a
loving bug, and kissing her raptuously
on both cheeks. " I just never did see
so good a woman ; and now for that
party ! We'll have the three Duncan
girls, .and the Vale girls and boys, and
Fred Lane, and all the nice boys and
girls in the neighborhood, not forgetting
my particular star, Tommy Deane, the
fellow who wears a green necktie, and
parts his hair in the middle. O me
Thomas ! how my heart thrills at the
mention of thy namel"
All this Miss Deb said in so utterly
absuid a tone and such a wonderful
rolling up of her eyes, that even sedate
grandma smiled, while Uncle Nathan
and Aunt Nancy were convulsed with
laughter.
"As the prime mover in this affair, I
proclaim that the party will come off on
next Tuesday night, and Miss Nancy
Barlow and myself will on to-morrow
afternoon ride out in state behind Dob
bin In the carryall, and deliver the
invitation by word of mouth, as we
have not the advantage of postoffice
facilities, or small boys at the rate of ten
cents an hour."
And having finished this harangue,
Miss Deb enjoined silence on everybody
while she told her fortune with the
coffee grounds in her cup, in which,
after several moments spent in staring
into the cup, she vowed she beheld
herself on the way to church, in bridal
attire, with the loveliest young man on
earth by her side, which young man she
proclaimed to be Tommy Deane.
According to previous arrangement,
Miss Nancy aud Deb rode out on the
following afternoou, and invited the
young people far and near to attend the
party at Miss Nancy's, the invitations
being received with great delight, for
Miss Nancy and Uncle Nathan were
general favorites with the young folks,
and they knew by past experience that
wherever Deb was, there was also fun
and Jollity In the highest degree ; for
Deb brought no city airs and manners
into the country, but conformed herself
to country customs with such charming
naturalness, and entered so heartily into
all the country games and amusements,
that she also was a great favorite with
both old and young, and her visits were
always looked forward to with the most
delightful anticipations.
Deb was looked upon by the youth of
the neighborhood as the very personifi
cation of all that was beautiful, witty,
and wise, and no one shared this belief 1
to a fuller extent than Tommy Deane,
notwithstanding the fact that Deb teas
ed him most unmercifully on every
possible occasion, although she really
liked the boy, who was a good-natured
fellow of eighteen, and just the right age
to be highly susceptible to the charms
of a young lady of Deb's calibre.
Of course Tommy received an invita
tion to the party, I verily believe he
would have committed suicide had he
not, and was in a high state of ex
pectancy until the very evening of the
party ; in fact, his Impatience for the
eventful evening to arrive was bo great,
that his mother, who was remarkable
for the elegance of her comparisons,
declared that he was " like a hen on a
hot griddle ;" but as we don't believe -that
Mrs. Deane or any other woman
ever had the pleasure of seeing a hen on
a hot griddle, the comparison was a
far-fetched and an unjust one.
Deb employed herself now in making
extensive arrangements for the party,
her first and greatest duty being to re
arrange the furniture and, re-hang the
pictures in a manner that would make
the general aspect of the rooms more
cheerful and Inviting, and less stiff and
gloomy.
" For you see, aunty," Deb said to the
astonished Miss Nancy, " it looks too
awful stiff and prim to see six chairs in
a row against one wall, and people do
not hang their pictures nowadays within
a half Inch of each other, and the man
ner in which you hang your curtains is
positively shocking."
The day of the party arrived. All the
morning Deb had been flying from
room to room, putting a bouquet in a
quaint old vase here and there, and
hanging some pretty little engraving in
a vacant corner: and then out she
would fly Into the kitchen, and stir
cake, and cut fantastical shapes In the
pie-crust, and make herself generally -useful.
" Deb, dear," said Aunt Nancy, "run
out to the barn, and see if you can find
me five more eggs to make a jelly cake
with."
"Yes, ma'am," replied Deb, "and if
I'm not back in fifteen minutes, you
can understand that I am employed In
the occupation of chasing tbe calves
around in the back lot."
And, seizing a small basket and huge
blue gingham sunbonnet, the property
of her aunt, Deb ran out toward the
barn.
, Not finding the eggs, although she 1
burrowed around in every corner and
manger of the barn, Deb went out Into
the barnyard and severely upbraided all
the fowls there for their Idleness, which
reproach the fowls received with deep
humiliation, of course.
Suddenly a brilliant idea came into
Deb's curly head.
" I know what I'll do. I'll take this
basket and go over on those bluffs yon
der, and get a basket full of those lovely
ferns and grasses that grow there, to f
decorate the parlor with. How pretty
they will look arranged above the
pictures on the walls I"
And without any further hesitation,
ofPran Deb to the bluffs, which were .
fully, a mile and a half from the house,
although seemingly nearer.
In a very short time Deb found her- ,
self on the very top of the highest bluff,
where she sat down . to rest and look
around on the beautiful scene spread out ' '
before her.
"How beautiful!" cried enthusiastic
Deb, looking down at Uncle Nathan's
fine farm, and tbe old farm-house below
her, while to the right, stretching far,
far away, was a broad, open prairie,
with innumerable cattle grazing upon
it ; to her left was a long, irregular line
of bluffs, covered with grand old trees
and beautiful ferns and flowers; but the
prettiest picture of all was Deb herself,
sitting on an old, moss-covered stump,
in her pretty, neat-fitting print dress
and white apron, the blue sunbonnet .
thrown back on her shoulders, and